A Silent Voice
by ShaymieTehShaymin
Summary: Lorin Haywood, foster child to the Washingtons, rarely spoke. The doctors called it selective mutism. She called it nothing but trouble. Alexander Hamilton is the latest addition to the Washington household, has trouble knowing when to shut up and is an non-stop flirt. What happens when these polar opposites meet?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, Hamilton fandom! I'm making my not-so-graceful descent upon you and delivering... Whatever the fudge this is. This is my first Hamilton fanfic, and this first chapter is honestly a mess, but I wanted to get something out. Hopefully future chapters are longer and better. (ayy lmao this is future Shaymie, I'm edting the beginning of this chapter since it was literal trash) ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _"You're beautiful, you know," James whispered huskily into my ear as he plowed into me. I bit back a moan. I couldn't let him know I liked how it felt. I didn't want him to think I was some kind of slut that liked sleeping with random guys she met at parties. Beautiful? Me? I was the furthest thing from it. I felt disgusting. I should have done more to stop this from happening. I should have pushed him away. I should have screamed. But I didn't. I just let it happen. I was pathetic._

I screamed as I shot awake in bed, looking around anxiously. I was in my room, not… _that one_. I ran a hand through her frazzled hair and flinched as my foster brother Lafayette (or as I called him, Gil, since his whole name was a mouthful and a half) burst into the room, a towel tied haphazardly around his waist and his hair dripping wet, rambling nervously in French.

"Gil. English, please," I said softly, trying to forget the dream. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and glanced at the calendar on the wall, gasping as I saw the date. Today was the day that we got another brother.

"Sorry, _mon ami_. Are you alright?" I nodded as I got out of bed and waved my brother off. The last thing I needed was Gil freaking out over me this early in the morning. I felt his eyes boring into me as I looked for something to change into after I took a shower. I sighed as I turned to look at him, knowing that he probably wouldn't leave until I said something.

" I'm fine. I just had a bad dream." I frowned as my voice cracked slightly. I rarely spoke, and those who knew me knew how _hard_ it was for me to speak. It was a miracle if I managed to say more than three sentences a day.

"C-Can you leave me alone for a bit? I need to take a shower and get ready for…" My voice faded out at the end of the sentence, but we both knew what I was going to say. I needed time to prepare for our new brother. I wasn't like Gil, who had no trouble meeting new people. It had taken weeks for me to be able to talk to his group of friends.

* * *

An hour and a half later, I was sitting on the floor in the living floor reading and listening to my latest choir assignment, while Gil sat behind me, braiding my hair into pigtails. I glanced up as the front door opened. George walked in, followed by who I assumed to be our new brother. If I was being honest, he looked kind of… a mess. He had his long brown hair tied back sloppily into a bun, and there were dark circles underneath his eyes, which were darting around nervously. He looked way too small for the tattered hoodie he was wearing, since it practically hung off of his body.

"Gil, please don't scare the poor guy," I murmured as my brother finished the second braid in my hair and bounded over to them, grinning wildly. I closed my book and set it on the table as I stood up, straightening my dress. I paused my music and shoved my phone into my pocket (thankfully I had found a store that actually sold dresses with pockets) as I walked over to them.

I quickly learned three things about my new brother: one, that his name was Alexander (though I should have already known that), two, that he spoke French (Gil had accidentally slipped into his native language and was pleasantly surprised when Alexander responded back in French), and three, that he was… actually kind of cute.

I nudged Gil and pointed upstairs, telling him that I was going back to my room. He nodded, and I left the two of them to talk. When I was halfway up the stairs, I could faintly hear Gil mention that I "didn't talk much". If only Alexander knew the half of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again, fellow Hamiltrash! I'd like to say thanks for the reviews and follows! I honestly didn't think I would get such a positive response, and decided to update! Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! (side note, I literally have this story saved as 'hamiltrash' because I'm too lazy to change the name) ~Shaymie**

* * *

I didn't see Alexander for the rest of the day. Granted, I spent most of it in my room, but he didn't come down for lunch or dinner. His room was in between mine and Gil's, and sometimes I could hear them talking, though the sound was muffled slightly. I could have sworn I heard my name mentioned more than once.

I didn't see him until early the next morning, around four to be exact. I couldn't sleep and went down to the kitchen for a snack, surprised to see that he was already there, making coffee. I didn't know _why_ he was up so late, but figured maybe he just couldn't sleep like me.

"Your name's Lorin, right?" he asked as I dragged a chair over to the pantry. I nodded and reached for the box of Pop Tarts, huffing as it was just out of my reach. Gil had probably moved them up as a prank. I was going to kill him when he woke up. I heard Alexander chuckle and squeaked as a tanned hand reached in front of me and handed me the box.

"You looked like you were having trouble." I smiled in appreciation and stepped down from the chair, clutching the box tightly. Gil knew better than to mess with my snacks. He was just asking for a death sentence.

"Laf was right, you really don't talk much," Alexander murmured as I put the chair back in its place. I shrugged and sat down, opening a pack of Pop Tarts. It wasn't really that much of a big deal. If anything, it was nothing but a pain in the ass. I hated having other people talk for me at school because I couldn't force a couple sentences out of my mouth.

We sat in silence for several minutes, Alexander drinking his coffee (black, I noticed. How disgusting!) and me eating my Pop Tarts. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and put my earbuds in, deciding to listen to my choir homework since there was no way in hell I'd be able to get back to sleep in time for school. I noticed Alexander staring at me from the corner of my eye and raised an eyebrow as I took an earbud out.

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked. He smiled and leaned his head lazily into the palm of his hand.

"So you _do_ speak," his voice was light and teasing. "To answer your question, I like looking at beautiful things. Is that a problem?"

I felt my face flush as I looked into his dark eyes and forced myself to look away. Me? Beautiful? As if. I was too short, too pudgy, and too freckly. Not cute at all. He was just trying to get a reaction from me. Or even worse, he was just trying to get into my pants, just like James-

"I'm not beautiful, Alexander," I choked out, pushing away those intrusive thoughts. That party was done and over with. I had no reason to think about that anymore. I was here, at home, safe and sound.

"Nonsense. You're adorable," Alexander smirked, drumming his fingers on the table. "And you can call me Alex. Everyone else does."

"I'm going back to bed." I got up and left the table before he could say anything else. I wasn't going to let myself get tricked by another guy. Not again.

* * *

I yawned as Gil brushed my hair (He had insisted on doing my hair today, even though I told him it wasn't necessary." _You look, how you say, 'a mess', mon ami. Allow me to give you the Marquis de Lafayette specialty!"_ ) and sighed. I hadn't managed to get a single bit of sleep last night.

"We have to leave early today so Alexander can get registered for school," Gil said as he took a bobby pin from his mouth and used it to pin some of my hair back. I frowned. That was fast. I would have thought he would have waited at least a few days to start school. Then again, he didn't seem like the type of person to wait for anything.

I hummed in response and struggled to keep my eyes open as Gil finished with my hair. I shot awake and screamed as he slammed my brush down my dresser.

"W-What was that for?" I asked, my voice too shrill for my liking. Alexander burst into the room, his arms halfway through his hoodie. He looked around and sighed as he tugged the jacket on.

"I was making sure you were still alive," Gil laughed, helping me down from my seat. I glared at him and looked at Alexander, who was staring at me again. He chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his coffee-colored hair.

"I, uh, thought you were getting murdered," he muttered, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red. I noticed that he quickly glanced at my arms before looking away. "Although you look like you're dead, anyway."

"You're such a charmer." I pushed past him and went downstairs, taking my phone from my pocket as I felt it vibrate. I smiled when I saw a text from John.

 **Turtle Boy:** _U up yet?_

 **Me:** _Yeah. Gil practically ripped my hair out._

 _ **Turtle Boy:**_ _Good, because i'm outside_

Two seconds later, John walked in like he practically owned the place (though he was around so much, he almost lived here) and plopped down onto the couch, patting the cushion next to him. I sat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder, frowning as some of his curly hair got in my face.

"Did you eat breakfast yet, Lori?" he asked, running a finger up and down my arm, tracing each and every one of my scars. I wasn't even sure if he was aware of what he was doing, but didn't feel the need to say anything. It felt kind of nice.

"Not yet. I don't know if we'll have time since we have to leave early today to get Alexander registered for school."John was one of the few people I could talk to for hours on end, and arguably the person I spent the most time with. Gil often complained that we didn't spend enough time together.

"You can at least eat a bowl of cereal," John frowned, grabbing my hand and gently pulling me towards the kitchen. I fought back the urge to roll my eyes and smiled. He tended to worry about me too much. Everyone at school assumed that we were dating because of how overprotective he was of me.

I knew better than to say anything to John when he was in Mama Hen mode and kept my mouth shut as he sat me down at the dining room table and started rummaging around in the cabinets for a bowl.

"So what's the new guy like?" he asked. I sighed and put my head on the table, trying to get at least a few minutes of sleep before school. Maybe if we got there early enough I could take a nap in the library.

"The new guy's right here," I looked up as Alexander walked into the room, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He had tied his hair back into a ponytail and looked slightly better than he had yesterday. Gil was standing behind him, holding both of our backpacks. I groaned and picked my head up slightly. I couldn't even get two seconds of sleep. Alexander raised an eyebrow as he looked over at me.

"Ah, I didn't know you were here, John!" Gil grinned and skipped (literally skipped; I didn't think his feet touched the ground for more than a second) over to John, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. I put my head back down and dozed off as introductions were made.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again, lovelies! I'm glad some people are reading this (and I'm incredibly grateful for the reviews, they seriously fluff my tiny ego)! I may be obsessed with this story because it's all I've been working on these past few days. This chapter was originally going to be two chapters, but I decided to combine them because why not? Hopefully you lovelies enjoy and don't forget to review if there's anything you really like or anything you think I can work on! ~Shaymie**

The rest of the morning was a dizzying blur that I didn't remember half of. I spent the time I had before class sleeping in the library (shaking off the worried Schuylers, who thought I was dead; Peggy had threatened to call an ambulance) and found myself being woken up by none other than Alexander Hamilton himself. I narrowed my eyes at him as he sat down in the beanbag next to me and wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug grin from his face. Couldn't he find someone else to bother?

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be getting registered?"

"Did that already," he grinned, handing me a piece of paper. I numbly recognized it as his schedule and scanned over it, noticing that we had a few classes together. Oh joy. I wanted nothing more than to spend more time with this arrogant, flirtatious prick.

"George had already done most of the work before I got here. All I had to do was take a picture for my ID and pick up my schedule."

"Good for you," I grumbled, handing his schedule back. I closed my eyes and put a book over my face, hoping that he would get that I wanted to be left alone.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Guess he didn't get the memo. I sighed.

"Not really. And it looks like I won't be getting any this morning either because a certain long-haired _prick_ won't leave me alone. Why don't you go find Gil or John? I'm sure they would be more willing to entertain you."

"For someone who doesn't talk much, you seem to have no problem talking to me." Alexander smirked and batted his eyelashes on me, and I tried to ignore the way it made my heart skip a beat. I had barely known the guy for a day, I couldn't have a crush on him. "Am I special?"

"Not in the way you seem to be implying."

"Is this guy messing with you?" I looked up and smiled as Angelica, who was carrying a pile of books. She set them down on a nearby table and raised an eyebrow at Alexander, who was lounging in his beanbag, trying to look innocent. The mischievous glint in his eyes was anything but.

"It's fine, Angie. He's, well…"

"Alexander Hamilton." He sat up in the beanbag and held a hand out to her. She hesitantly shook his hand and rolled her eyes as he kissed her hand. Could this guy go five minutes without flirting? "My name is Alexander Hamilton. I'm Lorin's new brother."

"I'm stuck with him," I sighed, putting my book in my backpack. I stretched as I stood up and gave Angelica a quick hug. I looked around for Peggy and Eliza and didn't see them. Odds were they went to class, or maybe to their clubrooms to get some stuff done before class. "It's almost time for class, Alex. We have first period together."

"It was nice to meet you, miss?"

"Schuyler. Angelica Schuyler." I sighed and grabbed Alex's wrist, pulling him away from Angelica. It wasn't anywhere near time for class (we still had about twenty minutes left), but I wasn't going to be late to English because of his tendency to flirt with anything with a skirt. And if he had stayed there any longer, I was convinced Angelica would have slapped him. I didn't miss the smug look on his face and let go of him the second we were out of the library. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea.

 _You've got to be kidding me,_ I thought, seeing Thomas Jefferson lounging outside our English classroom. He was one of the richest kids in school, and a major prick. He flirted with Angelica and I on a daily basis. His eyes brightened as he saw me, and I frowned as he attempted to tame his wild curls. Spoiler alert: it didn't work. I was hoping to not have to deal with him today. Between him and Alex, I didn't know who was the worse flirt.

"Hello there, Lorin," he drawled in his southern accent. I frowned as he winked at me and didn't miss the glare Alex gave him. Great. I didn't need _two_ perverts drooling over me, let alone arguing over me like I was some kind of trophy to be won. I pushed past him and was halfway to my seat when I heard him asking about James.

"He's dead to me," I spat out as I turned to glare at him. I was sick and tired of everyone asking me about him. Just when I thought I was over it, someone had to mention him. I thought I was over him, over his manipulative words and the way he could talk me into doing whatever he wanted, over the disgusting feeling of his hands roaming all over my body, touching everything I didn't want him to and _oh_ _God, I should have just been able to say no_ -

I was trembling. I felt cold, even though the school didn't turn on the AC until third period. I was numbly aware of Alexander at my side, asking what was wrong, but I could barely hear him. He sounded a million miles away. He turned his questions to Thomas, who looked just as confused. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. I realized that I was breathing a bit _too_ fast and tried to calm my breaths. I tried counting them like John had taught me, but it was no use. Everything was getting darker and darker. And then it was gone.

* * *

 _ **Alex's POV**_

"Shit!" I hissed, catching Lorin before she hit the ground. I looked around and realized that we were the only two in the classroom aside from the wild-haired prick at the door. I didn't understand what happened, but I could ask about that later. I had to get her to the nurse. I slung both our backpacks onto my back and lifted her into my arms. She didn't weigh nearly as much as I thought she would.

"The nurse's office is by the library," the guy at the door said, running a hand through his mess of hair. "I'd go with you, but somebody has to tell the teacher what happened. And I don't want to be the one to explain this to Laurens."

I nodded and started off towards the library. I wasn't sure how I would explain this to Laurens either. He seemed really protective of Lorin. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought they were dating, but he had repeatedly denied it when I asked earlier, his face the brightest shade of red I had ever seen. Which I guess gave me a chance with her.

I took a deep breath as I saw the hanging pastel sign that read " _Nurse's Office_ " in swirly cursive. I had trouble opening the door with Lorin in my arms but managed. There was nobody at the desk near the door. There was nobody here period. _Why the hell was the door unlocked if nobody was in here?_

I set Lorin down on one of the beds and sighed. I didn't know where Laf or Laurens were. They had run off the second we got to school and I didn't have any way to contact them. Although Lorin did…

"Sorry, Lo," I muttered, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. Luckily there was no passcode and I was able to get to her contacts. She… didn't have many. I saw Laf and the Washingtons, as well as Angelica. There were a few other people I didn't recognize, but that was it. I shook my head. Now wasn't the time to be snooping around in Lorin's phone. I sent Laf a quick text explaining what had happened and put the phone back in her pocket.

I pulled a chair up next to her and put our backpacks down. She looked so peaceful, but I was almost missing the sight of those stormy gray eyes glaring up at me. I brushed some sandy brown hair from her face and smiled. She really was the cutest thing, and I didn't know why she had denied it last night (or rather, this morning). I hadn't missed the sadness in her eyes or the panic in her voice as she left for her room.

I grabbed one of her hands and traced circles on it with my finger as I watched her adorably freckled face. I had never felt so attracted to a girl before, at least not this quickly. And this was different from anything else I had ever felt. This wasn't lust, it was something else entirely. I've had a few girlfriends (and some boyfriends), but they had never lasted longer than a few months, and there wasn't really anything in the relationships. They had only wanted me for my body.

I let go of her hand when I heard footsteps and looked up as Lafayette walked in, pulling a chair over and sitting on Lorin's other side. We sat in silence for a few seconds before he asked, in a hushed voice, exactly what had happened.

"We were about to walk into English when some southern asshole with a crazy 'fro started flirting with Lorin. He mentioned someone named James and she got mad at him. She started freaking out and I didn't really know what to do. I caught her before she hit the ground, but-"

I trailed off when I saw the furious look on Lafayette's face. He started rambling in French. I couldn't even keep up with what he was saying, but I could only assume it was terrible. He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick text before putting it back in his pocket.

"Laf, what happened between Lorin and this guy?" He shook his head and sighed.

"He was her boyfriend."


	4. Chapter 4

**So I have no words for how fast I've been cranking out chapters. I've never felt such a connection to characters before, and I feel the need to write basically non-stop (pun** ** _not_** **intended). We switch back to Lorin's POV next chapter and get some more interaction between her and Alex. (Trying to come up with a cute ship name between them is hard.) Also, I'm starting a movement to protect my smol bean. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy, and don't be afraid to review! Your reviews mean the world to me! ~Shaymie**

* * *

Lorin has a boyfriend? No, _had_ was more like it. Laf had used past tense. They must have broken up. Judging by the expression on his face, I could tell that he didn't really like the guy. Then again, what guy liked the person his sister dated? This seemed like it was more…. personal. I had no idea of what this guy was like, but I just knew that I wouldn't like him if I met him.

We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes until Laurens walked in, his arms full of gauze and boxes of… feminine products. He started opening shelves and restocking them. I'm pretty sure he would have never noticed us if Laf hadn't cleared his throat (quite loudly, I might add).

"Holy shit!" he jumped, shoving a box of pads in the shelf a bit too roughly. He sighed and looked over at us, his eyes widening when he saw Lorin. He slammed the rest of the things onto the counter and bounded over to us.

"What the hell happened?! Is she okay? I knew she hasn't been eating or sleeping much, but I didn't think it was this bad…"

"Jefferson mentioned James and she had a… how you say, panic attack. Alexander brought her here himself."

"I'm going to kill him," Laurens growled under his breath. I looked at Lorin and frowned. Whatever had happened between her and this James guy must have been real bad if just the mention of his name sent her into a full-blown panic attack. I didn't know if it was related to the scars I had seen on her arm earlier, and I wasn't sure if she would be willing to tell me about it. After all, she barely knew me.

"John, don't," Laf said, seeing the look on his friend's face. Laurens looked absolutely furious, his face scarlet and his eyes blazing. "I'm sure he didn't mean for this to happen."

"But he mentioned James because he knew that would hurt her! She loved that asshole and he treated her like _shit_ -"

"Jefferson couldn't have known that."

" _Everyone knew it, Laf_! It wasn't like it was some big secret! She came to school covered in bruises, she talked even _less_ than she already did, and she flinched if you raised your voice the tiniest bit!"

"If this guy was so bad, why didn't you do anything about it?" I somehow managed to keep my voice calm, but the thought of Lorin being hurt made me sick to my stomach. The thought of her being hurt by her so-called boyfriend infuriated me. She deserved so much better than that. Scratch that, _nobody_ deserved that.

"We tried. We tried to convince her to break up with him, but she's stupidly stubborn. She kept saying that he would get better, that he was going to change. Then she started blaming herself for it. She-"

"Are you going to talk about me like I'm not here?" We all jumped as Lorin sat up in bed, running a hand through her messy hair. She glared around at all of us, her gray eyes stormy, but I noticed them soften slightly as she glanced at me.

"How long have you been awake?" Laurens asked, looking away from her, the fear evident in his eyes. It was almost hilarious to see him so scared of such a tiny girl.

"I heard you talking about me and James… It's over. You don't need to worry about him anymore, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about him anymore. I just want to forget everything."

"Lorin-"

"I don't want to talk about it, John!" Her eyes widened, and she quickly covered her mouth, her eyes filling with tears. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

She jumped down from the bed, landing on shaky legs. Laurens extended a hand to her and frowned when she refused to look at him. She grabbed her backpack from the floor and started counting under her breath. _She's trying to prevent another panic attack_.

"Do you want me to call George? You don't have to force yourself to stay at school," Laf said gently. Lorin shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm _fine_. John, can you write me and Alex passes back to class?"

"Wh- you want him to forge notes? Can't you just ask the nurse?" Lorin laughed, but there was no emotion in it. She sighed as she looked at the wall, her expression a million miles away.

"John works in the nurse's office first period. He writes notes if she's busy or if she doesn't show up, like what I assume happened again this morning." Her words came out breathy and uncertain, like she was having trouble breathing. She quickly excused herself to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

"What the hell are we going to do about this?" Laurens hissed under his breath once the bathroom door was locked. Laf and I followed him to the front desk, where he pulled out a pad of paper and quickly scrawled out two notes. I caught a glance of Lorin's last name- _Haywood_ \- and smiled to myself. Somehow it suited her perfectly.

"We do nothing. If she doesn't want to talk about it, we can't force her to." Laf sighed and looked at the slips of paper, raising an eyebrow. "Do I not get a pass, John?"

"You left the culinary room, right? I'm sure Peggy covered for you." Laurens waggled his eyebrows as he handed me the pass. Laf's skin darkened a few shades as he looked away. I held back a laugh. I'd have to ask him about this Peggy later. Laurens glanced towards the bathroom door and pulled me close.

"Alexander, I want you to keep an eye on her. She doesn't really… talk much, and she refuses to tell anyone how she feels-"

"Everyone says that, but she's had no problem talking to me." Laurens grinned and patted me on the back. A bit too hard, I might add. There was something I couldn't quite read in his eyes… Jealousy, perhaps?

"You must be special, then. It took her weeks to be able to talk to me, and I'm one of her best friends. Just make sure she's okay. Please." I nodded wordlessly. She was so small, it was hard to _not_ feel the urge to protect her anyway. Laurens nodded and pulled away from me as the bathroom door opened. Lorin stepped out, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. We knew better than to say anything about it.

Laurens gave Lorin her pass and forced a smile onto his face, sighing when she left without a word. I hoisted my backpack onto my shoulder and followed closely behind her. We walked back to class in silence, Lorin glaring ahead, occasionally speeding up and me trying to keep up with her. For someone with such short legs, she was insanely hard to keep up with.

We had two more classes together, and she ignored me in both of them. I didn't hear her talk again until lunch, when she introduced me to Eliza and Peggy (so _this_ was the Peggy John had mentioned earlier), Angelica's younger sisters, and Hercules Mulligan, one of John and Laf's friends. Lorin was quiet for the rest of lunch, only humming occasionally if Peggy or Eliza asked her a question.

The silent treatment continued until we got home, where she immediately locked herself in her room. Lafayette groaned and rubbed his forehead as we heard her slam the door- a clear indication of wanting to be left alone. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text-I assume to Laurens. But… wasn't that the cause of the problem? From what I could tell, she was mad at us for talking about her behind her back. Granted, it wasn't anything bad, but I could understand her anger.

 _This is by far the most interesting first day I've ever had in a foster home_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Whoo, two chapters in less than 24 hours! I have an obsession with this story, send help. Fair warning, we learn a bit about smol bean's past and it's... not pretty. But luckily, next chapter is going to be a bit happier. And I have a question: whose POV would you rather read it from, Lorin or Alex? I'm down for whichever, but I'd like some advice. If you liked the tiny bit of bean x Alex this chapter, there might be more next chapter! Don't be afraid to review! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

 _Why won't he leave me alone?_ I stared at my phone as it vibrated for what seemed like forever, but was only about thirty seconds. Even though I had deleted his number, James still had mine. He was constantly calling me or texting me. It took all my willpower to not answer. I hadn't even read any of the texts, but there were hundreds of them, popping up on the top of my screen for a few seconds. The most recent one sent shivers down my spine. It was short enough that the preview showed all of the message.

 **Unknown number:** _Maria misses you._

 _All I had to do was say no._

 _Why can't you speak, you idiot?_

 _You must like what they do to you._

 _Maria was right, you're nothing but a dirty fucking slut who can't say no._

 _ **You deserved it.**_

I took in a shaky breath as I heard knocking on my door. I shook away the thoughts and tried to stay calm. Everyone had been leaving me alone for the past few days (and thankfully it had been the weekend). I hadn't even left my room. Someone left me food everyday, but I hadn't had much of an appetite. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was time for dinner. I pinched my wrist, silently cursing Gil for taking my pack of razors away.

I walked over to the door and opened it, surprised to see Alex, holding my usual tray of food. His hair was down and looked slightly damp-he must have just taken a shower- and he seemed nervous. Not that I blamed him. This was the first time anyone had seen me in a couple of days.

"Hey, Lorin… Can I come in?" I nodded and stepped to the side, letting him in. I shut the door behind him and slipped my phone into my pocket. He set the food on my dresser and sat down, running a hand through his hair. He looked around the room silently and sighed as he looked back at me.

"I'd ask if you're alright, but that's a pretty idiotic thing to ask." I snorted and tried to ignore the constant buzzing in my pocket.

 _All I had to do was say no. Just say no and all of it would be over. They would leave me alone._

 _But you must want it if you can't say no. You like being their plaything, don't you?_

I turned my phone off and looked at Alex, who was staring at me, concern clear on his face. He probably thought I was a freak.

"How much sleep have you gotten, Lorin? You look exhausted." I shrugged. I had been pulling all-nighters the past few days, trying to get caught up on my homework. The few times I had drifted off to sleep were terrifying. I had nightmares about James and Maria, about their hands touching me, pulling my hair, hitting me, the feeling of their lips on mine-

A choked sob escaped my throat as I tried to push the memories back. Alex stood up and led me to my bed. I nodded thankfully as he grabbed a blanket (the one Eliza had knitted me last Christmas) and wrapped it around me tightly. He sat next to me and pulled me onto his lap, my head ending up on his chest. He looked away, his cheeks slightly tinted red.

"You should try to sleep. You've been having nightmares, I can tell… I can hear you crying in the middle of the night. I'll be right here if you can't sleep alone."

I wanted to argue back that I was perfectly fine, that I didn't need to sleep, but the words were caught in my throat. And I was so sleepy, and he was so warm… Maybe just a few minutes wouldn't hurt…

* * *

No nightmares. I reached up to rub my eyes and realized that something was restraining me. I started to panic before realizing that it was just Alex. Sometime in the night, he must have fallen asleep and pulled me along with him. I looked at the clock and gasped when I saw the clock. It was thirty minutes past noon! We had to get up for school! Why didn't Gil wake us up? I pulled my phone from my pocket and turned it on, seeing that I had an email from school.

There was no school today because of a faculty meeting. I smiled as I put the phone back in my pocket and tried to wiggle out of Alex's arms. He shuffled slightly and woke up as I sat up, smiling sleepily at me. Now that we were so close, I could see just how handsome he was...

"Hey, sleepyhead. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded and looked away, sure that my face was bright red. _God, Lorin, couldn't you know a guy without having a crush on him? Alex would never be interested in a slut like you._

"Y-Yeah… Thank you for staying with me. Oh, there's no school today! There's a faculty meeting." I saw Alex nod from the corner of my eye and tried to ignore the fluttery feeling in my chest as he stretched, the bottom of his shirt rising up slightly..

"It's no problem." He glanced over at my dresser, where the food he had brought up last night sat forgotten. "You must be hungry… Do you feel like coming downstairs today?"

"Yeah… I just need to take a shower…" Alex nodded again and stood up, turning towards the door. After a few seconds of silence, he planted a kiss on my forehead and left before I could even understand what had happened. I shook it off as I grabbed some clothes and got in the shower.

Thirty minutes later I was in the dining room, full for what was probably the first time in days (Alex had made me eat a few sandwiches), listening to Gil and John (who was on speakerphone) apologize endlessly, even though I told them it was fine. I had repeated it about ten times until Alex had enough and slammed his hands down on the nearest surface… which was unfortunately the stove, which he had forgotten to shut off. He cursed as he ran to the sink and turned the cold water on, running his hand underneath it.

"Since we have no school today, maybe we could all go out somewhere. I know I've been dying to go out," Gil said, glancing at his phone. I looked over at Alex, who was nodding enthusiastically. I was sure he hadn't left the house much, if at all for anything besides school since he got here.

"Let's go to the aquarium!" I yelled at the same time as John did. I giggled and watched as Alex turned the water off and sat down. He sighed and narrowed his eyes at Gil, who had gotten up from the table and went back upstairs.

"Nice to see some _concern_ , Laf. What if I had burned my hand off?" he yelled after him, brushing some hair from his face. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sure you would have been fine, Alex. I've dealt with worse," I said without thinking. I flexed my right hand, suddenly all too aware of the almost star-shaped burn mark on it.

" _Bad girls deserve to get punished,_ " _Maria sneered, pulling me up from the floor. I coughed as she blew cigarette smoke in my face. James sat on the edge of the bed, getting dressed. He refused to look at me. Of course he wouldn't want to look at me. I hadn't done what he wanted._

 _I wrapped an arm around my chest in a pathetic attempt to cover up. Not that there was any point. They had already seen all there was to see._

" _What are you doing that for?" Maria asked, wrenching my arm away from my body. "Now that the deed's done, the slut wants to cover up? How pathetic."_

 _She took a long drag of her cigarette as she glared down at me. Suddenly, without warning, she grabbed my arm and pressed the cigarette in the palm of my hand. I screamed in pain, but it was quickly muffled by her smashing her mouth onto mine..._

I jumped as Gil suddenly bounded down the stairs, launching himself onto me in a hug and saying that we were going on an impromptu trip to the aquarium with everyone. Alex stared at my hand and frowned when I put it around Gil in a sad attempt to hide the burn from him.

He probably thought I was disgusting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Guess who has no self-control, no patience, and writes like she's running out of time? This gal! I was originally planning to take a break (pun intended) and wait for people to tell me whose POV they wanted this chapter to be in, but I got bored and fidgety with nothing to do. Fair warning, this chapter was going to be longer and actually have them walk around the aquarium (fluff will have to wait), but Alex is a wordy dude and is a pure soul who can't stop thinking about Lorin. Speaking of which, one of my peeps came up with their ship name, so from now on, Alex x Lorin will be referred to as Lorex. Anyway, I'm sure none of you came here to read a super long AN, so it's time to get on with it. Hopefully you lovelies read and enjoy, and don't forget to review! (also dropping a quick shameless plug, follow me on Twitter tehcolonelderp if you're interested) ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

Something had been bothering Lorin since last night, and I had a sinking suspicion it was about more than just us talking about her ex. After all, she had spent _days_ locked in her room without eating or sleeping. Who knows how long she would have been like that if I hadn't knocked?

She had been a trembling mess, her sandy hair piled on top of her head in a messy knot, strands falling in her face. Her eyes had dark shadows underneath them and shifted around nervously, like she wanted to be anywhere but there. I had noticed that her phone was constantly vibrating, causing her to flinch each time. Eventually she had enough and turned it off.

And then I somehow ended up falling asleep with her in her bed. I hadn't meant for it to happen. I was just going to stay with her until she fell asleep (she desperately needed it-she had practically been asleep on her feet), but she was so warm, I hadn't felt like moving. So I stayed with her, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest and the adorable way her freckled nose scrunched up occasionally and _fuck, this girl was too cute for her own good…_

...Which was why I hadn't been able to resist kissing her on the forehead before I left her room this morning. I was fully expecting her to push me away or yell at me or something, but she had only stared at me, her beautiful gray eyes wide and full of… fear? Her lips had parted the slightest bit, and I pushed back the urge to kiss her and left the room before I did something I'd regret. I refused to treat her the way so many others had treated me in the past.

"Lorin, you're not even dressed!" I looked up as the Schuyler sisters walked into the dining room, leading me to wonder if everyone just let themselves in. I hadn't even heard Laurens or Herc knock. Lorin blinked and looked down at herself. She was wearing a pink hoodie and gray shorts (I had to resist the urge to stare at her legs), and shrugged as she stood up. The faraway look in her eyes was back. What was going on with her? Just a second ago she was smiling at some joke Laurens said, and it was like a switch had been flipped.

"We'll help you get ready," Angelica said, frowning when Lorin didn't even look over at her and went upstairs. Laf and I shrugged when she asked us what was wrong with her. That's what I'd like to know. She sighed and led her sisters upstairs to Lorin's room.

Fifteen minutes. That was how long it took for the sisters to get Lorin ready to leave, and most of the time was spent bickering about exactly what she should wear (while Angelica lectured her on the state of her room). It sort of reminded me of those three fairies from that Disney movie. I was amazed Lorin didn't scream at them.

"Finally," Herc grumbled as we saw them descending down the stairs. Lorin blushed when she realized that both Laurens and I were staring at her. She was wearing a pink halter top with polka dots (showing off her shoulders, which were as adorably freckled as her face), jean shorts, and strappy sandals. Her wavy hair fell loosely on her shoulders, with a small braid on the side. She looked so much better without her hair covering part of her face.

"Don't you think this is a bit much?" Lorin asked as Eliza handed her a purse. Peggy giggled and shook her head.

"If we didn't make you wear the clothes we bought you, they'd just sit in your closet! And you look adorable!" There it was again. That sadness in Lorin's eyes as she looked away. She seemed to hate compliments, which was ridiculous. Did she not know how cute she was? Was _James_ the reason she couldn't take a compliment? If I ever met this guy, I was going to kill him.

"We should go before it gets too late," Angelica said as she glared at me and Laurens. We both looked away from Lorin and glanced at each other. I was surprised at the fire in his eyes. So he _did_ like her. I had thought things like this only happened in books or movies, two guys falling for the same girl. Logically, I should have known I didn't have a chance. The two had known each other far longer, and they were best friends, practically inseparable. Movie logic said that they were destined for each other.

But this was real life, and I was willing to do whatever necessary to win Lorin's heart. I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with someone so soon, yet here I was, falling head over heels for a girl that I barely even knew. I knew I would have to approach this differently than I would other relationships. Empty compliments and flirtatious touches most likely meant nothing to her, and she deserved so much better.

We all filed out of the house as Angelica started rambling about aquariums and how she thought they were inhumane and _surely_ there must be a better way to protect endangered species without encapsulating them. Peggy and Eliza rolled their eyes. It seemed they were used to their sister going off on tangents like this.

It was around 2:15 when we finally got to the aquarium. Lorin was in a significantly better mood and bounced excitedly on her heels as we entered, her gray eyes sparkling. She giggled happily as she grabbed Laurens' arm, but quickly released him as she saw someone standing near the bathrooms, looking down uninterestedly at his phone.

"Maddie!" she squealed, running over to him. He looked up with a start and dropped his phone as she practically tackled him. We all followed her, though I could see that Laurens was less than happy about it.

"It hasn't been that long since we've seen each other," the new guy said as he bent down to pick up his phone. Lorin huffed and pouted as she looked up at him.

"But it feels like it's been forever! Do you know how hard it is to practice for the concert without my partner?" The pout melted away into a look of concern as she hugged him again, more gently this time. "Are you okay, Maddie? You haven't been in school for awhile. I wanted to visit you, but your mom didn't allow visitors."

He nodded and looked over at the rest of us, who all had varying looks of confusion on our faces. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me and held his hand out.

"It's nice to meet you. My name is James Madison," he said cooly. He used his free hand to hug Lorin back. I accepted his handshake. I didn't know how Lorin knew this guy, but he clearly wasn't _the_ James. I highly doubted she would greet her ex so enthusiastically. Which I guess is why she called him "Maddie".

"Alexander Hamilton." I glanced over at Lorin, who was gleefully humming as she hugged Madison. How was it so possible for a single human being to be so adorable?

"What are you doing here, Maddie?" she asked, finally releasing her death grip on him and settling for just holding his hand. Laurens and I stared at him jealously, but he didn't seem to notice our glares.

"He's here with me," a familiar southern voice drawled. Everyone (except Lorin) groaned as the fluffy haired prick from school-Laf had mentioned his name was Jefferson- came out of the bathroom. He frowned as he saw all of us. "What a warm welcome."

"Did you forget what you did?" Laurens asked, glaring at him. Lorin blinked and looked down at her purse, frowning as she pulled her phone out. Her face paled as she stared at it for a few seconds before she put it back in her purse. What was that about?

"John, it's fine," she said, looking up at him desperately, silently asking him to not make a scene. "He didn't know… I mean, he didn't mean for me to freak out like that. Right, Thomas?"

"Y-Yeah. I hope you'll accept my apologies, Lorin. I was being a bit of an ass." He curtseyed and smiled at Lorin as she giggled and nodded. That laugh was so precious…

"Well, I don't want to hold you two up. I'll talk to you later, Maddie," she smiled, standing on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. _That lucky bastard,_ I thought bitterly as Lorin turned back to us and ran a hand through her hair. I caught a glimpse of the burn on her hand and couldn't help but wonder what had happened.

"Let's go have some fun!"


	7. Chapter 7

**I finally got this chapter done after spending days pondering the quality of my writing (seriously, this chapter's gone through like five different iterations before I got something I was decently proud of and even looking back at it now I'm thinking it's total trash). Updates are probably going to be significantly slower because real life sucks, but I'll try to update a few times a week, at the very least once a week. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

Laurens hadn't stopped staring at Lorin since we left Madison and Jefferson. Actually, _everyone_ hadn't stopped staring at her. If she noticed, she didn't say anything about it. Or maybe she was just ignoring us as she went from exhibit to exhibit, taking pictures with her phone. I noticed that it was almost constantly vibrating, and she got visibly more anxious each time, her hands trembling.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Her voice cracked slightly as she put her phone in her purse and started off towards the nearest restroom. "You guys can go on without me. I'll catch up."

"Lori-" Laurens put a hand on her shoulder and frowned when she shrugged him off.

"John. Please. I'll be fine. I just need a second to calm down-by myself," she frowned when the Schuylers took a step forward. She laughed a bit bitterly as she looked away. "I probably should have suggested somewhere a bit more quieter. I'll be back before you know it."

"She's an idiot," Angelica said after Lorin turned the corner. She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Why did we agree to come here again? We know that Lorin's not good in public places."

"Wasn't she the one who suggested it?" I couldn't help but ask. She had seemed so happy when she said that she wanted to go. What had changed?

"She's a bit of a stubborn idiot. She thinks she can get over her anxiety by forcing herself to do things that make her uncomfortable," Laurens frowned. "And nobody can talk her out of it once she makes her mind up about it. The only thing we can do is be here for her."

We were silent as I took in the information. I thought I did some dumb things, but this definitely took the cake. I had heard of exposure therapy, but wasn't that something that a therapist was supposed to recommend? Did Lorin even have a therapist? There was so much I didn't know about her, and I had been living with her for a little bit now.

"She's not answering my texts," Peggy said after a few minutes-maybe ten-had passed. Everyone exchanged nervous glances, and before I knew it I was walking towards where she had gone. If she wasn't answering her phone, then maybe she had gotten lost? Or worse, she could have had another panic attack.

I found Madison and Jefferson hanging out near the gift shop holding hands and whispering into each other's ear. They flinched and jumped away from each other when they saw me, their faces bright red. Jefferson cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes at me.

"What do you want, Hamilton? Can't you see we're busy?"

"Have you seen Lorin? She went to the bathroom a couple minutes ago and we haven't seen her since. She's not answering our texts." Judging by the looks on their faces, they hadn't seen her. Madison grabbed his phone (to call her, I assume) and cursed as there was no answer. I couldn't waste time here with these two.

I should have picked up a map or something. I didn't know where anything was, and this place was _huge_. Lorin could be anywhere. She was so small, she could have probably been curled up in a corner or something.

I had been looking for maybe fifteen minutes when I heard muffled sobs coming from the turtle exhibit (which I noticed had signs announcing its closure soon). The corridor was dark except for the lights in the tanks, illuminating the gracefully swimming turtles.

"Lorin?" I asked hesitantly. My only response was another sob and a shaky breath. I felt my way around, letting out a yell when I tripped over a small lump and fell to the ground. The lighting was dim, but I found myself staring at Lorin's tearstained face, her eyes impossibly wide and panicked. Her lips parted, like she wanted to say something, but she shut her mouth and looked away.

"Are you okay? Did someone hurt you? Why haven't you been answering your phone?" She glowered at the ground and wrapped her arms around herself, shivering-from nerves or the cold, I couldn't tell. Her eyes widened as her phone vibrated in her hand, and she threw it to the ground. I raised an eyebrow at her and shrugged my jacket off, putting it over her shoulders.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment?" I sighed as she refused to look at me, instead focusing on the buttons on my jacket. Her eyes were shining with tears as she took a deep breath.

"I don't mean to…" Her voice cracked as she hugged herself even tighter. "Sometimes I have no problem talking and sometimes I just… freeze up. It's annoying."

"Why did you run off like that? We've been worried sick!"

"I got nervous. I tried texting Peggy back, but my hands were shaking too much and then I got worse and somehow ended up here. It's John's favorite place…" She trailed off as she traced circles on her leg. I picked up her phone from the floor and saw that she had dozens of texts from everyone (and hundreds from an unknown number). I sent Peggy a quick text telling her that Lorin was with me and frowned as the phone buzzed with another text from the unknown number.

"Lorin… Why don't you block this number?" She stiffened as I extended the phone to her and snatched it away, stuffing it in her purse. She sniffled as she wiped tears away and stood up, leaning on the tank for support. I stood up too, my hands hovering over her in case she fell.

"I'm stupid," she spat out, looking at me for the first time since I'd found her. She started scratching at her wrist and frowned as she looked away. "I… I should block him, right? James, I mean. I can't bring myself to do it. He's been calling and texting me for the past few days and I've been too scared to answer. I'm scared that if I answer, he'll manage to talk me into going back to him."

"Fuck that asshole," I couldn't stop myself from saying. Lorin laughed bitterly as she let her arms hang loosely at her side.

"Already have." She put a hand against the glass and watched the turtles silently for a few moments before pulling her phone from her purse and handing it to me. "Can… Can you block him for me?"

"Lorin-"

"Please, Alex. I want to try and forget him." I nodded and took the phone from her, feeling my heart drop as I scanned over a few of the texts. How could she have dated someone like this? His messages went from cruel and unforgiving to sickeningly loving and sweet, like he was trying to win her back. I blocked the number, but not before one more message popped up.

 **Unknown number:** _It's Maria, bitch_


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, lovelies! So I think I finally have an update schedule for this story, which will be Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays (unless I don't have a chapter done by then for whatever reason). And I may flip-flop between POVs every other chapter, I haven't decided yet. Anyway, hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter! (And thank you for the kind reviews on this brainfart that's come to life). ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

I had blocked James. Scratch that, I had _Alex_ block James because I was too scared to do it myself. I should have been happy, right? He would leave me alone now. But I couldn't help but have a disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if he came after me? What if he gave Maria my number?

"Are you okay, Lorin?" Alex asked, handing me my phone back. I nodded as I put it back in my purse and brushed some hair away from my face. I was fine. I was safe. They wouldn't hurt me anymore.

"T-Thank you…" I tried to stop my trembling and smiled slightly as Alex put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. Why was he always so _warm_? He was practically a human heater! I leaned into his touch and buried my face in his arm. Then again, maybe I was just always cold.

"What's the deal with Madison and Jefferson? Are they dating?" Well, that came out of nowhere. I looked up at Alex and saw that he was trying to hold back a laugh, the sides of his mouth curling up. "I found them by the gift shop, holding hands. They pulled away from each other the second they saw me."

"I didn't think Maddie was ever going to tell him he liked him," I sighed. He'd had a crush on Thomas since middle school, but he had always been too shy to tell him. They hadn't even talked before last year, when they were partnered together for a project.

"They were staring at each other like a couple of idiots," Alex chuckled, running his free hand through his hair. I giggled at the mental image of Maddie and Thomas looking at each other like a couple of schoolgirls, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear. I'd have to ask Maddie about it later.

"Are you better now? Calmer, I mean. We can go back to the others if you want." I shook my head and held onto his arm tightly. I wasn't ready to deal with everyone just yet. Angelica would scream at me, Gil would yell at me (most likely in French), and John would give me _that_ look, the one that I hated so much. The one that made me feel like a huge disappointment, even though I knew that wasn't at all what he intended.

"Do you want to stay here? There's more comfier places to sit than on the floor," he nodded towards a bench against the wall. I nodded and let him lead me to the bench. I sat next to him and leaned on his shoulder as I watched the turtles.

"Do you know why this exhibit is going to be closed?"

"Apparently turtles aren't very 'exciting or engaging for young children'. Like we could engage with them while they're stuck behind glass," I huffed, staring at them sadly. "I don't know what they're planning on replacing them with. John was furious when he found out. He loves turtles."

"Is he 'Turtle Boy' in your contacts? That was the one name I couldn't figure out, aside from 'Cinnamon Roll'."

"John's Turtle Boy and Eliza is Cinnamon Roll." I flinched as I felt my phone vibrate in my purse and remembered that Alex had blocked James. He couldn't message me anymore. I wouldn't have to deal with him or Maria ever again.

"What was in the texts James sent me? Did you read them? A-Any of them?" Alex looked away, his jaw set in a tight line. That answered that. I had to know what he had seen. I had to know if he had seen anything about… _that._

"It's not worth repeating. I'd rather forget it."

"Alex, please…"

"...He called you a whore," Alex spat out. I frowned as I saw the fury in his eyes and the way his hands curled up into fists. "He said you must love threesomes if you stayed with him for so long. And then he had the nerve to try and apologize, say that he didn't mean any of it! The last message was from someone named Maria, but it came from the same number."

"N-No…" I pushed Alex away as he tried to hug me and fell from the bench in my attempt to get away. I shuddered as I felt the ghosts of her hands wrapping around my waist, pulling me closer, the scent of her perfume intoxicating, her painted red lips kissing my neck, sucking until it was a delectable combination of pleasure and pain, and _fuck, it shouldn't have felt so good, my body shouldn't have reacted like that because_ _ **I didn't want it**_ -

Alex was on his knees in front of me, wrenching my hands from my hair and holding me tightly by the shoulders. I blinked a few times until his face was in focus. And then I lunged towards him, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck as I hugged him and sobbed into his shoulder. He must think I'm nothing but a pathetic crybaby. It seemed like all I ever did was cry nowadays.

"What the fuck did they do to you?" Alex's voice had that tone that was somehow simultaneously calm and furious. "Lorin, what did they do to you?"

"N-Nothing… Nothing that I didn't deserve. 'Just say no and all of it's over,' they said. I couldn't even do that. Selective mutism, my ass. I was practically begging for it. It's no wonder they used me like some kind of-"

Alex cut me off with a kiss. A real one, not like the one he had given me on my forehead yesterday. I stared at him and saw that he was… crying? Why was _he_ crying? Nobody had hurt him. He hadn't been used like some kind of a toy for people's entertainment. He had no reason to cry.

"You didn't deserve that," he whispered brokenly, running a hand through my hair. "You weren't begging for it, Lorin. You _weren't."_

He sniffed and gave me a final peck on the cheek before standing up, pulling me with him. I looked away from him as I pulled my phone from my purse. I had dozens of texts from everyone and spent the next several minutes replying to them, telling them that I was fine. Alex cleared his throat awkwardly, causing me to look away from my phone and at him. His cheeks pinked as he looked down at me.

"Sorry for kissing you like that… It was a heat of the moment thing, I promise it won't happen again."

"I-It's fine… It was a nice kiss, anyway." I smiled shyly at him and looked down at my phone as it vibrated with a text from Angelica.

 **Angie** : _Meet us at the food court in five minutes, not a second later._

I sighed as I showed Alex the text. Guess our time alone together was over. Angelica was _pissed_ , and knowing her, she'd be mad even if we showed up early. I grabbed Alex's hand and started pulling him towards the food court. Maybe if we got there fast enough, she would be slightly less angry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Welp, it's Saturday, which means it's time for an update! This chapter was a doozy and a half because I wanted to get it just right. See you lovelies again on Tuesday, and hopefully you enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

I watched Lorin's wavy hair bounce as she led me to the food court-I wasn't even aware that aquariums _had_ food courts-and looked down at our conjoined hands. I felt my face grow hot as I realized that I had kissed her again, but this time it was on the lips. And that apparently wasn't enough, because I gave her another one on the cheek. God, I had to control myself around her better. I was going to end up scaring her away at this rate.

"Alex, please don't tell anyone what I told you." Her voice was quiet and broken, and I had to strain my ears to hear her. She had to be insane. How could I not tell anyone about this? How had she not told anyone about it?

"What the hell do you mean?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low enough to not gather attention. She squeezed my hand and quickened her pace. I could feel the burn mark rub against my skin slightly and wondered _what_ exactly had caused it. Odds were, it wasn't pretty. "Lorin, those fuckers _raped_ you. We should tell the police."

"Like anyone's going to believe that," she scoffed. I could imagine her rolling her eyes as I stared at the back of her head. "It's old news. It's in the past. And James' dad is one of the richest guys in the city, and probably an even bigger asshole than his son. Even if he did somehow get arrested, he'd be back out in a few hours with a pat on the back and a new car."

"But Lorin-"

"I can just hear his argument now. 'She didn't say no. She didn't break up with me. I thought she was cool with it.'" Her voice took on a deeper quality as she imitated the voice of her ex, spitting the words out with a venom I had never heard before. "I'll become the laughingstock of the city."

"So you're just going to let them get away with it? James and Maria-"

"Don't say her name." Lorin's grip on my hand was impossibly hard now, her knuckles turning white. "What part of 'I want to forget this' don't you understand?"

"This isn't something you can just sweep under the rug, Lorin! You have to talk to someone about this or it'll eat you up until there's nothing left!"

"You don't know anything about what I'm going through."

"Try me. I've been with some… less than pleasant people in the past. People who only wanted me for my body. They didn't care about what I wanted and only cared if they got off. I know it might not be exactly what happened to you, but I know what it's like to be used as a cheap plaything for sex. Lorin, you can talk to me."

She ground to a halt and let go of my hand. Looking up, I saw that we were at the food court, indicated by a flashing neon sign. Lorin took a deep breath and looked back at me, tears shining in her eyes. She sniffled and wiped at them with the sleeve of her- _no, my-_ jacket, which fell a little bit below her knees. Sometimes I forget just how tiny she really was.

"Thank you."

I followed her into the food court and flinched at the furious look on Angelica's face when she saw us. Lorin squeaked and grabbed my arm as she stormed over to us, followed by everyone else. Hell, even Jefferson and Madison were here, holding hands and making googly eyes at each other. They sobered up when they saw us enter the food court.

"Lorin Meredith Haywood, what the hell were you thinking? You had us all worried sick!" Wow, Angelica was pulling the full name card. I looked down at Lorin and saw that she was hiding behind me, tears in her eyes. She looked like she wanted to say something, her mouth opening slightly, but no words coming out.

" _Sometimes I just freeze up_ ," she had told me earlier. She wasn't even looking at any of us as her lips moved silently and her eyes focused on a menu on the wall. Angelica stared at her expectantly, her eyes narrowed.

"I… didn't mean to worry everyone." Lorin's words were slow and unsteady, and she started chewing on the ends of her hair. Her hands were trembling."I started to feel sick, and then before I knew it, I was by the turtles… Alex found me."

That was it? She wasn't going to mention the texts? She wasn't going to mention what he had _done_? She couldn't possibly keep this a secret! It would kill her. It would kill _me_. But if she wasn't ready to tell anyone, who was I to force her to? She'd had enough of being forced to do things as it was. She would tell everyone when she was ready. I hoped.

"We're not mad at you, Lori," Laurens said gently. Lorin looked up at him and spat her hair out, the ends now slightly darker than the rest. Some of the nervousness in her face faded, and she sighed in relief. So that's what she had been worried about… But why would she think that her friends would be mad at her?

"We just worry about you," Eliza frowned, stepping over and running a hand through Lorin's tangled hair. Her nose crinkled slightly as she touched the saliva-coated ends. "You never tell us anything. It's hard for us to know if you're having a bad day."

Lorin apologized softly and curled her hands into fists at her side, her nails digging into her palms. I was scared she would break through her skin at that rate and felt relieved when Eliza grabbed her hands and gently pried her fingers free. She frowned as she saw the burn on Lorin's right hand and ran her index finger on it lightly.

"Where did this come from?"

"Cooking accident," Lorin said shortly. pulling her hand away and shoving it in her pocket. The look on her face screamed that it was anything but, her eyes darkening as she glared down at the ground. "Can we go home now? I'm tired."

* * *

Lorin had been attached to me-literally, she was clinging onto my arm-ever since we left the aquarium (she hadn't been hungry and refused to eat at the food court, claiming that she was full even though I could hear her stomach rumbling), and we were now stood in front of our house, watching Laf fumble with his keys. Everyone else had gone home, with the exception of Laurens, who was spending the night for whatever reason. Wasn't it a school night? Surely his parents would be wondering where he was.

Lorin dragged me upstairs the second the door was unlocked, muttering a quick greeting to George and Martha as we passed them. She pulled me to her room and locked the door behind us, her cheeks pink.

"What's going on, Lo?" Her blush deepened as I spoke, and she chewed the ends of her hair nervously as she looked away. I realized that this was the first time I had called her by the shorthand version of her name (at least while she was conscious).

"Y-You kissed me earlier…" Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at a stuffed turtle on her bed. A gift from Laurens, I assumed, since it took priority over the other stuffed creatures that occupied her shelves. It even had a pastel bow tied around its neck. "I… don't understand… That means you like me, right?"

"Well, yeah," I spluttered, sure that my face was about as red as hers. She stared up at me, her beautiful eyes wide and her perfect lips pouting. This girl really was the cutest thing on the planet. "I mean, you don't normally go around kissing people you don't like, do you? I… Uh… I really like you."

"Why? I'm too short, too pudgy, too nervous, and nothing but a bother."

"First of all, I happen to like short girls, there's absolutely _nothing_ wrong with being a bit 'pudgy', you can't control your nerves, and Lorin Haywood, you are anything _but_ a bother." I gently tugged her hair from her mouth and brushed a few stray strands back from her face. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me.

"You deserve better than a used-up slut like me." Her voice was quiet and tearful as she rubbed her arm awkwardly. If I ever met James or Maria, I swear to God, I would kill them. I couldn't stand the sad look on her face. I couldn't stand knowing that someone had hurt her.

"I could say the same thing to you," I frowned, hating that she saw saying such terrible things about herself. I hated James and Maria for making her feel this way, and I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever I could to restore her confidence. "Lorin, don't you ever say that about yourself again."

"Back at 'cha-"

She squealed as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. We were so close, I could have counted every freckle on her face. Her blush came back full force as I leaned in and kissed her. She stiffened in my arms, and for a brief second I was terrified she was going to push me away. But then she relaxed and rested a tiny hand on my shoulder, pulling me even closer, our noses mashing into each other.

I wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted (I personally never wanted it to end), and we were both breathless as we pulled away. Lorin's face was the color of a tomato as she looked up at me, her chest heaving as she caught her breath.

"Well, that was somethin'," she blushed, the hints of a southern accent coming out. She gasped and covered her face as she looked away. I smiled at her as I grabbed her chin and turned her back towards me.

"Sure was, little miss southern belle. I thought for sure you were going to push me away or kick me in the balls or run away." She chuckled awkwardly and removed her hands from her face, revealing her precious freckles and pink cheeks.

"I… like you, too, Alex… God, this is happening so fast. You haven't even been here a week and you've already won me over." I had to admit, this was the fastest I had ever admitted my feelings for someone. Most relationships I had been in took at least a week to start, not four or five days (most of which I hadn't even seen her for). Was love at first sight really something that existed? Looking down at Lorin's adorable face, I decided that it must exist. It was the only explanation for how I felt about her.

"I tend to do that," I grinned, grabbing one of her hands and planting a kiss to the back of it. "So what does this make us?"

"Typically people who like each other start dating," Lorin stated sarcastically, her mouth curling up in a catlike grin. The accent was still there, but not anywhere near as exaggerated as Jefferson's. It was barely even noticeable. She giggled and curled a bit of hair around her finger. That laugh was music to my ears.

"I like the sound of that," I murmured as I planted a peck on her cute little freckled nose and held her hand, reveling in the feeling of it in mine. I was going to do everything in my power to keep this girl happy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, all! You might notice I'm updating a day early, and that's because I've changed my schedule to being Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays for no other reason except I remember Monday better than Tuesday. It's still three times a week, but just on slightly different days. Anyway, this chapter was originally going to be twice as long, but I've decided to split it up because there should be some calm before the storm. As a result, both this chapter and the next one will be from Lorin's point of view, not that it matters much. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this fillery chapter, and I'll see you again on Thursday! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

 _I should have known something was up. James almost never answered my texts anymore, and the rare times he did, they were vague. I probably deserved this silent treatment, anyway. I had pushed him too far the other day, earning myself a couple new bruises and a sore body after he had dragged me to the bed and ravaged me. I should have said something about it, how he was always a bit too rough with me, but that would probably just lead to another punch or slap._

" _I'm sorry about that, babe," he apologized the next morning as he massaged my aching body. I hummed in response and gasped out a breathy moan as his lips honed in on_ _ **that**_ _spot on my neck-it was especially sensitive. I felt his lips curl up into a smile as he sensually sucked and kissed. Fuck, he was such a tease..._

" _I-It's fine… Thank you for the massage." I wanted to apologize for what I had done, but to be perfectly honest, I couldn't even remember what it was. It was hard to focus on anything but the feeling of his lips on me and his hands, one of which was slowly inching its way south. I groaned into the pillow as it reached its destination and felt my face flush as he chuckled. How could he be so ready to go again?_

" _You know I love you, right?" he asked, his tongue lightly tracing circles on my neck and his other hand moving down to my chest, twisting and kneading in just the right way. I nodded, trying to stay quiet since his parents were in the next room over, but it was nearly impossible. My breath came out in little pants as his fingers worked their magic._

" _You just push me too far sometimes and have to be punished. If you behaved a bit better, I wouldn't have to punish you. You understand, don't you?" He bit down on my neck as he finished speaking, sending a delicious chill down my spine. How could something hurt so much yet feel so_ _ **good**_ _? I could barely form a coherent thought._

" _Y-Yesss… I'm sorry… God, that feels so good…"_

 _It was my fault. I should have known better than to argue with him last night. God, I didn't even deserve this. He had every right to yell at me, throw me against the wall, or even break up with me on the spot. But here he was, massaging me and making me feel better than I'd ever felt before. He forgave me. He loved me. And I loved him. I had to treat him better. I'd try to make a better apology later..._

I woke with a start and flinched as my forehead collided with something hard. I heard a hissed swear and opened my eyes, finding myself looking into Alex's worried dark eyes. He ran an ink-stained thumb lightly over my forehead and frowned when I winced.

"So much for a good morning kiss," he sighed, putting a hand on my back and helping me sit up. "Nightmare again? Sorry I wasn't with you last night."

"It's fine. You can't spend _every_ night with me, after all. I'm pretty sure John would kill you." In the month that we'd been dating, Alex had spent most nights in bed with me, just laying next to me and holding me. Something about him made it easier to sleep. Maybe it was the way he always smelled like paper and coffee. Maybe it was the fact that he was always so warm. Or maybe it was just the fact that I felt _safe_ with him. I didn't have to dance around him and watch what I said. He would never hurt me-he had spent the first week of our relationship assuring me of that.

"Tell me why he's staying here again?"

"Because his dad's a total ass," I sighed, grabbing a brush from my bedside table and running it through my hair. A quick glance towards the clock told me that it was 5:30. I groaned and winced as I tugged through a knot. I hated waking up so early just for choir practice, but the concert was only a couple days away and Maddie and I had to work overtime to catch up with everyone else.

"Fair point. Do you want me to make you some coffee?" I snorted and looked at Alex's smug face. He knew how much I hated coffee. I couldn't understand how he drank so much of it every day. Besides, my hands were shaky enough _without_ the influence of caffeine. Even now, I was kind of having trouble with my hair. Alex frowned and took the brush from me, gently pulling it through my hair.

"Are you alright, Lo?" he asked, his hands expertly running through my hair. I nodded and yawned, rubbing my eyes. Shaky hands was a norm for me, but they came and went. John had been telling me to see a doctor or something, but it really wasn't that bad. Probably just an effect of anxiety or something.

"Why are you awake this early, Alex? You don't have to be at school for another hour." I felt him shrug as he started twisting my hair into a braid.

"I was up anyway. I thought it'd be nice to wake you up with a kiss and you kind of… jumped up." He finished my hair in a matter of seconds and kissed me on the forehead as he tied off the end of the braid. "I'll leave you to get ready. You know how Madison shows up early all the time."

I got out of bed reluctantly, knowing that Maddie would be furious if I wasn't ready the second he pulled up and quickly picked out an outfit (a light blue dress Eliza had picked out for me, white tights, and ankle boots). I frowned as I saw myself in the mirror. The dress really showed off just how chubby I was. I was about to get something else from my closet-a hoodie, perhaps-when I heard my door open. Maddie walked in, followed by Thomas and a disgruntled Alex, whose hands were tightly clamped around a mug. I had a sneaking suspicion he was already on his third cup of the day.

"Haven't you guys heard of _knocking_? What if I had been changing?" I shrieked. The corners of Alex's mouth twisted up in a smirk and he took a sip of coffee to cover it.

"Told you she'd be mad," he laughed, looking up at Thomas. "Jeffershit here said that you'd be okay with us just walking in."

"Can you two get along for anything?" I asked, grabbing my backpack from the closet floor. They were both on the debate team at school, but the arguments didn't stop there. It was impossible to hang out with both of them at the same time because they'd somehow find something to argue about. It was ridiculous.

"Nope," Alex grinned, popping the 'P'. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him as he passed me my school ID from the hook near the door.

"Lorin, we should go now. We're going to get breakfast." I nodded at Maddie and stood on my toes to give Alex a kiss on the cheek. He smiled at me as I waved goodbye and left with Maddie and Thomas.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello all, time for another chapter! I don't really have much to say except this chapter only strengthens my need for the "protect my smol bean" movement. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy, and I'll see you again on Saturday! ~Shaymie**

* * *

Charles Lee was a dick. Made sense, considering the fact that he was friends with James-best friends, even. James thankfully didn't go to the same school as me, but sadly I was stuck with Lee, who was just as crude as James. Actually, crude was a bit of an understatement. He was straight up disgusting. I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole.

He had been in the choir room when Maddie and I showed up to school after a quick breakfast from our favorite donut shop, Thomas quickly leaving us to do something for debate club (probably trying to get an upper hand on Alex). He hadn't spoken to us, too engrossed in texting someone-James, most likely, seeing as how he was his only friend. He had, however, given my ass a squeeze as we walked past him to get to the piano. The smug grin on his face was sickening.

"What the hell was that?" Maddie growled, glaring at Lee. I shook my head and tugged on his sleeve. I didn't want to deal with this right now. We could just go somewhere else to practice. Anything would be better than having to be around this prick. Lee smirked at me, his squirrely eyes glistening.

"What's the matter, Lo? Cat got your tongue?" God, how I wanted to wipe that stupid look off his face. He had no right to call me by Alex's nickname. Coming from Alex, it was nothing less than warm and endearing. Coming from Lee, it was cold and harsh. He was somehow worse than James, which I didn't even think was possible.

"Fuck you."

"I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you, slut? James told me all about your little escapades with him and Maria. I didn't peg you as that kind of person, but I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover." He smirked as he leaned over to get in my face. I felt the blood leave my face. James had told him about Maria? Who else had he told? "Judging by the look on Madison's face, I guess he didn't know that sweet, innocent little Lorin Haywood is nothing but a filthy little slut who gets off on sleeping with girls that she doesn't even know."

I shook my head and backed away from Maddie as tears flooded my eyes. I didn't want him to find out like this. I didn't want _anyone_ to find out about this. I regretted telling Alex about it because I knew that he would eventually tell someone. He was always trying to convince me to tell the police or George or something, but it would just be a waste of time, especially since it was all my fault anyway.

"Lorin?" Maddie asked, his voice trembling slightly. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see the look in his eyes. He hated me, I knew it. He had to hate me. He probably thought that I was disgusting. He wouldn't be wrong.

"I didn't want it," I whispered, my voice cracking as I spoke. "I… I swear, I didn't…"

"Yeah right," Lee scoffed, rolling his eyes. "James said you would moan and scream like a little bitch as he and Maria took turns with you like some kind of slutty ragdoll."

I ran from the room before Lee could say anything else and choked out sobs as memories of James and Maria ran through my mind, memories of them holding me to the bed, kissing me, talking down to me, having their fun with me… It shouldn't have felt good. None of it should have felt _good_. I tried to say no, really I did, but all thoughts left my mind the second their hands touched me. _I really was a whore that liked being fucked senseless, wasn't I?_

I locked myself in a bathroom stall and vomited out my breakfast. Everything was ruined. Maddie would tell everyone what Lee told him and then they'd leave me. I'd be alone again. John would hate me, I knew he would. Gil would hate me. God, maybe even Alex would get some common sense and leave me. I didn't even know what he saw in me in the first place.

I wished more than anything that I had something sharp right now. My nails weren't nearly enough for what I wanted. I scratched furiously at my wrists, hoping and praying that I'd break skin. I wasn't sure how long I spent in the bathroom, but my wrists were scratched raw by the time I left. I deserved far worse. I deserved to _bleed_. I'd have to see what I could do when I got home.

I didn't know what time it was. I didn't know what class I was supposed to be in, but I really didn't care. Somehow I found myself at the library. The librarian didn't ask any questions as I walked in without a hall pass-I was probably her favorite student, and she had covered for me whenever I needed to skip class. The library was mostly empty, with the exception of one Charles Lee. Great. He grinned as he saw me and left his computer.

"Nice to see you again, Lorin. We didn't really get to finish our conversation earlier," he sneered as he walked over to me. I looked around nervously and frowned when I noticed that we were at the back of the library, hidden behind dozens of bookshelves. Nobody could see us. He could do whatever he wanted to me and nobody would know.

"If you try anything, I'll scream."

"Funny, that's incredibly similar to what you said to James before you let him fuck you at that party," Lee laughed as he stepped closer. I backed away and whimpered as I made contact with the wall. I had to do something. I opened my mouth to scream, but he slapped a hand over it, a wicked glint in his eyes.

"Wouldn't want anyone interrupting, now would we?" His other hand went down to my chest, and my heart stopped as he pulled the front of my dress down. I screamed into his hand as he took his sweet time fondling me, a quiet chuckle escaping his mouth. How could he do this in such a public place?

"You really are bigger than you look... C cup, maybe?" Terror filled my chest. Those were the same words Maria had said to me before she...

" _Such a cute little girl," Maria giggled as she let the blankets fall from her body and got out of bed. I tried to not look at her nakedness and felt envy burn me up inside. Of course James would cheat on me with_ _ **her**_ _. She was tall, beautiful, and seductive. The complete opposite of me. Compared to me, she was a goddess. I sniffled and walked towards the door. James looked at me emotionlessly. He'd be happier with her than me… I could just hear John and Gil say that they told me so._

 _I gasped as slender hands wrapped around my waist and felt myself being pulled back, blushing as my head landed on Maria's more than ample chest. God, she really was bigger and better than me in every single way. Her hands quickly unbuttoned my shirt, and I let out a shaky breath as her lips suckled on my neck. How did she know that spot that drove me_ _ **crazy**_ _? My face flushed as my breaths turned into quiet moans, but I shook my head. I didn't want this, did I? She was the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. And… I didn't even like girls. Did I?_

" _Come on Maria, that's enough," James sighed, pulling a shirt on. "Why are you wasting your time with her?"_

" _She looks like a lot of fun," Maria breathed, her bright red lips curling up into a grin on my neck. Damn, it felt good… "I'm a slut for a girl with freckles. And she's fucking adorable. Besides, you're the one who said you'd love to have both of us."_

" _I don't-mmm…" I groaned as she licked at my neck. I wanted to protest, say that I would rather burn in hell than sleep with my boyfriend's mistress, because who the hell did something like that, but the thoughts melted out of my head. My knees turned to jelly as one of her hands crept underneath my bra, teasing and pulling and squeezing in just the right way. The other one had slipped underneath the front of my jeans. She chuckled and carried me over to the bed, throwing me down roughly next to James. At this point, I was a moaning mess as she snapped my bra off and lowered her mouth to my chest. Despite my mind screaming at me to get away, my body wanted more. I shouldn't have wanted more..._

" _For such a little girl, you're bigger than you look… Damn, those moans are sexy…"_

I snapped back to reality as I felt a nip on my earlobe and a rush of cold air across my chest- oh God, Lee had pulled my bra down. I wrapped my arms around my chest and kicked him away, screaming as loud as I could the second his hand left my mouth.

 _Alex…_ Probably the last person I wanted to see right now. He threw his books down and looked between me (or rather, my chest) and Lee, who was getting up from the floor, a smirk on his face. I suddenly realized that my bare chest was still out on display and quickly covered up. Alex looked away, his face bright red.

"He… He was m-messing with me," _what an understatement, the guy had been crawling all over me_ , "but I swear, I didn't want it… I didn't want _him_. I'm sorry, Alex…" He had to hate me now. I'd completely understand if he broke up with me on the spot. He deserved far better than me.

"Nice tits, slut," Lee spat out, the corners of his mouth turning up into a grin as he looked at Alex, whose face twisted up in anger. I blinked, and the next thing I knew Alex was on top of Lee, throwing punches and curses like there was no tomorrow. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stop the fight (could it even be considered a fight, the way Lee curled up in the fetal position immediately?), but I was frozen. It felt like hours had passed, but in reality it was probably only a couple of minutes, and eventually someone had shown up and pulled Alex away from Lee, who was a sobbing mess on the ground. Alex glared down at him and cracked his bruised knuckles.

"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend."


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey all, it's Saturday, which means update time! I have a little surprise planned for next chapter, which might be up a bit earlier for... reasons, but we should get through this one first. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Lo, are you up yet?" I asked as I hesitantly knocked on my girlfriend's door, even though I knew she was awake. She had locked her door last night, a clear sign that she wanted to be left alone, and I could tell she had been having nightmares. It was the day after the incident with Lee, and Madison had told everyone what happened yesterday morning (with the occasional input from me). George had stormed off to his office immediately, saying that he was pressing charges against Reynolds, while Martha had burst into tears, muttering "my poor baby" repeatedly.

Everyone had been less than pleased when they found out that I had known about the James/Maria situation. Laurens, Laf, and Angelica took turns yelling at me in various languages, while the others had given me the meanest of glares. It was hard to pay much attention knowing that Lorin was upstairs, most likely crying her heart out. Yeah, I got it, I messed up. I wanted they would leave me alone so I could be with her.

"Lo, it's time for breakfast. George… George said you don't have to go to school if you don't feel like it."

"I'm coming," she answered quietly, her voice barely audible through the door. She came out a new minutes later, still in her pajamas. Her nose was bright red, as was her face, and she had dark shadows under her eyes. "Did Maddie tell everyone about… you know?"

"He had to, Lo," I said gently, grabbing her hand when she turned back to go in her room. "And I told them about what happened in the library."

"Why?" Lorin's voice trembled as she looked up at me. She couldn't seriously be asking _why_. My blood boiled just thinking about it, about seeing that creep all over her, and the stupid smug look on his face that I quickly got rid of. It was a miracle that I hadn't gotten in trouble for beating the shit out of him.

" _Why?_ Because that asshole had no right touching you! That fucker basically... Lo, you can't just let people get away with shit like that!" I sighed at the hurt look in her eyes and led her towards the stairs. Yelling at her wouldn't fix anything. She bit her lip as we approached the dining room table. Everyone was here with the exception of Laurens, who had left earlier to "take care of business". Hopefully he wasn't doing what I thought he was.

"Good morning, Lorin! I made your favorite," Martha sang as she placed a plate at Lorin's spot at the table. Lorin nodded and sat down, her hair falling in her face as she stared at the steaming plate of French toast. And then tears started streaming down her face. She raised her hands to cover her face and shook her head.

"I don't deserve this!" she sobbed, her breath coming out in ragged gasps. "How can you be so _nice_ to me? I'm nothing but a worthless slut! I'm… I'm just like my mother!"

"Lorin-"

"I'm going back to my room," she sniffed, pushing me away. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"Lorin," Laf called after her before she reached the stairs. She looked back at him, her eyes glassy. It was almost as if she was looking past him. "Don't do anything stupid. We're here for you."

 _What did he mean by that?_ I frowned. Lorin looked away and went back upstairs. After a few seconds of hesitation, I followed her. I wasn't sure I could trust her alone, especially not after Laf's warning of not to do anything stupid. I barely caught the door before it shut, wincing as it slammed on my foot.

"Lorin, can I please come in?" She nodded and opened the door, stepping back as I entered. She let me lead her to the bed and sat next to me. She was the first one to speak after a tense silence.

"Part of me still loves him… James, that is. A-And some sick part of me misses him. Some part of me misses _Maria_. I don't understand… They were terrible, but they made me feel _amazing_." She looked up at me expectantly, but for once in my life I was speechless. What could I say? She looked down at her feet. "I should have left him the second he hit me, right? But he apologized… He said he only hit me because I talked back to him and I deserved to get punished-"

"What the hell? 'Punished'? That's fucking ridiculous, Lorin!"

"The punishments got worse after Maria was introduced to our relationship," she continued like I hadn't even spoken and started rubbing her arms uncomfortably. "Most of these scars are from Maria's punishments. She'd cut me or beat me with a belt or… Well, you wanted to know where this mark on my hand came from, right? She used me as her ashtray once."

"She put a cigarette out on you? Jesus, what else did they do- you know what, I don't want to know." Just hearing this was making me furious. How could she have put up with that? No matter how much you love someone, there has to be a limit for the level of bullshit you're willing to deal with.

"I thought the punishments were worth it. They took out their anger on me, told me what I should and shouldn't do, and then I'd get rewarded. They rewarded me for being a good girl. They complimented me, most of the time anyway. Even some of the punishments felt good... I keep saying I didn't want it, but part of me _did._ A lot of me did. They… They made me feel loved."

"Lo, that wasn't _love_. They were using you! They abused you!"

"I know that now. I know… They didn't love me. Mom… My real mom… She told me that certain people hurt you because they don't know how to show their love. That was her explanation whenever Dad hit her. He'd call her all sorts of things just because she had been with other men before him. He hated the fact that she'd had another child before me, and with another man, no less."

"You're not an only child?" I asked, aware of the fact that she had changed the subject from James and Maria. I didn't mention it. I wasn't sure how much more of that I could take. We'd have to talk about it _eventually_ , with everyone.

"I have an older sister," Lorin nodded, a small smile crossing her face. "She stays with _her_ dad. She doesn't get to visit often because she still lives in Texas, but we talk on the phone sometimes."

 _Texas, huh?_ That explained the adorable southern accent that tended to slip out from time to time. She seemed embarrassed by the accent, but I didn't know why. It was one of the cutest things ever, second only to her. We sat in peaceful silence for awhile, even though the clock on her bedside table told me it was long past time for me to leave for school. She sighed and put her head on my shoulder.

"I don't think I can face everyone…" she murmured, leaning into my touch as I held her closer. "I know they'll all be mad. I heard them yelling last night…"

"They aren't mad at you, Lo. If anything, they're mad at me for not telling them sooner. I knew I should have, but I didn't want to betray your trust like that, especially if you weren't ready for anyone to know."

"Thank you…" Her voice was soft and appreciative, and I smiled at her as she kissed my cheek. Then an idea popped into my head.

"Do you want to go out later? We've never been on a real date and it would be a nice way to relax before the inevitable interrogation. I know you don't really like crowded places, but we could go to the park, maybe have a picnic? Y-You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"A date? I don't think I've ever been on one. James didn't believe in dates," Lorin frowned, a blush spreading across her face. This was going to be her first date? I would have to make sure it was absolutely perfect, then.

* * *

"There's Lorin Haywood's boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend or fuck buddy?"

"I didn't think she was that kind of girl."

"Charles said that she was easy. Do you think I have a chance with her?"

"Take a fucking picture, it'll last longer!" I yelled at the idiots gossiping a table over. They scoffed and turned away from me. Thankfully the bell rang, signalling the end of the school day. Lee had been spreading rumors about Lorin (I thought he would have learned to keep his mouth shut), and all everyone had been talking about was how they thought Lorin was a slut. It was a miracle I hadn't punched anyone yet.

The next few hours were spent preparing for the picnic. George and Martha had gone to work, which meant that we most likely wouldn't see them for at least a day. They were always at work, it seemed. Laf helped me pack for the picnic, shooting me a not-so-subtle wink as he put a bottle of wine in the basket (I didn't even think people actually _bought_ picnic baskets), while Peggy and Eliza helped Lorin get ready. Angelica was off looking for Laurens, who we hadn't heard from since this morning.

"We're just going to the park, Herc," I sighed as my friend rummaged through my closet, occasionally clicking his tongue as he saw something he didn't approve of. I didn't know why he was complaining when he was the one who had picked out basically my entire wardrobe.

"That doesn't mean you can go there wearing… That!" He gestured at my hoodie and jeans and scoffed as he turned back to the closet. I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed, wondering if Lo had to put up with anything like this. There wasn't any bickering coming from next door like there had been when they helped her get ready for the aquarium. If I strained my ears, I could hear muffled whispers and the rustle of clothes.

I glared at Herc as he tossed a shirt and a dark pair of jeans at me. I opened my mouth to object but snapped it shut when he glowered at me. I knew better than to mess with Herc when he was in a fashion mood. I went to the bathroom and changed into the dark red (or was it maroon?) button up shirt and jeans. I spent about ten minutes trying to fix my hair before Herc banged on the door, telling me that it was going to get dark if I took any longer.

"Don't get your panties in a bu-" I froze in the doorway of the bathroom as I saw Lorin sitting on my bed, a shy smile on her face. A blush spread across her freckled face as she saw me staring and looked away. Damn, she was adorable. Scratch that, she was _beautiful_. Her sandy hair was done up in an intricate braid, a few stray strands framing her face. She was wearing a black dress with a floral design and strappy heels. She was probably a bit overdressed for the park, but she looked gorgeous.

"It's a bit much for a trip to the park," she frowned as I walked over to her. The blush deepened as I kissed the back of her hand. "I managed to talk them into only making me wear lip gloss. I don't think I'd be able to handle a full face of makeup. Although it probably would have helped. I feel like a mess."

"Nonsense, you're adorable," I grinned, repeating the words I had told her the night (morning?) we'd had our first conversation. It felt like it was centuries ago when really, it had only been a month. And it was by far the best month of my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"Alright, you lovebirds, get outta here," Herc laughed, handing Lorin a tiny black purse. "Don't be out too late, alright? And remember, we're having a talk when you get back."


	13. Laurens Interlude

**Surprise! I was going to try to have this out yesterday and have two chapters in a day, but things happened and it ended up being pushed back to today! This is just a bonus chapter, and I'll still have my normal chapter out tomorrow. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy~**

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 _Laurens Interlude_

"That's not how you spell my name."

Those were the first words Lorin Haywood had ever said to me. I had seen her around Laf's house occasionally, her sandy hair flying behind her as she dashed upstairs whenever Herc or I showed up. Laf had said that his new sister was shy, and tended to get nervous around people she didn't know. Whenever either of us stayed for dinner, she either stayed in her room or sat at the table awkwardly, looking away from us and staring at the wall.

I hadn't even had a chance to talk to her alone until we were partnered together for an assignment in geography. It was fairly simple-just match the state with its capital. It was elementary school work, really, but we had a substitute for the next few months while our teacher was on maternity leave and there hadn't been any work left for us to do. I didn't see the need for partners at all, and the sub's explanation was that she wanted us to "make more friends". She was a pretty strange lady, now that I look back on it.

Lorin refused to make eye contact, leaving me to work on the assignment silently by myself. In fact, she looked everywhere _but_ my face- the desk, the wall, the floor. Anything that wasn't me, she looked at. I couldn't stop staring at her as I worked. Now that I was able to see her up close, I noticed that she was… kind of cute. Her sandy hair was pushed back from her face for once, showing off the freckles that were dotted across the bridge of her nose and over her cheeks. I looked away from her as she looked towards me. Or rather, at the worksheet, where I was writing both our names.

"Excuse me?" I asked, surprised first of all by the fact that she was _talking_ , and secondly by the fact that she was talking to _me_.

"You spelled my name wrong." Her voice was quiet and slightly hesitant as her gray eyes looked down at the paper. And damn, it was cute, just like her. "It's not L-A-U-R-E-N, like your last name. It's L-O-R-I-N."

That was the beginning of our friendship. It had taken a couple more days for her to be comfortable around Herc (not that I blamed her, the dude looked intimidating if you didn't know him), and she fit into our group of friends perfectly. She had been the one to introduce us to the Schuylers, who were infamous for not talking to anyone. Hell, she even managed to become friends with James Madison, the sickly guy who missed school half the time.

Everything had been going perfectly… until she met James Reynolds, the richest asshole in town, at one of Jefferson's infamous parties. I didn't know what she had been doing there-she hated parties with a passion, even her own birthday parties-because they made her nervous. All I knew was that she had called me way after midnight, asking for a ride home from Jefferson's house. She had been drunk, and rambled on about how amazing the party was (and drunkenly going off on a tangent about my "face stars" and how they almost matched hers). The last thing she said before she passed out was that she had met a boy, but there had been a tinge of fear behind the words.

She started dating Reynolds the next day. I tried to be happy for her since she clearly liked the guy, but something about him rubbed me the wrong way. He seemed a bit _too_ clingy, always having a hand on her body one way or another. He only referred to her as "babe", and he was constantly whispering things in her ear, a stupid smug grin on his face. And there was the marks that slowly started showing up on her body. At first it was only hickeys (as to be expected from a typical teenage relationship), but then there were bruises, black eyes, and cuts.

Lorin started talking less, until it became a rare occurrence to hear her voice. She was jumpy, flinching if anyone spoke too loudly. She barely ate anymore, often giving more than half her lunch to Herc. She constantly denied there being anything being wrong and refused to answer my questions about where the scars came from. I eventually gave up on asking, but kept a close eye on her.

"I love him and he loves me," she had said, her voice hollow and lifeless. "Everything's fine, John. You don't have to worry."

 _How could I not worry?_ My best friend was turning into a shell of her former self-in more ways than one. She had started losing weight. It wasn't much, and I was pretty sure nobody else really noticed. She rarely smiled anymore, and if she did, it was clearly forced. I tried to convince her to break up with him, but she was stupidly stubborn. She was convinced that he loved her, but the look in his eyes as he looked at her was anything _but_ love. It was pure, unsaturated lust. God, the fucker lusted after her and she was completely oblivious.

I should have done more to protect her from him. I knew that there had been something more going on in their relationship than she was willing to let on, but I let her _stay_ with him because she was happy. I should have valued her safety over her happiness. I should have _made_ her break up with him the second I noticed the first bruise.

And now, over a year after Lorin had met Reynolds, we were only just finding out everything that he had done to her. A year. A _fucking year_. She had been getting abused by Reynolds for a year. She had been getting used by him for a year. She had been _raped_ by him for over a year. How could she have stayed with him? How could she not tell any of us what was going on? Didn't she trust us?

She was dating a new kind of asshole now, the cocky, arrogant, wouldn't-stop-flirting kind. She hadn't even known him for a _week_ before she had started dating him. Granted, he was more bearable than Reynolds, and he actually _cared_ about her. He didn't parade Lori around like some shiny new toy. He knew that she hated being outside much and didn't force her to do stuff she didn't want to do. But there was one major flaw with him, a giant glaring mistake.

Alexander knew. He had known since we went to the aquarium a _month_ ago. The prick couldn't shut up about stuff that didn't matter, but when it came to something that was actually important, he suddenly clammed up. He said that he wanted to "protect her privacy", but privacy meant nothing when it came to something this serious. He had the nerve to say that he kept it a secret because he loved her. He barely knew her, how the hell could he love her? He couldn't love her. Not like I did.


	14. Chapter 13

**And now it's time for your regularly scheduled Monday chapter! Not much to say about this except Alex deserves a reward for being the best boyfriend ever. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! I don't know if I'll update on Thursday because I actually have something to do on that day, but if I don't, I'll update on Saturday like normal. ~Shaymie**

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"Are you sure you're okay with this, Lo? We can go back home if you want." I looked down at Lo, who was pressed tightly against my arm as we looked for a less populated area at the park. There were surprisingly more people than I thought would be here on a Thursday night. Lorin shook her head and pointed at a tree near the swings, which had nobody nearby.

"Don't want to go home yet," she muttered, her voice quiet and shaky. "There's not anyone over there. I… I'm fine…"

I nodded and led her underneath the shade of the tree. She grabbed the blanket from the basket and laid it out on the grass, raising an eyebrow when her hand bumped against the wine bottle. She pulled it out and frowned up at me as I sat down. I chuckled nervously.

"Uh, Laf put it in there. We don't have to drink it if you don't want to." Her brows furrowed as she sat down, staring at the bottle that seemed impossibly big for her tiny hands. She was so small, I felt that she'd get drunk from just one sip. What the hell was Laf thinking, giving that to us?

"Fuck it." I stared at her as she tugged the top off of the bottle and chugged for several seconds. She sighed as she finished drinking and handed the bottle to me. It was significantly lighter than it had been a couple seconds ago. How much had she drank? "If I'm going to get yelled at by everyone, I'd better make the best of this date while I can."

"Was that a good idea?" I frowned as she started pulling food out. I feel like Herc would kill me if I brought her back home drunk. Angelica would skin me alive. _Laurens_ would murder me and find a way to make it look like an accident. Maybe I could pin the blame on Laf…

"Who cares if it's a good idea? I'm dead either way," Lorin sighed as she unwrapped a sandwich. She hummed happily as she bit into it and looked up at me, her gray eyes sparkling. "Gil gave it to us, so clearly, he's fine with it. Are you going to drink some, or are you just going to hold it all night?"

"I'd rather stay sober." I set the bottle next to the basket and grabbed a handful of grapes. She shrugged and kept eating, occasionally taking sips of the wine. She glared at me when I tried to take it away from her. I sighed. This was going to be a long night. We ate in silence for about half an hour before Lorin groaned dramatically and flopped backwards. I blushed as I realized I could see right under her dress and looked away. Didn't girls normally wear tights under their dresses or something?

"Alex… I like you a lot," she murmured, reaching for the bottle and taking another long swig. She sighed as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve and hiccuped. "You're really nice, you know. You haven't yelled at me or hit me or _anything_ even though I probably deserve it for being a moody brat all the time."

"I like you too, Lo," I laughed, noticing that her words had started to slur together and her accent had come out. Oh God, how was I going to get a drunk Lorin home? She sat up quickly (perhaps a bit _too_ quickly, based on the way she groaned and gripped her forehead) and smiled crookedly at me as she started to crawl over to me, her dress riding up on her thighs. This girl was going to be the death of me.

"How much do you like me, Alex?" she asked as she climbed on top of me, her face flushed. I cleared my throat and fixed her dress before she exposed herself to the world. I swallowed nervously as her chest pressed up against me. This girl was a damn temptress. I had to put a stop to this before I did something I would regret.

"I like you a lot, too, Lo. C-Can you get u-" She cut me off with a kiss, her hands tangling in my hair. This kiss was far different from the others she had given me, more sloppy and desperate. She smelled heavily of wine and perfume, the scents combining into an intoxicating bouquet, and I could taste her peach lip gloss. I froze as her hands went down to my shirt and unbuttoned the top two buttons, her fingers fumbling slightly. What was she trying to do? We were in public!

"I _realllly_ like you, Alex," she giggled as she pulled back from the kiss, tugging my bottom lip between her teeth. I shuddered as she started planting kisses on my neck and chest. Note to self, Lorin is a horny, flirty drunk. And a pretty sexy one, at that. "And I'd love to have some fun. You know we still haven't actually _been_ together, right? I can make you feel incredible~"

"Not now," I stammered, pushing her away as gently as I could. I couldn't take advantage of her like this, no matter how tempting it was, no matter _how_ much she wanted it. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.. "We're at a _park_ , Lorin! And you're drunk!"

"I was drunk when me and James did it for the first time," she stated matter-of-factly, twirling a bit of hair around her finger. A wicked grin spread across her face as she reached behind her and unzipped her dress, letting the front of it fall and revealing two of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen, held up by a lacy black bra. There was a splattering of freckles across her chest, and _damn, she was so pretty…_

No. I couldn't do it. I wanted our first time together to be special, not just something done from drunken lust. I wasn't going to do this to her. I _couldn't_ do this to her. I refused to be anything like her asshole ex.

"I can't do it," I frowned, pulling her dress back over her body and zipping it back up. She pouted as she looked up at me, her gray eyes filling with tears. Shit. I could deal with drunk Lorin. I could deal with drunk, horny Lorin (not in the way she wanted). But drunk, horny, _crying_ Lorin was a bit too much for me to handle.

"I… I thought you liked me… You said you liked me!" she sobbed, her flushed face getting even redder. She pushed me away when I put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed at her eyes. I flinched as some people passing by stared at us, some of them glowering at me. Great, now _I_ looked like an asshole.

"No, no, no, Lo, I _do_ like you! I like you enough to not take advantage of you when you're like this! You're clearly not in the right state of mind right now. It'd be a dick move to try to do anything," I rambled, planting several kisses on her face. She whimpered and climbed into my lap, leaning her head onto me.

"I want to go home," she sniffled softly, her hand gripping my shirt tightly. I nodded and started packing up the remains of our picnic. Lorin snatched up the rest of the wine and chugged it before I could even react. Great. Just great. As if she wasn't drunk _enough_. She burped and stood up on shaky legs as I helped her up. After a few failed attempts to get her to walk (she could barely take two steps, even with me holding her up), I decided to just carry her on my back.

"Wow, you're strong," she hiccuped, her head lolling on my shoulder. She was warm, either from the alcohol or naturally, I didn't know. "Did I ever tell you how _nice_ you are? Because you're _reallllly_ nice. You're so nice, Mr. Alexander needs-a-middle-name Hamilton. You might be the nicest person on the planet…"

"I think Eliza might take offence to that, Lo."

" _Elizabeth_ doesn't give me piggyback rides," she retorted, her breath hot against my ear. She huffed and started kicking her feet. "You _do_ give me piggyback rides. So you're nicer. And you saved me from Lee yesterday. I don't know what he would have done if you hadn't showed up. I wish you had been there to save me from James and Maria."

"Me too, Lo…" I sighed, tightening my grip on her thighs slightly. _Her perfectly thick thighs..._ She didn't deserve what they had done to her. If I could go back in time, I would change it so that she had never met them. It pained me to know that there was some part of her that blamed herself for what had happened, that thought she had _deserved_ it.

"I mean it, Lexy. You're _waaaay_ better than them. You didn't make me sleep with you even though you should have. I mean, James and my dad have both told me that a woman's job is just to pleasure the man in her life. Or I guess woman, if you roll that way." She giggled and hiccuped again. "You know, that time with James and Maria made me realize that I like boys _and_ girls."

"James and your father are idiots. That's not your only purpose in life, Lorin. We can have a normal relationship without sex."

"Are you _sure_ about that? Because I can take a _lot_ in my throat and- hey, we're almost home!" I blushed as I realized what she had been in the middle of saying before she interrupted herself. Fuck, this girl was a tease… I wondered how much of this she would even remember in the morning.

I took a deep breath as I stood outside our front door. How was I going to explain this to everyone? I had told them that we were just going to the park, and I've somehow come home with a drunk, horny Lorin who couldn't stop flirting. It was now or never, I guess. I turned the doorknob and walked in, wincing as I saw Herc and Angelica, the two people I wanted to see least of all. They were stood over Laurens, who was holding an ice pack to his face. What happened to him?

"Heyyyy, guys," Lorin slurred, looking over at our friends with glassy eyes. She probably hadn't noticed Laurens yet, or else she'd be freaking out. Probably. At this point, she was probably so far gone, she didn't care about anything but trying to get in my pants. "What's up?"

"Are you drunk?" Angelica and Herc asked at the same time. Laurens looked over at us, and I noticed for the first time that he had a black eye. Half of his face was bruised, his lip was split, and he was holding his side tightly. There was nothing but pure anger on his face as he walked over to us. _Shit_.

"Hey, John," Lorin smiled, kicking her feet again.. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. "You look like shit. Did you walk into a wall again?"

"Lorin, why the hell are you drunk? What the fuck have you two been doing?"

" _Nooothing_! Lexy's being a spoilsport and doesn't want to do anything fun. I even showed him my boobs and he didn't do _anything_ ," Lorin complained, biting my ear. What the hell? I flinched and looked back at her. She grinned cheekily at me and pointed lazily towards the stairs. "I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

I sighed and went upstairs before anyone could kill me. Lorin huffed as I put her on her bed. She scowled as she tried to take her heels off and smiled gratefully at me as I took them off for her. I took her hair down from its braid and looked for the brush. After about five minutes of looking, I finally found it in the bathroom (with no help from Lorin, who had just been cuddling her turtle).

"Lo, I got the brush- holy shit…" In the short time I had been in the bathroom, Lorin had managed to take her dress off, leaving her in nothing but her underwear. My eyes raked over her body, but kept going back to her chest. _She had to be at least a C cup..._ She really _was_ going to be the death of me…

"Lo, I'm not having sex with you tonight," I sighed as I sat next to her. Being drunk magnified her stubbornness and boldness. And most likely everything else about her. "You're way too drunk."

"But I want to," she whined, grabbing my hands and putting them on her breasts. I gave them a squeeze ( _damn, they were perfect)_ before remembering that she was drunk and pulled away. We couldn't do this now. "It's been _soooo_ long. Don't you want me?"

"More than you know, Lo. But I can't do this while you're drunk. That wouldn't be right."

"How about on my birthday, then? It's next month." She laid down in bed, putting her head on my lap, and yawned. She was asleep in seconds. I brushed some sweaty hair from her face and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Lorin."


	15. Chapter 14

**Happy Thursday, everyone! I've been writing basically non-stop these past few days and I've lost track of how much I've deleted and rewritten because I've been hating everything I do. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! ~Shaymie**

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 _Lorin's POV_

"Son of a _bitch_ ," I groaned, resting my head on the dining room table. My head was _killing_ me. It was a miracle I had even managed to get downstairs without falling over. Gil clicked his teeth and shook his head as he put a stack of pancakes in front of me and started texting someone. I sighed as I started to eat.

"You should not have drank a whole bottle of wine, _mon ami_ ," he frowned. I glared at him as he sat next to me. He was the one who gave it to us! What the hell did he think would happen? "Alexander said you got a little, erm, _wild_ last night."

I blushed. I knew what I was like when I was drunk, and I could remember bits and pieces from last night. I looked up as John came down the stairs, looking like a complete mess. I jumped from my chair and ran over to him, ignoring the dull thud I felt in the back of my head.

"What happened? Are you okay? Should we take you to the hospital? Where have you even _been_?"

"I'm fine, Lori. I just got in a fight yesterday," he shook me off and sat down at the table. I frowned and followed him. A fight? John was one of the most peaceful people I knew. He never fought anyone no matter how much they pissed him off. Who could make him so angry that he'd fight-

"Was it James?" His silence was all the confirmation I needed. So that's where he had been yesterday. Why the hell would he go after James, who had boxing classes three times a week? Was he just _asking_ to get his ass kicked? "Are you an idiot?"

"Are you seriously asking _me_ if I'm an idiot, Lori? You're fucking hungover! You got drunk at the park! What the hell were you thinking?" I flinched as he slammed his hands on the table and glared at me. He looked just like my father now. But John wasn't my father. He was _nothing_ like him. He wouldn't punish me for talking back… Would he?

"I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to have some fun…"

"And what if Alex had decided to have some fun with you, like James? You can't do stupid shit like that, Lori. You barely know the guy. And you're not exactly the brightest person when you're drunk. You're lucky he didn't do anything."

"Alex isn't-"

"'He's not like James'? Is that what you were going to say? I remember you saying the same thing about James and your father and look at how _that_ turned out! He was exactly the type of asshole you told me your father was! I mean, Christ, do you just go around opening your legs for anyone who pays you a compliment?" I heard Gil mutter a curse in French behind me, but I didn't turn to look at him. I could only stare at John, who now looked apologetic. It was a bit too late for that. Was that really what he thought about me? I cursed myself as tears rose up in my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of him.

"Go home, John," I heard Gil mutter angrily as he pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in his chest so they wouldn't see me crying. I hated being such a crybaby. I took deep breaths, breathing in the comforting scent of Gil's expensive cologne. It was the only thing keeping me grounded right now.

"Lori, I-"

"Go _home_ , John. Pack up your things and _leave_." Gil's voice was firm, his chest vibrating as he spoke. I didn't look up as I heard the scuff of John's shoes against the tile. A few seconds later I heard another set of footsteps and felt myself being passed off to someone else. I relaxed slightly when I smelled the familiar scent of coffee and paper.

Alex and Gil talked quickly and quietly in French, and I wished more than anything that I knew what they were saying. The only things I could pick up were my name and John's. I sniffled and closed my eyes as Alex wrapped his arms around me. I was tired, my head hurt, and I wanted more than anything to go back to sleep. I wished that this was just a nightmare, but it wasn't. John hated me. He thought I was a slut. He was the one person I thought would be on my side, but like usual, I was wrong. Was anyone really on my side? It was a miracle everyone hadn't dumped me immediately. I was nothing but a burden.

I looked up as John came down the stairs, carrying a gray duffle bag and his backpack. His face was unreadable. He shifted the backpack onto his shoulder and left without a word. Alex and Gil glared after him and sighed as he slammed the door behind him. He didn't even look at me. Was I so disgusting that he couldn't stand the sight of me?

"He hates me… I fucked things up with him just like I do with everyone else I care about. It's no wonder Mama got rid of me."

"Lo, you didn't do anything wrong. And I'm sure he doesn't hate you-"

"He looked like my dad earlier. You didn't see it, but he was mad. Furious, even. I thought he was going to hit me. He had every right to. I talked back to him. I was being a bad girl. I deserved it. He should have punished me. He should have _disciplined_ me," I shivered and smiled numbly as Alex hugged me closer, his hand rubbing my back gently. Talking back caused nothing but trouble. Talking back only got me punished. What was that thing people always say? " _Talk shit, get hit?"_ I had learned the hard way that it wasn't just a saying, it was a rule of life.

"Breathe, Lorin. It's okay. Nobody's going to punish you," Alex murmured, pulling me over to a chair. I took deep breaths and scratched at my wrists. If they weren't going to punish me, I'd have to find a way to do it myself. Knives were out-Gil had moved them to a high shelf and there was no way I could reach them on my own. Pills were a no go. James had confiscated my medicine when I had talked back to him. There had to be something I could do…

"I should punish myself, then. It's not that hard. If I can't cut, then I should just scratch myself enough to break skin. It's not nearly enough, but it'll have to do for now…" I muttered quietly to myself as I looked around frantically for something to use. There was nothing, absolutely nothing. Maybe I could-

"Lorin, stop!" I jumped as Gil grabbed my hands and held them tightly. His eyes were full of tears. He was crying? Why was he crying? He wasn't the one who needed to be punished. Was he scared to give out the punishment? He shouldn't have stopped me, then... "You don't need to be punished! You shouldn't _be_ punished! You… You don't have to hurt yourself!"

"James told me I deserve it. Maria told me I deserve it. My father said..." It was all I had known in life. Good girls got rewarded. They got showered in compliments and given the best of pleasures. They were safe. Bad girls didn't get any of that. They only got punishments and beatings. They had to get put in their place.

"They're not here right now, Lo!" Alex took a deep breath and brushed his hair back from his face. His hands were trembling as he leaned against the table. I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of tears in his eyes. "They can't hurt you anymore. You shouldn't get punished for _anything_. I don't even want to imagine what they did to you, but it won't happen ever again. As long as I'm alive, I'll make sure of it."

Gil and Alex made me stay home from school, even though I tried to tell them that tonight was the concert, and I couldn't perform if I didn't go to school. They refused to take no for an answer, which is how I ended up snuggled under layers of blankets and pillows in the living room while Alex watched over me. They didn't trust me enough to be alone.

Alex scribbled frantically in his notebook, balancing it precariously on his knee. I asked why we couldn't just go up to my room, where there was a desk, but he had gotten flustered and said that he could think better downstairs. Oh well. It was easier to watch him when we were on the same couch. It was always fun to watch Alex write. His eyebrows would scrunch up, his tongue slightly stuck out of his mouth, and occasionally he took the tip of the pen into his mouth as he tried to think of what to write next. He only ever wore his glasses when he was reading or writing, which I thought was a bit of a waste since they were pretty cute. I didn't know what he was writing, but figured it was none of my business. It was almost easy to forget what John had said...

" _Do you open your legs for anyone that pays you a compliment?"_ I only had a vague memory of last night. I remembered kissing Alex at the park, my chest pressed up against him. I remembered complaining when he wouldn't fuck me. I remembered desperately stripping, trying to get his attention, trying to make him _want_ me. Judging by the bulge in his jeans, I'd say he had wanted me a lot. But why didn't he take his opportunity, then? Any guy would be happy to have a horny, drunk girl willing to do whatever they wanted.

"Lo, your phone's ringing." I shook away the thoughts and looked down at the table in front of us. Alex wasn't like James, or any other guy I knew. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I managed to grab my phone before it vibrated off of the table. My fingers trembled slightly when I saw the name on the screen, and I took a deep breath before answering,

"Hi, Darcy."

" _Hey there, Lorin. Sorry I haven't called much lately. Dad's being… well, Dad."_

"What does that mean?" I frowned. I had only met Darcy's father a few times, when Mama needed someone to watch me while she "handled things" with Dad. Whenever I came back from their house over the weekend, she was always covered in an assortment of new bruises and could barely walk.

" _He kinda… Found out about Heather. He wasn't too happy when he found out that we were dating and he kicked me out. I was staying with Heather for a little while until she broke up with me. And my job fucking fired me! Now I'm the laughingstock of the town. It's no wonder Mama left this place when she had the chance. It's full of assholes,"_ she sighed. I heard her fingers tapping on something and twirled a bit of hair around my finger as I took in what my sister had said. She was currently homeless, in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. More specifically, a town that frowned on anyone who wasn't straight or white. I doubted anyone there would be willing to help an unemployed outed bisexual teenager who was known to sleep around a lot and wasn't afraid to let people know about it. They were probably running for the hills.

"What are you going to do, Dar?"

" _It's funny you ask. I'm kinda already in New York anyway. Actually, I'm on my way to your house."_

"What the hell, Darcy? A little bit of _warning_ would be nice!"

" _Ooh, gotta go! Talk to you later, Lori!"_ I blinked as my sister hung up on me and frowned. She was on her way here? _Now_? My sister was known for being impulsive and brash, but this was a completely different thing. This was sheer stupidity. How could she just pack up her life and go to another state out of nowhere?

"Who was that?" Alex asked, adjusting the blankets on my body slightly. He ignored the glare I gave him and set my phone back on the table. I wanted to be released from my fluffy prison, not locked up even tighter! How did he even managed to wrap _blankets_ so tightly? This had to be some form of torture. Was this his solution to stop me from hurting myself?

"That was my sister. Apparently she got kicked out and decided to come here, but she didn't tell me… I wish she would tell me before she did stuff like this. I mean, I didn't even get to tell George and Martha and now she's already on her way here." I yawned as I finished speaking and put my head on Alex's shoulder. I was still sleepy from this morning, and I still had a bit of a headache. I knew I should have been getting up so I could make myself look somewhat presentable for my sister, but my cocoon was too comfortable, and I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

"Do you want to take a nap until she gets here? I'll wake you up." I nodded and closed my eyes as Alex started humming under his breath. I fell asleep as he started braiding my hair.


	16. Chapter 15

**Happy Saturday, lovelies! This is the last chapter I've prewritten, so if any future updates are late, it's because I have to write the chapter. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

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 _Darcy's POV_

" _Daddy yells at Mama a lot." I frowned down at my little sister, who was turning a doll over in her hand, her tiny little nose crinkling up. Lori was tiny, even for an eight year-old, and sometimes I thought she would break if I so much as sneezed on her. She was so small that whenever she stayed over for the weekend (which seemed to happen more often lately), she could squeeze right in next to me on my bed._

" _What does he say?"_

" _He… says a lot of bad words." Lori put the doll down and looked up at me, her stormy eyes sparkling with tears. "A-And then he takes her to their bedroom. I always hear a lot of weird noises and something hitting the wall. I'm scared, Darcy. Mama keeps saying that it's fine because Daddy loves her, but she's always getting hurt!"_

" _Does he hit her?" Lori nodded, her bottom lip quivering. I pulled her into a hug and patted her back. Dad's new girlfriend used to date someone like that, until she finally decided to leave him. Why couldn't Mama do the same? "Does he hit_ _ **you**_ _?"_

" _N-No… He… He makes me touch his thingy… He said it was my job to make him feel good when Mama can't." Her hands tangled painfully in my hair as she hugged me. I opened my mouth to say something, but for once in my life, I was speechless. Wasn't that illegal? Couldn't he go to_ _ **jail**_ _for this? Lorin was only eight, she had no business doing something like that. I didn't even know if she knew what she was doing was wrong._

" _It's alright, Lori. He won't hurt you ever again."_

"Penny for your thoughts?" I looked up as someone sat in front of me and nearly choked on my coffee as I looked into the most beautiful pair of chocolate brown eyes I'd ever seen. Actually, everything about this girl was beautiful, from her perfectly tanned skin that was free from any blemishes (they were probably hidden by makeup, but I couldn't imagine her with any kind of blemish), to her lips, which were painted a majestic red. Even her voice was seductive, smooth and easy to listen to.

"Oh, uh… I was just thinking about my sister. I'm visiting her."

"What's her name?" I felt my face grow hot as this beautiful person smiled at me, her mouth curling up in a playful grin. New York really _was_ different than Texas! I hadn't even been here two hours and I was already getting hit on! This would have never happened back at home.

"Lorin… Oh, I haven't even told you my name yet! My name's Darcy," I extended a hand out to her and felt a chill go down my spine when her hand touched mine. I had to pull myself together. She was just a girl. A pretty, flirtatious, New York girl, but a girl nonetheless.

"My name's Maria." She released my hand and leaned lazily on the table, twirling a perfectly curled bit of hair around her manicured finger. "Is your sister as cute as you? Because I love a girl with freckles. I think they're really cute."

"It was nice to meet you, Maria. Uh, I have to go. My sister's waiting for me." I downed the rest of my coffee and grabbed my bags, squeaking as she grabbed my hand. She took a pen from her purse and uncapped it with her mouth, and I watched as she wrote her number on my palm. Was everyone in New York so straightforward?

I stared at my hand as I left the coffee shop and walked towards Lori's house. _Maria Lewis..._ I smiled as I saved the number in my phone. I could tell that I was going to like this city already. I spent the entire walk texting Maria and silently celebrated as she not-so-subtly hinted that she was single and very ready to mingle.

Before I knew it, I was at Lori's gigantic house, which I had always thought was too big for such a small family. It was just the Washingtons, Lori, Lafayette, and some new guy that Lori barely told me anything about. The last time she had mentioned him was a month ago when she called him the biggest, flirtatious asshole she had ever met. And I had the misfortune of meeting Thomas Jefferson the last time I visited.

"Here goes nothing," I sighed as I knocked on the door. I put my phone in my pocket and blinked as the door opened… and it wasn't Lori or Lafayette. This must be… What was his name again? Oh yeah, Alexander. He looked exhausted, and I noticed he was holding a cup of coffee in his hand. His hair was tied back in a sloppy bun, and there was a pen tucked behind his ear. _Really selling the "tortured artist" look… Or just the hobo look._

"Um, is Lorin here right now?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded and opened the door a bit wider, pushing his glasses up his nose. I walked into the house and saw my sister curled up on the couch asleep, wrapped up tightly in a bundle of blankets. Well, that answered my question.

"She's taking a nap right now. You're Darcy, right? I was going to wake her up when you got here, but I think she needs the rest." I set my stuff down and sat next to Lorin on the couch. I put her head on my lap and brushed some hair away from her face. My eyes filled with tears as I looked down at her. It had been over a year since I'd seen her, and I didn't realize how much I had missed her until now.

"That's me. And I'm assuming you're Alexander. Where's Lafayette?"

"You can just call me Alex," he sighed, flopping down onto an armchair. He grabbed a notebook from the table and starting flipping through it, grabbing the pen from his ear. "Laf's still at school, I think. He stays after school a lot. Lo had to stay home today because she wasn't feeling well."

"What's wrong with her?" I put a hand on her forehead and frowned. She didn't feel warm, and she looked perfectly fine.

"...Has she told you anything about James?" I shook my head. Lori didn't really tell me much about what was going on in her life. I couldn't help but worry about her. She seemed to hate telling people if something was wrong. I blame the family she had stayed with before the Washingtons. She hadn't had a problem before then.

"It's kind of a long story, and I don't even know most of it, so maybe it's not so long after all. Some time last year, she started dating an asshole named James Reynolds. All of our friends said that they knew he was bad news, but Lo's impossibly stubborn. He… He started to hit her and make her do stuff she didn't really want to do. And she just _took it_. She thought-"

"She thought he loved her, didn't he? He sounds just like her father." Alex nodded and started twirling the pen around nervously. There was more, wasn't it? What kind of trouble could my sweet little sister have gotten herself into? I would have thought she would have learned something from Mama's relationship with her father.

"She started thinking that she deserved to be punished… to be _disciplined_. Somewhere along the line, he had met another girl and she entered their relationship. I think Lo's scared of her even more than she is of James. But… Those fuckers, they… God, they raped her! They used her like a fucking sex toy! They hurt her… She still has marks from it."

I saw her arm peeking out through her blanket cocoon and felt sick to my stomach as I saw the scars. There were dozens of them, some more prominent than others. What the hell had they done to her? How could she have let it get so bad? Even Mama knew when to leave her shitty boyfriend when he took things too far. Why couldn't Lori have had the same kind of self-preservation?

"Is she still with him… Them? I'll fucking kill them." I tucked Lori back into her cocoon and kissed her forehead. I should have known something was up with her when she suddenly refused to do video calls anymore. The thought of her being treated just like Mama had-way worse, even-sickened me. I wish I could have been here for her. Some big sister I was.

"No. I'm not sure when it happened, but she broke up with him. He had been texting her up until a month ago, when she asked me to block him for her. The texts he and Maria sent her were sickening."

"How so?" There was no way it was the same Maria I'd met earlier, was it? New York was a big city, and that was a pretty common name. But that would explain why she had been so interested in knowing what Lori's name was. We looked so similar, she probably recognized us as sisters. No way. It had to just be a coincidence.

"I didn't want you to find out about them..." I looked down at Lori as she spoke and helped her sit up. How long had she been awake? How much had she heard? I knew how much she hated being talked about.

"You should have told me the second he laid his hands on you! What exactly did they do to you?"

"They didn't do anything that I didn't deserve." Lori wiggled in her fluffy straitjacket, her eyebrows furrowing. I reached out a hand to help her out, but stopped when Alex shook his head. Was this his way of getting her to not hurt herself? "I talked back to them. I shouldn't have done that. James loved me. And I loved him… Love him? I don't know anymore. I love Alex more than I did James, and he doesn't hit me."

"You two are dating?" I asked, snickering as Alex's face had gotten red when Lori said she loved him. Ah, young love… Wait, she was changing the subject! We weren't here to talk about her _new_ boyfriend!

"Lori, what they did to you was fucked up. He treated you like your father treated Mama. Didn't you know how wrong that was? Didn't you know that he was hurting you? He didn't love you, sweetie. And you didn't deserve any of what they did to you! Have you told the police? Have you told _anybody_?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that? It's too late, now. It won't do any good. It's in the past and if I said anything about it now, I'd look like the desperate ex-girlfriend looking for attention. Can we please just leave it alone?" Lori huffed and glared at the wall. Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I had a feeling he had been hearing this argument a lot. When Lori had her mind set on something, it was impossible to get her to change it.

"Fine. We won't go to the police. Hell, we won't even make you go to a _therapist_ ," I glared at Alex. Where the hell was he going with this? We had to do something! "But Lo, you have to talk to us. We're here for you. We won't hate you or judge you or anything."

"That's what John said. He was the only person I told about Dad, aside from Darcy. Nobody else knew about him and… and now John hates me!" John Laurens, the turtle loving freak? He was Lori's best friend. He couldn't possibly hate her. I wasn't even sure he was capable of getting angry.

"Laurens is an idiot. He was mad and he just took it out on you. I'm sure he'll be back here apologizing in no time."

"Like James? He always yelled at me and then he'd apologize and… and then after that, the hitting started. And the same thing happened with Dad. I don't… I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to be _used_ again." Lori sniffled as tears started forming in her eyes. She reached a hand up to wipe them away, and my blood boiled as I caught a glimpse of an angry red mark on it. What had they done to her?

"Lori, I know John," I said gently, brushing some frizzy hair back from her face. "I don't know what kind of argument you two had before I got here, but I can guarantee that he doesn't hate you. He's absolutely _nothing_ like your father. He's probably beating himself up, thinking of some way to apologize."

Lori's phone started vibrating with a barrage of texts. She grabbed it from the table, and I saw that all of the texts were from John's sister Martha (or as we all called her, Mattie, to differentiate between her and Mrs. Washington). Lori's face paled as she read the texts, and she struggled to free the rest of her body from the blankets. How tight _were_ they, anyway?

"Lo, what's wrong?" Alex got up and helped her get out. I frowned as pillows fell out. That explained why she couldn't get out by herself. She trembled as she showed him her phone.

"John's in the hospital. His dad beat him up."


	17. Chapter 16

**Happy Monday, lovelies! This should be filed under "chapters that I've rewritten a billion times", because this was a hard one to write. Next chapter is John's birthday (and Lorin's return to school). Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you'd like to see happen on Lorin's birthday, which is exactly a week after John's! (And I've just realized that the days don't really match the irl dates in this fanfic, but whatever, it's fiction). ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"Lori, are you sure Lafayette will be okay with us taking his car?" Darcy frowned as she twirled Gil's keys around her finger. I nodded and got dressed as fast as I could. She was the only one of us who could drive, and the bus would take way too long. Gil was already at the hospital with everyone else since Herc had given him a ride from school. I didn't care if John hated me, I refused to sit around at home. I had to see him.

"He'll be fine with us borrowing it," I grunted as I pulled my boots on. I laced them up with shaky fingers and grabbed my gift for John from underneath my bed. It was going to be his birthday present, seeing as his birthday was on Monday, but it would have to do as a "sorry for getting you kicked out, please don't hit me" present instead.

"Okay… So what's the deal with you and Alex?" I blushed as I saw the catlike grin on my sister's face. She was the queen of changing the subject, and we had made an oath when we were little that'd we'd tell the other about anybody we dated. I guess I hadn't kept up my side of the promise.

"Don't go quiet on me now, Lori. I saw the hickeys on his neck earlier. He should really do a better job of covering them up. When did you two start dating?" Darcy asked as she sat next to me. My face grew hotter. I had given him hickeys? How many were there? How bad were they? _Why did I let myself get so drunk last night?_

"We've been together for a month. We actually started dating a couple days after we met."

"My little sister isn't so little anymore," she giggled, hugging me. She rubbed her cheek against my face and put her hands on my chest. I blushed. Why was my sister so forward all the time? "And in more ways than one. Your boobs are _huge_ , Lori! They're bigger than mine! You got more than Mama than just the freckles!"

"You have her freckles, too," I said as she started playing with the ends of my hair. Wait, that was it? She wasn't going to lecture me about how I should start dating someone I barely knew, especially after what had happened with James? Then again, she wasn't anything like John… John. _John!_

"We have to get to the hospital, Darcy! I'll talk to you about Alex later!" I ran out of the room and back downstairs, bumping into Alex as I reached the bottom step. He put a hand on my shoulder to steady me and smiled as he handed me a sandwich. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until just now.

"Thank you," I said as I started to eat. I choked on the sandwich when I noticed the purplish marks on his neck. He patted my back and frowned. How had Darcy noticed before he did? I swallowed my bite before speaking again. "Um, Alex, you have a… um…"

"What's up, Lo?"

"You have like a dozen hickeys," Darcy said from behind me. I stepped aside so she could get down the stairs. She smirked as she passed us. "You might want to put a hoodie on or something. I'll be in the car."

The drive to the hospital was basically an interrogation. Darcy asked Alex countless questions, like how old he was (17, which led to the question of how we had some classes together and why he wasn't a grade above me), his birthday (January 11), and where he was from (somewhere in the Caribbean, he had been vague, which was a first for him). We both got embarrassed when she asked how many kids we were thinking of having. We had barely been dating for a month, and _that's_ one of the things she thinks of asking?

I got more anxious as we got closer to the hospital. What was I thinking? John had to hate me. I was probably the last person he wanted to see. He was probably still mad. I hadn't even given him a day to calm down, and yet here I was, about to throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness.

I didn't deserve to be forgiven. I was the reason he was hurt. If I hadn't let James walk all over me, he wouldn't have tried to fight him. If I hadn't talked back to him, Gil wouldn't have kicked him out and he wouldn't have had to go back home to his shitty dad. It was my fault. My fault. _My fault…_

"Breathe, Lo," I heard Alex say as he started rubbing calming circles on my back. I gasped for air and felt my hands tangle in my hair. Alex unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled me into his lap, which I was pretty sure was illegal. Couldn't do I anything without being a bother? Alex had to be done with me by now. I didn't deserve his loving touches and gentle kisses. I deserved to be punished. I should be punished. Why hadn't he punished me? Didn't he know that it was his job to punish me when I misbehaved?

Alex pulled my hands from my hair and kept a hand on my wrists before I could start scratching. His other hand was on my back, holding me steady as Darcy sped towards the hospital. I focused on my breathing, trying to not lose consciousness like I had at school. I had to stop being a burden on everyone. I timed my breaths with Alex's counting as my head rested on his chest. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep freaking out like this every time something didn't go my way or whenever I messed something up. God, why couldn't I just be _normal?_ Why was I such a freak?

"Are you sure he won't be mad?" I asked as Darcy parked the car. Alex nodded and helped me get out, handing me John's gift from the front seat. Darcy heaved a sigh as she climbed out and gripped the keys tightly.

"I'm _never_ driving that thing again. Why is it so _fast_?"

"You could have eased up on the gas a bit, Darcy." I looked up at Alex and frowned as I saw a bit of purple peeking out from underneath his hoodie, but chose to not say anything about it. It wasn't really that noticeable unless you were looking for it.

"There's no fun in that," Darcy huffed, rolling her eyes. "We should go inside instead of just standing around here. It's cold."

"Welcome to New York, Darcy. It actually has _seasons_ instead of constant heat."

"I see why you never visit," she grinned, following me and Alex into the hospital. I checked my last text from Mattie to get John's room number and screamed as something barreled into me and knocked me over. I felt the eyes of everyone in the waiting room on me as I rubbed the back of my head. The Schuylers had different levels of concern on their faces, Gil looked amused, and Herc was nowhere to be seen.

"Sorry, Lori!" I blinked up at Mattie and took her hand, letting her pull me up. She chuckled nervously and patted me on the shoulder. She looked almost exactly like John, from the freckles to the dark curly hair. Even her laugh sounded like his. "It's been like forever since I've seen you. I've missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Mattie," I laughed. I used to spend a lot of time over at the Laurens house, until their mother left with the younger kids a year ago. She had been the only one who could protect me from their father. He was one of the many people I froze up in front of. I tried talking to him, but he was just too intimidating. And it didn't help that I was the daughter of one of his political enemies. He probably hated my guts.

"I'm glad you're here. John's been yelling at me to call you so he could apologize, even though I _told_ him you have every right to want to be left alone. He wouldn't take no for an answer." Mattie sighed and grabbed my arm. I let her pull me towards the elevator and let the words sink in. John… wanted to apologize to _me_? I had called him an idiot. I had talked back. If anyone needed to apologize, it was me!

"He's… He's not mad at me?" I asked, my voice trembling as I tucked the gift under my arm. I took my hair into my mouth and frowned as I chewed on it. Mattie shook her head and pressed the elevator button. I tapped my foot nervously and tried to think of what to say.

"John told me about your argument. Gilbert had every right to kick him out, you know. He took it too far. He shouldn't have said that about you. I know he's mad because you started dating Alexander, but he shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"He's mad that I'm dating Alex?" I frowned. I hadn't noticed anything different about him. Why would he not like me dating Alex? And why would he not talk to me about it? He was one of the most open people I knew.

"Shit," she hissed under her breath. She sighed and shrugged. What was going on? "I… guess I should tell you if he won't. John likes you, Lorin. And I mean, _like_ likes you. He's probably liked you ever since you guys met. He wouldn't shut up about Gilbert's 'cute new sister' when you first moved here."

"He… likes me? Why didn't he tell me?"

"You had started dating James and he saw that you were happy with him. He didn't want to get in the way of that. After you broke up with him, he thought that it would be too soon to make a move. You know how awkward that idiot is. He probably didn't know how to tell you. And now you're dating Alexander, and he didn't want to ruin that, either. He's probably going to kick my ass for telling you this, but _someone_ had to. C-Can you let him down easy, Lori? That's all I'm asking."

I nodded numbly as the elevator doors opened and let Mattie pull me towards John's room. I felt tears well up in my eyes. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so _selfish_? How could I have not known that John liked me? This past year must have been terrible for him, having to watch me be with someone that he clearly hated. God, he must have thought that I was showing off the fact that I was with anyone but him.

"Here we are. I'm pretty sure Dad's not here right now. He probably went back to work, so you're free to talk to John all you want." Mattie opened the door and walked me into the room. I held back a gasp as I saw John. His hair was down, surrounding his head in a dark fluffy cloud. He looked even worse than he had this morning, his face completely covered in bruises. His black eye somehow looked twice as swollen, and there was some kind of plaster or gauze on his nose. The rest of his body was hidden by blankets, but I could assume it was as black and blue as his face.

"Lori! I didn't think you'd show up!" John perked up as he saw me and tried to sit up, wincing and wrapping an arm around himself. Mattie rolled her eyes and walked over to her brother. She helped him sit up and fluffed the pillows behind his back.

"U-Um… I'm sorry! If Gil hadn't kicked you out, you wouldn't be in the hospital right now…" I walked to his bed hesitantly and held out his gift to him. "I-I know your birthday isn't for a few more days, but I thought this would make a better get-well-soon gift than a birthday present. Do you forgive me?"

"You got him a turtle encyclopedia? As if he wasn't obsessed enough!" Mattie sighed, looking at the gigantic book. John smiled at me as he accepted it, but I couldn't help but notice a bit of sadness in his eyes. Had I done something wrong? Was my apology not enough?

"I love it, Lori… But I'm the one who should be apologizing. I was in a shitty mood and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have said any of that to you. I didn't mean any of it, I swear! I know Alex is nothing like James, and I shouldn't have mentioned your father, and you're the furthest thing from a… a slut. I'm so sorry... You're free to slap me or yell at me or whatever."

"I… I won't yell at you. And I'll accept your apology if you accept mine. We were both being dumb earlier. I was tired and hungover and you weren't in the best of moods. Y-You didn't mean what you said, did you?"

"Of course not! And I accept your completely unnecessary apology," John grinned goofily at me and put the book on the table next to the bed. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and hugged him, taking care to not grab him _too_ tightly. I didn't even know how bad he was hurt.

I looked up as the door opened and felt my heart stop as John's father walked in. His eyes narrowed when he saw me hugging John, and I quickly pulled away, my face burning hot. I backed myself into the corner and stared at my hands awkwardly as John got lectured about holding his own in a fight and how he should learn to defend himself, and did he have any _idea_ how expensive hospital bills were.

"And what is this mute bitch doing here?" Henry asked, glaring at me. I squeaked and turned my gaze back to the ground. I should have left, but I felt frozen. Mattie grabbed my hand and stood in front of me, almost as if she was shielding me from her father. I started scratching at my arms. If anyone was capable of punishing me, it was Henry Laurens.

"Leave her alone, Dad. She's my friend." John glared at his father and crossed his arms. I felt myself shrink underneath Henry's judgmental gaze. The edges of his mouth turned up in a smirk as he looked at me, and I felt myself grow cold as he took a step towards me.

"I can see why you like her, Jack," he murmured, his eyes going down to my chest. I flushed as Mattie pushed me behind her, though I was already pressed up against the wall. There wasn't really anywhere else I could go. "Nice face, big tits… Her personality just leaves a bit to be desired. Couldn't you go for someone more… perky?"

"Your personality leaves a _lot_ to be desired," John and I muttered at the same time. I felt my face grow hotter and looked away from Henry. Of all the things to say when I finally manage to open my big, fat mouth in front of him, _that's_ what I say? I bit back a smile at the fact that John and I had the same response.

"She's as much of a smart-ass as you," Henry spat out venomously, his eyes narrowing into slits. We stared at each other for a few seconds until he stormed out of the room, muttering something about "insolent kids" under his breath. Mattie and John burst out into laughter after the door slammed shut behind him, John wincing as he laughed.

"I can't believe you said that, Lori! I can't believe you _talked_ to him," Mattie giggled. I pushed down the panic bubbling up in my chest and managed to force a smile onto my face. If they weren't worried about this, then I shouldn't be either. Besides, when would I ever have to see their father again? I was staying as far away from him as possible from now on.

My smile faded as I remembered what Mattie had told me in the elevator. John liked me. He had liked me ever since we'd met, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn't know what to do. Do I apologize or act like I don't even know? Shitty teenage movies hadn't prepared me for this.


	18. Chapter 17

**Happy Thursday, lovelies! This is yet another chapter that got split into two because why not? Next chapter will be John's birthday party, and after that is Halloween. Planning everyone's Halloween costumes will be fun. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Just ignore them," I whispered in Lorin's ear as we walked towards our first period English class, twenty-five minutes early like usual. Our teacher left the door open so people could come in and work on homework last minute if they needed to. Lorin whimpered as everyone stared at us. Since when did people start showing up _early_ for school? I hadn't wanted her to come to school until the gossip had died down, but like usual, she was ridiculously stubborn and refused to listen to me. I grabbed her hand and rubbed my thumb on the back of it.

"But they're all staring. Did Lee tell everyone?" I grit my teeth and nodded. I was prepared to kick the shit out of him again (and so was Herc, who wanted to get a few hits in for Laurens, who was still slightly beat up), but the little weasel hadn't shown up to school since last week. I bit back a groan as I saw Jefferson lounging in front of the door to the classroom, just as he had been on my first day here. I still couldn't understand how Lorin had forgiven him for basically sending her into a panic attack. I raised an eyebrow as I saw him with someone I didn't recognize. He seemed like one of those stuck-up kind of guys, considering the fact that he was wearing what looked like a uniform… for a school that doesn't require uniforms.

"We have a new student, Hamilton," Jefferson said lazily, picking at his nails, which I noticed were painted a deep purple. Lorin had painted them over the weekend when he and Madison were over at our house, watching over the tape of the choir concert. I had a feeling she could convince anyone to do anything with a perfectly-timed set of puppy dog eyes.

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"You're the 'class representative', remember? It's your responsibility to show him around." His voice was sarcastic as he put air quotes around "class representative". I knew he was bitter because I had beat him for the job. He hated losing at anything, which made debate club fun. Seeing him pout after every lost argument was incredible. His eyes softened when he saw Lorin, who was trembling at the idea of me leaving her alone. "I'll make sure nobody messes with her."

Lorin frowned slightly as she walked over to Jefferson and ran a hand through her hair nervously. I kissed her on the forehead and gestured for the new guy to follow me. I should hurry up and get this dumb tour over with. I hadn't thought I'd actually have to _do_ things as the class representative.

"You're the class representative?" he asked as he followed me, somewhat reluctantly. I nodded as I walked towards the library, our first stop on the tour. It only occurred to me to ask his name as we approached the glass doors of the library.

"I'm probably going to sound stupid for asking you this now, but what's your name? Jefferson didn't exactly introduce us."

"Aaron Burr," he extended a hand and nodded. I shook his hand and tried not to wince. The guy had an impossibly strong grip for someone so scrawny. "But you can just call me Burr. Everyone does."

"Alexander Hamilton. You can call me Alex."

I spent the next twenty minutes showing Burr around the school. The entire time, I couldn't help but notice people's' eyes on me, judging me. I didn't even want to think about the kinds of things they would say to Lorin and prayed that Jefferson really was keeping an eye on her and not sitting on his ass texting Madison. If he wasn't bothering Lorin, he was making googly eyes at his boyfriend. I was starting to think they were the only two people in school who could stand being around him.

"Is there any reason everyone's staring at you?" Burr asked as we left the cafeteria. It wasn't really a necessary part of the tour, but I was hungry. I feigned ignorance and shrugged as I shoved a donut into my mouth so I wouldn't have to answer. I didn't want Burr to know anything about Lorin, though I doubted he was the gossiping type. He seemed like anything but.

"Hey Alexander, is Lorin as good in bed as Charles said?" I glared as we passed George King, who was the most pompous asshole in school. He loved gossip just as much as he loved being a douche to those he thought weren't worth his time. The only person at school who liked him was Samuel Seabury, an infamous ass-kisser who followed him like a lost puppy.

"Eat a dick, King," I groaned, shoving my napkins into a nearby trashcan and quickening my pace. How was I going to get through today? School hadn't even started yet and I was already being hounded!

"It seems your girlfriend's done enough of that." I hated that cocky smirk on his face. I hated hearing the grin in his voice. I wanted nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face, but I had promised Lorin that I wouldn't get in anymore fights, though I wouldn't call what happened with Lee a fight. She was scared of me getting hurt or getting into some kind of trouble I couldn't talk my way out of. So I had no choice but to leave the cafeteria, Burr following closely behind. We walked back to class silently. It was a good thing we had the same class. I couldn't imagine having to escort him back to a different class and having to walk all the way across the school to go back to mine.

"It's about time, Hamilton," Jefferson sighed dramatically as I walked through the door. He pointed over at Lorin, who was sitting at her usual seat in the back, her head on her desk. She twitched slightly when she heard Jefferson acknowledge me, but didn't look up. He lowered his voice as he finished speaking. "I did everything I could, but you can only stop idiots from gossiping for so long. They finally stopped when I had Hercules come in and threaten to pummel the shit out of them."

"You went all the way across the school to get Herc?" How had I not seen him? I was pretty sure we had passed the theater room on our walk around the school. With his obnoxiously sequined jacket and crazy afro, I was pretty sure it was impossible to miss him.

"Well, both of us did. She had to tell me where he was, and I wasn't going to leave her alone in here. But that's enough talking. You should make sure she's alright. She won't talk to me anymore." I nodded and walked over to her, plopping down into the seat in front of her. She looked up when I tapped my fingers on her desk. Class hadn't even started yet and she already looked exhausted, her eyes drooping and rimmed with red. It probably didn't help much that yesterday had been her first "counseling session", since she refused to go to an actual therapist. Angelica had gently, yet firmly told her to tell us everything about James and Maria.

"How are you holding up, Lo?" I asked, pushing some hair back from her face. She rolled her eyes and scoffed. I frowned. That wasn't much of an answer. Or maybe that was all the answer I needed. What was I expecting for her to say, that everything was fine? "Look on the bright side. After school, we can start setting up for Laurens' birthday party."

She hummed and put her head back down, pulling her hood over it. The parts of her face that weren't hidden by her arms were covered by her hair. This wasn't good. It was never a good thing when she stopped talking. Normally she would have some kind of snarky comment or something.

"She's been like that since Hercules left," Jefferson sighed, sitting next to me. "I would have thought that she would talk to you, Hamilton."

She was silent the rest of the school day. Eliza, Laf, Madison, and Jefferson kept me updated on what happened in the classes I didn't have with her. People wouldn't stop talking about her, even when she was two feet away from them. According to them, she hadn't spoken a single word. She didn't show up to lunch or the other two classes we had together. I didn't see her again until after school, fifteen minutes after debate club ended (and the meeting had gone on even _longer_ than normal, which was saying something), when Peggy dragged her out of the school.

"Lo, are you okay?" I asked as they walked over to us. I noticed for the first time that she was soaking wet, her hair dripping down her back. She was wearing a different hoodie than she had earlier, Peggy's I assumed. Peggy huffed as I pulled Lorin into a hug, trying to warm her up. She was shivering, and the fact that it was a cold, windy day wasn't helping much. "What the hell happened? Where have you been?"

"Lorin came by the gym to hang out with me since _you_ weren't answering your phone. The other girls on the cheerleading squad thought it would be funny if they dumped the leftover ice water from the cooler on her. I didn't even know they were going to do it until I heard the splash." I flinched at the accusatory tone in her voice. I put my phone on silent during debate club meetings, and this particular meeting had gone on extra long since Burr had been getting "inducted", which really meant that Angelica had an excuse to ramble on for thirty extra minutes. The meeting would have probably never started in the first place if Jefferson hadn't told her to wrap it up so we could actually _do_ something.

"Shit, I'm sorry! The meeting went on longer than I thought it would, and Angelica has a 'no phones allowed' policy. Let's go home, okay Lo?" She nodded wordlessly as I wrapped my arm around her. Peggy handed me Lorin's backpack and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that she could keep the hoodie, before she went back into the school, most likely to wait for Angelica. I texted Laf and asked if he could pick us up. I didn't feel comfortable walking home like this.

"You were right, Alex. I shouldn't have come to school today. Everyone's horrible… Those girls asked if I still liked getting wet before they poured the water on me. I thought they would have forgotten everything over the weekend, but I was wrong…" Lorin's teeth chattered as she spoke. I took the hairtie from my hair and pulled her wet hair back into a bun so it wasn't in her face. She sniffled and wrapped her arms around herself. I should have done more to try and stop her from coming to school. Maybe Angelica could have convinced her better. She wasn't captain of debate club for nothing.

"I'm so sorry, Lo. I wish I could have stopped them," I said, frowning as she sneezed. At this rate, she was going to get sick. I should have told Laf to hurry up. I noticed a scratch mark just below her eye and lifted her chin so I could see it better. She turned her eyes away from mine. Why hadn't Peggy said anything about it? Had she not seen it?

"Lo, what happened to your eye?"

"O-One of the cheerleaders slapped me because I wouldn't talk to her. And then they poured the water on me. I didn't mention it to Peggy because I didn't think it was a big deal, and she was kind of busy fighting one of them. It doesn't hurt much, really." She flinched as I ran my thumb over the scratch and pushed my hand away. I sighed as she looked away from me. I wish she wouldn't downgrade everything that happened to her like it was nothing. How could she think it was okay for people to hurt her?

I looked up as Laf finally showed up, along with Laurens and Darcy. Lorin climbed into the car silently, shrugging when Laurens asked what had happened. She sighed as I got in after her and looked out the window. She hadn't been talking to Laurens much after they had made up. She used to spend the nights without me talking to him on the phone for hours on end, until one of them inevitably fell asleep.

"What do you want to do for your birthday, Lori?" Darcy asked after several awkward minutes of silence. She nudged her sister and grinned, earning the tiniest of smiles from her. "There's only a week left until you turn seventeen, you know. Are you going to see an R-rated movie? Or maybe _finally_ learn how to drive?"

 _Lorin's birthday is next week?_ She had told me it was next month! Granted, she had been drunk and didn't really mention a specific _date_. Why hadn't anyone told me sooner? I had to think of something to do. I didn't want anyone to know that I hadn't known when my girlfriend's birthday was.

"Isn't it a bit early to worry about that? It's still John's birthday," Lorin murmured, looking at Laurens in the front seat. She smiled at him and leaned forward, planting a kiss on his cheek. He blushed and looked away. Lorin's eyes widened slightly, and she looked away, gnawing on her bottom lip nervously. I brushed some wet strands of hair from her face and gently tugged her lip from her mouth. Sometimes I worried that she would chew right through it.

"We're already _doing_ stuff for John's birthday, but we don't know what we're doing for yours. Lori, we can't do _nothing_ for your birthday. Right, Lafayette?" Darcy gripped the back of Laf's seat and huffed dramatically as she narrowed her bright green eyes at her sister. Lorin rolled her eyes and put her head on my shoulder. I noticed Laurens narrow his eyes slightly as he looked at us through the rearview mirror. Oh great.


	19. Chapter 18

**Hello, lovelies! It's me again, with your regularly schedule chapter! Oh, I'd like to say that I edited the intro to this story just a tiny bit because what I had before was trash, so check it out if you feel like it. It doesn't really change that much. Anyway, hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! The next one is Halloween! ~Shaymie**

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Lorin dashed upstairs to change into dry clothes the second Laf pulled up to our house. I could tell she was thankful to get away from the birthday talk. Laf and I helped Laurens into the house since he was still sore, but he pulled away from me the second we walked in. I flinched at the fire in his hazel eyes and let Darcy and Laf help him to the couch. Laurens was definitely jealous of me because I was dating Lorin, and I could only hope that he wouldn't take it out on her more than he already had.

"Alex," Eliza hissed, poking her head out from the kitchen. Her hair was tied back from her face, and she had frosting all over the light blue apron she was wearing. She gestured wildly for me to come over and shoved something into my hands. I vaguely recognized it as one of those things I'd see chefs on TV use to put frosting on a cake. Eliza pointed at a turtle-shaped cake on the counter and sighed.

"Can you help me write on the cake? My hands are too shaky, and your handwriting is way better than mine." She wiped at her forehead with the back of her hand and glared at the cake. "That stupid thing took hours, and your brother wasn't much help. He just texted Peggy the entire time while I did all the work! Mattie held my phone for me so I could read the recipe, but she left to get the pizzas with Herc."

"You _made_ that? Why didn't you just buy a cake from the store?"

"Because no bakery made turtle-shaped cakes, at least not on such short notice! And a cake with turtles on it wasn't nearly as cute! Do you have any idea how much I had to scroll through Pinterest for a tutorial on making a turtle cake?" I looked around the kitchen, which was a mess of flour and frosting. Has Eliza been working on this cake since school ended?

"Uh… What do you want on the cake?"

"Just 'Happy birthday John' would be nice. Can you write it on the shell?" I nodded and walked over to the cake. It was incredibly well-done, and ironically looked like something you _would_ get at a bakery. She had gotten the details on the shell extremely accurate. I piped out the message in my best handwriting and set the bag down. Eliza smiled and gave me a hug.

"I'm going to check on Lo," I said as I pulled away from the hug. She nodded and rolled her sleeves up as she started cleaning up the mess. I went upstairs and stopped outside of Lorin's door as I heard music coming from her room, and her quiet, beautiful voice singing along. My hand stopped just before I knocked. This could probably be my only chance to hear her sing, since she refused to do it in front of me. What was the point of her being in choir if she didn't want to sing in front of other people?

The room was silent for a few seconds as a different song started playing. I recognized it from The Sound of Music, which had been one of my mother's favorite movies. Even though she wasn't singing along anymore, Lorin was still humming as she did whatever it was she was doing. Now was as good a time as any to come in with a little surprise, though I prayed that she wasn't still getting dressed.

" _I am seventeen, going on eighteen. I'll take care of you,"_ I sang along as I opened the door. Lorin squeaked and dropped the stuffed bear she had been dancing with, her face bright red. Thankfully she was dressed, having changed into a fluffy blue sweater and gray skirt. Her feet were in mismatched socks that were equally as fluffy as the sweater. Her hair was still slightly damp and pulled back into a high ponytail.

"W-What are you doing? Don't you knock? You… you know this song? You can _sing?_ "

"I'm not anywhere as good as you," I said as I nodded and grinned as I walked over to her. Her face was as red as a tomato as I pulled her into my arms and danced around with her. She smiled up at me nervously. Fuck, her freckled cheeks were even more precious with a blush spread across it.

" _I am sixteen, going on seventeen. I know that I'm naive,"_ she shakily sang along with the stereo as we danced around her room, though it was nowhere near as complicated as the routine they had done in the film. We were just moving around in circles. I smiled down at her as she continued to sing. Her voice faded away as she sang the last notes of the song. She grabbed her phone from the speaker as we neared it and shut the music off. She grabbed the abandoned bear and put it next to the speaker.

"We should go downstairs for John's party. I don't want to miss him blowing out the candles." Lorin pulled me along with her. I followed her, smiling at the warmth of her hand in mine and the way her wavy hair bounced in its ponytail. We stumbled onto an… interesting sight when we came downstairs. Herc and Mattie were stood over Laurens, trying to force some kind of paper onto his head. It looked kind of like a crumpled up crown, barely held together by a bunch of tape. It was practically laminated. Lorin giggled as we walked into the living room and looked at Darcy, who was just standing in the corner laughing.

"Thank god, _someone_ sane is here! Lori, can you tell these two idiots that I'm too old for the birthday crown?" Laurens asked, slapping away his sister's hand when she tried to crown him again. I looked around for everyone else and noticed that they were crammed into the kitchen, muttering quietly about Eliza's cake, pointedly ignoring the commotion. Clearly they were used to this argument happening every year.

"I can't believe you guys still have this stupid thing," Lorin laughed, taking the paper crown from Mattie's hands. She grinned devilishly and shoved it onto Laurens' head, the crown barely managing to stay on top of the fluffy mess that is his hair. She whistled innocently when he glared at her. "Come on, John, _one_ more year couldn't possibly hurt! What's the worst that can happen?"

"You haven't had to deal with tape getting stuck in your hair," Laurens grumbled, though I noticed he didn't take it off. She really could get him to do anything she wanted. Herc and Mattie gave each other a high five and grinned. Lorin snorted and sat next to Laurens on the couch.

"And whose fault is that, Mr. I Don't Need a Haircut?" She ran a hand through his curly mane of hair that was just about to burst free of its restraint. If she noticed the blush on his face, she didn't comment on it. Was she this oblivious to his crush on her? "It's getting out of control, John."

"I could say the same to you, Lori. At this rate, you're going to be dragging your hair around."

"Unlike you, John Laurens, I actually plan on cutting my hair. I might even donate it." She removed her hand from his hair and ran it through her own. When it wasn't being held up in a ponytail like it was now, it reached down to the middle of her back. Darcy smiled and bounced over to her sister, taking some of her hair in her hands.

"I can cut your hair for you if you want! I cut Heather's hair before she… dumped me." She sighed and sat on the arm of the couch. Lorin reached up and patted her on the arm, frowning.

"Do you want to talk about it, Dar?" she asked. Darcy shook her head and sighed again as she played with Lorin's hair, her eyes sad. From what I had overheard on the phone the other day, she had been dating a girl named Heather back in Texas until her dad found out about it and kicked her out. Apparently he was one of those conservative assholes. Why did almost everyone I know have such shitty dads?

"It's fine. I have Mari now, anyway. Ooh, I should call her and ask what she's going to be for Halloween!" A blush spread across Darcy's face as she giggled happily and skipped out of the room. I would never understand my girlfriend's sister. Wait, she already had _another_ girlfriend? She had barely been here for two days! Then again, I rarely saw her since she was always out of the house.

"That reminds me," Herc grinned, watching Eliza carry in the cake, "I finished your costume, Rin. I'll bring it over tomorrow so you can try it on."

Lorin nodded and ran over to Angelica to help her with the pizzas. When had she gotten here? And why had they gotten four pizzas when there weren't even ten of us? I knew Herc could shovel food down like it was nobody's business, but four pizzas seemed excessive. Were we stockpiling food for the winter?

"You guys shouldn't support his turtle obsession," Mattie sighed as she looked at the turtle cake and shook her head. Peggy laughed as she stuck candles in the turtle's shell and lit them. Eliza set the cake on a nearby table next to the pizzas and helped Laurens sit up. Lorin took out her phone and recorded him blowing the candles out.

We spent the next few hours sitting around eating pizza and turtle-shaped cake, watching Lorin's collection of Disney movies. About two hours into the party (though really it was more of a gathering), Laf had the genius idea to swap out the soda for wine. How much did we have?! And why were George and Martha never here to stop him from getting into the wine? Lorin hesitantly drank a glass after Peggy called her a chicken if she didn't drink any.

Laurens and Darcy were the heaviest drinkers of the group. Aside from the occasional sip that Peggy and Laf took (why would he keep taking the wine out if he didn't drink it?) and the glass that Lorin had, Laurens and Darcy went through a bottle and a half each before Angelica managed to cut them off, with some help from Peggy.

"Heyyy, Lori," Laurens hiccuped as Lorin and Eliza cleaned up. "You're really cute, you know. It's a good thing you don't wear makeup, because it would hide your freckles and your adorableness. Fuck, you're pretty..."

"Thank you, John… I think." Lorin opened a trash bag and started to throw the paper plates away while Eliza started pressing down the empty pizza boxes. Darcy burped and started to stumble upstairs, thanking Angelica as she wrapped an arm around her waist for support. Mattie sighed as she looked down at her phone.

"Damn it, John, you just _had_ to get drunk… You're fucking lucky you don't have to go back to school until Wednesday, but I'm not babysitting your hungover ass all day tomorrow."

"Don't talk mean like that," Laurens groaned, putting a hand on his sister's shoulder. Mattie rolled her eyes and glared at Laf, who was staring down at his phone. Coward. If he was going to keep getting people drunk, he could at least help us deal with it! "Fine. If you won't take care of me, maybe Lori will."

"What?" Lorin dumped a plate into the trash and looked up at Laurens, who was grinning stupidly at her. Was everyone around here a flirty drunk? "John, I'm not skipping school tomorrow to babysit you. I'm not going anywhere near your house if your dad's there. Why'd you call _me_ out anyway?"

"Because I _like_ you, Lori! Why else? If I'm going to be stuck sitting around all day, it might as well be with someone cute." Mattie let out a small gasp and glanced over at me nervously before helping her brother to his feet. I couldn't find it in myself to be mad at Laurens. Everyone knew about his crush on Lorin. Everyone but her, it seemed. Or if she did know, she refused to acknowledge it.

"I think it's time to go home-"

"I really like you, Lori!" Laurens interrupted his sister, not taking his eyes off of Lorin even as he was quite literally being dragged towards the door. She stared back at him, her eyes wide and her hands trembling. Her mouth moved silently, no words coming out. I had learned that she did this when she was trying to think of what to say. "Why don't you like me, Lori? Why do you keep dating guys you don't know? You've known me for _years_. It's not fair."

"John… I'm sorry." Lorin set down the trash bag and walked over to Laurens. She hesitated for a few seconds before hugging him, her head not even reaching his chest. He looked down at her sadly and hugged her back. "I wish I had known how you felt sooner. It wouldn't change how I feel, but maybe it would have stopped me from parading my relationships in front of you. I'm so sorry…"


	20. Chapter 19

**Happy Monday, lovelies! It's time for the first part of the Halloween chapter! I went kind of overboard, so the Halloweeny stuff will happen next chapter (hopefully). Also, if anyone's interested, I started a kind of prequel story to this. I don't know if I'll write more of it, but check it out if you're interested. See you again on Thursday, and don't be afraid to review! ~Shaymie**

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 _Lorin's POV_

"I'm not going to school like this!" Alex's voice was slightly muffled by the bathroom door. I sighed. It was Halloween, a few days after John's birthday party, and everyone was in costume, because Herc would kill us if we didn't dress up. I was dressed as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, Herc was Disney's Hercules, John was a zombie (real original), Eliza was Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Peggy was a princess, Angelica was Susan B. Anthony, and Gil was Lancelot (complete with an actual suit of armor, which was going to be hell to wear around school). That left only Alex in need of a costume, which was how he ended up having his face painted by Darcy so he could be the cowardly lion.

"Alex, I'm sure it's fine," I said, as Gil murmured something threateningly in French. I sighed. I hated when Alex and Gil spoke French around each other. It made me feel left out. I regret taking Spanish as an elective instead of French. I had done it just to annoy Gil (and to have a class that John could give me answers in), but that only made him more determined to speak French around me more to annoy _me_.

"Stop being so dramatic," Darcy sighed, rolling her eyes as she texted her girlfriend, who I still hadn't met. She wasn't in costume yet since she was waiting until tonight to change into it. She was going to be Tinkerbell, saying that she wanted to put the last of the blonde in her hair to use before she had to dye it again. Her hair was like mine, a sandy brown, but she had dyed it blonde. I had suggested that she dye it an ombre, going from brown to blonde. She was considering it. "I did a good job. You look like a pretty cute lion."

"...Fine. But if anyone laughs at me, I'm taking the makeup off." I smiled and took a step back as I heard the lock click. Alex stepped out of the bathroom, running a hand through his hair, which wasn't in a ponytail for once. Darcy must have made him wear it down in order to sell the lion look more. I bit back a laugh. Darcy had done a good job with the limited amount of supplies (most of the makeup had been used on John) and time she had. Alex really did look like a lion, albeit a kind of sloppily put together one.

"You're lucky I love you, Lo."

School went on as usual, with everyone talking about what I had done with James and Maria. And maybe some gossip about Aaron Burr, the new kid. I had quickly learned to block them out, with some help from Maddie and his iPod. Herc and Alex managed to keep people away from me. I was sure that everyone would stop talking about me eventually.

I had been paired with Aaron to work on a project in English, an essay where we diagnosed a character in Macbeth with a mental disorder. Thankfully, I was actually able to talk to him. Group projects in the past had been awkward when I couldn't talk to my partners. Alex and Thomas spent a good five minutes trying to convince Mr. Conway to let them switch partners (Alex wanted to work with me, and Thomas wanted to work with Maddie, who was across the room, stuck with Samuel Seabury of all people) but our teacher denied their request. Which was how I ended up sitting next to a bickering Thomas and Alex, _trying_ to get at least some work done with Aaron. Key word: trying. I had to keep breaking up their arguments, leaving Aaron to read by himself.

"If you two are going to keep arguing the half hour we have left of class, I swear to fucking Christ, you're both getting kicked out of the trick-or-treating party tonight," I glared at them as I shoved Maddie's iPod in my pocket. Mr. Conway was fine with us listening to music when we were working on stuff alone, but it was strictly prohibited for group work.

"But Lo, Jefferson-"

"Lorin, Hamilton-"

I slammed my hands on the desk as they started talking over each other and glanced over at Aaron, who was flipping through his textbook silently, his jaw set in irritation. If he had something to say, he clearly wasn't saying it. I gestured wildly to him. Why couldn't they be _quiet_ like him?

"If you two idiots don't shut up and start reading _quietly_ like Aaron, I will find a way to kick both your asses to Dunsinane. Sit down and read like good little boys! What could you have possibly started arguing about already, anyway?" They shared a glance at each other and shrugged. I raised an eyebrow. _Now_ they decided to be quiet, after they had already caused a commotion in class? My face quickly grew scarlet as I realized that everyone was staring at us. Even Mr. Conway was staring, his hand hovering over the phone on his desk as he debated whether or not to call security.

"...We didn't know who should start reading." Thomas' voice was quiet as he looked down at his desk. Alex looked away too, his face reddening underneath the makeup. They had to be kidding. They were making all that noise because they couldn't decide who should be the first one to start reading? Were they planning on acting out the whole play? This was an English class, not theater!

"You are incorrigible." I huffed as I leaned back in my chair and started scanning my textbook. I couldn't wait for our class trip to the library. At least there, they couldn't yell at each other. Angelica would make sure of that.

"I don't know the meaning of the word," Thomas grinned as he opened his textbook and started reading the opening lines of the play. Alex grumbled angrily in Spanish (just how many languages did he speak?!) as he started scribbling their names on top of the paper. I only understood a few words (and they weren't pretty) and sighed as I found the correct page in the textbook. I had already read Macbeth (and most of Shakespeare's works) because Angelica had bought me a collection of Shakespeare's plays for my birthday last year. Not the most exciting of presents, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

I sighed again as Alex broke the lead of his mechanical pencil and flicked it at Thomas, getting it tangled in his hair. This was going to be a long two weeks.

"Where's Alex?" Eliza asked as she sat down at our lunch table. She smoothed down her blue dress and looked around the table. Everyone who had second lunch was here-me, her, Peggy, and Herc-except for him. I shrugged. He was probably off doing some unnecessary extra credit work. There was rarely a time when he wasn't writing or doing homework or something.

Peggy hummed and started to play with the ribbon on one of my pigtails. I took a few bites of food, doing my best to force it down my throat since Herc was here. When he had brought my costume over the other day, he was complaining about how much he had to adjust it because of how much weight I had lost. For the past few days, Herc or Alex had been watching over me, making sure that I ate.

" _You shouldn't starve yourself to lose weight," Herc said as he started pulling in the edges of my dress. "You're not fat by any means, Rin. If anything, it's good that you have some meat on you."_

" _I'm not starving myself." Herc snorted and rolled his eyes. My voice was probably anything but convincing. But I really_ _ **wasn't**_ _starving myself. Starving myself would mean that I wasn't eating anything. I just happened to have less of an appetite lately. I couldn't eat as much as I used to without James' voice popping into my head._

" _Is Alex calling you fat? Just because the guy's a twig doesn't mean-"_

" _No, no! It's not him. If anything, he's been trying to get me to eat_ _ **more**_ _. I just… Haven't felt like eating much lately. I can feel myself getting bigger with every bite I take. It's… It's James. Sometimes I can still hear his voice talking to me, telling me that I shouldn't eat so much." My voice was practically non-existent at this point. I hated telling my friends about James because then they'd get mad. I knew they weren't mad_ _ **at**_ _me. But as a part of my so-called "therapy" (thanks to Angelica), I was supposed to tell them if I remembered anything he had done to me._

 _Like I could forget. I wasn't a damn amnesiac. I remembered everything James and Maria had done to me. How could I not, when there were marks all over my body as proof? I remembered all of it on a nightly basis when I was wracked with nightmares. Even Alex couldn't keep all of the nightmares away, and he spent almost every night with me, talking about random crap until I fell asleep. Not that I could sleep much. I only slept for a couple hours at a time until I woke up screaming. I hated being a bother to everyone, waking them up every few hours or going into yet another stupid panic attack. Which was why I started locking Alex out. I couldn't keep bothering him like that. He had to be done with me._

" _I'll take better care of myself. I promise," I whispered as Herc finished with my costume. The apprehensive look on his face as he helped me step down from the stool told me that he didn't believe me. I didn't even know if I believed me. The last time I had said those words were to John when he was trying to convince me to break up with James._

 _John… According to Mattie, he didn't remember the end of his birthday party. Which meant that he didn't remember what he had said to me. He didn't remember telling me that he liked me. Everyone was telling me to just act like nothing had changed until he was ready to tell me his feelings while he was sober. I couldn't help but feel like some part of it was wrong. Shouldn't I let him down sooner rather than later?_

I looked up as Peggy knocked on the table in front of me and found myself looking into the dark, angry eyes of my boyfriend, who had a new bruise forming on his face. Aaron was standing next to him, awkwardly looking away. I sighed. What kind of trouble had Alex gotten himself into? Couldn't he go one day without getting into a fight?

"Before you say anything, Seabury started it," Alex said angrily, shoving his hands into his pockets. He huffed and brushed some hair from his face. I frowned. I thought I had told him to leave Seabury-and everyone-alone. I didn't want him to get into anymore fights. He'd end up getting himself suspended or something! "He wouldn't shut up and I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face."

"I had to pull him away before he did anything too bad. I figured you'd be the only person who could talk some sense into him," Aaron sighed, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here. Then again, he always looked like that. I hadn't seen him talk to anyone else willingly. He was quiet, probably even quieter than me. He always sat on the sidelines in English class as Thomas and Alex got into heated debates. Alex had called him irritating, saying that he never spoke his mind in debate club and just went along with the winning side.

"Alexander, what have I told you about getting into fights?" He flinched at the use of his full name. I hadn't called him that since before we started dating.

"...You said that they're dumb and immature," he murmured, the fire dissipating from his eyes as he looked at me. He squeezed in between me and Eliza and wrapped an arm around me. I sighed as I leaned into his comforting touch. "I'm sorry, Lo. I've been trying not to get in anymore fights, but then he talked about you and I lost it."

"I don't want you getting hurt trying to defend my honor, Alex. I'm fine. It doesn't bother me as much as it did a few days ago-"

"Hamilton!" There was a collective groan across the table (and even Aaron winced) as George King (the third) approached us, dragging behind a slightly beaten up Samuel Seabury. Well, at least he wasn't anywhere near as bad as Lee, who refused to look anyone in the face. Alex grinned cockily at Seabury, but quickly sobered up when I nudged him. Now wasn't the time to do anything that could instigate another fight. "What is the meaning of this? How could you attack my poor Sammy? You're lucky he's decided to not tell the principal-who's my father, by the way."

"He was talking about my girlfriend," Alex said calmly, his arm on me tightening slightly. I looked away from King's condescending grin. Besides Lee, he was one of the people who talked about me the most. It was a miracle Alex or Herc hadn't killed him yet. I was surprised it wasn't _him_ Alex hadn't tried to fight.

"My Sammy would never do anything like that!" King spoke with a mock-offended tone, but the glint in his eyes said that he was anything but. If anything, he seemed like a proud father, commending his child on a job well done as he patted Seabury on the back. "Right, Sammy?"

"Your Sammy seems keen on doing whatever you do," Herc muttered into his can of soda. I noticed that King and Seabury were dressed almost identical, albeit with inverted colors. Did they call each other to plan their outfits or something? It was a bit creepy. I noticed a flash of anger spread across Alex's face and tore a blank piece of paper from Peggy's open notebook, waving a hand dismissively at her scoff. It was just one page, no big deal. I grabbed the pen from Alex's ear and scribbled out a quick message.

 _Let it go, Alex. Let other people be cynical. You don't have to bring a gun to a knife fight. Let them say what they want. They're idiots. Just apologize and move on._ I slid the note into his hand and watched his face as he read it. He seemed to go through a variety of emotions before looking down at me with nothing but sadness in his eyes. I leaned forward and kissed his bruised cheek.

"Lo-"

"Please." It took everything I had to force out the word in front of Seabury and King, who I had never spoken in front of before. My anxiety was at an all-time high. What if he didn't listen to me and fought King anyway? He could get suspended, or even worse expelled, considering that King's dad was the principal. I didn't think I'd be able to handle school without him.

"I'm… sorry, Samuel. I shouldn't have punched you… Or tackled you to the ground… Or kicked you in the nuts." Alex's voice was stiff as he spoke and there was just a glimmer of unrestrained hate in his eyes as he looked at Seabury, who was grinning down at him. There was a tense silence before he sighed dramatically and grudgingly accepted Alex's apology. I breathed a sigh of relief as he walked away with King.

"Thank you for being the bigger man." I kissed Alex again and looked over at Aaron, who was walking off in the opposite direction of King and Seabury. I'd have to thank him later. I was pretty sure that if it wasn't for him, Seabury would have ended up far worse and told the principal or a teacher. Then again, maybe not. He would hate to admit that he had gotten beaten up just like Lee.

"I'm pretty sure I'm bigger than him in more ways than one," Alex smirked, winking down at me. I blushed furiously and buried my face in his side.


	21. Chapter 20

**Happy Saturday, lovelies, and a very happy birthday to John Laurens! I wish I had something written for him or at the very least saved his birthday stuff for today, but oh well. Sorry for missing Thursday's update, but I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday (apparently my hearing is looking "grim") and couldn't get the chapter done in time for Thursday. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this slightly belated chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

"I think everyone's staring at you, John," Gil said as he opened the helmet to his costume and took a bite of pizza. We had decided to go our favorite pizza place before we left to trick-or-treat. We were all pressed together tightly in a booth, with the exception of Thomas and Maddie, who were in the booth next to us. I rolled my eyes and took a bite of pizza.

"I'm pretty sure they're staring at the idiot in a full suit of armor. Why didn't you leave that in the car?" John asked, shoveling pizza into his face like it was the last time he'd get to eat. Somehow he managed to not mess up his makeup. "Compared to _that_ , a zombie's almost normal."

"Excuse me if I have dedication to my costume unlike _some_ people." Gil narrowed his eyes at Alex, who had taken off his makeup the second we walked into the restaurant. He said he didn't mind looking like an idiot at school, where he actually knew people, but he drew the line at a public restaurant. I knew Darcy would kill him when we got home. She hated when _her_ makeup got ruined, so I couldn't imagine the freak out she would have when she found out that Alex had washed her hard work down the drain.

Alex pretended to not notice Gil's piercing stare and nonchalantly wrapped an arm around my shoulder, accidentally pushing Peggy's hand into the pizza. He looked away innocently as she glowered at him and turned his attention to the window, frowning at the light drizzle that was starting to fall outside. That would put a damper on our plans. Maddie couldn't be outside in the rain. It was a miracle he had even been allowed to come out with us in the first place. I was pretty sure his mom would kill us if she found out we were out in the rain. Granted, we did have umbrellas… It shouldn't be too bad.

"We should get a move on before the rain gets worse," I said, wiping my hands on a napkin. I turned to Thomas and Maddie's booth and smiled when I saw Thomas fretting over his boyfriend, tightening his scarf and making sure that his beanie was on right. I didn't know why nobody else liked Thomas. Sure, he was a bit annoying and flirtatious (he had flirted with Darcy this past weekend, earning him a slap on the arm from Maddie), but he really was a good guy. "Are you guys ready to go?"

"Just about," Thomas muttered, grabbing a pair of gloves from the seat next to him and putting them on Maddie's hands. Maddie rolled his eyes and sighed. I snorted. He was dressed as a vampire, like Thomas, but his costume wasn't even visible underneath the bundle of clothes he was wearing. The only part of his costume that I could see were the fangs in his mouth and the fake blood on his face.

"Thomas, it's not even that cold out," Maddie complained, moving the scarf away from his mouth. I nodded in agreement. He was worse than Nelly, Maddie's mother, and that was saying something. I was sure she would make her son live in a bubble if she could. Thomas kissed Maddie on the cheek as he started gathering their things, murmuring that you could never be _too_ warm.

"You're going to give him heatstroke or something at this rate," I giggled, climbing out of the booth behind Peggy and Alex. I grabbed Alex's hand as we all piled out of the restaurant, candy bags in hand. We opened our umbrellas when we stepped outside and started walking towards the rich neighborhoods, our first stop on the trick-or-treating adventure. They always gave out the full-sized chocolate bars. Peggy groaned impatiently and started pulling Gil along by the hand, causing him to blush a deep red. If they didn't confess their feelings by the new year, I was doing it for them. They had spent years dancing around each other and it was almost painful to watch.

Alex's grip on my hand tightened as there was a flash of lightning across the sky. I looked up at him and saw that he was staring forward, his jaw set tight. I frowned as his face paled. I had never seen him like this. His eyes were almost unreadable, except for the tiny glint of panic in them. I struggled to keep up with his long strides as we trailed behind the group.

We had been trick-or-treating for about an hour when the rain suddenly started pouring down. Alex squeezed my hand almost painfully as another crack of lightning lit up the sky. The hand that was holding our umbrella started trembling. I opened my mouth to ask if he was okay, but Thomas cut me off before I could even talk, saying that we were close to his house. He took lead of the group and led us to his house-which was really more like a mansion. I hadn't been there since the party when I met James, but I pushed back the feeling of dread.

"I never thought I'd willingly come to Jefferson's house," Angelica said as we stood on Thomas' porch, watching him fiddle with his keys. Maddie shivered and dashed into the house the second the door opened. I tugged Alex along with me since he seemed a bit… dazed. Normally he would be complaining about having to come anywhere near Thomas. I was getting worried. Something wasn't right. He didn't even look at me as I helped him sit down on the couch once Thomas covered it with towels.

"Are you okay, Alex?" I asked, taking his hands in mine. He jerked away from me and buried his face in his hands, tugging at his hair as another flash of lightning lit up the room. His breath came out in ragged gasps as he curled up on the couch, looking smaller than I'd ever seen him. I pulled his hands away and forced him to look at me. My heart dropped at the look in his eyes. He looked so terrified…

"I'm… fine… Just don't like storms…" His voice was scratchy as he spoke, and I could have sworn I heard the tiniest hint of an… accent? That was pretty damn sexy. Now I understood how he felt when _my_ accent slipped out. Wait, now isn't the time to swoon over my boyfriend! He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. I kissed his hands as he started counting in French. I counted along with him, albeit in English. It took several minutes, but eventually he was able to get relatively back to normal. He smiled down at me, his eyes still slightly glassy.

"I never pegged you as the type to get worked up over a bit of rain, Hamilton," Thomas said as he sat Maddie in front of the fireplace and lit it. I looked up at Alex, expecting him to have a snarky remark or start yet another argument that I'd have to break up. But there was none of the usual fire in his eyes. He just looked tired and broken and lost.

"Fuck off, Jefferson," he muttered, but there was no fight in his voice. He hid his face in my chest (causing me to blush and John to glare at the two of us from his seat) as there was another crack of thunder. I kissed his forehead and brushed some of his hair from his face. "You wouldn't… You don't understand…"

"Being scared of storms is more normal than being scared of people," I said, holding Alex's trembling form close to me. He was still terrified and counting under his breath. I wish I could do more for him. I had panic attacks all the time, I should know how to help my boyfriend with one.

"It's not that, Lo," he gasped out between shaky breaths. He looked up at me, and for a moment it was like we were the only two in the room. I found myself getting lost in his eyes, which were glistening with tears, and lightly traced a finger over the new bruise on his cheek as he spoke. "I… I hate storms. A storm ruined my entire fucking life. This one's at least bearable, but I just… hate them. Period."

I was curious about what he meant when he said a storm had ruined his life, but now wasn't the best time to ask, and I didn't want to pry. We had been dating for a little over a month, but that didn't give me the right to meddle in his life. He would tell me when he was ready. It wouldn't do any good to press him. Considering how patient he was being with me, that was the least I could do for him.

"I understand, Alex. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready." I shifted slightly to get more comfortable and felt my foot brush against our candy bags, which sat forgotten on the floor. I couldn't help but grin. We had reached the jackpot. With it raining, there were very few parents willing to let their children go trick or treating, which meant that we had all gotten twice as much candy… When we weren't being shooed away for being "too old" to go trick or treating.

"Since it looks like this storm isn't letting up anytime soon," Thomas' sentence was accented with a clap of thunder, causing Alex to flinch, "I suppose we should all actually _do_ something aside from sitting around all night."

We built pillow forts as Thomas rummaged around, looking for his collection of horror movies. I stayed close by Alex's side, only leaving him when Peggy got the brilliant idea to make hot chocolate for everyone. As if she needed any _more_ of a sugar rush. She had been stuffing her face with candy since we got here.

"Lorin, I need help," she said as she started grabbing mugs from a shelf that was a bit too high for me to reach. She had dragged me to the Jeffersons' expensive-looking kitchen. George and Martha were just as rich, if not richer than the Jeffersons, but they didn't feel the need to flaunt their wealth around like they did. I nodded for Peggy to continue as I looked around for the hot chocolate mix and jumped as she slammed a mug down on the counter. Thomas yelled for us to be careful with his stuff or he'd kick us out into the rain.

"How did you tell Alex you liked him?" Her voice lowered as she spoke, her eyes darting around anxiously, though I was pretty sure nobody else was coming in here. They were focused on whatever shitty horror movie Thomas had put on. "I mean, did… Did you just… blurt it out, or did you pass him a note or what?"

"Why are you asking all of a sudden? Do you _like_ someone?" I grinned, waggling my eyebrows. It was no secret that Gil and Peggy liked each other. The four years I had known them, they had liked each other but were both too awkward to tell each other. According to Alex, he had spent many nights coaching Gil on how to confront her about the crush, but he bailed out each time. Maybe he should try the Alex method of kissing her without any kind of warning. That seemed to work.

"I don't like Laffy!" Peggy squeaked, her face reddening as she covered her mouth. We both looked over to the living room and sighed in relief when we saw Herc and Angelica trying to help Gil out of his costume. He was completely occupied and most likely couldn't hear any of what we're saying. I turned back to Peggy with a grin.

"I didn't ask if you liked Gil, Pegs. Although that was a bit obvious anyway. _Everyone_ knows that you two like each other." I started making the hot chocolate and chuckled at Peggy's spluttering as she tried to come up with a response, her face redder than I'd ever seen it. I put my hand over hers. "Just tell him you like him, Peggy."

She chewed on her lip in thought while I worked on the hot chocolates. I made a cup of coffee for Alex, since he didn't have much of a sweet tooth for some reason and he was probably going through a caffeine withdrawal at this point. He hadn't had a cup of coffee since this morning. Peggy followed me silently as we started handing the drinks out, her long princess dress fluttering behind her. Alex smiled at me as I handed him his coffee and kissed his cheek, the one that wasn't bruised. I settled down next to him and grinned as he wrapped an arm around me. Tonight may not have gone exactly as we planned, but it was still alright.


	22. Chapter 21

**Happy Monday, lovelies! I hope everyone's ready for Halloween tomorrow! I don't know exactly what I'll be, if I dress up as anything, but if all else fails I'll just be a trash bag because I'm trash. Anyway, hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter that somehow ended up going from fluff to a lil' bit of angst and then fluff again. Next chapter will be all fluff, I promise. And the chapter after that (which goes up on the fourth), will be Lorin's birthday. Which happens to be the fourth. Totally didn't plan that. Welp, enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

Lorin groaned in my arms and snuggled into my chest. I smiled down at her. After we had come back from Jefferson's house (which, admittedly, wasn't _too_ bad of a time until he went into the kitchen to make his "world famous" mac and cheese that tasted like cardboard), she stayed by my side as we waited for the storm to go away. We sat on my bed, her reading a book and me working on the essay for English. I'd be damned if I let Jefferson get a chance to ruin my grade.

I brushed some hair back from her face and took it down from the pigtails she had left it in, causing it to tumble down her back in waves. I watched her sleeping face and chuckled as her nose adorably scrunched up as she slept. I didn't deserve her. Everyone else I had ever been with had scoffed at my fear of storms, some even laughing at me. One bitch had even kicked me out in the pouring rain when I wouldn't sleep with her, though in my defense I was kind of in the middle of a _fucking panic attack_.

I should have told Lorin about the hurricane. Considering the fact that she had told me everything about her, it was only right that she get to know more about me than just what Darcy had gotten out of me in her impromptu interview the other day. I could tell that she still didn't trust me with her sister, and I couldn't blame her. Even I didn't trust myself with her sometimes. Things would occasionally get a bit _too_ intense when we were making out (her moans were too damn tempting) and I'd have to back off before I did something I'd regret. Not that I didn't _want_ to have sex with her. I just wanted our first time together to be special.

I looked over at the clock on my bedside table and sighed. 4:30. I'd have at least twenty minutes before she had to wake up for school. Normally I'd try to get a bit more sleep, but I didn't really see the point in it. Besides, this gave me a bit more time to think of what to do for her birthday, which was in three days. I wasn't going to be that asshole who didn't do anything for his girlfriend's birthday. She said that she didn't really want anything, her face flushing as she looked away, but I felt like I had to do something.

Her drunken words floated back into my head. She had wanted me, and I had a feeling it was more than just the wine talking. Granted, the wine had played _some_ part of it, but didn't people say that you only spoke what was on your mind when you're drunk? She had mentioned that her asshole ex and her father had told her that her only job in life was to… to pleasure the man in her life. Could that also be motivation for why she had tried to sleep with me? I didn't want her to think that she was obligated to do _anything_. We would have sex when we were both good and ready.

I sighed and kissed Lorin on the forehead before going downstairs for some coffee. I could barely think straight without caffeine in my system. Darcy was already at the kitchen table when I got downstairs, her head in her hands. A steaming cup of coffee sat on the table in front of her. She didn't look up as I approached, which worried me. She normally took any chance she got to remind me that she'd skin me alive if I hurt her sister. She had been so nice when we first met, and now it was like she had done a complete 180. She probably thought I would turn out like Reynolds.

"Hey, Darcy." She looked up at me, and I realized that this was the first time I had ever seen her without makeup or some kind of ridiculously expensive face mask, which made me notice that she drew her freckles on over her makeup. Granted, she did have natural freckles, but they were less noticeable than the ones that she drew on and only lightly dusted her face.

"What are you doing up so early?" she groaned, grabbing at her head. She sighed as I poured a cup of coffee, using the mug Lorin had bought me. It had a lion drawn on the front of it, and she said it reminded her of me. I shrugged at Darcy's question and sat down across from her.

"I always get up this early. The real question is what _you're_ doing up. I don't think I've ever seen you awake before noon," I said, flinching at the glare she gave me. I guess both Haywood sisters were cranky in the morning. Though Darcy's crankiness seemed more of the violent type.

"I was at the shittiest party I've ever been to last night, I found out my girlfriend is a major bitch, and I'm fucking hungover. Pardon me if I can't go to sleep." She chugged her coffee, either not phased by how hot it was or not caring. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and narrowed her eyes at me. "What the hell were you and my sister doing last night? I went to check on Lori last night and she wasn't in her room, so I'm assuming she was with you. If you get her pregnant, Hamilton, I swear to god-"

"It's nothing like that!" I choked on my coffee and set the mug down before I spilled it everywhere. Darcy's eyebrows raised as she set her cup down. Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have interrupted her, but there was no going back now. "I… We were just doing homework. I was, at least. She was just reading a book. We haven't… W-We haven't had sex yet, I swear!"

" _Yet_? Are you _planning_ to sleep with her?" That wasn't the right thing to say. Her glare had darkened, and she looked damn near ready to kill me. She slammed her hands on the table and leaned over, her hair almost getting in my coffee. I knew better than to comment on it. The look in her green eyes told me that she would hurt me if I said anything she didn't like.

"Lori's a bit too trusting of people that she loves. She thinks that they can't do anything wrong, and if they do, she blames it on herself. I blame Mama and her shitty father. Not that Mama really did anything wrong, I love her, she just… She told Lori a bunch of fucked up shit. And her father was a monster. He…" She trailed off with a scowl and settled back down in her seat, her manicured fingers tapping on the table. "It's not my business to tell. Just forget I said anything. That's beside the point. My point is that Lori will probably do whatever you want her to no matter how fucking terrible it is, and if I find out that you're taking advantage of her, I'll kick your balls so far up your throat you'll have a second Adam's apple, got it Hamilton?"

"G-Got it," I stammered out. She was fucking terrifying when she was mad. Darcy got up from the table and put her cup in the sink. She shot me a final glare before going upstairs. I sighed as I took a sip of my slightly cooled coffee and groaned as I realized that I had missed the chance to ask her what to get Lo for her birthday.

* * *

"You don't know what to get your girlfriend for her birthday?" I scowled up at Jefferson and glanced towards the back of the room, where Lorin was bent over her desk along with Burr, silently reading. She had an earbud in her left ear, while the right one was free. It was her subtle way of tuning out the gossip everyone had about her. I would have thought that the idiots would have shut up about her by now, but clearly I was wrong.

"I just don't want to fuck up and get her something she hates," I sighed, rolling a broken piece of lead on my desk. I couldn't believe that I was so desperate, I thought coming to _Jefferson_ for help would be a good idea. He chuckled as he leaned on the desk, his elbow shoving my papers to the floor. I glared at him and bent down to pick them up.

"Are you aware that you're dating _Lorin_ , Hamilton? You could give her a rock and she'd be happy. You're overthinking it."

"What are you getting her for her birthday then, smart guy?"

"That's a surprise. Look, if you want advice on what to get her, you should ask Laurens or Lafayette. They know her better than I do. Better yet, you could ask one of your friends." Jefferson started picking at his nails and turned a page in his textbook, signalling that the conversation was over. I guess that was the best thing I could expect from him. At least he hadn't completely ignored me.

We miraculously got through the rest of English without an argument, something that Lorin gave me a kiss on the cheek for when we left class. I didn't really think it was that much of a big deal, but maybe she was just happy she didn't have to break up another fight.

"It's nice to see that you're getting along with Thomas now," she smiled, taking my hand in hers. I shrugged as I started walking her to her next class. Everyone had an agreement that _somebody_ had to walk her to her classes to keep her from being harassed. I narrowed my eyes as I saw Charles Lee standing outside of the choir hall. He looked up as we approached and grabbed Lo's arm, yanking her back.

"I need to talk to you." His voice was hushed and panicked, and there were several cuts and bruises on his face that I know _I_ didn't give him. Lorin glared up at him and pushed him away. She was trembling and gratefully leaned into my touch when I wrapped an arm around her. I kissed her on the forehead and looked at Lee, who was tugging at the frayed strings of his hoodie.

"Leave us alone, Lee. Unless you're apologizing-not that we'd accept any apology from the likes of _you_ \- I think it would be in your best interest to leave us the fuck alone. You've done your damage." Lorin frowned as I finished speaking and did her best to make herself look smaller, pressing herself up against my side. She kept denying that what people were saying bothered her, but I could see the pain in her eyes. I couldn't even imagine how she must feel about this mess. We hadn't told George and Martha about the bullying because they were busy enough trying to deal with Reynolds, which meant that we had to deal with it.

"James is furious," Lee blurted out after a few cursed seconds of silence. Lorin tensed and peeked over at Lee. It didn't take a genius to see that she was absolutely terrified. I glared over at the idiot. "He said that you haven't answered his calls or texts in months and he came by the concert last week to see you but you weren't there. He wants to talk to you, Lorin. He says he's sorry and-"

"That's what he always says." Lorin's voice was barely audible since she was still pressed up against me. I could hear her breathing getting more panicked and knelt in front of her. She backed away from me with a quiet whimper. "He… He apologizes and then he and Maria take turns doing whatever the fuck they want with me and then we _pretend_ like everything's normal, like he didn't just beat the shit out of me the night before and… and I let him. I always let him do whatever he wants to me. Because it's all my fault anyway, isn't it? He wouldn't get mad if I could've just shut up."

"He's been doing better," Lee said, his voice sounding almost desperate. Somehow I felt like Reynolds was the one who had beaten him up and gave him those new bruises. Lorin shook her head and put her hands over her ears, trying to block him out. I reached out a hand to her as her legs started trembling. "Lorin, he's changed. He's been going to therapy… He's been taking anger management classes. He just wants to talk."

Lorin was a sobbing mess at this point as her legs gave way underneath her. I looked between her and Lee, unsure of who to deal with first. I wanted nothing more than to pummel Lee down to a pulp, but if I didn't help Lo, she could only get worse. I made my decision quickly and scooted over to my girlfriend, who had curled up into a tight ball, tears streaming down her face and her hands still over her ears. Lee was rambling on about Reynolds, but ran off when I shot him a sharp glare. Good riddance. The late bell rang, but I couldn't care less about being late at this point.

I couldn't do anything to help Lo. She was inconsolable. The best thing I could do was text Laurens and Laf, telling them what had happened, and stay by her side. She wouldn't even let me touch her. She rocked back and forth on the floor, muttering to herself so quietly and quickly I couldn't even keep up with what she was saying. Laurens was the first person to get here, and he all but shoved me away to sit in front of her.

"She's never panicked like this before," he muttered to himself, his eyebrows furrowing. He turned to look at me and for the first time in these past few days, he wasn't glaring at me. He only looked worried.

"J-James is going to come for me, I know it. He'll find a way to trick me into going back with him," Lorin spoke in a hushed whisper between gasps. I hated the look in her eyes. It was almost like she was looking right past us. I put a hand on her shoulder-thankfully she didn't push me away this time-and started quietly counting her breaths for her. Laf showed up and silently joined us on the floor.

"We won't let that happen, Lori. I promise." Laurens' voice was soft and gentle as he brushed some hair back from her face. I narrowed my eyes at him, but focused on counting Lo's breaths. The last thing she needed was me and Laurens arguing over her like she was a trophy to be won. It took some time-probably around fifteen minutes-but eventually her breathing returned to normal and she calmed down.

"I won't let that asshole get anywhere near you, Lo," I murmured into her ear as I pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around me and let out a shaky breath. I refused to let anyone hurt her ever again, especially not that abusive, manipulative prick.


	23. Chapter 22

**Happy Thursday, everyone! This chapter is just a tiny bit of filler before Lorin's birthday (although something interesting does happen towards the end) because I wanted to post the actual birthday chapter on her birthday. That chapter is going to be a doozy, seeing as it's already five pages long and I don't want to split up her birthday. All I'll say is that stuff happens. This chapter is the calm before the storm. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

Lorin was an exhausted nervous wreck the rest of the day. She kept looking around anxiously, like she expected Reynolds to show up at school. I wish I could have stayed with her in all of her classes, but she had practically screamed for me to leave her alone and just forget about what Lee had said. A bit hypocritical considering the fact that it seemed to be all she could think about, but I knew better than to point it out when she was clearly upset about it.

Angelica called for a meeting to discuss what to do about Lorin, and said that today was as good a day as any, since she would be gone for a few hours with Darcy. They hadn't said what they were doing, only that it was an early birthday present for Lo. Which led to Darcy borrowing Laf's car after promising not to crash it (apparently she was an infamously terrible driver, and it had been a miracle that she had managed to drive us to the hospital last week) and the two of them driving off immediately after school.

"Where are your parents?" Herc asked as we all settled down in our living room. Somehow our house was the designated hangout spot for everyone. Even Madison and Jefferson were here. I shrugged. We rarely saw George and Martha anymore. They were always either at work or locked up in their offices, trying to build a case against Reynolds. Key word being _trying._ It was hard to make a case against him when Lo was so adamant on just leaving things alone. She refused to talk about what Reynolds and Maria had done to her. The few glimpses I had seen of George these past few weeks, he looked ready to rip his hair out, if he had any.

"We have bigger things to worry about, Herc. Like what the heck we're doing about Lorin," Peggy frowned, hugging a pillow as she curled up on the couch. Tears were welling up in her eyes. We had filled everyone in about what had happened earlier on the walk here. Peggy had been crying on and off ever since.

"We keep an eye on her," Angelica said, putting a hand on Peggy's shoulder. "We don't let her go anywhere alone. We don't know if Lee or Reynolds are going to be looking for her, so it's best to have protection with her at all times. Better safe than sorry. We shouldn't make it _too_ obvious that we're watching her. You know how Lorin gets when we show her that we're worried about her.

"Alex, Herc, I know what you two are like. Don't go around starting trouble. I can already tell that you guys are planning to fight them or stir up some shit that we don't need right now. Lee and Reynolds are probably some of the richest assholes in town and they wouldn't hesitate to find some way to sue you or bend the system and get you arrested, or even kick the shit out of you like they did to John- no offense, John. I don't know what else we can do aside from just waiting to see what happens."

"God, you sound like Burr," I grumbled, running a hand through my hair in frustration. I couldn't stand just sitting around, waiting to see what new way Reynolds would find to get into Lorin's head. There was no telling the kind of shit he had put into her head, but I could tell that she was still terrified of him. I wanted to keep her as far from him as possible. It would be a bit harder to keep her away from Lee, considering the fact that I couldn't be everywhere at once.

"Okay, so we have our plan. Can we talk about something a bit happier now? Like a certain girl's birthday coming up, perhaps?" Eliza asked, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. I could tell that both her and Peggy hated talking about Lorin. Thankfully Angelica understood the message and started talking about what she and Darcy had planned for Lo's birthday party. Well, now was as good a time as any to ask...

"Hamilton wants to know what to get Lorin for her birthday," Jefferson said before I could even open my mouth. I glared at him as he smirked and draped an arm over Madison. Who had even invited him? I could understand why Madison was here-he at least was bearable, and he was one of Lo's best friends. His boyfriend was the one everyone had trouble with. I couldn't understand how anyone could be so stupidly cocky and arrogant.

"You haven't gotten Lori a prese-"

"Yeah yeah, I know, I'm the world's worst boyfriend," I cut Laurens off with a groan. He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I don't want to get her something she'll hate, but I also don't want to get her _nothing_ and look like a shitty person. What are you guys getting her?"

I felt myself getting disheartened as everyone listed off what they had gotten her: the Schuylers had gotten her Broadway tickets to some play about a nervous kid who broke his arm or something, Laf had gotten her a signed soundtrack to said play, Herc had sewn her some dresses, skirts, and a new stuffed animal, Laurens got her the few Disney movies she didn't own yet, Madison got her an assortment of gift cards, and Jefferson had bought her a laptop. Those were all way better gifts than whatever the hell I'd manage to pull out of my ass in three days.

"You'll find something to give her, Alex. It doesn't take much to make her happy, you know," Eliza said gently. I nodded and sighed. I probably was overthinking this like Jefferson had told me earlier, but I really didn't want to mess this up. And I had a feeling that Darcy would kill me if I didn't give Lo the perfect gift. I couldn't just get her any old thing and call it a present. It had to be absolutely perfect.

"Lorin will probably refuse all our presents anyway," Madison said quietly, his voice slightly muffled by his scarf. I had no doubt about that. Lo hated any and all attention on her. She hated when anybody did anything for her. It would be adorable if it wasn't so damn infuriating sometimes. She was hellbent on doing everything herself, almost like she thought she was being a bother by wanting or needing anything.

We spent the next few hours going between planning what exactly we were doing for the birthday party and playing Rock Band. Peggy was in the middle of a very intense guitar solo when the front door opened and Darcy walked in, her arms weighed down my shopping bags. She tossed Laf his keys and set down the she realized that she was alone, she turned back to the door, her hands on her hips.

"Lori, you're being ridiculous! It doesn't look that bad!"

"You've ruined my hair," Lorin complained, her voice trembling. She sounded close to tears. Darcy rolled her eyes and stomped over to the front door, yelling for Lo to stop being a drama queen. There was a bit of a scuffle before she managed to drag her sister into the house. I couldn't stop staring at Lorin as she stood awkwardly in the doorway, picking at her sweater. Her nails were painted light pink with glitter.

"Beautiful…" I found myself muttering. Her hair was no longer sandy brown and waist long. Darcy must have taken her to a hair salon or something, because it was now shoulder length (but still as fluffy as ever) and dyed an adorable peachy color. It sat on her shoulders in soft curls, but I couldn't tell if it was naturally curly or if she'd had it curled. Her cheeks pinked at the compliment, and she looked over at me, an apprehensive smile forming on her face.

"I-It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. I wanted it red, but somehow it ended up pink. It looks stupid… I look like a salmon." Lorin huffed and blew some curled bangs from her face. Goddamn, this girl was too precious for her own good. "I haven't had bangs or short hair since I lived with… Since my last house…"

"You look absolutely adorable," I grinned as I walked over to her, choosing not to comment on the way she had stumbled over her words. The blush on her face deepened as I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her. I wish she would have more confidence in herself instead of just beating herself down. I had heard her say that she wished she was pretty like Darcy, but the two of them were damn near identical. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that they were twins.

"Hey lovebirds, if you're going to make out, can you do it somewhere else?" Herc asked, rolling his eyes. I pulled back from Lo and saw that she was blushing darker than I'd ever seen her. Her lips were slightly puffy and I laughed awkwardly as I rubbed the back of my head. Maybe I had been getting into the kiss a bit too much. She grinned crookedly at me as she grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs. I noticed Laf give her a wink and raised an eyebrow.

I had thought that she would take me to her room, but she surprised me by taking me up to the attic. I had never even been in an attic before. I didn't even know this house _had_ an attic. You learn something new every day, I guess. There were no lights in the attic, but there was a window letting in sunlight so we weren't completely in the dark.

"What are we doing up here, Lo?" I asked as she sat down on a dusty couch. She shrugged and patted the cushion next to her, sending dust flying into the air. I sat next to her and looked around. There were cardboard boxes everywhere, and it was almost impossible to breathe without getting a lungful of dust.

"I wanted to be somewhere that nobody would bother us," she said softly, the tips of her ears almost as pink as her hair. She smiled up at me and twirled a bit of hair around her finger. "My hair gets curly when it's short… I donated it earlier. The lady at the salon said that I have mermaid hair, whatever that means. And then I let Darcy talk me into dyeing it, but that didn't really turn out so well."

"It really does look good, Lo. I'm not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend or anything. That color really suits you." She flushed at the compliment and started picking lint from her sweater, her pink nails standing out in the fading evening light. We sat in relative silence for a few moments before I asked why Laf had winked at us. I didn't think it was possible for anyone's face to get so red until now.

"H-He um… He probably thinks I brought you up here to… _You know_ … I'm pretty sure he's hidden a condom in the couch cushions or something. But that's not why we're up here! I mean, I do want to be with you but I… Um…" I cut her off with a kiss. She gasped into the kiss and tangled her hands in my hair as we fell over onto the couch, me on top of her. I peppered kisses on her face before moving down to her neck. My breath caught in my throat as she let out the sexiest moan I'd ever heard, her nails scratching my scalp. I grinned as I started to suckle on her neck, loving the noises she was making.

"Do you even know what you're doing to me, Lo?" I groaned, putting my hands on her hips and pulling her closer. She looked up at me panting, her gray eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. Damn, she was beautiful… But it wouldn't be right to do this, would it? I sat up on the couch and sighed as Lorin climbed onto my lap. "We… We can't go on like this, Lo-"

"I want you," she panted, grinding her hips into me. I bit my lip. This girl really was going to be the death of me. Our first time together couldn't be in a dingy old attic. I wanted it to be special. She pouted up at me and positioned my hands so that they were towards the bottom of her sweater, so perfectly tempting… Her skin was so soft...

"Please, Lexy? I know you want me, too…" Fuck, how could I say no to that? Between the hungry look in her eyes and the breathy way she had said my name, it felt like it would be a shame to deny her anything. I pulled off her sweater and blouse at the same time and started planting kisses on her beautifully freckled chest, while my hand started creeping up her thigh.

"You're a damn temptress, you know?" I whispered in-between kisses. Her moans and whimpers were a bit too much for me to handle. She frowned as my hand stopped just underneath her skirt, resting on her thigh. Were we really about to do this? "Lo, are you sure-"

"Condom's between the cushions," she muttered, attacking my lips as her grip in my hair tightened. There weren't any questions after that.


	24. Chapter 23

**Whoo boy, it's done! Fifteen pages and almost 7,000 words later, I've finished the mega birthday chapter! Part of me wishes I wasn't so stupidly stubborn that I wanted to keep this all in one chapter because a** ** _lot_** **of stuff is crammed in here ( _so many lines, pls forgive me_ ), but it's too late to take it back. Happy birthday, my smol freckled bean! I hope you lovelies enjoy the longest chapter I've ever done, and I'll see you on Monday if I don't fall over and die. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"You know what today is, Lo?" Alex murmured sleepily, burying his nose in the crook of my neck. His arm draped over my body, pulling me closer and sending electric shocks down my spine. I looked over at the clock on his bedside table and saw that it was 12:01. It was now officially past midnight, which meant that it was now November 4… My birthday. That also meant that any second now, Darcy and Gil would come barreling in…

"Shit, I have to get dressed!" I hissed, scrambling out of bed. Alex flicked on a lamp and smirked at me as I got dressed, letting out an audible groan when I put my bra back on. He had told me that my boobs were one of his favorite parts of my body, and I could tell by the way he had been kissing them the past few nights. It was a miracle he hadn't left any marks. I could take a page from his book. His neck and chest were covered in hickeys I had given him. It was a good thing it was cold enough outside, he could justify always wearing a hoodie or jacket.

"You know everyone probably already knows that we're having sex, right?" he asked as I pulled my pajamas back on. "You're not exactly the quietest in bed, Lo. You were especially loud during round three when I-"

"Shut up, Alex!" My face flushed at the memories of last night… And the nights before that. Ever since that night in the attic three days ago, it seemed like we had been, as Darcy so eloquently put it, "fucking like rabbits". Not that I minded at all. Alex was far more gentle than James or Maria had ever been. I actually _liked_ being with him. I smiled at him as he pulled on his boxers and a hoodie. "I have a feeling Darcy and Gil are going to come in here in a couple minutes and I don't want my brother and sister to see me naked."

Alex pouted and pulled me next to him on the bed, his face immediately returning to its spot on my neck. I groaned as he started kissing it. It had taken him only minutes to find all the sensitive spots on my body that made me tick, and ever since then he didn't hesitate to kiss me or touch me there whenever he damn felt like it, even if we were in public. I still hadn't forgiven him for kissing my neck at the library, which resulted in a very loud moan escaping my throat before I could even stop it. Aaron couldn't look me in the eyes the rest of our study session. I was mortified just thinking about it again.

"Are you sure we don't have time for a quickie?" he asked huskily, his lips leaving my neck with a satisfying pop. I shivered at the sensation and was almost grateful for Darcy and Gil bursting in then, holding a tray with a single cupcake on it and a handful of balloons. Gil grinned as he lit the candle with a flourish. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you have to be so dramatic? And couldn't this have waited for when it's actually light outside?"

"If we had waited any longer, I was scared we'd have to listen to you two have sex again," Darcy groaned as she extended the tray over to me. I blew out the candle with a blush and stared down at the cupcake as I focused on taking off the wrapper. "Do you two ever get tired? And do you have any _idea_ how loud you get? 'Ooh yeah, Alex, touch me there. Harder, Lexy!' I'm surprised you two haven't woken up George and Martha."

I choked on the cupcake as Darcy imitated me and hid my face in Alex's shoulder. I peeked up at him and saw that he had the smuggest grin in his face. Of course he'd be happy about that. At least he hasn't been completely embarrassing himself.

"I'll leave you two alone now, but I have one question before I go… Have you taken it up the ass yet?"

"Get out, Darcy!" Alex and I yelled at the same time. She smirked and pulled Gil out of the room with her. Alex started laughing the second the door shut, his entire body shaking. I looked up and ran a hand through my hair, panicking for a brief second before I remembered that I had donated it. Alex sobered up after a few seconds of laughter and immediately returned to his assault on my neck. Was he really about to do this now? We had school today!

"You know, you only call me Lexy when you're _really_ horny," he pointed out. I barked out a laugh and ran my hand through his hair. He smiled against my neck and pulled me higher up onto the bed. My head was now on his pillow, and I felt my face flush as he straddled me. I bit back a moan as I felt a bulge on my leg. "It's pretty damn sexy when you say that as you take me in your cute little mouth. You weren't kidding when you said you could take a lot in your throat."

"A-Al, we should try to get some sleep," I gasped out as his hand started creeping up my shorts, getting dangerously close to the waistband of my underwear. I pushed him away gently. I wasn't sure if going for another round was such a good idea. "It might be my birthday, but we still have school in about six hours. And I don't want to fall asleep in class."

"Fine…" Alex pouted, turning off the lamp. I held back a gasp. Whenever I'd told James or Maria that I was done for the night, they had only gotten angry. I hated that I had to remind myself for what felt like the hundredth time that Alex was absolutely _nothing_ like James. He'd never make me do anything I didn't want to do. He snuggled up next to me and held me tightly. I felt him smile against my neck. "Night, Lo."

"Night, Lexy." The last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep was the amazing sound of my boyfriend's laughter.

* * *

"Is a birthday outfit really necessary?" I sighed as I stood in front of the Schuylers, Herc, and Darcy. I yawned and groaned as Darcy sat me down in front of my dresser, attempting to fix my hair. I didn't really understand the point of doing so since she was going to do something to it anyway.

"Lori, sweetie, you need an entire birthday _look_. You only turn seventeen once," Darcy said, her tongue sticking out of her mouth slightly as she rubbed product into her hands and started fluffing my hair. I yawned again, turning my eyes away from Darcy as she grinned at me. "Someone's tired. Did you and Alex get any sleep last night or did you bang all night? You seemed to be having a lot of fun considering your sex hair-"

"D-Darcy! I… We slept some last night, or I guess technically this morning, after you and Gil so _rudely_ came in," I huffed, turning my head to watch the Schuylers and Herc. They were going through my closet and tossing clothes on my bed, murmuring to themselves. Darcy huffed and turned my head back to the position it had been in.

"You know, you never answered my question earlier. Have you and Alex breached those doors yet? Has he been in your backdoor or-"

"Darcy, there's a child present!" Peggy hissed, gesturing to Eliza, whose face was scarlet. Eliza rolled her eyes at her sister and laid a white pleated skirt down on my bed. Peggy and Angelica started putting up the rest of the clothes, having somehow silently agreed on the skirt.

"Are you forgetting that I'm older than you, Peggy?"

"At least I can handle people talking about sex," Peggy sniffed, kneeling down in front of the cubby where I kept all my shoes. She looked over to me with an evil smirk on her face. Between her and Darcy, I couldn't tell who was more involved in my love life. She raised an eyebrow as she saw the candy bags from Halloween sitting on the floor.

"You haven't eaten your candy yet? And why do you have two bags? Why haven't you shared?"

"I haven't been in my room much these past few days, Alex gave me his bag since he doesn't like candy much, and I haven't shared because you already had a bunch of candy on Halloween, Pegs." I answered her questions as quickly as she had asked them. She was silent after that, and the next thirty minutes were spent in a peaceful silence, the only sound in the room the Schyulers' whispered bickering with Herc as they argued over just what shirt would go with the skirt Eliza had picked out. It had taken some input from Darcy before they decided on a yellow blouse with strawberries dotted all over it. Between it and my hair, I was going to look like Strawberry Shortcake's rejected cousin. Angelica kicked Herc out of the room so I could change.

"How did you make your boobs grow so big?" Peggy asked as I unbuttoned my pajama shirt. I blushed as I tossed the shirt into the hamper and stepped out of my shorts. They got me far too much attention they were worth. I hated being the biggest of all my friends. I looked up Alex walked in, his hands grasped tightly around his signature lion mug. Judging by the look in his eyes, he was only on his first cup of the day. Darcy glared at him and crossed her arms as she stared him down. It was kind of funny that my sister was taller than my boyfriend, even without heels on.

"What the hell are you doing in here, Hamilton? Lori's still getting dressed," she scowled. Alex smirked up at her as he took a sip of coffee. I rolled my eyes as I pulled the skirt on. Didn't he know better than to mess with my sister by now? She had threatened to castrate him when we came down from the attic with rumpled clothes and mussed hair. It felt like they had some kind of rivalry going on when it involved me.

"I've already seen her naked, Darcy. Seeing her get dressed is no big deal," Alex said with a cocky grin as he set his mug down. He walked over to me and zipped up the back of my skirt, his hand resting on my butt for a few seconds as he kissed my cheek. I smiled up at him and pulled the skirt up to my waist before putting the shirt on, taking care to not ruffle my hair too much. Darcy would kill me if I ruined her hard work. Eliza set some white flats in front of my bed as I fussed over tucking in the shirt just right-it was a bit too big for me since I hadn't ever actually tried it on. I think it was a shirt Peggy had bought for me a few months ago.

"Haven't you two heard of 'no PDA'? I think my eyes are going to melt." Darcy spoke sarcastically as Alex and I sat down on my bed. At least she didn't kick him out. I pulled on the red thigh-high socks Eliza handed me (blushing as Alex made a flirtatious comment on how he couldn't wait to take them off of me tonight) and shoved my feet into the shoes. He smiled at me and rested his chin on top of my head, sticking his tongue out at Darcy when she glared at him. It would be a miracle if he survived the week.

"Your hair's so fluffy, Lo," he murmured, twirling a curl on his finger. I giggled. Sleepy Alex without coffee was kind of adorable. His accent slipped out slightly, but I didn't even think he was aware of it. He'd probably get self-conscious about it. "It's like I'm laying on a cloud."

"We should get downstairs for breakfast," Darcy frowned as she practically shoved Alex away from me and handed me a red sweater. I put it on and sighed as she started fixing my hair. She was too much of a perfectionist. At least that was something she had in common with Alex, no matter how much she might try to deny it. She patted me on the shoulder and grinned. "I think there's a little surprise for you."

I nodded and started to drag Alex with me, grabbing his forgotten cup as I passed it. He was going to need at least four more cups before he could function like a normal human being again. He perked up as I handed him the cup and started to drink the coffee, not caring that it had gone slightly cold. I sighed. Sometimes I worried that he was addicted to coffee.

I froze on the bottom step and stared at the kitchen. It was decorated in pastel streamers and confetti. There was a giant banner that read "Happy Birthday Lorin" in curly script hanging over the stove. The table looked like a buffet table and was completely covered with food. Gil smiled at me from his seat, his mouth full of food. The thing that surprised me most of all was that George and Martha were… here. Not locked up in their office, not gone somewhere for work, but _here_. This was probably the first time they had taken the morning off of work for my birthday.

"W-Wh-"

"We wanted to be here for your birthday," Martha said as she flipped a pancake onto a plate. Alex smiled as he led me to my seat. I felt tears well up in my eyes as George set his newspaper down and kissed my forehead.

"Happy birthday, honey. I'm sorry we haven't been around much lately," he put a hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me. I sniffled as tears started rolling down my face. Alex grabbed some paper towels and wiped my face. I smiled gratefully at him and looked up at George and Martha, absentmindedly playing with the tablecloth. They were so nice, I surely didn't deserve them.

"Thank you, Geor- Dad… And thank you too, Mom. You guys didn't have to take off work for me. I mean, you must have so much work to do…"

Their faces were unreadable. Did I mess up? This was the first time I had called them anything but their names. Maybe they didn't want me to call them Mom and Dad. Maybe they were only doing this because they felt bad for me because of James and Maria. I was keeping them from work, wasn't I?

Martha's eyes were shining with tears as she set a plate down in front of me. Oh God, I had made her cry. I really couldn't do anything without messing it up or hurting someone, could I? I looked down at the plate, which was piled high with French toast and fruit, all of which were sprinkled in powdered sugar. I picked up my fork and focused on cutting off a the corner of the French toast. I dropped it when I heard Martha utter a quiet "thank you" as she picked up Alex's empty cup.

Now the tears were really falling down my face. I huffed as I started wiping at them. Why was I crying so much? It wasn't even 8, and I had already cried twice today. If Darcy was downstairs, she would probably laugh at me for being such a crybaby. These, at least, were happy tears. It felt like it had been forever since I had cried because of something _good_ happening to me.

"Lori, I got your stuff for you- why are you crying?" I looked up and saw that Darcy was walking over to us, my backpack on her shoulder and my school ID dangling between her fingers. She slammed the plastic card onto the table and dropped my backpack at my feet. Her eyes narrowed at Alex, who was in the middle of ripping off more paper towels from the roll. "Did Hamilton do something?"

"Why the hell do you think I did something?" Alex asked as Martha set his mug down in front of him, now refilled with coffee. She set my mug in front of me, filled with hot chocolate. I nodded gratefully at her and turned to my sister before she killed Alex.

"Nobody _did_ anything, Dar. Nothing bad, at least. I'm just really happy." I turned back to my food before it got cold and blushed as Alex wiped the tears from my face. The Schuylers and Herc came downstairs and crowded around the table, since Martha had cooked far too much breakfast for just us. We ate in comfortable silence, the only sounds being our forks scraping against our plates. Martha bustled around the kitchen, refilling cups and making coffee for Alex. He had to have had at least five cups now. I cut him off before the sixth one. Five was the limit I had decided for him.

"This is an intervention, Al. You need to stop," I said as I took a sip of hot chocolate. He leaned back in his chair and blew some hair from his face. Martha stepped out of the room for a moment and came back with a gift bag. Oh no, the worst part of birthdays: gifts. I hated getting presents. Everyone made a big deal about them and they'd spend so much money on me, I'd feel terrible.

"Don't make that face, Lorin. It's not anything expensive," Martha laughed as she handed me the bag. I took it reluctantly and put it in my lap. It didn't feel very heavy. I peeked into it and got a faceful of colorful wax paper. "It's just a little something to help you since it's getting cold out."

I reached into the bag and pulled out a clear thermos with daisies printed all over it. It was pretty cute. Martha held out the pot of hot chocolate. I opened the top of the thermos so she could fill it up.

"I know how much you love hot chocolate when it starts to get cold, and your thermos keeps heat in so it never gets cold." She gasped as she glanced over at the clock. "It's time for you kids to get to school! I'll clean up, so you don't have to worry about it!"

* * *

I sighed as Eliza pinned a giant yellow ribbon to my sweater. It read "Happy Birthday" in giant letters. I didn't mind the ribbon much… What I minded was the money that was attached to it. It was like I was _asking_ to get mugged. I hadn't counted how much money everyone had given me, but the Schyulers alone had given me fifty dollars… each.

Everyone else had gone into the school, with the exception of me and Alex. I wanted to chill out in the parking lot for a few minutes before going to English. I knew that Thomas and Maddie would make a big deal about my birthday, and I felt like I needed a few minutes to prepare myself before they potentially embarrassed me in front of the entire class.

I saw Aaron standing by the entrance to the school, talking to a pretty girl with braids. She was a senior, I think, but I couldn't remember her name. I heard Alex chuckle and turned to look at him. His gaze was on Aaron, who seemed to be exchanging phone numbers with the senior. She walked off shortly afterwards, her hair flying behind her as she entered the building.

Aaron spotted us from across the parking lot and walked over to us, adjusting his tie as he approached. The guy seemed to always be overdressed for school. I wonder if he even knew what casual clothes were. Seeing him next to Alex when I sat in on debate club meetings was hilarious. It was almost like they were from two entirely different worlds, Aaron in his vest and tie and Alex in his hoodie and jeans.

"Good morning, Lorin. I see it's your birthday today," Aaron gestured to the ribbon on my chest. I nodded and suddenly realized that a bright yellow ribbon was probably going to attract far too much attention for my liking. I detached the ribbon and money and put them in my backpack. I was in the middle of zipping it back up when I heard the familiar purr of an expensive car, one that wasn't even released in the states yet. It couldn't be...

"You know, Burr, most people would say 'happy birthday'," Alex commented dryly. I tuned him out, my eyes only on the expensive black car pulling into the parking lot. That was definitely James' car. But why was he here? His school was all the way across the city! He shouldn't be here. Yet here he was, in the flesh. I could a glimpse of him through the window and felt my heart stop as I saw that Maria and Lee were with him.

The car stopped in the middle of the parking lot, parked haphazardly across two staff parking spaces. I hid behind Alex as the back door opened. I wanted to tell him and Aaron that we should hurry up and go to class, but the words only sat awkwardly on my tongue and I couldn't make them come out if I tried. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I gripped Alex's jacket sleeve tightly and tried again to speak, but all that came out was a choked whimper.

"What's wrong, Lo? Are you cold?" he asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. Aaron looked down at his watch and turned back towards the school, saying that he was going to class and that we should hurry before we were late. Across the parking lot, Lee had gotten out of James' car, followed by James himself and Maria. What the hell were they doing here? Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

A wicked grin spread across Maria's face as we made eye contact. I could barely breathe. I had to get out of here. I couldn't deal with this now. Alex frowned down at me and followed my gaze, his eyebrows furrowing. I knew that he didn't know what James and Maria looked like, since I didn't bother to tell him, but he had probably managed to put two and two together based on my reaction. Either that or he was planning on asking me what the hell was wrong. He led me into the school without a word, but it didn't do any good to calm my nerves. I fell to my knees halfway to English, heaving deep breaths and trying to not have _another fucking panic attack_.

"Lo!" Alex knelt in front of me and pulled my hands from my hair. When had they gotten there? I tried to make my blurry vision focus so I could see his face. My chest felt like it was wound up painfully tight as I struggled to breathe. Why couldn't I be normal? They hadn't even done anything yet and I was already freaking out. But everything that they had done to me was flashing through my mind.

 _Their voices, which somehow managed to be both harsh and unforgiving and soothing and gentle all at once. Their hands, which had both given me the cruelest of punishments and best of pleasures. The searing pain from when Maria gave me a new scar for misbehaving because I was nothing but a pathetic whore who couldn't follow simple instructions. I wasn't a good girl. I was bad. Bad bad_ _ **bad**_ _-_

Alex was talking to me, trying to calm me down or something, but I couldn't hear him over the dull buzzing in my ears. James and Maria were here, and I didn't know why. Was he going to try to apologize? I didn't want to hear any of it. If he apologized, there was a chance I'd _accept_ his apology. He'd manage to talk me into forgetting everything he had done to me.

"Don't want to go back," I sobbed between my gasping breaths, squeezing my eyes tightly shut. I couldn't go back to him. He'd hurt me, I know it. Lee had to have been lying. There was no way James had changed. The brief glance I had gotten of him earlier proved that. He had the same look in his eyes that he'd have before he beat me.

There was a hand on my shoulder. I screamed and pushed it away. Alex hissed a curse under his breath. I shook my head as he murmured reassurances into my ear in between attempting to count my breaths for me. He was lying. He couldn't protect me from James. James wouldn't stop until he got to me. Nobody could protect me from him.

"Lo, please look at me. I don't know what's wrong," Alex's voice sounded so broken. I opened my eyes and saw that he was crying, his eyes rimmed with red. He was sitting on his knees, his hands awkwardly in his lap like he didn't know what to do with him. His hair was a disheveled mess, and I could tell that he had been running his hands through it frantically. I looked away from him. I couldn't stand seeing him like that.

I didn't know what else to do aside from apologize, so I did just that. I lost track of how long I spent apologizing. Alex kept telling me that there was no need for me to apologize, but it was all I could do. I didn't want to tell him about James being here. There was no telling what he'd do. But… I had promised Angelica that I would tell them everything, hadn't I? And this was certainly something that I should tell them about. I hated dragging everyone into my mess because I was too weak to deal with it myself.

"J-James and Maria… They're here…"

* * *

I looked up from my worksheet as a brown paper bag was dropped in on the table next to me and took in a deep breath as I saw Lee standing in front of me. What was he doing here? He normally spent his free period off campus, or behind the gym getting high. Why was he here at the library, of all places? I tried my best to forget about what had happened the last time we were in the library together. I felt a chill go down my spine as I remembered the way he had nipped at my earlobe and the feeling of his hands on my chest, opening my bra and exposing me to the world.

I wasn't alone this time. John was sitting with me, and his eyes narrowed at Lee. John was supposed to be in art class right now, but he had gotten special permission to work in the library. And Eliza was working as a library assistant this period, too. I wasn't alone. In fact, in every single one of my classes, one of my friends was with me. Even if they didn't have the class with me. They were obviously trying to make sure that James or Maria didn't get to me. Alex had texted our group chat and told everyone to keep an eye out for them.

"Fuck _off_ , Lee," John snarled, shoving the bag off the table. It fell to the ground noisily, and some of the contents rolled out. Pill bottles. Why the hell was he trying to give me pills? I picked up one of the bottles and gasped. It… It was _mine_. I stopped the rest of the bottles before they rolled away. All of it was the medicine James had taken from me. Lee picked up the bag and took out the last thing from it: a black box that I recognized as being from the most expensive jewelry store in the city.

"James wants to apologize, Lorin. He says-"

"Let's go, Lori." John packed our things up briskly, not looking towards me or Lee. I shoved the medicine into my backpack and barely managed to zip it up before John was pulling me out of the library. We didn't stop walking until we were at his car, where he finally released my wrist and scowled down at me.

"W-What-"

"Why the hell did Lee have your medicine? I saw some of the labels, Lorin. Your anti-depressants, your anxiety meds… Is that why you kept saying none of them were helping and changed prescriptions so much? B-Because _Reynolds_ had them? You know how you get when you're off your meds!" His voice had started off soft, but by the end he was practically screaming at me. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. I couldn't look away from them. _He won't hurt me for talking back,_ I reminded myself.

"'Off my meds'? You make it sound like I'm a fucking psychopath, John! I've been fine without them! Besides, you didn't even notice I wasn't taking them. No… Nobody noticed..."

"You haven't been 'fine', Lorin. Your panic attacks have been getting worse. Alex told us what happened earlier… How it took him almost thirty minutes to calm you down…" John pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. " _Why_ did he have your medicine?"

"...Punishment. He took it because I misbehaved. He was supposed to give it back, but we broke up." I shook my head as the memories started flooding back. I didn't want to think about this now. Weren't birthdays supposed to be happy? "Can we talk about this tomorrow or something? P-Please?"

John reluctantly nodded and unlocked the car, quietly telling me to get in. I got in silently, not wanting to piss him off anymore than I probably already had. I quickly checked the time. There were still ten minutes left until the end of the day. If John wasn't Mattie's ride to and from school, he probably would have taken me straight home so he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. I wouldn't blame.

The next few hours were uneventful. I was confined upstairs with Alex until everyone finished setting up downstairs for the party. His room was as neat as it always was, with his books and notebooks stacked neatly on his desk and his clothes hung up perfectly in the closet. The only place that was a mess was the bed, which I guess he hadn't made up since last night.

He didn't mention James and Maria, or my panic attack, which I was thankful for. I think he could tell that I didn't want to talk about it. I knew I'd have to talk about it eventually, but today I just wanted to try and relax and enjoy my birthday.

We were like we normally were, Alex hunched over at his desk, frantically writing away, and me lying on his bed. I had taken my sweater and shoes off to get more comfortable and wrapped a blanket around myself. I watched Alex write and sighed. I could never understand how he wrote like he was running out of time. He was either writing some scathing political essay (George got a kick out of reading those) or planning out his next debate with Thomas or Aaron. I blinked as his pen stopped flying across the paper. He normally never stopped writing until I made him.

"Lo, you… You know that I love you, right?" Well, that came out of nowhere. I looked at Alex (who was wearing his glasses for once, God damn he was handsome) and saw that he was looking at me. He cleared his throat awkwardly and twirled his pencil around. He tapped it on the desk a few times before getting up from his chair and walking over to me.

"Of course. And I love you too, Al. But why are you-" He sat next to me and kissed me gently, his hands getting entangled in my hair. I closed my eyes and breathed in his familiar scent. It was always a comfort. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. He pulled away from me and brushed some bangs back from my face.

"I… I just wanted to make sure that you knew that. Sorry if I was being weird." I couldn't think of a response, but thankfully I didn't have to because Darcy called for us to come downstairs. I kissed Alex's cheek and grabbed his hand so we could go downstairs together. Darcy hated waiting, and I felt like it was best to get things over with. Hopefully Eliza had managed to rein in Darcy and Gil a tiny bit. They loved parties, and I was kind of terrified of what they'd do.

They had moved the decorations from earlier to the living room, and _oh my God, there were so many presents_. Peggy nudged Gil as Alex and I walked into the living room, and I flinched as they both popped party poppers right in my face. I picked a streamer from my hair and looked around the room. Everyone was here, even Thomas and Maddie, who were setting up a folding table in the middle of the room. Everyone started moving their gifts from the floor to the table as Alex and I found a seat on the couch.

"George and Martha left to get your cake," Darcy said as she snapped a party hat onto my head. I nodded and started messing with the hem of my skirt as I looked at the table. Everyone was so nice… I didn't deserve their kindness, any of it. I didn't know why any of them liked me. I was nothing but a nervous wreck. Darcy, at least, was my sister. She _had_ to like me. But I didn't really know what everyone else saw in me. Maybe they just pitied me.

I jumped as the front door slammed open. Mattie walked in, carrying a few pizza boxes. How she managed to open the door while holding them, I'd never know. I watched as she walked to the dining room table and dropped the boxes ungracefully. She turned to John and started ranting at him in Spanish. I couldn't understand a word since she was speaking so fast, but clearly Alex found it hilarious because he doubled over in laughter. John's face was bright red at the end of her ramble, and he refused to look his sister in the face.

"Um… Maybe we should start with the gift opening now," Angelica said, clearing her throat after a few moments of silence. I opened my mouth to protest, but Peggy and Gil were in front of me in an instant, holding their gifts in their arms. They huffed and stared at each other, scowls on their faces. I looked at the neatly wrapped boxes in their arms. Peggy's was bigger, and I could see that it was a gift from _all_ the Schuylers from the tiny card that was attached to it.

"I was here first, Laffy," Peggy said, shoving the box into my hands. She smiled sweetly at me as I fingered the ribbon on it, hesitating. What if it was stupidly expensive and something that I couldn't return? I didn't want anyone to waste a lot of money on someone as worthless as me. I stared down at the box for a few more seconds before unwrapping it, taking care to not rip the paper _too_ much. Underneath the wrapping was an expensive-looking gold felt box. Good lord, they even spent a lot on the _box_! I took the top off…

And immediately put it back on. No. There was no way. They had gotten me _Broadway tickets_. Not only that, they were tickets for a showing of Dear Evan Hansen on Thursday. That was a few days away. How did they even _get_ these? Tickets had been sold out for months. Did they ask their father to pull some strings to get two more tickets? I felt tears welling up in my eyes. This was only the first gift, how would I react to the rest?

"I'm guessing you like your present?" Eliza asked, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket and handing it to me. I nodded and dabbed at my tears. They knew me so well… I really didn't deserve them. Before I could get too caught up in my thoughts, Gil handed me his gift. It was a lot smaller and flatter than the Schuylers' gift was. I opened it and saw that it was a signed copy of the soundtrack to the very play I had just gotten tickets for. There were even messages written directly to me from the cast.

"G-Gil… How-"

"I waited outside the stage door for hours and waited for the cast to show up. I almost freezed my butt off for those autographs," he laughed nervously, his cheeks flushing. I jumped up and hugged him, then gave each Schuyler sister a hug, too. What did I do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve _them_? My birthdays in the past were nothing special, a hushed affair in the middle of the night. Mama would always bake cookies, quietly sing me happy birthday, and tuck me back into bed. All of them had been like that, with the exception of my tenth birthday, which I refused to think about now.

The rest of the presents were handed out over pizza and cake. We had decided to wait for George and Martha to come back before I opened the rest of them. Thomas had gotten me a laptop (a quite expensive one, I might add-he said he burned the receipt so I couldn't return it), John had gotten me some Disney movies (I had a feeling he had gone through my collection so he knew exactly which ones to get me), Herc had sewn me some clothes and a new stuffed rabbit, and Maddie had gotten me a collection of gift cards, saying that he wanted me to choose what to get myself. George had murmured something about my gift not being here yet. That left only Alex to give me something, even though I had more than enough.

"Um, I didn't spend as much as everyone else did," he started as he reached into his pocket. "Hell, I didn't spend _anything._ And this doesn't exactly have any fancy wrapping or a famous person's signature. I've spent the past week thinking of something to get you. I didn't think I'd find anything _good_ enough for you. This was my… my mother's. It was all she had left me before she died. She told me to keep it until I found someone special to give it to, and… I found her. I hope you like it."

He pulled out a charm bracelet from his pocket and held it gingerly in his palm. I looked down at it and silently offered him my wrist, holding it up to examine it once he closed the clasp. It was silver and had a few charms hanging delicately from it: a flower, a feather, a heart, a star, a moon, and a music note. It was beautiful. But I couldn't take such a precious thing-

"I know what you're going to say, Lo, and there's no takesie-backsies," Alex said firmly. I snorted. It sounded weird hearing such childish language coming from _him_ of all people. He took my hand and smiled sadly. "Mom would have wanted me to give it to you. I know it's probably not what you expected-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"It's perfect."


	25. Chapter 24

_Reynolds Intermission_

Alexander Hamilton. Alexander _fucking_ Hamilton. James had never met him personally. Why would he have? The second Charles had told him the asshole's name, he'd had his father's men launch an investigation. Hamilton was nothing but a bastard immigrant from a shitty island in the middle of nowhere. What made him think he was worthy enough for _his_ Lorin? How could she stoop so low as to date some pathetic immigrant who probably couldn't even speak English?

He had to win her back. Not just for him, but for Maria. There was something missing in their relationship without her, and it wasn't just the sex. No, it was something far more than that. James missed having control over someone. There wasn't much he could make Maria do. She actually had a mind of her own. She lived life her own way, not giving a fuck about what people expected of her.

Lorin was different. She needed direction. She needed someone to tell her what to do. She was, by nature, a true submissive. And she was a damn good one at that, if you ignored the few times she had tried to talk back or disobey an order. She blindly followed his lead, doing what was expected of her. She had fallen into her role easily, doing whatever he had asked of her and letting him do whatever he wanted.

And she was pretty damn beautiful, with her sandy hair that flowed down her back in waves and her beautiful gray eyes. She had mentioned wanting to cut her hair once and donate it, but he refused to let her do that. That hair was _his_. Every part of her belonged to him. Every lock of beautiful hair, every freckle on her body, every single eyelash was _his_. She was his and his alone.

He didn't care what Maria said. She wasn't the one who had found Lorin hopelessly drunk at one of Thomas Jefferson's pathetic parties. From the second he saw her across the room, curled up in a reading chair holding a book upside down, he knew he had to have her. And he did. He had taken her upstairs to one of the dozen guest rooms at the Jefferson estate and fucked her senseless. She hadn't put up much of a fight. That meant that she had to have wanted him as much as he'd wanted her. No matter how much she'd tried to cry rape the next day, he knew that she had wanted him. Besides, nobody would believe her. She had been drunk.

They started dating that very day. He had managed to sweet-talk his way into her heart with compliments and expensive gifts, which she had stupidly tried to refuse. He'd had to slap some sense into her, quite literally. Nobody ever told him no, especially not _his_ girl. He could see that she had to be trained in the art of submission. She had to learn her place. She had to learn that a woman's job was to do nothing more than serve her significant other, to pleasure him.

He missed the sound of her voice, soft and quiet and melodical. He missed the feeling of her beautiful brown locks slipping between his fingers as he planted kisses on her perfect neck, leaving marks that claimed her as his. He missed being intimate with her, their bodies flush against each other as they rolled around on his bed, feeling nothing but pure ecstasy. He missed being _inside_ of her, completely dominating her as she screamed out his name. He missed when it was just the two of them, before he had idiotically added Maria to the mix-and now it was too late to get rid of her. She had information on him that he couldn't risk getting out.

James knew just what to do. He'd make things up to Lorin. He… He would be gentler this time. His father and his therapist agreed that he had done things completely wrong. He had been a bit _too_ dominant. He had hurt her too much. They both had said that she would come crawling back eventually when she realized how much strong their love was, but instead she had gone off with some… some _foreigner_. That just wouldn't do.

"I tried to give her the necklace, but Laurens took her away before she could take it." James was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of Charles' meek voice. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel as Charles curled up into himself. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Charles with anything. He should have gone across the parking lot, talked to her face to face, but Maria told him that it wasn't a good idea. Why had he _listened_ to her? What was the point of them getting out of the car if they weren't going to do anything? Lorin had been so close, he could almost touch her...

She was just as beautiful as she had always been. She had cut and dyed her hair, causing it to form a peachy halo around her face. She was obviously disobeying the orders he had given her. He could forgive her, though. He had to forgive her. It was understandable. Without him in her life, she had clearly lost her way. She needed his guidance, and she needed it before she was too far gone. He didn't recognize the person she was with, but judging by the kisses he planted on her face-how _dare_ he?- the guy had to be Hamilton.

He was… lackluster. Exactly what you'd expect of a dirty immigrant. He looked incredibly unkempt, not at all worthy of being with his Lorin. The scruffy bastard looked like he hadn't slept in over a week. His disgusting, greasy hair was swept back into a low ponytail. His fashion choices were boring and unremarkable-he clearly didn't care one bit about his appearance. And his posture? Ugh. Completely terrible. But there were much more important things to worry about now.

"...Laurens?" James hissed, barely able to keep the anger from his voice. He took a deep breath like this therapist had taught him to do when he got frustrated. John Laurens was Lorin's "best friend", but he knew that she had to fucking him behind his back. There was no other excuse for her to be so close to another man. He saw the way Laurens would look at her. He had seen the way Lorin's eyes lit up whenever she saw her "friend". Laurens would honestly be a better boyfriend for her than Hamilton, although both of them paled in comparison to the one and only James Reynolds.

"Y-Yes. Laurens wouldn't let her talk to me. She took the medicine, though. I-I don't think he noticed." Charles hugged his backpack to his chest as James took off from the parking lot silently, surely driving over the speed limit. He fiddled with the zipper and took out the expensive necklace. The box had gotten slightly scuffed when it fell to the ground earlier. He prayed that James wouldn't notice, but it was unlikely. He noticed everything.

The only sound in the car was the constant tapping of Maria's meticulously manicured nails against her phone screen. James looked over to her phone. She was texting Lorin's sister, who she had been complaining about for the past few days. They had gotten into an argument on Halloween, and she had been texting her non-stop trying to get a response. So far it had been unsuccessful.

"Why are you still bothering with her?" James frowned as she finally put the phone back into her purse. She looked over at him with a scowl on her face. "She's not Lorin, you know. But I'm working on getting her back."

"I want both of them. Lorin was a good fuck, and her sister's even more amazing. If I had both of them…" Maria let out a shaky breath, her eyes closing as she leaned her head back on the seat. A blush spread across her face as she brushed dark locks back from her face. "If I had them both at the same time, it would be fucking incredible."

"Then I'll do everything in my power to get her back."

* * *

 **Hey, all! This lil' chapter came out of nowhere, even for me. I got it typed up in about a day (curse you, insomnia), and I kind of wanted to try writing in third person for a change because why not? This chapter's honestly kind of a mess, but it reveals a few important things: one, that Reynolds is an absolute psychopath and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near any woman, least of all my bean; two, that the "Mari" Darcy's been dating is Maria, and last but not least, Maria wants the Haywoods for herself because she's thirsty af. Hopefully you lovelies enjoyed! (I'm off to eat pizza rolls and sleep.) ~Shaymie**


	26. Chapter 25

**Welp, it's Thursday, which means time for another chapter. As Fall Out Boy once sang, "Sometimes better it gets better, the darkness gets bigger." It's going to be a bump ride from here on out, and I hope you lovelies enjoy it. Don't be afraid to tell me if things start getting too angsty, y'all. Or like too lewd, I don't know. Oh, and I've started a Lams fic if any of you are interested in that. k, bye ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Have you decided who's going with you tomorrow?" I asked Lorin as she climbed into bed next to me. She nodded and pulled the blankets over herself. I held back a sigh. She hadn't been talking much since yesterday, when Angelica and Laurens had lectured her about the dangers of stopping her antidepressants. Angelica had even pulled up an entire web article, listing off all the symptoms she thought Lorin had… And for most of them, she was right. _Mood swings, anxiety, nightmares..._ I didn't know how I hadn't noticed. I tried to reason with myself that Lo had stopped taking the medicine before I had even met her, and she had probably been trying to hide the symptoms so we wouldn't worry, but it didn't make me feel any less shitty.

"Wanna go with you," Lorin murmured, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "It could be our second date. Although you don't really like musicals that much, so maybe it's a dumb idea. I'm sorry… Maybe I'll ask Eliza or something."

"I'd love to go with you, Lo," I said as I kissed her nose. She smiled gratefully and put a hand in my hair, scratching my scalp. I groaned. She knew just how much I loved when she did that. Her nails against my scalp felt amazing. Something in her expression was bothering me a bit, though. She seemed… distracted. "Lo… How are you feeling?"

"What do you mean?" She frowned, her eyes furrowing. Her fingers paused in their movements, her hand falling to my shoulder as her face scrunched up in thought.

"I mean just what I asked. How are you feeling? I know you're not happy about having to take your medicine again and having everyone watch over you like a child. You haven't been talking much lately and I… I don't know what's been on your mind. I just want to know if you're doing alright."

"I feel shitty," she whispered as she sat up. I sat up with her. Her peachy hair framed her adorable face, and I tried to ignore the way her shirt rose up on her thighs… And the fact that _all_ she was wearing was an oversized shirt, because now wasn't the time to be a horny bastard. She played with the bottom edge of her shirt as she looked up at me. "Sometimes I feel sad… And then I get angry because I have no reason to be sad when I'm surrounded by such wonderful people… Then there's just… nothing."

"Lo…"

"At least with you, I feel _something_. I feel happy." She climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. Her fluffy hair tickled my chin as she tilted her head up to look at me. "And it's not just because of the sex, although that's a bit of an added bonus. I… I don't feel _pressured_ to do anything with you. I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Lo," I grunted as she shifted on my lap. Even when she wasn't trying to, she was being a complete tease. Her shirt had rode up on her thighs even more, and I couldn't resist putting my hands on the soft flesh there. Her breath hitched in her throat. Shit. She had just opened up to me, and all I was doing was being a horny asshole. I quickly moved my hands, but she put them back, a small smile forming on her face as she pushed me down onto the bed.

"I want to show you just _how_ much I love you." Her voice was soft as she took my shirt off and started planting sloppy kisses on my chest. I shivered as her hand returned to my hair, pulling it out of its ponytail. Her nails tickled my scalp. What had gotten into her? Her movements seemed almost desperate, like she was trying to prove something.

Then I remembered what she had told me on our first date. She thought that it was her job to pleasure me. _Her only job in life…_ I had thought that we were past this. I thought she would have learned by now that I love her for _her_. Not for her looks. Not for her body. Not for _sex_. The bullshit Reynolds and her father had told her must still be affecting her, despite the fact that I told her that she shouldn't listen to them.

She had reached the bottom of my stomach now. Her precious little hands pulled down my sweatpants and boxers at once, and I gasped out a moan as she took me into her mouth. I felt her lips curl up into a smile. This felt wrong somehow. I felt like I was taking advantage of her, even though she was the one who had initiated it. I put a hand on her head. She looked up at me curiously, but didn't stop her movements. God, she was amazing at this.

"W-What are you doing?" I asked, barely able to think straight while she licked and sucked and _oh God, now she was using her hands_ … She blinked in confusion as I gently pushed her away and put my clothes back on. She wiped the edge of her mouth (damn, that was sexy) and sat up along with me, her face bright red as she stared at the wall. Her lips started trembling as she finally got the courage to look up at me.

"D-Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so assertive. That's your job, isn't it? I… I shouldn't have… God, I'm such a fuck-up. I can't even do my job right. I can't do _anything_ right. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry. I'm-" She was hyperventilating, her hands tangling in her hair as she continued to ramble. I hated seeing her like this. Angelica had said that it would most likely take a few weeks for her medicine to take its full effect, and that she might get more anxious as a result. Besides that, she had so many different prescriptions since she had changed them so many times, we didn't even know which one was the _right_ one anymore. It was like a guessing game. A really fucked up guessing game that messed with my girlfriend's emotions. I hated it.

"Lorin. Lo. You didn't… You didn't do anything wrong. I've told you before that it's not your _job_ to have sex with me. It's not your job to be _submissive_. We're equals, Lo. I don't know what I need to do to get you to understand that your father and Reynolds are fucking idiots."

"B-But… I don't understand." She frowned and shook her head, like she didn't believe me. Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to comprehend what I had said. I hated seeing her cry. I hated knowing that she had been conditioned to think that she's not worth anything. I hated not being able to help her. "I… I'm supposed to-"

"Lo, I'm not dating you just to sleep with you. I love you for _you_. You shouldn't feel obligated to have sex with me because it's not all you're good for. You're amazing and smart and beautiful and I wish you'd think a little better of yourself. I know this might be a lot for you to take in. I don't expect you to just magically get better. But I'll be here for you every step of the way."

I removed her hands from her hair and kissed her face. She stared up at me, her eyes wide. I didn't know what was going on in her mind then. I didn't know if I would _ever_ know what went on through her mind. I couldn't even imagine how she was feeling. I knew what it was like to be used for my body, but in my case it had all been consensual, if not just a tiny bit reluctant. She had been raped. Abused. Beaten. It could take years for her to recover completely, but I was willing to stay by her side the entire time.

* * *

I felt extremely underdressed. Everyone around me was dressed in much better clothing. Even Lorin was dressed up, wearing a beautiful light pink dress and matching flats. Her tights were white and had an adorable floral pattern. Her peachy hair was tied up in a high ponytail with a few strands framing her face. Darcy had talked her into wearing makeup, though it was only a tiny bit. Sadly, however, it covered up the freckles I loved so much.

I felt peoples' eyes on us as I led Lorin to our seats. Their disapproving stares were focused on Lorin. More specifically, the abundance of scars on her arms. If Lo noticed the stares, she didn't comment on it. She stared straight ahead, her hands tightly holding onto the playbill. Her lip was already between her teeth, and she chewed on it nervously. This had to be her worst fear: a crowded, dark public place. I would have suggested going back home, but she was so excited for this, and the Schuylers had spent so much money on the tickets, I'd feel terrible for not using them.

Her eyes lit up as the actors got onto the stage, and suddenly I regretted ever wanting to take her back home. She was so happy, it felt like a crime to even try to take that away from her. I honestly spent more time watching her face than the actual play. I watched the way she quietly moved her lips along to the songs she had been playing on repeat the past few days. I watched the way she laughed as an actor said a particularly funny line, her precious dimples coming out for the first time in a _long_ time. I watched the way her eyes were filled with tears almost the entire time, the drops sitting on the edges of her lashes.

She stayed in her seat at the end of the show, gently clapping, while everyone around us gave a standing ovation. I had a feeling that she didn't trust herself to stand up. I put a hand on her shoulder as she wiped at her tears. We left after the actors thanked everyone for coming. Lorin excused herself to the bathroom so she could take off her makeup. She looked exhausted. I knew how hard it was for her to do something like this. I'd have to come up with date ideas that didn't require forcing her to come outside.

"What are you doing here, Hamilton?" I looked up from my phone and rolled my eyes as I saw King and Seabury walking over to me, hand in hand. They were dressed almost identically like usual. It was fucking creepy. King smirked at me as I looked up at him. Why the hell was everyone so _tall_? It was annoying.

"More importantly, where's your _girlfriend_?" Seabury drew the word out sarcastically. I glared at him. I was itching to give him a real beatdown, but Lorin hated fights. And if we fought in public, there was a chance that we could get arrested. The best thing to do would be to leave, but I was still waiting for Lo, and I didn't want to leave her alone in such a big place. She could get lost. I sighed and shoved earbuds into my ears, hoping that they would get the message that I wanted to be left alone. I didn't actually have any music on my phone, so I went to YouTube and clicked on the first video I saw, some obnoxious game tutorial. I quickly tuned it out, as with King and Seabury's mocking voices. We were like that for a few minutes-I was getting worried about Lo, she had been gone for awhile-when one of them shoved me to the ground.

King grinned maliciously at me as I got back on my feet, picking up my phone. The screen was slightly cracked, but nothing I couldn't deal with. I took deep breaths to calm myself and felt relieved when I saw Lorin walking up to me, her face now free of makeup. Her eyes were slightly red. She must have been crying. She looked up nervously at King and Seabury, who still hadn't left.

"Let's go, Lo." She nodded and grabbed my hand, letting me pull her towards the exit. Seabury and King followed us. I flipped them off and quickened my pace, making sure that Lorin could still keep up. She gnawed on her lip and glanced behind us. I glared at Seabury and King. What did we have to do to get them to leave us alone?

"Have you forgotten everything James has done for you?" Seabury asked. Lorin's face paled. I didn't think Seabury and King knew Reynolds, and judging by the look on Lo's face, I'd say that she didn't know either. She had chewed right through her lip, causing it to bleed. I held her hand tighter. Why couldn't we have a date without anything going wrong? "He gave you a purpose. He raised you up from _nothing._ Are you going to throw all that away to be with _Hamilton_?"

"Just ignore them, Lo," I said frantically as her breathing sped up. It was probably too late for that. She slowed to a complete halt and shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. I knew how hard she had been trying to forget everything that Reynolds had done to her, and Seabury had just ruined that in two seconds. I kissed her on the forehead and turned to the arrogant assholes behind us. I swung at King the second I saw the smug look on his face...

...And missed. He seemed to have known exactly what I was going to do and stepped to the side. I tried to catch myself on the ground, but that only caused me to land right on my wrist. Seabury and King laughed as they walked away. My anger only grew as King turned around and walked over to Lorin, leaning over and whispering something in her ear. She let out a choked sob and ran off. Shit. It was already dark out, and in her panicked state I doubted she would pay any attention to where she was going. I pushed myself up and ran after her, ignoring the throbbing pain in my wrist.


	27. Chapter 26

**Hey, all! You may notice this chapter going up on Friday night instead of Saturday morning, and there's a reason for that. I'm going to be busy tomorrow morning (actually all of tomorrow, since I'm going to be watching a charity livestream with my friends, lol), and figured it's better to get this chapter up early rather than late. Fair warning, there's a ton of swearing (my bean swears a lot when she's upset, and she's in a pretty dark place now) and a lil' bit of sexy time towards the end of the starting flashback. Next chapter will be fluffy angst, and then after that should maybe be more fluff if I don't decide to be evil. Wow, I rambled a lot. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this slightly early chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

" _Happy birthday, babe." James kissed my cheek as he put an arm around me. I bit my lip and forced a smile onto my face. I didn't want to tell him that my birthday was yesterday. Talking back only got me punished. I didn't want to be punished_ _ **here**_ _, in the school parking lot. Especially not in front of John. I knew he didn't like James, and I didn't want him to have any more of a reason to dislike him. He'd blame James, even though it would completely be my fault._

" _Her birthday was yesterday, asshole," John spat out, glaring at James. My boyfriend glared back, his grip on me now painful. I opened my mouth to try to break up the inevitable argument, but my throat felt like sandpaper. I knew that if I said anything, James would get angry. So I just snapped my mouth shut and let him take me to his car, giving a small wave to John as we left._

 _I texted Gil and told him that I was going over to James' house. He raised an eyebrow at me as he closed the car door behind him and started driving off. I put my seatbelt on and returned my phone to my pocket._

" _Who was that you were texting?"_

" _My brother. He gets worried if I don't tell him where I am," I said softly, tucking my hair behind my ear. James nodded and put a hand on my thigh, sending electric shocks down my spine. I knew what was probably about to happen soon and I couldn't help but feel a bit excited. We fooled around in his car so much that he always kept a condom or two in the glove department. His left hand was still confidently on the steering wheel. He was probably the best driver I knew, though I wouldn't tell Gil that. It would probably ruin his confidence. I looked over at James. He was staring straight ahead at the road, but there was a small grin on his face as his hand creeped up my skirt._

" _I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday, Lorin." His hand squeezed my thigh slightly. I looked out the window and shrugged. It wasn't really that big a deal. If anything, I was happy. I hated having special attention drawn to my birthday. I was another year older, so what? It didn't change anything. "You know, Maria's not coming by until later. That gives us some time alone. Time to do whatever you want."_

" _W-Whatever_ _ **I**_ _want?" I frowned. I had never had the luxury of choosing what we did. That decision was always left to James or Maria. I just did whatever they wanted, like a good little girl. A good submissive, James said. I loved when he praised me. I lived for it. It made me feel worth something._

" _Your choice. Fingers," he accented the word by putting a finger on the edge of my panties, "tongue, or something a bit… bigger. I'll be more gentle than Maria."_

 _Oh. I should have known that a quiet night with dinner and a movie wasn't an option. I was still only meant to pleasure James and Maria, after all. I suppose this was just going to be a chance for me to receive pleasure for a change. I looked over at James, who was focusing on the road. We were already at his house. I had to make a decision, but I wasn't used to having so much power._

" _Have you decided yet, babe?" he asked as he pulled into his driveway. I bit my lip as he unbuckled my seatbelt and carried me princess style into the house. It was empty, as usual. I looked up into his face and saw that he was smiling down at me, his blue eyes sparkling. I thought long and hard (pun not intended) about how to word what I wanted to say without sounding ungrateful._

" _Can we just… relax? I don't really feel like having sex tonight." I regretted the words the second they left my mouth. The smile vanished from his face as quickly as it came, his face now twisting in anger. He roughly threw me onto the couch and slammed his lips onto mine. I felt terrified. He hadn't been this rough with me since the night we had met, but I refused to let myself think about that. It was in the past. He had promised he wouldn't do that again._

" _I was trying to be nice because I love you," he whispered huskily in my ear, his mouth going down to my neck. I shivered at the sensation. "Just because it was your birthday doesn't give you the right to deny my gift. Do you know how hard it was for me to give up my power? Now, you can choose, or we can let Maria choose when she gets here. But I can't guarantee she'll be as forgiving as me. What's your decision?"_

" _I… I…" I couldn't think straight, which only infuriated James more. His hands were pinning me down to the couch, so even if I wanted to, I couldn't run. He bit down on my neck as one of his hands started creeping up my thigh and under my skirt. I groaned. He was such a tease…_

" _Time's up, babe. Don't worry, I'll make you feel fantastic." He was all over me, his hands roaming all over my body, not afraid to touch and squeeze my most sensitive areas. His lips went from my neck to my collarbone to my breasts, kissing and licking and sucking relentlessly. My face flushed as he ripped my clothes off. He tore his off immediately afterwards and rammed into me._

" _J-James," I gasped as he grabbed a fistful of my hair. He said he would be gentle, but he wasn't. He was being rougher than he had ever been, and he hadn't been_ _ **in**_ _me in so long that it was almost painful. Maria had taken over most of our nighttime activities the past few weeks. The most I was used to now was her fingers or her tongue. "H-Hurts…"_

" _Sorry." He slowed his pace and loosened his grip on my hair. I bit my lip. I closed my eyes and let the sensations roll over my body. It was only when I was near my high when I realized that he didn't use a condom, but by now it was probably too late to tell him. I had tried to deny him pleasure once already. To try to make him_ _ **stop**_ _would surely earn me punishment. Besides, I didn't want him to stop. This was the first time in a long time that it had been just the two of us together, and it was amazing. And it was only 4:30. We still had at least three hours until Maria came by. It was that thought that finally pushed me over the edge._

" _You're so beautiful when you do that," James murmured, kissing my face as I eventually came down from cloud nine. I was still shaking when he finally found his release. I numbly hoped that I wouldn't get pregnant. "I love you, Lorin."_

" _I love you, too."_

I screamed as the memory came flashing back into my head. I didn't love James. He never loved me. He treated me like a fucking plaything, something that he could throw away the second he was done with me. He acted sweet until I did something he didn't approve of. He and Maria deserved each other. I hoped I'd never have to see them ever again. I hoped they burned in hell.

...But some part of me missed him. Some part of me _wanted_ to be used again, to be fucked into submission, fucked until I could barely even talk. It gave me a sense of purpose. It made me not feel completely useless, not a waste of space like the Jacksons told me I was, like my father said I was… like my own _mother_ said I was. Being a fucktoy made me worth something again.

I didn't need to talk to have sex. No words were required. It was nothing but pure emotion. It was the one thing I could do without messing it up. Both Alex and James loved when I went down on them. They both made me feel loved, but in different ways. I knew that James mostly just loved what I did for him. Alex was different. He loved _being_ with me, having actual conversations with me.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself as I curled into a ball to keep warm. I was in an alleyway. I had no idea how I had gotten here. The last thing I remembered was King telling me that James was coming for me, and that if I cooperated, maybe he wouldn't punish me too badly for disobeying his orders. I fingered a few strands of my hair. I wanted to say that I had donated it to be a good person, dyed it as a birthday treat to myself, but that wouldn't be true. My hair was a reminder of James. It was the last piece of control he'd had over me. He said that his favorite thing to do was to grab fistfuls of my hair as he fucked me.

My phone vibrated in my purse. I pushed the playbill aside and took my phone out. I had over thirty missed calls from Alex, and several texts from everyone. I laughed bitterly as I looked at my phone. Why was everyone so worried about me? I was nothing but a waste of space. They should spend their time worrying about something more worthwhile. I pressed the call button on Alex's contact and held the phone to my ear as I looked around, smiling as I saw the remains of an empty beer bottle. Perfect. Alex picked up on the first ring as I crawled over to the shards of glass.

" _Lo, are you okay? Where are you? Are you hurt?"_ I sat on my knees in front of the glass and started picking through the shards, looking for the sharpest piece. I wasn't hurt yet. I picked up a piece and tested it on the tip of my finger. It wasn't sharp enough. I set it to the side.

"It's pretty dumb to ask me if I'm okay," I laughed, grabbing another piece and repeating the process. This one actually managed to break through my skin, causing a small trickle of blood to run down my finger. A smile spread across my face. This one might work. "I don't know where I am. I'm in some alleyway and I don't remember how I got here. And…"

" _And what? Lorin, are you hurt or not? It's a yes or no question."_ My hand started trembling as I held the glass to my wrist. Pathetic. I had done this before, when I had to punish myself when James and Maria didn't feel like it. Why was I shaking so much? This should have been second nature. I groaned in frustration and felt my eyes fill with tears.

"Alex, I… I want to punish myself, but I can't. Why can't I do it? I've done it before."

" _Lo, don't do anything stupid."_ Alex's breathing was labored as he spoke, and I could hear the sound of his footsteps pounding. He was running. " _You said you're in an alley, right? I lost you awhile ago, but you couldn't have gone that far. I love you, Lo, don't ever forget that. Don't… Don't hurt yourself. I love you so much. You're so amazing and strong and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt on my watch. It hurts me now just to hear you crying."_

"Al, I'm so sorry."

" _You don't have to apologize for anything, Lo. It's not your fault."_

"You deserve better than a broken mess that can't even kill herself right!" I shook my head and let out another frustrated groan. I hated being like this. I wouldn't have to deal with this if I had just done the job right the first time. "I didn't cut deep enough! I was so close and I fucked it up like always!"

" _Are you bleeding right now, Lo? D-Did you-"_

"I'm talking about last year! O-Or the year before that, I don't even know anymore! I… I wanted to die. I still do. I'm nothing but a waste of space, Alex. A clumsy fuck-up that can't do anything right besides be a shitty sex toy and a human punching bag. James and Maria beat me because that's all I'm good for." I was a hyperventilating, sobbing mess now. I didn't think Alex could even understand me, because he wasn't responding. I sobbed harder. My vision was a dizzying blur. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I gasped for air, but only heaved another sob, my entire body shaking. I was so tired. I just wanted it all to be over. My grip on the glass tightened, causing my palm to bleed. I could end it right now-

"Lorin." I looked up and flinched as I saw Alex standing in front of me, his face flushed. His phone was gripped tightly in his hand. He hung up on our call and started a different one, putting his free hand on my shoulder. I noticed that he was holding his phone a little awkwardly and frowned. Did he hurt himself when he fell earlier? His eyes narrowed as he saw the piece of glass in my hand, and he gently tugged it away, ignoring my protests. He cursed when he saw the blood running down my hand but quickly turned his attention back to his conversation.

"...Jefferson? Why do you have Laf's phone? Never mind. I found her." He pulled me up to my feet and put his arm around my shoulder as he started leaving the alleyway, pulling me with him. I frowned and looked back at the glass on the ground. I still had to punish myself, but I didn't know exactly what _for_ yet. Maybe I should punish myself just for existing and being a burden. Or maybe I should punish myself for not doing the job right the first time and getting rid of me.

Alex pulled me towards a McDonald's as he kept updating Thomas to where we were. The lights seemed almost too bright now. I was used to the darkness of the alleyway by now. The restaurant was mostly empty, with the exception of the employees. I numbly recognized this as the place that John worked… which was a ways from the theater. How did I get so far?

"I love you, Lo," Alex murmured as we sat down at a table. He kissed my cheek and stood up. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get some napkins to clean that cut."

I nodded and put my head on the table. Alex was back in seconds, his hands full of napkins. He wrapped them around my hand, somehow managing to tie them into a bow. My vision grew blurry with tears again. I didn't deserve him. He was too nice to me. I sighed as he wiped my tears away. I had to be better for him. I had to stop being such a useless brat. I'd do whatever it takes to please him, to apologize for him having to deal with me.


	28. Chapter 27

**Hey, all! You may have read this chapter already and that's because I very briefly took it down because I hated it and wanted to edit it and then I decided to just keep it the same. Again, stuff gets extremely lewd (and may very well be the most terrible thing I've ever written), but this time I've marked it so you can skip it if you want. Stuff's going to get a lot more fluffy soon with the holidays coming up (not sure if I'll write out Thanksgiving, but Christmas is going to be fun). Hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

"Lo, there's a letter for you." Alex walked into the kitchen, where Martha, Gil, and I were planning Thanksgiving dinner. Darcy was supposed to help, but her job interview had gotten moved up an hour. She had dashed out of the house, carrying her heels in one hand and applying makeup with the other. I hoped that she wouldn't crash Gil's car on the way there. I looked up from the paper and up at Alex, my gaze falling on the forest green cast on his left arm. It was my fault. If he hadn't tried to fight King and Seabury because of me, he wouldn't have fallen and hurt himself.

"Is it a therapy bill?" I asked, frowning. I had been going to therapy three times a week for the past few weeks. I didn't want to go. I _really_ didn't want to go. But the slip-up in the alley led to another one. Then two more after that. George and Darcy both threatened to drag me off to therapy. John and Gil begged me to go. It wasn't until Alex had begged me, in _tears_ , to see someone that I decided to go. I wasn't going for myself. I couldn't care less about what happened to me. But I couldn't stand seeing Alex cry.

"I don't think so." He sat next to me and kissed my cheek as he handed me the envelope. The first thing I noticed was the return address. Texas. I hadn't talked to anyone from home since I had left with Mama almost ten years ago. Why would someone from _Texas_ be sending me letters? There was no name on the envelope except for mine. My hands shook as I tore open the envelope.

 _My dear Lorin,_

 _I know you must hate me, and I honestly wouldn't blame you. I let your father hurt you. I let him touch you in ways he never should have. I gave you up because I couldn't handle the stress of being a mother. Words can't describe how sorry I am for everything I've done-_

I couldn't read anymore. I crumpled up the letter and threw it to the floor. I already knew who it was from, and it pissed me off. How could my mother think she could just waltz back into my life out of nowhere? Any apologies she had were worthless. I had done everything she wanted. I shut up when she told me to. I didn't complain when she uprooted our entire lives and moved us to New York. I didn't say anything when she brought home a different man every night to pay the bills. I was the perfect child. So why did she give me up? Was I not _good enough_ for her?

Alex smoothed out the letter and put it back on the table. I glared at it. I didn't want to see it anymore. The loopy handwriting reminded me of all the times I'd have to fake my mother's signature just to go on a field trip, because I refused to sit around at school all day while everyone else got to have fun like a normal kid. I wanted to fit in with everyone else, but I couldn't, because I could barely even talk. Because I didn't have nice clothes and the fanciest new toys. Because I didn't have a mother that cared.

I had a mother who came home drunk almost every night, with a different man each time. I had a mother who'd let my father molest me just to save her own skin. I had a mother who'd let her drunk boyfriends kiss me just so that they'd pay her a few extra bucks. I had a mother who gave me up on my tenth birthday because I was nothing but a burden, a waste of space that didn't contribute anything, didn't help pay the bills.

Angry tears formed in my eyes. She had no right sending that letter. I knew what she was like. She'd try to find a way to pin the blame on me and make herself look like the victim. She'd make me feel bad for her. I had gone seven years without her in my life. I didn't need her. I had moved on, and she should too.

"Lo…"

"I'm going upstairs." I wiped at my tears and shivered as I stood up. Alex tucked the letter back in the envelope and followed me. I bit back a sigh. The new rule was that I couldn't be alone anymore. Everywhere I went, somebody had to be with me. Alex and I alternated between whose room we slept in, though some nights we ended up not sleeping at all. Alex had been a bit more willing to sleep with me once I started therapy, though he made sure to constantly remind me that it wasn't my job.

"Don't forget George has a surprise for you later," Martha called as we went upstairs. "And don't forget to use protection if you two do the hanky-panky!"

"Got it, Mom!" I yelled back, my face growing hot. Alex chuckled behind me as I walked into my room and threw myself onto the bed. He set the letter on my desk and sat next to me, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders when I started trembling. I let out all the tears I had been trying to hold back. I'd been trying to forget everything my father had done to me. I'd even succeeded and kept most of it locked up in a little box at the back of my brain. I'd managed to forget the way he'd creep into my room at night, telling me if I was a good little girl and stayed quiet, he wouldn't hurt Mama that night. I did what he wanted to, because I loved her. She had done so much to keep Dad away from me, the least I could do was try to protect her for once.

And then I told Darcy. I hadn't known that what my father was doing was _wrong_ , so I couldn't understand why she had looked at me with such sad eyes. I couldn't understand why she had hugged me so tightly, tears shining in her eyes. I couldn't understand why she had _apologized_. Wasn't it a daughter's job to do what her parents wanted? Wasn't it a _woman's_ job to pleasure the man in her life? My mother hadn't been able to do it, so I picked up the slack for her so she wouldn't get punished. Because I was a good daughter. Because I had always done exactly what they wanted. So why wasn't that enough?

"I… I did everything they wanted," I sobbed as Alex pulled me into his lap and let me cry into his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly and pulled the blanket around me tighter. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and curled into him. "Why is nothing I do ever good enough? Why can't I do anything without messing it up? It isn't fair, Alex!"

"Lo…"

"I let him touch me because he said he wouldn't hurt Mama, but he lied! He kept hurting her and he kept touching me! I didn't know what else to do, so I told Darcy… That was when Mama started hating me, wasn't it? I got Dad arrested and then we had to move and it was all my fault!"

"Lorin, none of that is your fault," Alex murmured, wiping my tears away with his thumb. "You did the right thing by telling your sister. I don't know exactly what your father did to you, but I have a pretty good idea. That fucker deserves to be locked up."

"...Is it normal to hate my mother? I… I mean, she was never really _there_ for me, and I don't understand how Darcy can still say that she loves her. She didn't have to deal with her, I guess. She didn't know how bad she really was," I hiccuped through my sobs and tried to calm myself down. Alex kissed the side of my face and pulled me closer to him. I stiffened as my chest pressed against him, feeling myself get excited even though it was just an innocent hug.

"I don't think you're _required_ to love your mother. If she treated you like shit, you have the right to be mad at her," Alex said gently. He frowned when I backed away from him and put my hands in my lap. "What's wrong, Lo?"

"I, um… It's nothing." My face flushed. I hated the brief time before my period, when everything in my body was just a bit _too_ sensitive. It made me feel like a whore, even though Martha had told me it was perfectly normal. She said it was something about hormones... or something like that. I hated it because it was the time of the month when James and Maria would be the roughest with me.

" _It's your body telling you that you need to be fucked,"_ they'd say as they did whatever they wanted with me. I'd nod along numbly, not even feeling the pain they'd inflict on me. There was only so much pain my body could take until it just went numb. It pissed Maria off when I didn't react to the belt lashes. James normally stopped her before she took it too far, but there had been times where she would hit me one too many times and I'd pass out.

"Something's bothering you, Lo." Alex kissed my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. "And I feel like it's my duty as your boyfriend to find out what it is."

"It's just my period. I get a little weird before it starts. Everything gets really sensitive and I, um..."

"Oh." Alex frowned and looked down at me, his face conflicted. "Lo, we don't have anymore condoms-"

"I can handle it on my own!" I squeaked, my face getting redder. I couldn't believe we had gone through Gil's entire supply. He was going to make so much fun of us later. He'd probably laugh the entire way to the store. "But… not in front of you. That would be embarrassing. I know we've already slept together, but touching myself is… different."

"I could handle it. If you wanted me to, that is. You know, you're not supposed to be alone and since I'm already here… You don't have to if you don't want…"

"Please…" I didn't want to have to go downstairs like this, when Gil and Martha were there. I didn't want them to see me while I was such a mess. Alex stared at me in silence for a few seconds. And then he was on me, his lips pressing against mine violently. His kisses went down to my neck (I bit my lip at the feeling-he knew how much I loved that), and then down to my chest. His hands expertly unbuttoned my shirt and pulled down the cups of my bra. His lips wrapped around my nipple, eliciting a loud moan from me. He grinned as he slipped my pajama pants off.

 **XXX**

"I love hearing that," he murmured, pushing my panties to the side and slipping a finger inside of me. My hand tangled in his hair as he slowly moved his finger in and out of me, eventually adding a second and even a third. I was in heaven. Between his lips assaulting my breasts, his fingers pumping in and out of me at an increasing pace, and his thumb occasionally rubbing against my sensitive bud, I didn't know what I loved most.

Then his fingers curled _in_ , and I was off like a rocket, my breath coming out in heavy pants. I bit down on his shoulder to muffle my scream, but I was sure everyone downstairs could still hear anyway. Alex focused all his attention on my little button, his lips sucking furiously on my breasts. I tugged at his hair as he prolonged the amazing feelings and wondered how good he was with his _tongue_.

"L-Lexy…" I groaned as he just _kept_ rubbing. I could feel myself already about to reach another peak. That had never happened before, not so soon after the first. His lips went back to my nipple, his free hand going up to grope my free breast. I arched my back up, wanting to offer him more of me. I never wanted this to end. Was this what it was like to receive pleasure for a change? I could have never made myself feel so good with just my fingers. I couldn't care less if anyone heard me at this point. "God, Lexy, I'm so close… Faster, Lexy! Rub me faster!"

"That's so sexy, Lo. I love when you beg like that." He bit down, causing me to gasp. How could pain feel so _good_? His fingers started rubbing faster. I bucked my hips up to him, desperate for release. "Let go for me, Lo."

 **XXX**

"Fuck me, Daddy!" I screamed, seeing stars as tremors took over my body. Alex finally stopped his assault on my breasts, giving them each a final kiss before fixing my clothes. He withdrew his fingers from me, and I couldn't resist taking them into my mouth. He moaned as I suckled on his fingers, and I noticed a very obvious bulge in his pants. I'd have to take care of that.

"D-Did you just call me…?" he gasped out, licking his lips as I released his fingers. I blushed. I hadn't meant to say that. Everything had been happening so fast and it was so _intense_ , the word had just slipped out.

"I… guess?" I yawned. I felt exhausted, but I had to help Alex. It was the least I could do after all the pleasure he had given me. I put a hand on his crotch and frowned when he pushed me away. Didn't he want me? He kissed my nose and set me down onto my pillows. I snuggled into him.

"You should rest, sweetie. You look exhausted." I sighed, but reluctantly nodded. I'd have to have some more fun with him later. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, sweaty and satisfied.

I woke up to something fuzzy tickling my nose. I batted at it gently and shivered when something wet ran across my hand… A tongue. My eyes shot open. I squealed when I saw a small brown and white puppy lying next to me on the bed. There was a note on my bedside table, and I reached over to read it, my hand lightly brushing over the puppy's head.

 _Happy belated birthday, Lorin. I hope you like your present. She doesn't have a name yet, so I hope you pick a good one. Love always, Geor-Dad._

"I'll name you Dumpling," I smiled, hugging her to my chest.


	29. Chapter 28

**Happy Thursday, lovelies! This may be one of my favorite chapters I've ever written because it's pure and not full of angst. The angst is taking a smol holiday break. Hopefully. Anyway, enjoy! ~Shaymie**

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 _Alex's POV_

I quietly walked into Lo's room, frowning as I was submerged in darkness, the only light coming through the window. She was sick. I didn't know what exactly was wrong, but she had been locked up in her room the past few days. She hadn't eaten much of anything lately, only a pack of crackers, and they came back up as quickly as she ate them. I set a cold water bottle on her bedside table and sat on the edge of her bed. She groaned in pain.

"Close the blinds," she muttered, burying her head underneath her pillow. I caught a glimpse of the new jagged scars on her arm and frowned. "Too bright."

I obliged silently and returned to my spot on her bed. The room was completely dark. Light from the hallway flooded in from the crack under the door, but I couldn't do anything about that. Lorin visibly winced every time Dumpling barked outside the door. Laf was yelling at the dog to be quiet, his voice a hushed whisper, but I had a feeling he was only making things worse. The sound eventually faded, and I had a feeling they had gone downstairs.

Lo rolled over in bed and looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot and full of tears. I briefly wondered how much sleep she had been able to get. I could barely see in the nonexistent light, but I could tell that she was terribly pale, her freckles standing out on her face. I hated seeing her like this. She whimpered and moved over to me, hiding her face in my chest. She clapped her hands over her ears and curled into me.

"Lo, do you need medicine?"

"No point," she grumbled, flinching at the sound of her own voice. It was rough and gravelly from all the coughing she'd been doing. "Can't keep anything down."

"You don't have to talk, Lo. It's alright." I kissed her forehead and rubbed her back gently. I had never seen anyone have a headache so bad. Was it considered a migraine at this point? I tucked her into bed when she started shivering and started looking for all the warm things I could find. It was hard in the dark, but I had eventually found the thickest sweater she owned, a pair of fuzzy socks, some gloves, a hat, and a scarf. She scoffed when I finally got everything on her.

"Al-"

"Shh," I cut her off with a kiss and brushed some hair from her face. I opened the water bottle and held it up to her mouth. She drank from it sloppily, some of it dripping onto her sweater. I hoped she'd be able to at least keep that down. "You should rest your voice, sweetie."

"You're going to catch my cooties." She snorted as I laid next to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer. She tilted her head up to look at me, her hair tickling my chin, and scooted back slightly. There was a small frown on her face."You know, I never got to blow you the other day."

"You did get kind of preoccupied with your dog," I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder. She giggled. "And then you got sick. This has been a sucky Thanksgiving break, huh? No pun intended."

Lorin hummed and turned around so that she was facing me, wincing as she moved too quickly. We laid in bed in silence, since I was sure she wouldn't be able to handle much more talking. Her wheezy breathing eventually evened out. I held her close as she slept and brushed some hair from her face. The last time we'd had a conversation that lasted more than two seconds was the one we'd had before… before she had asked me for "help".

Again, I felt like I had taken advantage of her. I don't know what had gotten into me. I just saw how uncomfortable she had looked, and I was willing to do whatever it took to help her feel better. I didn't really care if I got off (which I did eventually, leaving to the bathroom after she had fallen asleep), but I cared about her. And she had been beautiful, the way she rolled her hips into my hand and the damn sexy way she called me Lexy, dropping into her normal accent that I wish she'd use more often. I loved the way she would moan or bite her lip when I nipped, licked, or sucked at her skin. I just loved _her_. I'd do anything for her.

I left the room silently, flinching as the doorknob slipped from between my fingers. The door shut a bit louder than I'd wanted it to. Hopefully it didn't somehow worsen the migraine, or even worse wake her up. I didn't think I'd be able to handle a tired, cranky post-period Lo with a migraine. She would probably kill me.

I went downstairs and found Laf wrestling with Dumpling, trying to get her into her sweater. He was on dog-walking duty today, which was ironic since he was the only person the puppy didn't like for some reason. She eagerly ran up to anyone else (even Jefferson), but she avoided Laf like the plague. She barked happily and ran over to me, carrying her light blue sweater in her mouth. I knelt down and quickly put the clothing on her, which was slightly difficult with my dominant hand in a cast.

"I still can't believe Lo named you _Dumpling_ of all things," I sighed, scratching her behind the ear. She wagged her tail excitedly and licked my hand. I smiled. I'd never really liked dogs, but this was a cute one… When she wasn't making a racket. "Or as she calls you, Dumplin'."

"I don't think Lorin would appreciate you mocking her accent, Alex." Laf picked himself up from the ground and grabbed the leash from the coatrack. He held it in his hands for a few seconds before handing it down to me. I snapped it onto Dumpling's collar and handed him the leash. He was on his own with this part. "How's she doing? Will she be able to eat dinner with us tomorrow?"

I shook my head. It would be a miracle if she managed to leave her room tomorrow. Maybe I would bring her Thanksgiving dinner in bed. Or we could all eat in her room. It depended on how bad her migraine was. She couldn't even stand the lights being on. Laf sighed and nodded. I waved at him as he walked out the front door with Dumpling. I went back upstairs to work on some homework. I sat at my desk and remembered that my arm was in a cast. I sighed and put my head on the desk. Lo had been writing pretty much everything for me. I'd asked Laf to help me once, and it had been a mistake. His handwriting was unreadable. At least he hadn't written in pen like Lo.

I decided to focus on cleaning my room, which was a mess. Well, at least to me. It only took about ten minutes to clean since not that much was out of place. Until now, I hadn't realized how much time I spent with Lorin. Now that she was sick, I didn't really have anyone to talk to, and it wasn't like I could call anyone. My phone had taken a bit worse of a fall than I thought, and after a week of tiny malfunctions (I had lost track of how many times it had exited whatever app I was using or just shut off completely) I decided to just have it sent in for repairs. It was going to take at least another week to fix.

I sighed as I threw myself onto my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe I'd just take a nap until dinner. It felt like it had been forever since I had gotten a good amount of sleep, and coffee would only take me so far. Lo was always telling me that she didn't know how I managed to function like a normal human. Honestly, I didn't understand either. I pulled my hood over my head and drifted off to sleep. I was woken up by Darcy a few hours later.

"Hamilton, why the hell is my sister dressed like there's a blizzard coming?" I groaned as my light was flipped on. I looked up at Darcy, who was standing in my doorway. She had an arm wrapped around Lorin, who looked a little bit better. There was a bit of color in her face now and she could actually open her eyes without wincing. She had a gloved hand clutched tightly around her sister's arm.

"She was cold."

"You're so whipped," Darcy laughed, walking out of the room with Lo. She looked back at me with a smirk. "Dinner's ready, lover boy. Come downstairs when you're ready."


	30. Chapter 29

**Happy Saturday, everyone! I got the new Pokemon game thanks to my brother, so it may be absorbing all of my time. I've been in a bit of an emotional slump these past few days and that may come off in my writing if there's angsty stuff between the holidays. Apologies in advance for that. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy anyway! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"You don't have to feed me like a child, Al," I sniffled, glaring at Alex as he held a spoonful of soup to my face. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I relented and drank the soup. If I threw up, I was aiming it at him. He smiled and kissed my forehead. I took the next spoonful of soup more willingly. If it made him happy, I guess I could try to eat it. Before I knew it, the entire bowl was gone and I was full for the first time in days.

"Good job, Lo." Alex set the bowl down and grabbed my hand, warming me up slightly. I smiled. I loved getting praised, even if it was just for something as trivial as drinking soup. It made me feel like I wasn't a total mess-up. He kissed my cheek and looked towards the door. "Are you ready for everyone else to come in? Or do you want to go downstairs…?"

"I…" I frowned. I knew it was Thanksgiving, but the thought of being around everyone made me nervous. They would probably just watch me, like they were scared I'd cut myself again. Alex was the only one who didn't treat me any differently. He trusted me to not hurt myself again. When it was his turn to "babysit" me, he didn't just sit there and stare at me. He actually _talked_ to me. I knew everyone was worried about me, but they made me feel like a freak. It would probably worry them more if I didn't at least sit with them. "It's Thanksgiving."

"I know what day it is, Lo. I'm asking if you feel like seeing everyone else right now. It's okay if you don't want to."

"I… I don't want to ruin today for everyone. I don't want them to have to deal with my stupid anxiety or depression or whatever the hell it is." I glared at the pill bottles that were sitting next to the empty bowl. I hated taking them. They made me feel weird. I had been doing perfectly fine without them. I hadn't taken them for the past few days, and somehow Alex hadn't noticed. Hopefully I could keep it up so I could prove that I didn't need them.

"You won't ruin it for them, I promise. They've been wanting to see you for a few days now." I was now regretting not letting anyone come into my room. I hated when Gil or Martha saw that I was sick because then they'd go into Mama Bear mode. I knew if John were here and not in South Carolina with his mother, he'd probably be all over me, making sure that I ate and took my medicine.

"Okay. They… They can come in…" Alex nodded and left the room, turning the lights on as he passed the switch. I flinched slightly at the sudden brightness, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. My migraine was all but gone now, leaving me with just a minor headache. I pulled the blankets down slightly and traced the scars on my arm. I ran a finger over one of the new ones, which was crooked and ugly. I had been shaking, and it messed up the whole thing. At least the other scars were straight, in a row, uniform. They at least looked _nice_.

I scratched at the new scars and frowned. I didn't mean for them to happen. I just saw myself in the mirror and hated everything about my reflection. I was too chubby, too freckly, too… Too ugly. I broke two mirrors in a week. I was honestly surprised nobody had tried to get rid of all the mirrors in the house after the first incident. It took me cutting myself twice for them to do anything about it. And both times, Alex had been the one to stop me before I managed to cut too deep.

I couldn't get the look on his face out of my head. He had been… scared? Angry? Sad? I couldn't tell. But there had been tears streaming down his face as he fought with me for the glass. I had cut him a bit over the eyebrow in the struggle, but thankfully I hadn't hurt him too bad. I spent the rest of the day apologizing, begging for his forgiveness, praying that he wouldn't break up with me… which only led to a panic attack, and then I had something else to apologize to him for. I didn't think I'd ever be done apologizing.

I pulled the blankets back over my body as I heard footsteps approach. Now wasn't the time to think about that. That was a slip-up. Both times were. It wouldn't happen again. I couldn't let it happen again. No matter how sad I got, no matter how sucky life got, I couldn't do that to Alex and everyone else. I'd force a smile on my face and keep living. I'll… I'll tell my therapist I'm doing okay, even if I'm not. I can't afford to be sad.

Alex walked in first, his plate balanced in his right hand and Dumpling sitting in the hood of his jacket. I watched her nervously, scared that he'd drop her, but for once she was sitting obediently. Martha, George, and Gil followed behind him. I frowned when I saw that Darcy wasn't with them. I would have thought that she'd be able to get time off of work, but I guess not.

George sat down at my desk, Gil plopped down in the old beanbag chair in the corner, and Alex and Martha sat on my bed. I grabbed Dumpling from Alex's hood and kept her from stealing a piece of turkey from someone's plate. I was thankful for the silence. I wouldn't even know what to say. My phone vibrated after about fifteen minutes of peaceful eating. I grabbed it from my bedside table and smiled as I saw that I had a text from Thomas.

 **Tommy J:** _Happy Thanksgiving, Lorin! I hope you're feeling better. Me and Jemmy were wondering if we could come by later if you're feeling okay? Our parents are at work and we're bored._

"Tommy J?" Alex snorted, reading over my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and turned my phone away from him.

"He saved his contact in my phone and I never bothered to change it." I looked over to George and Martha, who were getting up to leave. Alex plucked my phone from my hands and started typing. "Mom, Dad, Thomas and Maddie asked if they could come over. Can they?"

"Of course they can." Martha smiled and left the room after George, telling Alex and Gil to take their plates out of my room. Gil pushed himself up from the beanbag and took both of their plates as he left the room. I took my phone from Alex and sighed when I saw that he had changed Thomas' contact name to Shithead Jefferson, and he had been in the middle of sending a… less than nice text. I narrowed my eyes at him as I changed the contact back and told Thomas to head on over.

"You're a child," I huffed, petting Dumpling on the head. She sniffed my hand and licked it. Alex grinned and started running a hand through my hair, which was honestly a mess. I gestured for him to grab the brush, which he did. I winced as he pulled through a rough knot. I hadn't brushed my hair in a few days now, and I tended to toss and turn in my sleep, so it was completely tangled. Dumpling ran over to Alex and climbed into his lap, her tail wagging rapidly.

"If anything, I'd think you would be the child, Lo. Since you called me Daddy and all." My face flushed, and I suddenly wished my hair was still long so I could hide behind it. I hadn't meant to call him that. It was honestly embarrassing, but he apparently liked it. And I mean, _really_ liked it. He told me the other day that it was a major turn-on for him.

"Can you take me downstairs, Daddy?" I asked, batting my eyelashes and holding my arms out for him to carry me. Alex's hand froze in its movements, a small grin forming on the edges of his mouth. Dumpling barked and ran from the room. I heard the little patter of her feet in the hallway as she dashed downstairs. "What's wrong, Lexy? Dog got your tongue?"

Alex smirked and blew some hair from his face as he picked me up with his good arm, draping me over his shoulder easily. He shoved the brush into his pocket before leaving the room. I giggled as he carried me downstairs and set me down on the couch. I didn't think he would actually carry me, considering his broken arm. I was surprised he had even managed with only one arm to use. He started to brush my hair again as he sat next to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Do you even know what you do to me when you call me daddy?" he murmured as he fluffed out my hair. He kissed my neck and cupped one of my breasts over the thick sweater he had made me put on. His breath was warm against my neck. "If you weren't still sick, and Jefferson and Madison weren't on their way over, I'd-"

"Keep it PG, Alexander," Gil sighed as he walked into the living room. "The only good thing about Lorin being sick is that I didn't have to hear you two having sex every night."

"Are you _jealous_ because you can't sleep with Peggy?" I asked with a grin as Alex moved his hand to my lap. I had hoped that one of them would confess their feelings to the other, but nothing had happened since Halloween. What had Peggy even done with my advice, just thrown it out the window? I wanted them to start dating already.

Gil rolled his eyes and went back upstairs. Alex went to the hallway closet and grabbed a few blankets when I started to shiver. I huffed as he wrapped them around me tightly. He was a bit too overprotective. He was acting like I was freezing cold, but I decided to just keep my mouth shut. He was as stubborn as I was, and he'd probably ignore anything I had to say. Besides, I kind of liked being spoiled.

Thomas and Maddie showed up twenty minutes later, covered in snow. Alex complained about how November was way too early for it to be snowing (did he think it only snowed in December like on TV?), but I caught a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. This was probably the first time he had ever seen snow in his life. I had the same reaction when I first moved here.

"How are you feeling, Lorin?" Thomas asked as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it up. He helped Maddie out of his jacket and wrapped an arm around him. Maddie honestly needed the blankets more than I did. I loosened a blanket from my body and held it out to Thomas as he passed me.

"I'm better… Alex made me eat some soup earlier. I wish I could have eaten a nice Thanksgiving dinner instead." I sighed. The chicken soup was amazing, but it was nothing like Martha's classic Thanksgiving dinner. Hopefully I'd be well enough to be able to stomach more than a small bowl of soup before Alex and Gil ate all of the leftovers. "Oh, not that I don't appreciate the soup or anything! I loved it."

"I made it myself. It was my mother's recipe!" Alex grinned proudly. I raised an eyebrow. I didn't know he could cook. I had thought Martha had cooked the soup. Then again, it wasn't really like anything she had made before. It was more meaty, and it tasted a bit more spicy. I had just assumed that she was trying something new.

"Careful, darlin'. Hamilton may be trying to poison you," Thomas chuckled as he wrapped Maddie in the blanket. Alex rolled his eyes and sat next to me. I snuggled into him for warmth. He and Thomas started talking about the Macbeth essay, which was due when we went back to school in a few days. I tried to stay awake, but the steady rumble of Alex's chest as he spoke lulled me to sleep. The last thing I felt before drifting off was a kiss on my forehead.


	31. Chapter 30

**Happy Monday, lovelies! I'm somehow managing to get some writing done between playing Pokemon and getting attacked by my niece three times an hour! I was an emotional mess yesterday because it was Ben Platt's last day in Dear Evan Hansen. I cried while listening to the soundtrack and realizing that I'd never see him in the show ever. Anyways, hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! Happy fun times may also take a break until Christmas because I had almost forgotten what I had planned for after Thanksgiving, curse my scatter brain. ~Shaymie**

* * *

"Can you believe Mr. Conway?" Alex huffed as he walked me to choir. I shrugged. The second we had turned in our essays, Mr. Conway announced that the class was putting on Macbeth as an actual play for our final. He had even already casted everyone, with the exception of me. He said my "condition" gave me a reason to not have to perform. I looked up at Alex, unsure of why he was complaining. He had managed to get the lead role without even auditioning, and he wasn't afraid to rub it in Thomas' face. They had bickered for a bit before Thomas realized, with a bit of an evil grin, that as Macduff, he got to kill Alex at the end of the play. Maddie was casted as Banquo, and he had quietly complained that he wished he got a character that died in act one so he didn't have to do much.

"His wife _is_ the theater teacher. I'm surprised he didn't try to do this from the start," I sighed. "On the bright side, since _I_ don't have to perform because of my 'condition', I can focus on my choir final. If I even have one."

"It was an asshole move for him to call you out like that. He makes it sound like there's something _wrong_ with you!" He opened the door to the choir hall and escorted me in. I played with the edge of my sweater as we stood outside of the choir room.

"There is something wrong with me, Alex. Several things. I still can't even _talk_ to my therapist, you know. I have to write everything down. The fact that I even _need_ a therapist says that something's wrong with me. I'm not normal. I can't talk to certain people without freezing up. I'm depressed. I have anxiety. Sometimes there's this stupid voice in my head telling me I should just… kill myself. I can block it out sometimes, but then it just gets too loud and the only way to get it to shut up is to do what it says. But… I keep messing it up. I don't cut deep enough, I can't do it. And then that voice starts _laughing_ at me because I can never do anything right."

I shook my head and took a shaky breath, fighting back my tears. This wasn't the time or place for this. I should be telling my therapist this, not Alex. I told myself I wasn't going to give anyone a reason to worry about me, but like usual, I couldn't even do a simple thing like that. I bit my lip as Alex stared down at me. I wish I was a mindreader so I could tell what he was thinking.

"Lo… Have you told your therapist any of this?"

"No. I can't get the words out in front of her, and I can't write it down either. I… I feel like I can only tell you these kind of things. I feel like therapy's a big waste of time and money if I just tell you everything, anyway." The two minute warning bell rang. I sighed and turned towards the door. "You're going to be late, Al. Can we talk about this later?"

"Lo, you need to talk to your _therapist_ about this."

"I need to talk to someone who'll understand! I don't want to talk to someone who's getting _paid_ to talk to me, who's only going to tell me the shit they were taught to tell me! I don't want to talk about my life to a complete stranger! I didn't even want to go to therapy in the first place, but you and Darcy and Dad kept pushing me to do it and I didn't want to disappoint you."

"...We'll talk later," Alex muttered as the tardy bell rang. He kissed my forehead and left the hall. I sighed and walked into the choir room, where I was immediately greeted by the energetic Ms. Morris. She was by far my favorite teacher. She didn't care if I showed up late. Probably because she was late half the time. Second period was the first period that she actually had to work… Not that she had been working much lately. She had been sick all month, and today was her first day back.

"Hello, Lori," she sang, pulling me into a tight hug that lifted me a few inches off the ground. I giggled as she spun me around a bit before setting me on my feet gently. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked down at me. "I like what you've done with your hair. I was convinced you'd grow it out like Rapunzel."

"I wanted to donate it." My hair was back to its regular sandy brown. The second the dye started to fade, I told Darcy to just get rid of it completely. I don't know what exactly she had put in my hair, but it got rid of the color. It was already growing back, losing some of the curliness. Ms. Morris smiled at my answer and led me over to the risers, where everyone else was. There were only a few choir classes left since funding had been cut for the program to give money to the sports teams, so the classes that _were_ left were crammed full of people. I settled into my normal spot between Eliza and Maddie and looked up at Ms. Morris as she walked over to her spot next to the piano.

"Good morning, class! I'm so happy to see everyone again! As you may already know, finals is coming up," a collective groan went across the room, "but I hate tests. I just got back and quite frankly, I don't feel like putting together a bullshit packet. So I'm only asking for you guys to sing a little song for me as your final. You can do it solo or in a group, but no more than three people in a group. That's all. This is a free period."

I wish I could say that the rest of school was as good as choir was, but I spent the rest of the day dazed. Eliza and Maddie asked me to be in a group with them. I agreed immediately. Anything to not have to do a song alone. We decided to do a song from Dear Evan Hansen (surprising), considering that Ben's last day in the show was fairly recent. The only interesting thing that happened was Darcy calling me at lunch, crying, because she'd broken up with her girlfriend. Or maybe her girlfriend had broken up with her. I couldn't really tell by the jumbled mess of an explanation she had given.

I walked home for once, since Gil was staying after school for the culinary club (they had some kind of competition coming up) and Alex was staying for debate club. I spent some time in the choir room before deciding that I might as well go home before my sister drowned in her tears. I stopped by the store to buy some ice cream and other snacks, since I had a feeling that Darcy would need it. She was a stress-eater, but somehow she managed to not gain any weight. I paid for everything wordlessly, staring at the ground as the cashier handed me my change. I headed out into the snow quickly, my face burning. I hated being so awkward around people.

I texted Alex and Gil to tell them where I were before they could worry. This was the first time I had been by myself in awhile, ever since my second slip-up, when they told me that someone had to be with me at all times. It felt refreshing to be alone without someone breathing over my back. I appreciated what everyone was doing for me, but it got a bit overwhelming. I needed time to myself every once in awhile.

I got home around five. I hadn't realized how far we lived from the school until now. My hands were trembling as I untucked my lanyard from underneath my scarf. It was freezing. The key trembled in the lock as I unlocked the door. I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped into the warm house. Dumpling ran over to me excitedly. I called Darcy's name as I walked into the kitchen to put the ice cream up, but didn't get an answer. I sighed and texted her, asking where she was. Hopefully she responded soon. I didn't want to eat all that ice cream by myself.


	32. Chapter 31

**Happy Wednesday, everyone! This chapter's going up a bit early because tomorrow's Thanksgiving and I definitely wouldn't have time to update it then. This chapter and the next one take place roughly around the same time (next chapter progresses time a tiny bit), so I'd just like you guys to keep that in mind. Anyway, hope you enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Darcy's POV_

" _You seem a bit stressed, darling." Mari massaged my shoulders as I sat next to her on her bed. I shrugged. I had been taking a bunch of hours at work lately. I had thought that being a model would be easy. I got to wear cute clothes and be in magazines, and I got paid a bunch of money for it. It was my dream job. But it was more exhausting than I thought. I ended every day stiff and sore. And on top of that, I never got to spend time with Lori anymore. I could feel her slipping away more and more. I hoped that Alexander was watching over her like he said he would._

" _I'm fine, Mari. I'm just… I can't help but worry about my sister." I grabbed my phone from a pillow and checked the time. It was past three in the morning. She was either asleep or banging her boyfriend. I hadn't talked to her in days. The rare times when I was home in time for dinner, she just ate upstairs with Alexander. She spent every waking moment with him, it seemed. I couldn't be mad at him, though. He loved her, I could tell. He wouldn't let anything happen to her._

" _Is your sister as cute as you?" Mari murmured, kissing my neck. She put her head on my shoulder and smiled. Her hair tickled me as she looked up at me. "Do you think she'd be interested in having a bit of fun?"_

" _Of course not! She's been fucked with enough."_

" _I'd love to see her again, though," Mari breathed, her hand creeping up my robe. My blood went cold. What the hell did she mean by that? "You last longer than she does, but she's louder. You and your sister are two of the sexiest girls I've been with."_

" _Mari, you… You can't be serious," I gasped out, pushing her away. She stared at me with a shit-eating grin, her eyes bright. She watched silently as I gathered my things and got dressed, throwing the stupid robe she had given to me back to her. How could I have_ _ **done**_ _this? I should have trusted my instincts from the start. Her fucking_ _ **name**_ _should have been a red flag. I should have known something was up when she had started asking about Lori more lately._

" _James found her first, of course. They dated for a bit, and then he started cheating on her with me. But even when we were together, he wouldn't stop talking about her. He was threatening to leave me and go back with her. Not that it mattered much. She found us at his house one day. She was furious, of course, but… she couldn't stop staring at me. She kept muttering to herself that she didn't like girls, even while I fucked her-" I slapped Mari-no, Maria. I hated that lustful look in her eyes. I hated how happy she sounded to be talking about what she had done to Lori. She had to have known that what she'd done to her was wrong. Lori didn't want her. She hated her. She was_ _ **terrified**_ _of her._

 _I stormed from the apartment, carrying my things underneath my arm. I used my free hand to scroll through the contacts on my phone. I needed somewhere to go for the night. I couldn't face Lori. She'd hate me._ _ **I**_ _hated me. She trusted me, and I betrayed her. How could I be so stupid? There was only one person I could go to that I knew wouldn't kill me._

That was over twelve hours ago. I had called Lori earlier. I didn't tell her everything, but I did tell her that I had broken up with Maria. I came up with some bullshit excuse. I couldn't tell her why I had broken up with her. It would kill her. I didn't think I'd be able to get the words out. She'd hate me, I knew it. I had been dating the bitch that abused her. I had been _sleeping_ with her. I… I had fallen in love with her.

"Are you okay, Darcy?" I looked up at John and narrowed my eyes. Did I _look_ fine? I hadn't gotten any sleep last night. When I had called him, I was surprised he actually answered. He didn't ask why I needed a place to stay for the night. He had just offered to pick me up. I wanted to refuse his offer, but I had been so tired I could barely walk in a straight line. I spent the entire car ride telling him everything. He didn't judge me. He didn't yell at me. He just… listened.

"How was Lori at school? Is she doing alright?"

"She's fine." John raised an eyebrow at my attempt to change the subject. "She said she's going to buy comfort food for you. Dar, you have to face her eventually."

"I'll tell her about Maria when you tell her about your crush."

"That's completely unrelated to this! Besides, I already told her… At my birthday party, remember? Mattie said I got really drunk and just blurted it out." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I _didn't_ remember, considering the fact that I had been just as drunk as him. "Lori already knows. And she already rejected me. I'm over her now, anyway. She's happy with Alex."

"Bullshit, Laurens. You still love her." He was a terrible liar. I could see in his eyes that he still loved Lorin. I couldn't blame him. She was his best friend, the first person she had opened up to when she moved here. She was cute and smart and _nice_. Maybe even too nice. Too trusting. It was hard to protect her when she'd throw herself into things without a second thought.

John looked away from me and left. I sighed and went into the bathroom to take my makeup off, since I was still wearing it from last night. I glared at my reflection as I scrubbed my face. Was Maria only with me because I looked like my sister? Was she trying to use me to get to her? I didn't even want to think about what would have happened if Lori had been home on Halloween, when Maria and I were messing around in the living room. I should have broken up with her then, when she had admitted that she was only with me for the sex. I thought I could change her mind, make her love me

I punched the mirror in anger, ignoring the way the glass shattered and got stuck in my skin. I couldn't care less about that. I barely even felt it. I hated Maria. She played me like an idiot. If I had stayed with her any longer, she probably would have made me sleep with James, and that would have opened up another can of worms. From what I had heard of him, he was a possessive asshole who was obsessed with Lori. I was going to kill the both of them if I ever saw them.

"Stupid fucking asshole," I grumbled, picking glass out of my hand. John came running in, his eyes frantic. He sighed when he noticed the broken mirror. Maybe I shouldn't have done that… I'd give him the money to replace it. I had more than enough from my job. The only problem would be explaining it to his dad, who didn't even know I was here. I was lucky he wasn't here.

"What the hell, Darcy?" John asked, grabbing a first aid kit from underneath the sink. I let him grab my hand (the good one) and drag me into his room. I sat next to him and let him fix up my hand, wincing when he put disinfectant on it. He smiled apologetically and wrapped the bandage around my knuckles. I flexed my hand and sighed.

"You're good at that. Do you practice wrapping bandages or something?"

"Your sister's a klutz." He closed the first aid kit and set it aside. "Now, why the hell did you punch my bathroom mirror? I don't mind letting you stay here, but I don't condone random mirror violence."

"I got mad."

He hummed in response and pulled his leg up underneath him. That was more than enough of an answer. Everyone knew how terrible I was at controlling my temper. When Lori and I went to the same elementary school, she had to keep breaking up my fights. I couldn't help it, though. Everyone made fun of her just because she couldn't talk in front of them. I wasn't just going to let them do that.

I played with the edges of my hair as John started scribbling on the edges of his sneakers with a Sharpie. I reached for my phone, but remembered that it had died earlier, and I left the charger at Maria's apartment. I had used the last of the battery calling Lori. I knew she would probably be worried about me. I hadn't been home in at least a day, and the last time I had talked to her, I was crying.

My stomach rumbled, breaking the silence we had fallen into. I heard John laugh as he put the finishing touches on a swirl and capped the marker. I looked over at his shoe. He had drawn a bunch of intricate swirls all over the rubber part of his sneaker. Even when he was messing around, his art was beautiful. He got up from the bed and gestured for me to follow him, which I did. He knocked on Mattie's door as we passed it and opened it a crack. She was asleep, her headphones still in her ear and a book open in front of her. He closed the door silently and walked to the kitchen.

"I'm going to make hamburgers. Is that cool with you?"

"I'm fine with whatever. I'm the guest, after all." I jumped onto the counter and picked at my nails. They had been painted in autumn shades for a photoshoot, and I didn't want to take the polish off. It was too beautiful, and I had only a few more days to have them like this before everything switched to Christmas. I looked over at John, who was currently taking ingredients from the fridge.

"Why do people fall in love with people who aren't good for them?" I asked, tapping my nails on the counter. He looked up, his arms full of food, and frowned. "I mean, Mama fell in love with Lori's dad even though he was… awful. Just thinking of the shit he did to them pisses me off. I'm glad he's in jail. Then Lori fell in love with James, and he… Well, I don't know what he did to her. She hadn't even told me she was dating someone. She didn't tell me much of anything after… after the incident."

"I don't know what she saw in that asshole." John scoffed and put the ingredients on the kitchen island. "He's a pompous, rich asshole who thinks women are nothing more than sex objects. He's had like a million girlfriends, and all of them left town after they broke up with him. Most of them, at least."

"When did she start dating him?"

"A little bit after she got out of the hospital. She met him at one of Jefferson's parties. I don't know what exactly happened since I wasn't there. I didn't even know she had went to it until she called me while she was drunk and asked me to pick her up. She was a complete mess when I got there. I mean, her clothes were messed up and everything. So I have an idea of what happened. I just don't know if it was… consensual. She sounded terrified when she told me that she had met someone. And then she started dating him the day after."

John worked on the food as he talked, preparing the pan on the stove and forming the meat into patties. I frowned. From what Lafayette had told me, Lori had been a depressed mess when she had finally got out of the hospital. She hadn't felt like doing much of anything. Why, then, would she go to a party? More importantly, why wouldn't he have _told_ me any of this? Had she asked him not to? The only reason I had gone back home after Lori got released from the hospital was because Lafayette had promised to keep me updated.

I glared at the countertop. I've been a terrible sister. Probably the shittiest one around. Lori's probably been suffering for so long, and I haven't done anything to help her. I just leave her to deal with it or expect someone else to help her. It's no wonder she doesn't come to me for advice anymore. She doesn't even _talk_ to me anymore, and when she does I can tell she's just forcing a smile onto her face. There's a handful of people who've been more helpful than I have. They've been more of a family to her than I've been lately.

"I'm going to take a nap." I jumped down from the counter and went back to the guest room I was staying in. I cried for a good ten minutes before falling into a dreamless sleep.


	33. Chapter 32

**Happy Saturday, everyone! Well, it's not such a happy Saturday for me. I went to the dentist yesterday and had my teeth cleaned, and apparently I had like seven or eight tiny cavities that needed to be filled? Anyway, my mouth is really sore and I'm sad, so have a sad chapter. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

 _The earliest memory I have is of my father hitting my mother. I couldn't remember why he had done it. Not that he'd ever needed a reason to hit her. I just know that he had slapped her so hard that her head had turned around. And he was yelling at her, mostly in English but a little bit in Spanish. I didn't understand most of the Spanish, but the stuff he said in English was terrible. He accused her of sleeping with other men, even though there was no way she could have. She never left the house._

" _You slept with that other man and let him knock you up!" he had yelled, pulling Mama's hair. She yelped in pain, tears falling from the one eye that wasn't swollen shut. "How do I know that you haven't been sleeping with someone else! How do I even know that Lorin's mine?"_

" _Of course she's yours! I would never cheat on you! That thing with Robert was a one-time thing, and it was before I even met you, Jonathan! I love you!" Mama sniffled as Daddy let go of her hair and stared down at her in silence. I stared up at them in terror. I didn't want Mama to get hurt anymore._

" _I love you too, Sophia," Daddy whispered, kissing her cheek. He brushed some hair behind her ear and smiled down at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it."_

 _That should have been the end of it, but it wasn't. He only got worse after that, especially when he was drunk. He would hit her more, yell at her more, and sometimes even throw things. I spent most nights curled up in my closet, trying to block out the terrible sounds. I couldn't understand why Daddy was so mean. Mama didn't do anything wrong. She did everything he wanted. She didn't talk unless he talked to her. She pleasured him whenever he asked._

 _I was five years old the first time he came into my room at night. He'd had a particularly bad argument with Mama that resulted in her storming out of the house. That was the first time she had ever done that. I brought Daddy beers while he sat on the couch, rambling on about what he was going to do to her when (_ _ **if**_ _, he grumbled darkly) she came back. He sent me to my room after the fifth one. I didn't hear from him for several hours._

" _Are you awake, sweetie?" he had asked as he opened the door quietly. I should have locked it. I was too terrified to answer and tried to steady my breathing, make it seem like I was asleep. It hadn't worked. Daddy crawled into bed next to me, pulling the covers down. I felt a bulge on my back as he pulled me over to him._

" _You know, it's a woman's job to make her man feel good," he whispered in my ear, his breath hot against my skin. I shivered. I wanted to run away and hide, but that wouldn't be good. That would make me a bad girl. "All you have to do is touch me, and I'll stop hurting Sophia. Sometimes she doesn't make me feel good, but you can."_

 _I turned to face him. He had a gentle grin on his face. I could put an end to this. I could make him happy, and then he wouldn't hurt Mama again. I could help for once instead of being a useless waste of space. I nodded and let him lead my hand downward. I had to be brave. This was for Mama, after all. She had protected me from Daddy, so now it was my turn to protect her._

"Lo, that's enough." Alex wiped away the tears that had started to fall and kissed my forehead. "You don't have to force yourself to talk about this."

I shook my head. I had to do this. I had already gotten this far. And Alex should know about the damaged goods he was dealing with. It wasn't fair to him or me if I kept my life a secret. Keeping all of this bottled up inside was killing me. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and leaned into Alex's soothing touch.

 _Things went on like that for a few more years. Mama started taking me to Darcy's house more often. I spent almost an entire summer over there. She said that she was handling "adult things" with Daddy and I shouldn't be in the house. Everytime she picked me up, she had a few new bruises. She tried to cover them with makeup, but it was so hot that most of it melted away when she sweated._

 _The nights that I was home were terrible. Daddy came into my room more often now, while Mama either got drunk or left for the night. I quickly learned to shut my mouth and do my job. Sometimes I would touch Daddy. Sometimes he would touch me. It was painful most of the time, but it was worth it. Besides, everything Mama went through was far worse. I was only getting touched. She was getting hit. It didn't seem like a fair trade._

 _I messed up. I told Darcy about my "arrangement" with Daddy. I thought it was normal. I thought that was what every girl did for her father. I didn't understand why her dad had been so angry when she told him everything the next morning. Mama had yelled at me, told me that I ruined everything. She said that she'd never forgive me for getting Daddy put in jail. She called me an ungrateful brat. We moved to New York shortly after that._

 _We had quickly fallen into a routine. She would be gone all day and night, and I would go to school and pretend like I didn't know the things she did to pay the bills. It wasn't that hard to figure out. I had walked in on her and her many boyfriends more than once. They didn't care that a child was in the house. They'd have sex pretty much anywhere, at any time. Once in a blue moon, one of her boyfriends would ask for a kiss. Mama made me kiss them, because they promised her an extra tip. At the very least, they didn't ask me to do what Daddy had made me do._

 _I tried to be happy. I tried to not let the fact that I was almost always alone get to me. I didn't exactly have any friends. Everyone in class avoided me because I was the awkward quiet kid that sat in the corner. Nobody wanted any part of me. But I was fine with being alone. I was fine with the other kids calling me freckle-face and leaving me out of their games at recess. I was fine with it, as long as I had Mama._

 _...But she clearly must not have cared about me the same way I cared about her. She would start yelling at me when I told her about my day. She didn't want to see me. She spent all her time with her boyfriends, and then on my tenth birthday she just… decided to get rid of me. Happy fucking birthday to me, right? I don't know exactly what she did, but I ended up celebrating my birthday with complete strangers._

"The Jacksons took me in after that. They had a teenage daughter, but they took me in anyway." I didn't bother trying to hold my tears in at this point. I sobbed into Alex's chest. Even now, I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I couldn't understand why my mother's mood had changed so suddenly. And why had she suddenly sent me a letter? Maybe she had explained it, but I didn't bother to finish reading it.

"The Jacksons? What were they like?" I tightened my grip on Alex's shirt. I didn't like to think about them. I had spent two and a half years of my life with them, and I hated them.

"They treated me like a slave. They said since I was part Hispanic, I'd be a good housekeeper and made me clean the house. Wouldn't feed me if I didn't do what they wanted. Ironically enough, I could actually _talk_ around them. But Andrew…. _Mr. Jackson_ , didn't want me to talk. He'd hit me if I did. He hit me a lot, actually. I stayed with them for a couple of years. Then Mr. Jackson got arrested for… for the same thing my father did. He was touching his actual daughter. Then I came here, since Mrs. Jackson hated me.. And you know the rest. I met James, we broke up, and now you're here."

"That's not the end of it, Lo." I looked up at Alex and saw that he was staring down at me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "On our date, you… you mentioned something… You mentioned trying to-"

"Oh. That." I backed away from him and wrapped my arms around myself. I looked down at my wrist, where there was an angry criss-crossing of scars. They were slightly faded, but still pretty noticeable. "I don't really remember much. I just felt so sad and _empty_. I hated myself. I hadn't been taking my medicine then. I thought I didn't need it. I started cutting myself to let my frustration out. There was one day when I'd had enough and I started cutting deeper and I didn't stop until Gil found me. I passed out when I saw just how much blood I'd lost, if you can believe it."

"Lo..."

"After that, everything was a bit of a blur. I remember my time in the hospital. I was so freaked out, they had to give me a sedative, All I could think was 'Why didn't it work?'. I ripped the IV out a few times before the medicine started to work. Gil had to hold me down." I took a shaky breath. I could do this. I had gotten through this much already. "I wasn't allowed knives or forks, which was pretty obvious given the circumstances. Mom or Darcy fed me. They didn't trust me to feed myself, like they thought I could hurt myself with a spoon somehow. My nails were cut really short so I couldn't scratch myself. The doctors made me sign a 'no suicide' contract.

"I don't really know how long I stayed there. Darcy went back home when I got released from the hospital. After that, everyone kept a really close eye on me. Kind of like how they're doing now. It didn't make me feel better. It made me feel like even more of a freak. So when Maddie invited me to Thomas' party, I went. I wanted to feel like a normal teenage girl for once. I stayed in the corner and didn't really talk to anyone. Thomas gave me something to drink. And then I got more. And I got really drunk. Everything was going decently… until James showed up.

"He asked Thomas about me. I know Thomas didn't know that he was… bad, so I don't blame him for what happened next. James started talking to me. He started _flirting_. One thing led to another, and he was taking me upstairs. Lee followed us for some reason. James kissed me when we got to a spare bedroom. He threw me onto the bed and then… then…"

My mouth felt dry. My hands trembled as everything flooding back to me. He had raped me. And I let him. I didn't try that hard to push him away from me. I just let it happen. And while he was doing it, he claimed it was because he loved me. I believed him, because it had been so long since anyone had told me that, I needed to hear it from _someone_. I should have known he would be just like my father. And I was just like my mother. I started dating someone who was clearly bad for me. I _stayed_ with him, even when he started hurting me.

"Lo, it's alright. You don't have to talk about it anymore." Alex grabbed my face and started kissing it. I was trying to calm myself down before I had another panic attack. It wasn't working. My chest felt impossibly tight, and I could barely breathe.

"K-Keep talking," I choked out, trying to push down the panic. I focused on steadying my breathing while Alex started rambling about random crap, like school and finals and how he was getting his cast off next weekend. I hugged him tightly and listened closely to the smooth sound of his voice. He talked until his throat went sore and his voice started cracking. I was calm by the time Martha called us downstairs for dinner. I made Alex drink tea instead of his normal cup of coffee so he could soothe his throat. It wasn't until halfway through dinner that I realized Darcy wasn't here.

I excused myself from the table and went back to my room to call her. It went straight to voicemail all three times. I was prepared to call the police when a text came in from John, followed by several others.

 **Turtle Boy:** _daddy wanted me to tell you that she's with me_

 **Turtle Boy:** _*DARCY, sorry autocorrect_

 **Turtle Boy:** _her phone died and she left her charger at her ex's house_

 **Turtle Boy:** _she took a nap earlier_

 **Turtle Boy:** _and now she's really drunk?_

 **Turtle Boy:** _she found the liquor cabinet_

 **Turtle Boy:** _oh god she's had a lot_

 **Turtle Boy:** _ttyl, need to stop her from breaking shit_

Gil walked in as I was typing out my reply, asking why Darcy had gone over to John's house instead of coming home. Hopefully she wasn't trying to use him as a rebound or something. I sent the text and looked up at my brother, who was messing with a stray curl that escaped the bun he had put his hair in. He seemed nervous about something, and it wasn't me being by myself.

"I told Peggy that I like her earlier," he blurted out, his cheeks a bright red. I blinked up at him before squealing excitedly and hugging him. It was about time someone did something. And I didn't have to wait for the new year for them to do something about it. "And now we're dating."

"That's amazing, Gil! We can go on double dates now! Oh, we have to tell everyone!" I dragged him downstairs, temporarily pushing Darcy out of my mind. She'd be fine as long as John was with her. He was the most responsible person I knew. He wouldn't let anything happen to her.


	34. Chapter 33

**This chapter's just a tiny bit of winter fluff since I felt like writing something nice. Christmas will be coming up in a few chapters (I say a few, but I'm addicted to writing fluffy stuff now so maybe a bit more than a few), so be prepared for that. It should be... interesting. Speaking of interesting, I used Google Translate for the French in this chapter so please forgive me if it's terrible. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

I woke up to Alex's arms wrapped around me. He had gotten his cast off a few days ago, so it was nice to not have to worry about it anymore. I wiggled out of his grip and pulled on some underwear and one of his shirts, yawning as I went downstairs. I could have put on my clothes, but I liked wearing his a bit more. They didn't cling to my body, and it was easy to forget that I was still a bit chubby. I was going to ask John to help me lose weight next year. He went to the gym every week, so maybe he'd feel like taking me along.

"Hi, Dar," I greeted my sister as I walked into the kitchen. She was sitting at the kitchen table, stuffing her face with chocolate ice cream. She had a bit of a tendency to have a midnight snack when she was either stressed or sad. I could tell that she still wasn't over her breakup with her girlfriend (who I just now realized I hadn't even _met_ ), and she surprisingly spent a lot of time over at John's house. He told me that she spent her time taking her anger out in Grand Theft Auto and eating all the snacks in his cabinet.

"Hi, Lori." She sighed as I grabbed a spoon from the drying rack and sat down next to her. She pushed the carton towards me and stabbed her spoon into it violently. I frowned as I put a small bit of ice cream into my mouth.

"What's wrong, Darcy? You seem down."

"Do you think I should go to college?" she asked, trailing her nails over the tablecloth. "Dad called the other day and he was begging me to come home. I told him I could live by myself and he said he'd be fine with it if I went to college. He'll pay my tuition."

I looked up at her curiously. Even though she didn't seem like it, my sister was a genius. She graduated when she was 16 and had spent the past two (almost three) years doing whatever the hell she wanted. She was constantly talking about how she didn't really feel like going to college. She hated school. If she did start college soon, she'd probably start at the same time as Gil and Angelica.

"Do you _want_ to go to college? What do you want to study?"

"I don't know… Art or theater or something fun like that. I'll figure it out." She sighed. I went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle, which was what I had come downstairs for in the first place. I couldn't stay awake. It was still in the middle of the night, and I had to go to school in a few hours. I gave Darcy a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek and went back upstairs to my room, taking a sip of water as I opened the door. Alex was sitting up in bed, pulling on a pair of boxers. He turned the table lamp on and rubbed his eyes.

"I woke up and you were gone- are you wearing my shirt?"

I nodded and set the bottle down on the dresser. I climbed into bed next to him and hugged him. He put his head on my shoulder and pulled me closer. His hand went up to my hair, twirling a few locks around his finger. He was amazed by how fast it was growing back and took every free moment to play around with it.

"You look pretty damn cute in my clothes, Lo," he murmured, planting light kisses on my neck. My skin tingled as he left a trail of kisses. "You're so pretty…"

"I'm not anything special." Alex frowned and looked up at me, his head resting on my chest. I put a hand on his shoulder. I wasn't pretty. Even after two months of dating, I didn't know what he saw in me. He was handsome, smart, nice… He could have any girl he wanted, but he chose me.

"Lorin Meredith Haywood, what have I told you about having confidence in yourself? You're absolutely adorable. I don't care if you're a little bit chubby," he rested a hand on my thigh and kissed my nose, "or freckly. I don't care that you have scars or burns. I love everything about you."

"Pulling the full name card? I thought you were above that." I blushed at his compliments. They sounded right coming from him. When my father complimented me, it didn't feel right. It made me sick to my stomach. James had only complimented me when I did what he wanted. It never felt genuine. Alex would compliment me whenever he felt like it. He didn't really need a reason to say anything nice to me. I didn't deserve his kind words.

Alex chuckled into my chest and pulled me down so I was level with him. His hand moved from my hair to my face, and he started to lightly trace his index finger over the bridge of my nose and my cheeks. His eyes were drooping, and I could tell that he was on the verge of falling asleep already. I'd never understand how he could do that. He went from wide awake to asleep in an instant.

" _J'aime tes taches de rousseur,"_ he murmured sleepily, his eyes closing. I blinked at his sudden transition into French. From the tiny bit of French Gil had taught me, I knew he said he loved… something, but I didn't know what.

"What does that mean?" I asked, hoping that he wasn't completely asleep. His right eye opened a crack. A tiny grin graced his face as he pulled me closer, until my head was resting on his naked chest. I could hear his heartbeat, steady and reassuring. I relished in his warmth. It was comforting. I didn't think I'd ever be able to sleep by myself again.

"I love your freckles." He cupped my cheek, his thumb resting high on my cheekbone. I blushed. I didn't see why everyone thought they were such a big deal. If anything, they were a bit annoying. If he liked them now, I couldn't wait for him to see me in the summer, when I turned into the freckle monster.

"Can you say more in French?"

" _J'aime tout de toi, mon amour. Tes yeux, ton sourire. Tout est parfait."_ He smiled and kissed me gently, pushing some stray hairs from my face. "Which means, 'I love everything about you, my love. Your eyes, your smile. They're perfect.'"

I closed my eyes and yawned, a small smile crossing my face. What's that thing people always say? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? If Alex can find some kind of beauty in me, I guess I could find some way to accept it.


	35. Chapter 34

**Happy Thursday, everyone! It's getting slightly chilly over here... By which I mean it's dropped below 65 degrees. Oh, Texas. How I love to hate you and your dumb weather. Anyways, I hope you lovelies enjoy this chapter. I totally don't have something evil planned a few chapters from now. ~Shaymie**

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"What the hell's a Harry Potter snowball fight?" Alex asked with a scowl, zipping up his jacket. I stuffed my feet into my boots and wrapped my Hufflepuff scarf around myself. We didn't have school today because of the snow pile up, which made it prime time for us to have our yearly snowball fight. This was going to be the first year Alex, Darcy, Aaron, Thomas, and Maddie were with us. I was surprised Maddie's mother was letting him out in this cold weather, but he had told her that we were going to hang out at Thomas' house. It was really only a half lie, since we were going over there afterwards anyway to warm up.

"We split up into our Hogwarts houses and have a snowball fight. It's just a normal snowball fight, but we use our houses as a way to fairly split everyone up. Otherwise we'd all be fighting over the best person." I paused and looked up at Alex. "What house are you in?"

"Don't know," he shrugged as Darcy walked into the room, tying off the end of her braid. "Should I?"

"It'll be hard to put you in a team otherwise."

We spent the next fifteen minutes watching Alex take the quiz. Darcy and I placed bets on what house he would be in. I thought that he would be in Ravenclaw, since he was one of the smartest people I knew. Darcy bet that he'd be in Gryffindor, since in her words, he was a loud brave idiot. Alex was ignoring our bickering as he focused on the quiz. We waited with bated breath as he answered the last question…

...and the screen turned green. _Green_. He was in Slytherin? That was… unexpected. Then again, he was pretty ambitious. I should have expected it. The only other people in Slytherin were Aaron and Thomas. At least he wasn't in Gryffindor. They had enough people already.

"You _do_ look like Snape," Darcy grinned, getting up from bed and stretching. "If you guys don't hurry up, we're leaving without you."

Alex and I walked to the park hand in hand behind Darcy and Gil. We were the last ones to arrive, and everyone else had already built the bases. I was surprised Aaron had actually shown up. I thought he would spend the day studying, like Alex had planned to. And he wasn't alone. He had brought the senior girl I had seen him talking to sometimes… Theodosia, I think her name was.

"Sorry we're late," Darcy said as we approached everyone. "Hamilton didn't know what house he was in. He had to take the quiz."

"So what house is he?" Herc asked, patting the side of the Gryffindor base. I shivered. The Gryffindor snow fort was the biggest, which made sense considering that it was the most populated house. They tended to win the snowball fight every year. At least with the new people this year, the teams were balanced a bit better. Angelica used to be by herself.

"Slytherin." Darcy nudged Alex towards the Slytherin fort. He stumbled slightly, a scowl on his face when he noticed his teammates. Thomas rolled his eyes and sighed, while Aaron seemed to be debating whether or not he should leave now. I giggled. Maybe we'd get lucky and the Slytherins would have a civil war and wipe themselves out.

Everyone got settled into their teams: Angelica, Darcy, and Theodosia were Ravenclaw, Thomas, Aaron, and Alex were Slytherin, Eliza, Maddie and I were Hufflepuff, and Herc, Gil, John, and Peggy were Gryffindor. After an announcement from Thomas telling everyone to go easy on Maddie (his cough was acting up today), the war was on. Maddie and Eliza kept me constantly supplied with snowballs as I occasionally peeked my head out from the base to attack. I was staying on the defensive this time around, waiting for everyone else to thin the herd.

Within minutes, the Ravenclaws were out, along with half of the Gryffindors. I felt a surge of satisfaction of being the one to take out Peggy right as she threw a snowball at Angelica's face. She let out a shrill screech and stomped over to the elimination bench. After a bunch of rapid-fire snowball throwing, the only teams left were Slytherin and Hufflepuff. Alex grinned at me as he formed a slightly big snowball.

"If you give up now Lo, I'll give you a kiss," he said cockily, tossing the snowball into the air. Eliza and Maddie rolled their eyes and started making more snowballs since I was running out. I leaned onto the front of the fort, ducking when Thomas threw a snowball at me. I raised an eyebrow. Were they just trying to use Alex as a distraction?

"You're going to have to make a better deal than that, Al. You kiss me all the time," I laughed. He squinted in thought and tapped his chin with his index finger. I took the time to throw a snowball at Aaron, who was distracted by this phone. He looked almost relieved to be out of the game, walking over to the elimination benches and taking a seat next to Theodosia. I made a mental note to ask him about their relationship later.

"Fine. If you give up, I'll do whatever you want in bed tonight." Alex wiggled his eyebrows. I blushed, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to think of a response. I couldn't think of one and instead threw a snowball at Thomas, who was bent over in laughter. He wasn't even upset about being eliminated and sauntered off towards the bench, still chuckling.

"How about if _you_ give up, I'll blow you whenever and wherever you want for a week?" I asked once I recovered from my embarrassment. Alex cupped his chin in thought and tapped his foot in the snow. He shrugged and dropped his snowball, a crooked grin on his face. My team cheered as Alex stepped out from behind his base and walked over to us. He hugged me and kissed my cheek. Thomas let out a disgruntled groan as he walked over to us.

"You gave up the victory for a _blowjob_ , Hamilton?" he asked, shrugging off his heavy coat and giving it to Maddie, who was shivering. He had a thick sweater on underneath, so I wasn't worried about him being cold. Besides, Maddie needed the jacket more. He was shivering. I felt bad about dragging him out in the cold.

"Not just _one_ , Jefferson. As many as I want, for a week!" I giggled as Alex's voice cracked slightly. I stuck my tongue out at Thomas and stood on my toes to kiss my boyfriend on the cheek. Thomas rolled his eyes and sighed, muttering about horny teenagers. Like he wasn't one. Maddie would text me for hours, gossiping about what they'd do to warm up at night.

"For once Hamilton's inability to keep it in his pants is helpful. Good job, Lori," Darcy grinned. "Do you get anything for winning?"

"Bragging rights. And first team out has to buy the winning team food. Which if I'm not mistaken, was _your_ team, Dar."

"Ravenclaw always loses," John snorted. Darcy glared at him and tackled him to the ground, grinning evilly as she shoved handfuls of snow down his jacket. I rolled my eyes. She was a bit of a sore loser. And it wasn't like John was _wrong_. For years, Angelica had been the only Ravenclaw, so she was always taken out first. I was honestly surprised nobody had tried to come for my team. Hufflepuffs have always had a bit of a reputation for being weak. It was nice to prove them wrong.

Thomas rolled his eyes as he zipped Maddie up. He grabbed his boyfriend's hand and told us to follow him to his house to warm up. I grabbed onto Alex's arm and followed behind closely, frowning as that familiar empty feeling came into the pit of my stomach. It had been showing up a lot lately, since I had stopped taking my medicine again. It wasn't that hard to fake taking it around Alex. He talked a mile a minute when we were getting ready for school, and he tended to get lost in whatever topic he was talking about. It was easy to pretend like I had taken it.

I forced a smile onto my face as Eliza started talking excitedly about what she was going to make everyone for Christmas. She always made hand-knitted gifts for us. She turned to Aaron and Theodosia in the middle of her ramble, a wide smile on her face as she asked what they'd like. That caused a real smile to spread across my face. Eliza hadn't even known them for a day and she was going to make them something.

I looked over to Darcy and saw that she was… flirting with John? I couldn't really tell. But it sure _looked_ like it. She was holding onto his arm and leaning on him, a grin on her face as her chest pressed against him. I couldn't really hear what she was saying to him. He swallowed nervously and looked away, his face red. I bit back a sigh. It was really none of my business what Darcy did, was it? I just didn't want her to hurt my best friend. She was known for sleeping around, and I didn't want her to use John as a simple fling.

"I don't think anyone's going to be home," Thomas said as we turned onto his street. I shuddered as I saw the Jefferson manor and tried to push away the bad memories. I forced myself to not think about what had happened here last year. I tried to forget the fact that James only lived a street away and he was probably home right now, trying to think of ways to win me back-

A wolf whistle brought me from my thoughts. Alex was glaring at a guy around our age, who was walking over to us with a smirk on his face. His gaze was directed right on me. I shivered at the predatory look in his eyes. I had seen that look before, every time James looked at me. I squeezed Alex's arm and chewed on my lip.

"Hello, nurse!" the guy grinned, stopping in front of me and Alex. He leaned over and got in my face, his dark blue eyes piercing. "Aren't you a cutie? Want to come home with me? I'll treat you real nice."

"Fuck off, Eacker. She's already-" Thomas' sentence was cut off by Darcy rushing over to punch the guy in the face. He stumbled backwards and fell into a snowbank. Darcy huffed and shook her hand, frowning as she put her glove back on. She quirked an eyebrow at everyone's concerned glances.

"I wasn't just going to let him mess with Lori like that. Let's go to Thomas' house before this creep gets up." She kicked him in the crotch and latched back onto John. Alex inhaled and followed Darcy to Thomas' house, muttering how he didn't want to get on her bad side. I hoped for his sake that he didn't, either.


	36. Chapter 35

**Christmas is coming (I say, as it's literally just the beginning of December both in the story and in real life)! Let me be excited, alright? Anyway, happy Saturday, lovelies. Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter. I'm like really tired, y'all. And fluffy times will be coming to an end soon, pls forgive me. ~Shaymie**

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 _Alex's POV_

We piled into Jefferson's house and let out a collective sigh of relief as the warm air hit us. Only Jefferson would leave the heat on while he was gone. Then again, he could afford it. I briefly wondered where his parents were. Everyone shed their layers of jackets and scarves and walked into the living room. Jefferson and Peggy went to the kitchen, saying that they were going to prepare something to warm everyone up.

Lorin sat down on Jefferson's couch with a sigh and took her beanie off. She ran a hand through her hair, which was as poofy as ever. She hadn't been doing much to it since she cut it, choosing to let it do whatever it wanted. It was a fluffy mess of sandy curls, surrounding her face adorably. She managed to make it work and not look like a crow's nest.

"Are all guys in New York disgusting pigs?" Darcy asked as she flexed her hand. She huffed and sat on the floor in front of me and Lo, since we had run out of couch space. She rolled her eyes at the offended scoffs that came from the guys in the room. "Okay, so only the _rich_ ones are pigs. Yes, even you Thomas."

"What'd I do?" Jefferson frowned as he walked back into the room, carrying a tray of steaming mugs. Peggy walked in behind him with an identical tray and set it down on the table in the middle of the room, handing me one mug in particular. Coffee. I smiled thankfully at Peggy and took a sip. Lo was given a cup of hot chocolate, which she wrapped her hands around silently. She hadn't talked in awhile, I realized. She hadn't said a word since the end of the snowball fight. I'd normally assume she wasn't talking because of Burr's girlfriend (or whatever she was to him), but she didn't have a problem talking in front of her earlier.

"Penny for your thoughts, Lo?" I asked quietly, resting my chin on top of her hair as Darcy started complaining to Thomas about how she thought that rich people in New York were complete jerks. Lo tilted her head up curiously and frowned.

"W-What?" Her voice was light, feathery, and slightly shaky, like she hadn't expected for someone to talk to her. There was a distant look in her eyes, like she wasn't entirely here. I'd seen that look before. It was the look she had when she had been worrying about something but didn't want anyone to know about it. I frowned.

"Something's bothering you, Lo. What is it?"

"...It's nothing," she frowned, looking down at her hot chocolate. I sighed. She was a terrible liar. If it really was nothing, she would have been finished with her hot chocolate by now, not just staring at it. Her cute little nose was scrunched up, like she had just thought of something upsetting. She sighed and set her cup to the side. Her gray eyes turned up to look at me. "Really, I'm… I'm fine. I was just thinking too much. Like always."

I opened my mouth to respond, but quickly shut it. She'd tell me if it was anything too bad, wouldn't she? She had a habit of holding everything in until it was too much (like the issue with her childhood), but I didn't want to _force_ her to talk to me if she clearly didn't feel like it. My gaze went down to her arms, which were littered with scars, before I looked back up at her face. I knew she hated people staring at them.

"Are we actually going to do anything, or are we just going to watch Darcy argue with Jefferson?" Angelica sighed, twirling a bit of hair around her finger. She was definitely the least enthusiastic of the group. Everyone else was able to at least tolerate Jefferson, for Lorin's sake. Eliza and Peggy may be the only people who willingly talk to him. But Angelica still held a grudge against him for all the times he'd flirted with Lo in the past.

"Okay," Darcy smiled as she turned away from Jefferson mid-sentence. She clapped her hands together and stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom. Thomas, how about you put on a Christmas movie or something?"

Jefferson sighed as Darcy sauntered out of the room. He went over to his expensive-looking entertainment system and started to take out several DVDs, his eyebrows scrunching as he looked through them. I chuckled. I didn't think anyone could boss him around, least of all Darcy. Maybe he was scared of her after seeing her knock that guy down with a single punch. She had mentioned getting a gym membership recently so she could stay fit for her modeling job, but somehow I felt like her strength didn't come from just that. I had a feeling that she was used to beating up guys that looked at her or Lo wrong.

"When are we going Christmas shopping?" Peggy asked excitedly, bouncing in Laf's lap. "I want to go to the mall to see Santa!"

"Peggy, you do realize that Santa isn't re-" Burr's sentence was cut off by Theodosia stomping on his foot with a glare.

"He isn't what?" Peggy's face fell, and there were tears glistening in her eyes. I didn't think that she would still believe in Santa. Didn't people normally stop believing in him when they were little kids? Or if they were like me, they never believed in him in the first place.

"He isn't at the mall today!" Lorin said quickly, brushing some hair back from her face. "He probably won't be there for a couple of days, you know. He's probably still working on packing up the gifts. There's a lot of people in the world, Pegs."

I bit back a laugh as Eliza told Peggy that she'd get to see Santa next week... Then I realized that I didn't know what to get everyone for Christmas. It was even worse than the situation I'd had with Lo's birthday. At least with that, I'd only had to worry about one person. Now I have to worry about several people.

* * *

" _...You will be found."_

I smiled as Lo sang the final notes the song she was performing with Eliza and Madison for their choir final. They had been practicing a lot lately (which sadly meant that I had to listen to the same song on repeat), but at the very least, they sounded amazing. Lo had been talking about how excited she was to be able to do something with Eliza and Madison, since she hadn't been able to perform in the choir concert.

The room next door was strangely silent, the only sounds being some quiet shuffling. Maybe they were taking a break. Laf and I had to remind Lo to take breaks so she wouldn't strain her voice. Maybe now she knew when to take breaks without us telling her. I sighed as I stared down at the blank piece of paper in front of me. At least one of us was getting something done. I was trying to make a list of what to get everyone for Christmas. George and Martha said they'd pay for whatever Lo and I wanted to buy our friends as long as it wasn't too expensive. Laf had his own credit card since he was 18.

I got up from my desk and stretched. I had been sitting at my desk for awhile now, and I needed a bit of a break. I went over to Lorin's room (knocking before I entered) and found her sitting on her bed with Eliza and Madison. They were looking over some sheet music and talking quietly, though they stopped when they saw me. I walked over to Lo and kissed her on the cheek. She looked up at me, her eyelids drooping slowly.

"How's it going?" I asked, sitting down in the beanbag chair in the corner. I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes, blinking when Lo climbed into my lap. She curled up and put her head on my chest, closing her eyes and humming softly when I put a hand on her head and started running it through her hair. She actually started _purring_ when I started scratching at her scalp. So it wasn't just me that liked that… I made a note to remember that for later. "Lo?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled, grabbing a fistful of my shirt. "Everything's fine. We're taking a bit of a break. I'm a little tired."

"It's about time for us to go anyway." Eliza checked the time quietly and grabbed her purse. She put the sheet music into a stack and put them on Lo's bedside table. She stood up and smoothed out her skirt."Jamie has a doctor's appointment."

"Text me when it's over," Lo spoke sleepily. She didn't open her eyes, even when Eliza and Madison both gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. I picked her up and set her on the bed. She reached out and grabbed my hand before I could leave. I noticed that she was still wearing her charm bracelet. I think the only time she ever took it off was when she showered.

"What's up, Lo?"

"It's a bit too cold to sleep." She opened her eyes and smiled at me as I kicked my shoes off and got into the bed next to her. My breath caught in my throat as she started tugging my shirt off, planting hot little kisses on my neck and chest. She leaned forward and put her mouth next to my ear. "So how about we do something to warm ourselves up? I believe I owe you something for that snowball fight."

...Well, how could I say no to that? I got up quickly and locked the door, turning the lights off as I passed the switch. Lo resumed the kisses as I wrapped my arms around her, and we spent the next several hours getting warm and cozy.


	37. Chapter 36

**Happy Monday, lovelies! Christmas is fast approaching, which means things will be getting interesting. Hopefully you all enjoy the ride! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

" _I try to speak, but nobody can hear so I wait around for an answer to appear,"_ I sang quietly as I focused on tying my hair up in twin buns. Today was the day that we were going to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. I had already ordered some things, but there were certain things that were sold out online, which meant that I had to actually go outside. Ugh. Thankfully I didn't have to go alone. Alex, John, Eliza, Peggy, and Gil were coming with me.

"You should sing more often." I yelped and whirled around. John was leaning in my doorframe, dressed for the cold. His hair was down for once, probably to make space for the beanie he was wearing. He grinned and walked over to me, taking the bobby pins from my hands and putting them in my hair in an X. I smiled up at him and hugged him. He had been spending so much time with Darcy lately, I hardly saw him.

"I sing enough in choir, John." I grabbed my sweater from a chair and put it on, trying my best to not mess up my hair. Thankfully only a few strands got out of place. I sat down on my bed and put my shoes on, looking up at John. He smiled and sat next to my, pulling his leg up. I noticed Sharpie swirls on his shoe and snorted. He must have gotten bored and started scribbling. I didn't think he had a single pair of shoes that weren't marked on in some way.

"That's not what I mean and you know it, Lori," John laughed as he flicked my nose. I narrowed my eyes at him and huffed as I tied up the laces on my boots. I frowned at my chipped nail polish. Darcy was going to have a field day painting them when she got home. She hated when my nails got even a tiny bit ruined. I looked up as there was knocking at my door. Alex walked in, sipping on a cup of coffee. John's eyes darkened slightly as he watched him sit down at my desk.

I stood up and stretched. Eliza and Peggy should be getting here soon. They had to deal with pre-SAT Angelica, and she had been using them as study partners. I didn't know why she was taking the SAT when she had already taken it last year, but I knew better than to question her. She really wanted to get into Colombia. It was her dream school, and Angelica Schuyler always got what she wanted no matter the cost.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and saw that Peggy had texted our group chat, saying that she was on her way with Eliza. I rolled my eyes when she sent a follow-up text, asking me to kiss Gil for her. She could do that on her own. I slid my phone back into my pocket when they started sending kissy face emojis back and forth. There were some days that I regretted them getting together.

"Pegs and Liza are on their way," I announced, grabbing my purse from the back of my chair. Alex turned and kissed me. I crinkled my nose. His lips tasted like coffee. He laughed and looked down at my desk, his finger tracing lightly around the stamp on the envelope of the letter my mother had sent me. I had skimmed over it recently. She was engaged to someone and expecting a little boy in April. She said that she wanted to come to New York and visit me to explain why she had given me up, but would understand if I never wanted to see her again. I stared at the envelope before making a quick decision. I climbed into Alex's lap and grabbed a pen and paper.

"What are you doing, Lo?" he asked as I started writing in my neatest handwriting. I bit my lip as I wrote as fast as possible without running my words together. I would probably regret this later, but Mama deserved an answer. And no matter how much I tried to tell myself that I hated her, I needed to see her again. I needed to know why she had done all the things she had done. I needed to know what I had done wrong.

"Have you caught the Hamilton disease of non-stop writing?" John asked, getting up from my bed and walked over to us. "What's so important that you had to drop everything?"

"Mama… I have to reply to her letter," I muttered, biting my lip slightly harder. Alex tugged my lip from between my teeth and kissed my head. I kept my focus on the paper. I had to get this done before I wimped out. I wasn't sure if I even _wanted_ to see my mother again. I just _needed_ to. "She said she wants to visit me."

"Do you want her to?" Alex asked gently. He put his hand over mine, effectively stopping me from writing. I shrugged and sighed.

"I need to know why she gave me up, Al. I can't stand not knowing. And I need to _hear_ it from her. Just reading it won't be enough." My eyes filled with tears as I started to tremble. Whether it was from cold or anxiety, I couldn't tell. What would I do when she got here? It felt like I hadn't had an actual conversation with her ever since my father was sent to jail. I sighed and nudged Alex's hand away from me. I had to finish this letter.

John and Alex let me write in peace. I barely noticed when John started quietly playing music in the background, but I started humming along when his playlist switched over to Disney songs. The edges of my mouth twitched as songs from Moana started playing. John knew how much I loved the fact that there was a Disney princess who sang in a bit of a lower range. Now that I thought about it, did Moana even count as a princess if she was a chief's daughter?

I finished the letter as Eliza knocked on the open door, alerting us to her presence. I folded the paper and gingerly put it inside a pretty pink floral print envelope I had lying around from the stationary set Angelica had given me. I hadn't really had a use for it until now, so it had just been sitting on my desk, collecting dust. I filled out the details on the front of the envelope and took a deep breath as I stood up. I couldn't believe I was going to invite my mother to visit me, but there was no going back now.

* * *

"Lizzie almost passed out when we went to Victoria's Secret!" Peggy laughed as she shoved a forkful of chicken salad into her mouth. Eliza huffed and stared down at the tablecloth, her face red. We had gotten our Christmas shopping done (splitting into groups of girls and boys), and we were completely weighed down with shopping bags. We decided to get some lunch before heading home. Alex put an arm around my shoulder and tried to peek into my bags. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. He wasn't finding out what I got him until Christmas.

"There was a lot of… sexy underwear," Eliza squeaked, her cheeks darkening. "How did you two just walk in there like it was no big deal?"

"Because it _wasn't_ a big deal. Rin and I shop there. Sometimes. Okay, maybe only once." Now it was my turn to blush. When I had told Peggy that Alex and I had started having sex (I regret telling her everything, but I knew she would be furious if I hadn't told her), she practically dragged me to Victoria's Secret for what she called an extra birthday present. She probably would have bought out the entire store if I hadn't stopped her. I never really wore what she had gotten me, but Alex had found some of it when he was cleaning my room.

I pushed my empty tray away and put my head on Alex's shoulder. Being at the mall, where there were so many people, was honestly kind of draining. I felt exhausted. When I got home, I was going to take a nap. I closed my eyes as Alex took my hair down, his fingers lightly grazing my scalp. I let out a sound of contentment as he started scratching. He had been doing that a lot lately. After a few moments, I realized that the table had gone silent. I opened my eyes and frowned. John was the first one to speak.

"Lori, did you just… _purr_?"

My blush came back full force, and I pushed Alex's hand away from my head as everyone started laughing. I huffed and picked up my bags. If we weren't in public, and I was such a nervous wreck, I'd probably tell them that nothing was funny. But since we were in such a crowded place, my throat felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, and I was even more anxious than I normally would be.

"That may have been the most adorable thing you've ever done," Eliza giggled. She looked over at a clock on the wall. I followed her gaze. It was almost four o'clock. We had to get going soon. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, because they started cleaning up the table. Alex wrapped his arm around my shoulder when they had finished. I squeezed close to his side when we started walking out of the mall. We were almost to the cars (we had driven here in two separate cars since Gil's car was stupidly tiny) when I saw a small dark thing curled up near the trash can. I dropped my bags and ran over to it.

It was a kitten. I picked it up carefully, thankful that it didn't lash out at me. Then again, it didn't look like it was in any condition to do much of anything. It was terribly dirty, its fur was matted, and it was shivering. I took my scarf off and wrapped it around the poor thing. How could someone leave such a tiny thing just lying around in the snow? How long had it been here? It was light, even for a kitten. I couldn't just leave it here...

"Lo, I already know what you're thinking. We can't take a stray cat in." I jumped as Alex came up behind me. "What about Dumpling?"

"She'll be fine. It's not like we're throwing her out." I looked up at Alex and gave him my best puppy dog eyes. I could see his resolve melt away a little bit and pulled off the saddest look I could manage. "Al, it's just a baby! I can't just let it sit out here in the snow! Look at his widdle face!"

Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He turned to Gil and yelled something in French, putting an arm on my waist as he led us over to the car. I grinned. We wouldn't have to leave the cat behind! I didn't know if we'd be able to keep him, since we still had to go through George and Martha. But even if we couldn't keep him, we would at the very least be able to clean him up and give him to a good home.


	38. Chapter 37

**Happy Thursday, y'all! I finally got to watch Moana by hijacking my sister's Netflix account while she was out with my niece and I loved it. I honestly almost cried, but I couldn't because my sister was in the room so I just held it in. Anyways, this chapter is honestly kind of trash because it's mostly dialogue, but I hope you lovelies enjoy it anyway because it's honestly not my best work. Christmas is coming up in a few chapters and I'm excited for that. I've talked enough, but I hope that you peeps like the chapter. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Couldn't you have named that cat… anything else? Literally anything else would be a better name," I tried to reason with my girlfriend. George and Martha had decided to let Lorin keep the cat she had found near the mall after seeing how attached she had gotten to it. She had cleaned it up, and now that it wasn't a mangled mess, it was actually kind of cute. There was just one glaring problem with it… Its name. For the past week and a half, I had been trying to get Lorin to change its name.

"But he looks just like you!" Lo said as she affixed a candy cane bell collar to the kitten's neck. She set him down and smiled as he started to chase Dumpling around the room. They were best friends already. Lo didn't want to split them up. "Alexander is the perfect name for him! And it's not like you use your full name. Everyone calls you Alex."

"That doesn't mean I want to share my name with a _cat_. Won't it get confusing?"

She shrugged and looked over at the pile of letters sitting on the counter. She started trembling as she sifted through the pile. She set them all aside except for one, which she swiftly opened and started reading. I led her over to a chair so she could sit down. I watched her face as she read it, but she had managed to keep her expression blank. I didn't know if what she was reading was good or not.

For the past week, every time the mail was brought in, she became a nervous wreck. She had sent a letter to her mother, telling her that she could visit for Christmas if she wanted to. I told her that she didn't have to invite her mother to visit if she didn't feel comfortable with it, but she said that she needed answers. I wanted her to never have to see that terrible woman again (she forgave people far too easily), but it was her decision to make. I couldn't make her decisions for her.

"...Mama's going to be here in a few days. She's probably on her way here now..." Her voice was barely audible as she set the letter down. She started chewing on her bottom lip. I sat next to her and ran a hand through her hair soothingly. She looked up at me, a tiny frown on her face. "I'm nervous, Alex."

"Me and Darcy will be here for you, Lo. Nothing bad will happen." She sighed and put her head on my shoulder. I had a feeling that she didn't believe me. I didn't know anything about her mother except what she had told me. I hoped that she had changed, for Lo's sake. It had been seven years since she had seen her mother. She had to have matured some and known that what she had done to her daughter was wrong. Why else would she have reached out to her?

* * *

Lo looked… A lot like her mother. They had the same freckles, the same sandy hair... I looked between them five or six times before Darcy nudged me harshly and glared at me. I bit my lip and grabbed Lo's hand. We had been sitting in silence for the past five minutes, since Lo's mother had arrived with her soon to be husband. Nobody really knew what to say, and I could tell that it was making Lo nervous.

"So, you're dating my daughter?" I looked up as her mother addressed me, noticing that she spoke with a slight southern accent. I nodded and took her hand as she offered it to me. "My name's Sophia."

"Alexander. But you can call me Alex."

"So, _mother_ , what made you suddenly show up out of the blue?" Darcy asked bitterly, her green eyes narrowed. She leaned forward in her seat and looked at Sophia sourly. Lo looked confused. She'd told me that Darcy still loved their mother, so I could understand why she was confused. What had changed? Why was Darcy so suddenly hostile?

"...I wanted your brother to know his sisters…" Sophia murmured, putting a hand on her rounded belly. "And I wanted a chance to explain myself. I was young. I was _confused_. I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't handle the stress of being a mother-"

"So you just let Jonathan do whatever the fuck he wanted to Lorin?!" Darcy was on her feet now, glaring at her mother with fury in her eyes. Lo curled into my side, softly crying. "Mama, you should have left that deadbeat the second he made her touch him! Anyone with half a brain would have done that! You should have told her that what he was doing to her was _wrong_! She thought it was her job to let her father molest her!"

"Darcy-"

"And then after that, you took her away from me! I'm the only other family she has! You brought her here… And then you fucking left her. On her birthday. You gave her up without any sort of explanation."

"I wanted her to have a better life!" Sophia shouted through her tears. She wiped at her eyes and turned to Lo, who still hadn't looked at her since she had shown up. Her chest was heaving as she struggled to control her breathing. She pushed me away when I put a hand on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around herself. Her mouth started moving silently as she trembled.

"Lorin, I'm so sor- wh… what are those on your arms?" Sophia's face paled as she looked at Lo's arms. Lo squeaked and tightened her grip on her body, digging her nails into her skin. Her eyes filled with tears.

"I… I… My _old_ boyfriend and the, um… The girl he cheated on me with… They, um… They punished me for not following their instructions…" she whispered, the words coming out as a choked sob. She moved as far away from me as she could on the couch and took deep breaths. Sophia looked horrified. Darcy's face darkened as she looked at her mother.

"She spent a year in an abusive relationship because she learned from _you_ that it's alright for her to let people hurt her if they 'love' her! She let her shitty boyfriend force her into a fucking threesome because she loved him! They both did awful things to her and you weren't here to stop it! We… We both weren't…"

The room dissolved into sobs then. Sophia's fiance and I shared an awkward glance. What… were we supposed to do? Neither of us wanted to really get in the middle of this. It was clearly something that the Haywoods had to get through by themselves. I hoped that they would be able to work through this, if not for Lo's sake. She had been through so much, and she deserved some closure.

"Lorin, words can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for everything. I wasn't much older than you are now when I got pregnant with you. Jonathan was in college. He said he'd take care of us. He said he loved us, but had a bit of a temper. I loved him, so I let him take his anger out on me. I tried to keep him away from you. I didn't want to have to deal with you father's rage.

"And when he started _molesting_ you… Some stupid voice in my head told me to not do anything about it. It told me that he would only get angry with me. I used you as a scapegoat, and I'm so sorry… I was relieved when he got sent to jail, but then I was… terrified. I was so scared. I didn't have anyone to go to. My parents kicked me out when I got pregnant with you, after all. They only let me stay with them when I was pregnant with Darcy because I left her with Robert. I decided that I couldn't stay in Texas anymore. There were too many bad memories there.

"When we moved here, I thought things would be different. I thought we'd be able to have a happy life once and for all. But it only got worse. New York is a pretty expensive place, after all. So I started selling my body to pay the bills. It was the complete opposite of what I wanted. We grew even further apart and I could see you retreating further into yourself. I know how hard it is for you to make friends. I was the only person you knew and I was never there for you. You deserved better than that, so I… I gave up my parental rights. I wanted someone better suited to take care of you. I couldn't stand hurting you.

"I should have done more before I left you. I should have warned you about men like your father. I never dreamed that you would have the same mistake I did. But you're smarter than I was. You _left_ him, didn't you?" Lo managed to nod in between her sobs. "I know how hard that must have been. Lorin. I know that this apology must mean nothing to you, but I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I don't expect you to forgive me, but if you give me a chance to… make it up to you…? I want to be here for you. I want to be in your life. Nothing can erase everything that I've done, but if you give me a chance… Please…"

"O-Okay…" Lo whispered after a tense silence, turning to look at her mother for the first time in years. She gave her a shy smile, but it quickly fell from her face as she started messing with the edge of her skirt. "I… I've missed you, Mama. I kept trying to tell myself that I hated you, but I think I just hated the fact that you left me with nothing. No explanation… Just nothing. I finally have what I've waited so long for…"

"I can't fucking believe this," Darcy spat out, looking between Lo and Sophia. She stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.


	39. Chapter 38

**Happy Saturday, everyone! This chapter is a bit late because I was originally going to have it be a longer chapter that I'd post on Monday (and apologize profusely for missing an update), but my friend convinced me to post this part of it and leave a cliffhanger. So you can blame him for this. Also it's been so cold, I'm actually having trouble typing. I'm not used to such cold weather, but thankfully it's warming up. Anyway, hopefully you lovelies enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"Don't worry, Lo. I'm sure Darcy just has to blow off some steam," Alex said calmly, taking a sip of coffee. I wouldn't be so worried if this wasn't the second time in less than a month she had run off. John said that she was with him, but told me to wait awhile before trying to talk to her. She was _pissed_. I could hear her rampaging in the background of the phone call, screaming curses. Today was her second day of being gone.

"Yeah, you know how bad her temper gets," Thomas sighed, glaring at Herc as he was pricked with a pin. They were about to do their last rehearsal runthrough of Macbeth before the final, which was a performance in front of the entire school. They had to perform tonight and everyone had frazzled nerves. I didn't envy them at all. Especially since Herc was stressing over making sure that their costumes fit perfectly even though he had already fitted them.

"She just looked so… _angry_. And betrayed. I don't think she was expecting for me to forgive Mama." I held out the pin cushion for Herc and sighed. "I didn't think I would forgive her either…"

"Why _did_ you forgive her?" Thomas asked as Herc finally finished with his costume. He tagged out with Alex and leaned against one of the prop thrones. I frowned. I didn't _know_ why I had forgiven her. I had been furious. I didn't even want to see her. But she seemed truly sorry about what she did. I know now that she was only trying to protect me, even though she had a terrible way of doing it. Before I could think of a way to tell this to Thomas without sounding like a total pushover, the back door slammed open and Mr. Conway bursted in, saying that it was almost showtime. I kissed Alex on the cheek and walked over to the seats. I had a front row seat in the auditorium since I was in the class.

Rehearsal went on with only a few minor hitches. Everyone avoided Seabury like the plague. It was hilarious to see Banquo trying to avoid his own son. Alex tried (and failed) to pull of a Scottish accent, which was kind of ironic since he told me that he had some Scottish blood in him. It was so bad that Thomas broke character to tell him to speak like a human being. Maddie had a coughing fit halfway through the first act and sat down next to me. And since he didn't have an understudy, I was tasked with reading his lines. Sally Hemings (who played Lady Macbeth) couldn't keep her hands off of Alex. It took all my self restraint to not march up onto the stage and punch her.

"That was amazing!" Mr. Conway cheered as the other kids in our class pulled the curtains shut. He looked out to the audience, which was just me and Maddie. We looked at each other and hesitantly clapped for our boyfriends. I had a feeling we'd docked down a grade if we didn't. Alex and Thomas burst out from behind the curtain and walked over to us. I pulled Alex in for a kiss, shooting a murderous glare over his shoulder at Sally, who was walking over to us from backstage. He pulled back from the kiss and smirked at me.

"I didn't see you as the jealous type, Lo," he grinned. I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by Sally, who sidled up to Alex, her… assets pressing against him. His face turned bright red as he tried to push her away, She only latched onto his arm, a flirtatious grin on her face.

"Hey, _Alexander_ ," she murmured, her voice low and sultry. "Why don't you dump the squirt and hang out with me for a bit?"

"Hey _Sarah_ , why don't you fuck off?" Thomas crossed his arms and glared at Sally, using her real name even though she hated it. Her face twisted into a grimace as she huffed and pulled away from Alex. She grabbed his hand and grabbed a pen from in between her boobs, uncapping it swiftly and writing something down.

"If you're ever looking for a _real_ woman, ditch the fatass and call me." She walked backstage, her hips swaying seductively. Alex rolled his eyes and licked his thumb, wiping the markings from his hand without even looking at them. I wrapped my arms around myself and frowned. I… I wasn't _that_ big, was I? I squeezed myself slightly, not liking how squishy I felt. It definitely wouldn't hurt me to lose some weight.

"God, when is she going to get the message?" My eyes flicked over to Thomas as he spoke again. This had happened more than once? I hadn't been to every rehearsal since I didn't really _need_ to be. I'd spend my free period hanging out with John in the nurse's office or in the choir room, which was always open in case anybody wanted to rehearse. It probably shouldn't be like that, considering anyone could just walk in and steal things. But it wasn't like anybody really cared about choir. Anyone that wasn't in it just ignored its existence. John wasn't here today, since he said he had to help Darcy nurse a hangover. So I had decided to stay for rehearsal.

"Don't listen to her, Lorin," Maddie said quietly, raising his handkerchief to cover a cough. I frowned. He never did that well in winter and spent most of it sick. I squeaked as Alex pulled me into a hug and put his head on my shoulder with a huff. I managed a small smile as he started murmuring to me in French. I didn't know what he was saying, but just the sound of his voice was soothing. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed happily. He wouldn't leave me for Sally. Even he had _some_ standards.

* * *

"You haven't heard anything from your sister?" Mama asked with a frown as she helped me fold clothes. I shook my head and sighed. She hadn't been answering any of my phone calls. John had been giving me small updates on how she was doing, and jokingly said that I was going to have to pay to restock his snack cabinet. When he had called earlier though, he seemed a bit… distracted. Something in his tone had changed, but I couldn't pin down exactly what it was.

I folded a sweater and looked at the clock. It was 5:30, so I should probably start getting ready. The play started at seven. I kissed Mama on the cheek and went upstairs to take a shower. I turned the water on so it could warm up while I got undressed. I put my charm bracelet on top of my towels and frowned at my reflection. It wouldn't hurt me to lose a few pounds… My new year's resolution was definitely going to be to lose weight. I looked away from the mirror and stepped into the shower, sighing in relief as the warm water hit my skin.

I spent almost an hour in the shower, only getting out when I remembered that I had somewhere to be. I reluctantly turned the water off and wrapped a towel around my body. I was in the middle of wrapping my hair when someone knocked on the bathroom door. I frowned. This was my personal bathroom. Who would want to come in here when they knew that I was using it? I padded over to the door and opened it a crack, blinking in surprise when I saw Darcy. She looked like a total mess, her eyes wide and frantic. I saw red marks going down her neck and disappearing into her sweater.

"W-What are you-"

"I messed up, Lori. I messed up big time. We got drunk and I don't remember much of what happened after that, but I have a pretty good idea of what it was and _oh my god, I fucked up so much_ …" I led Darcy to my bed as she rambled and grabbed my clothes from the bathroom. I frowned as I got dressed. I had never seen her so panicked. Whatever she had done must have been pretty terrible if she was coming to me for advice even though she was mad at me. She was infamous for holding grudges. I smoothed out my purple dress and sat next to my sister.

"Dar, what happened?" I asked gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked down at me. Now things were getting scary. She had always made a conscious effort to not cry in front of me. "Darcy, what happened? If someone hurt you-"

"I slept with John last night!"


	40. Chapter 39

**Happy Thursday, everyone! I hope everyone's having a good day. Christmas is fast approaching in this fanfic (for real this time, it's like the week before it) and there'll be Christmas fluff for everyone... After we get past the Darcy/John thing. Which most likely won't happen until next chapter, sorry y'all. Still leaving you on a bit of a cliffhanger there. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

Some strange, bitter voice inside of me was saying _I told you so_. I knew that Darcy was a bit promiscuous. I knew that she was getting close to John. I should have seen this coming, but the words still came as a surprise to me. My sister… had sex with my best friend. Darcy and John had _slept together_. And judging by the hickeys I could see on Darcy's neck, John had _really_ enjoyed it. They had apparently been drunk, but didn't people say that you only get the courage to do what you'd normally never do when you got drunk? ...Or something like that.

"Did you use a condom?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. It was kind of hard to wrap my brain around this. I decided to start with that question first and took deep breaths to calm myself.

"We weren't exactly thinking straight," Darcy flushed, twirling a bit of hair nervously around her finger. "And I don't even think he had any. I was… Um… I was his first."

"So you got John drunk and took his virginity?" I asked, jumping up from my seat. The towel fell from my hair as I stood, causing damp strands of hair to fall in my face. My hands curled into fists at my side, but I knew that I wouldn't hit her. No matter how mad I was, I refused to hit anyone. I shoved my hands into my pockets and sighed.

"Lori, I swear I wasn't planning on having sex with him when we were drinking! I just kissed him and then one thing led to another… We spent most of today talking about last night, and he said that he didn't want _us_ to just be a one night fling. I got scared and ran off…" I had never seen my sister look so self conscious before. Darcy was the picture of beauty, after all. She was a _model_! I didn't think it was possible for her to look so… so small. She sniffled as she wiped her hands anxiously on her sweatpants. "I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship, Lori. The last two people I dated fucked me over, and John's… _John_. What if… What if he's only after me because I'm your sister?"

"He's not like that, Darcy." I knew that John had liked me, but he wasn't mean-spirited like that. He wouldn't use Darcy as a replacement for me. I frowned and put a hand on Darcy's shoulder. "Dar. If he said he wants a relationship with you, then he wants to date you. I've seen the way he looks at you sometimes. I noticed that you've been flirting with him. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you two were already dating."

"...I have to go apologize," she muttered to herself as she left the room in a hurry. I sighed as I pulled my shoes on. _I hope they work through this,_ I thought as I got ready to leave for the play. I chewed on my lip as I pulled my coat on. I was happy for them, of course. I wasn't breaking John's heart anymore, and Darcy deserved to be with someone that wouldn't hurt her. But the thought of them _together_ was still a bit foreign. I thought about it the whole car ride to the school.

John and Darcy had always been incredibly close. They were the only two people I'd actually _want_ to be in the room with me when I was in the hospital (not that they were the only ones who ever visited since everyone else stopped by anyway) and they'd always be talking whenever I would wake up from naps. They were two sides of the same coin, I had realized back then. While Darcy was a bit harsh and reckless (I really did wonder why she was a Ravenclaw), John preferred to sit back and see how things would turn out. More often than not, he was the one who would have to calm my sister down before she murdered someone. Somehow it made sense that they would find each other.

"Are you alright, Lorin?" Gil asked, turning to look at me when he finally managed to park. I didn't like sitting in the front seat much. If I was in the backseat, I had room to stretch out and put a blanket over myself.

"I'm fine, Gil. I was just thinking about stuff." I sat up and yawned, running a hand through my hair. I had barely managed to dry it before we had to leave, so it was still a little damp. I hoped that I didn't get sick again. The last time I was sick was terrible enough. I put my gloves on and buttoned up my coat. I followed Gil inside of the school, shivering in the cold air. I noticed Charles Lee leaning against a car and looked away from him. I wasn't in the mood for another panic attack, thank you very much.

Gil and I walked into the auditorium and found seats near the front. There weren't that many people here, considering the fact that this wasn't exactly an actual theater production. Not that anyone really cared about theater in the first place. Theater and choir were the underappreciated electives at school, and their funding got cut every year. Eventually they were going to be defunct.

I silenced my phone before the curtains opened, but noticed that I had texts from Darcy and John. I'd read them later, but hopefully the texts were good news. Alex was thankfully not speaking with that godawful Scottish accent, and Maddie managed to make it through his parts without any trouble. I bit back a laugh as Thomas got a bit _too_ into it. Was overacting a thing? Like before, Sally couldn't keep her hands off Alex, but he kept pushing her away, chuckling when she tripped over her dress in her attempt to balance herself.

Before I knew it, the play was over. Everyone in the audience (the other people in my English class who had to show up to get their final grade) applauded awkwardly. Mrs. Conway cheered the loudest and threw roses onto the stage like it was the best performance she had ever seen. With the quality of the theater productions I had seen, it probably was. I got up and went backstage to find Alex, but was stopped by Thomas. He was a fast changer, having already changed out of his costume and into his normal clothes. He picked at his fingernails, which were painted a light blue, and shuffled nervously on his feet.

"Lorin, do you… Um… Do you want to come to my New Year's party? I asked everyone else and they said that they'd only go if you went," he blushed. "It won't be nearly as big as the last one. It'll just be us and your friends. I guess it's not really a party as much as it's just… a gathering?"

"Of course I'll go. It beats watching the ball drop at home with just Alex and Gil." I smiled up at Thomas. Even though he had been kind of terrible in the past, flirting with me every chance he got and making crude jokes, he had changed when he started dating Maddie. I just wish everyone else could see that. I could tell they only spent time with him because of me. It was like they refused to see that he was different now.

He smiled back at me and stepped to the side. I walked past him and found Alex leaving one of the dressing rooms, holding his costume. He hung it up on a clothing rack and stretched. I took this as an opportunity to run up to him and hug him from behind. Part of me wanted to tell him about Darcy and John, but I knew it wasn't my business to tell. I closed my eyes and buried my face in his hoodie.

"Hey, Lo." He turned to look at me, a small grin on his face. I frowned when I noticed the shadows underneath his eyes. When was the last time he'd had a good night's sleep? I would always fall asleep before him, normally crashing around eleven. He said that he would get into bed soon, but I never stayed awake long enough to see him. And he _has_ been drinking way more coffee than normal lately. I hope he's not overworking himself.

"Hi, Al. I'm glad you decided to not use that terrible accent in the play." I stood on my toes and kissed him. He laughed and led me into the dressing room. His backpack was sitting on the floor since he had been staying after school, and I noticed that he had textbooks scattered around. I sighed. Was there ever a time when he wasn't doing homework or studying? He sat down on a ratty old couch in the corner and pulled me onto his lap.

"Jefferson threatened to tear my balls off if I tried to use it. And I happen to be a fan of having my balls attached."

"Me too." I stuck my tongue out and started picking up some papers that were left on the floor. For once, I was the one trying to keep things neat. I giggled at the baffled look on Alex's face and neatly put the papers into a binder. I spent the next couple of minutes cleaning up my boyfriend's mess and handed him his backpack. If we didn't get going soon, Gil was probably going to leave us. Alex sighed and got up from the couch, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Let's go home, Lo. I'm exhausted."


	41. Laurens Interlude II

**Happy Thursday, everyone! Well, it might not be if the whole Net Neutrality thing goes down. Hopefully that doesn't happen, but if it does, it's been a pleasure writing for you lovely folk. *tips imaginary fedora* ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Laurens Interlude II_

 _I had slept with my best friend's sister._ That was all I could think as I woke up with a massive headache. Part of me hoped it had just been a dream… until she sleepily draped an arm over me and pulled me closer to her. I turned to look at her, and she was _stunning_. She was beautiful even without makeup. Her hair (which now went in a gradient from brown to blonde) was splayed across her face. It had been in a ponytail last night, but I vaguely remembered pulling it out of the ponytail in the middle of our… activities. Darcy apparently loved having her hair pulled during sex.

The thought caused me to sit up in bed. I looked back at Darcy again, but she didn't stir. The blanket had fallen a little bit lower, revealing her freckled chest. I bit back a gasp. Had… Had _I_ given her all those hickies? Most of last night was still a blur. I could remember Darcy bringing out the wine as soon as Mattie left for her sleepover. I remember her getting drunk as the night progressed. I remember her offering me a glass, which turned into multiple, and then suddenly her lips were on mine and we were making out on the couch. I had carried her upstairs to my room and we'd had… sex. I had sex with Darcy Haywood.

"Holy fucking shit," I breathed, running a hand through my hair. That was the last thing I'd expected to happen when I agreed to let Darcy stay here for a couple of days. I was glad Mattie had been off at a friend's house. I couldn't imagine what she'd say if she was _here_. She had been making a few offhand comments about how I seemed to be getting over Lori. I had wanted to deny it and tell her that I still liked Lori, but I knew I couldn't lie to myself. I had started to fall for Darcy. I wasn't sure when it had happened, but I liked her as more than a friend.

 _What is it about the Haywood sisters that drive me crazy?_ I sighed as I got out of bed. I pulled the blanket back over Darcy's body and brushed some hair back from her face. I grabbed the first clothes I could find from the floor and groaned. I was definitely not going to school today. Not with a headache like this. I grabbed my phone from where it had fallen on the floor and saw that I had a few missed calls from Lori from last night. I thought about what I was going to tell her before just deciding to bite the bullet and called her. She answered on the second ring.

" _Hi, John,"_ she said quietly. Her voice was still scratchy from sleep. She had never been a morning person. " _How's Darcy? Is everything alright? You didn't answer last night and I was getting worried. Alex told me to not be such a worrywart, but I can't help it."_

Dear lord, this girl was too precious. I cleared my throat and scratched the back of my head anxiously. I willed myself to calm down. She didn't know anything. I had no reason to freak out. Would she hate me when she found out what she did? She was sweet, but if she thought I had hurt Darcy she would probably kill me.

"Everything's fine, Lori. Darcy had a bit too much to drink last night. I'm helping her with her hangover, so I probably won't be at school."

" _You've gotta start hidin' the alcohol,"_ she murmured, her accent slipping out. I heard some rustling and laughed when I heard Dumpling bark. " _John, can you please watch over her? I know she's still mad at me for forgivin' Mama like I did, and she does some… stupid things when she's mad. Promise me you'll keep her from doin' anything stupid."_

"Promise." The word got caught in my throat. I had already broken the promise when I let Darcy talk me into drinking with her. It had been shattered into a million pieces before I had even made it. I didn't like lying to Lori. It made me feel like a piece of shit. I heard her breathe a sigh of relief and pushed down the terrible feeling I had in my gut.

" _Thank you. I'll let you go now. I have to stop Alex before he drinks all the coffee in the house."_ I threw my phone onto the bed when she hung up and sat down at my desk. What the hell was I going to do about this? Darcy and I hadn't even used protection! What if she got _pregnant_? I wasn't ready to be a father, and I knew she sure as hell wasn't ready to be a mother. She said that she didn't want kids until she was absolutely sure she was prepared. She didn't want to turn out like her mother. I sighed as I looked at her. We had a lot to talk about when she woke up.

Darcy ran off after I told her that I didn't want what had happened between us to just be a one night stand. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt. I debated going after her before realizing that I was probably the last person she'd want to see. Instead I sat on the couch, beating myself up about it. There were probably better ways I could have handled it. I could have waited a bit longer instead of just blurting it out the day after we'd had drunken sex. It hadn't even been a month since she'd broken up with her girlfriend and I was already trying to make a move on her! She was still mad at herself for dating the girl that had abused Lori, but it wasn't like she could have known.

I contemplated calling Lori to ask for advice about to do about her sister, but that seemed like a terrible idea. I paced around the living room in thought and bit my thumb. Would I have to apologize? I didn't feel like I had done anything _wrong_ , other than trying to rush into things too quickly. Was that worth an apology? I almost wanted Mattie to be here. She didn't have a problem understanding social cues. But if she was here, then I'd have to tell her about what I did with Darcy last night and I didn't really know how she would handle it.

The front door opened when I had finished what may have been my twentieth cycle around the living room. I turned to look at it, surprised to see Darcy. I didn't think she'd want to see me. Her face was red, her chest was heaving, and she was covered in snow. Did she _run_ here from wherever she had gone? I led her over to the couch and sat in the armchair across from her. She chewed on her lip, which was something I noticed both she and Lori did when they were nervous. She frowned and crossed her arms across her chest.

"I… I'm sorry for running off like that. I was just scared… Everything was going kind of normal-or at least as normal as it could be considering the circumstances-and then you said that you wanted to _date_ me. Part of me… A _lot_ of me thought that you only wanted to go out with me because I'm Lori's sister. But she told me that wasn't the case." Darcy sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She licked her lips nervously, and I was surprised by how much I suddenly wanted to kiss her. I wanted to wipe away all of her doubts. She hesitated a bit before continuing to speak.

"She said that if you wanted to date me, it was because you liked me for _me_. I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Seriously, it took me for-fucking-ever to get here from Lori's house so I had a lot of time to think. And I… I realized that I like you, too. But you could probably tell by the way I've been flirting with you. I… Um… I'm not a _good_ person, John. I've slept with more people than I can even count. You deserve someone better than me-"

"Just because you've slept with a bunch of people doesn't mean you're a bad person!" Her eyes widened at my outburst. Honestly, it surprised me too. But I couldn't just listen to her talk bad about herself. I grabbed her hands, frowning at how cold they were. "Darcy, you're an amazing person. You're one of my best friends. You're one of the toughest girls I know. I honestly don't know when it happened, but I like you. A lot."

 _Fuck it._ I decided to throw caution to the wind and do what I had wanted to do for the past few minutes- that was the Darcy way, wasn't it?-and kissed her, moving over to the couch she was sitting on. She gasped into my mouth, but didn't push me away. Instead, she pulled me closer, her hands tangling in my hair. I breathed in her scent of flowers and apples and put my hands on her waist. My mind went a bit fuzzy, but the next thing I knew we were making out again, our shirts and sweaters lying discarded on the ground.

"John," Darcy gasped out, her nails scratching my back as I started kissing the space between her breasts, more gently than I had last night. She let out a tiny whimper and dug her nails into my back. I decided right then that it was my new favorite sound. "John, we… we can't do this again. Not without condoms."

I reluctantly gave her chest a final kiss and sat up, pulling her along with me. For once, _Darcy_ was the reasonable one. Her face was bright red, and she crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously. Her lips were puffy, and I liked the fact that I had done that to her. She cleared her throat awkwardly and grabbed her sweater from the floor.

"Why do you like me?" she asked as she pulled the sweater over her head. "I'm not nice like Lori, I talk way too much, I don't have big boobs like she does, and she doesn't slap makeup on her face to cover her freckles because she can make them _work_ -"

"Why are you comparing yourself to your sister?" I didn't think anyone as beautiful as her could have doubts about herself. She was a _model_ , for crying out loud! And everything about her screamed confidence, from the way she walked to how she constantly flirted with anything that moved.

"Because you liked her! And I'm nothing like her, so I don't understand why you like _me_. It doesn't make any sense. What… What's changed in these past few weeks, John? Is it because we've been spending so much time together?" Her voice broke as she started pulling at a loose thread on her sweater. Her eyes filled with tears. "I… I…"

"I don't know why I like you, Darcy. Or… I don't know how to explain it. It's just… I feel a _pull_ to you. Despite what you say, you actually _are_ nice, especially to people you care about. You're incredibly passionate. You don't need big boobs, and honestly they'd seem like a handful… Pun not intended." I kissed her on the cheek and brushed some hair behind her ear. She smiled slightly as I wiped her tears away. "I can't pin down the exact reasons I like you. But I'd be honored if you would be my girlfriend."

"This is going by way too fast," she murmured, her cheeks flushing. I grabbed the side of her face and lightly traced a thumb over the light smattering of freckles on her cheek. Her blush deepened as she stared into my eyes. Her emerald eyes were glistening with tears that she seemed to not want to fall.

"Your sister started dating Alex even though she only knew him for less than a week," I pointed out. Darcy giggled. "Compared to that, I'd say that we've been taking our own sweet time. If… If you don't want to, that's fine-"

"No, I do! I… I really do want to date you! You may be the first person who's wanted to date me for me, and not just for sex." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. "Thank you, John. Thank you so much…"


	42. Chapter 40

**Happy Saturday, y'all! I hope you have a great day. I don't really have much to say, except I hope you lovelies enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie**

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 _Lorin's POV_

" _Do you see the kind of pleasure we can give you if you just behave?" Maria asked huskily, pulling back from the kiss slightly. Her hand went down to my breasts and started squeezing, pulling, and pinching. And that, combined with the way James was steadily pumping in and out of me, was enough to push me over the edge. Maria slammed her lips onto mine to silence the high-pitched whine that was coming from me._

" _See, babe?" James asked as he slid out of me with a grin. He dumped the used condom into the trash and climbed into bed next to me. I was still coming down from my high and tried to catch my breath. I was sandwiched between James and Maria, with probably no way out. "If you act like a good little girl, we can make you feel amazing."_

" _Ready for round two, darling? You've earned it," Maria purred, kissing my shoulder. She pulled me into her arms and I let myself melt into her touch. She knew exactly when to punish me and when to pleasure me. Without her, I wouldn't have known everything I had been doing wrong. She taught me how to pleasure James properly. Both her and James taught me how to be a good submissive for them._

 _I nodded and hummed in response to Maria's question. She hadn't told me to speak, so I was doing the smart thing and keeping my mouth shut. Because I was a good girl. My silence was rewarded by Maria slowly trailing her hand down my stomach. She started planting kisses all over my breasts. I let out a shaky gasp when she slipped a few fingers inside of me. I was still sensitive, but I couldn't stop myself from rocking my hips, wanting more. James kissed my cheek and murmured sweet nothings to me._

 _I was theirs. I belonged to them. My job was to be a good girl for them. I pleasured them, and they would reward me. I did what they wanted, and they would shower me in compliments and gifts. They gave me a purpose. I was actually worth something because of them. They were my masters, I lived to please my masters-_

I shot awake and clapped a hand over my mouth in a sad attempt to muffle my sobs. I couldn't let Alex hear me cry. It was just a dream. James and Maria weren't here. I never had to see them again. It wasn't my job to please anyone. I repeated the words silently to myself and took deep breaths, now regretting not taking my stupid medicine. It was getting harder to push down the panic rising in my chest. I almost wanted to wake Alex up, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This was the first time in awhile he was getting actual sleep, now that we didn't have finals to study for. I couldn't ruin that.

 _Worthless, worthless, worthless,_ I thought as I struggled for air. I wrapped my arms around my waist and pinched the skin there. I couldn't even get myself under control from a stupid panic attack. I had them all the time, I should know how to deal with them by now. But every calming thought I tried to will to my brain was immediately drowned in memories of James and Maria hitting me, slapping me, cutting me, _fucking me_. I clapped my hands over my ears to try and block out their voices, but it wasn't like that would do any good. They were in my head, after all.

" _You're nothing but a dirty whore!"_

" _Fucking slut!"_

" _Waste of space!"_

I tried to stand, but only ended up falling to the ground in a crumpled heap, while their voices continued to taunt me. I tugged at my hair, begging for them to leave me alone. I didn't want this. I didn't want them to be constantly teasing me. I wasn't with them anymore. Why couldn't they just shut up? It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I just be happy? Was it because no matter what I did, some part of me would belong to them? I'd always be nothing but their slut.

Ragged sobs tore through my throat as I sat on the floor. I was aware of shuffling going on in the bed, and then Alex was suddenly talking to me, his hands hovering over my shoulders like he was scared to touch me. I threw myself into his arms and breathed in his smell of coffee and paper. That's right, I was with Alex now. James and Maria couldn't hurt me anymore. I hugged Alex tightly and cried into his chest. He cradled me in his arms and put me on the bed, flicking on the bedside table lamp.

"Do you need some water?" he asked, turning towards the door. My heart leapt in my chest, and I lunged out to grab his arm, shaking my head furiously. He couldn't leave me. Not when there was a chance of their voices coming back.

"Okay." Alex kicked his slippers off and got into bed next to me. I climbed into his arms again and closed my eyes as he started to gently rock me. I started slowly drifting off to sleep, but opened my eyes. I couldn't sleep again... "Lo, what happened? I heard you crying and woke up, and you were on the floor, rambling about Reynolds and Maria."

"I had a nightmare and it freaked me out. I'm fine now, Al. I just…" I bit my lip and frowned. Maybe this was a sign that I should start taking my medicine again. I know it won't start working immediately, but I was willing to do anything if it made these nightmares go away. "I'm scared to go back to sleep."

"Lo, it's one in the morning. You should sleep. We have a big day, remember? We're going ice skating with everyone." He kissed my forehead and started to scratch at my hair. A sound of contentment escaped my throat. I loved when he did that… "I'll be right here with you, alright? I won't let anyone hurt you, love."

"Promise?" I wrapped my arms around Alex so he couldn't leave me. I couldn't be alone. I might do something I'd regret. He shifted us so we were lying down. He turned the light off and pulled the covers over us.

"I promise," he whispered gently. I let myself drift off to sleep then, nestled in his warmth. And for just a little while, I was able to forget about James and Maria. They weren't here, and they couldn't hurt me. Alex was going to protect me from them. I was safe.


	43. Chapter 41

**Happy Monday, y'all! I hope you all have a fantastic day! I have a sore shoulder from sleeping the wrong way, so my morning is slightly uncomfortable, but aside from that I'm doing good. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie**

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 _Alex's POV_

I sat in the living room with Sophia and Eliza, who were chatting about knitting… or something. I had lost interest quickly. I looked towards the stairs and sighed. Lo was upstairs talking to Darcy and Laurens about something important, and it was something she clearly didn't want me to hear since she had kicked me out of the room. We were waiting for everyone else to show up so we could go to the skating rink. Currently it was just me and the Schuylers, but Peggy had gone upstairs with Laf and Angelica offered to walk Dumpling and kitty-me (who Lo had bought a harness for).

I tuned back into the conversation as Sophia and Eliza started talking about possible baby names. My gaze went down to Sophia's stomach. I couldn't believe that Lo and Darcy were going to have a baby brother in a few months. The idea of it was still a bit unreal to me. Lo constantly talked about how excited she was to finally be able to boss someone around, while Darcy said that she was prepared to call child protective services if anything happened to the baby.

I looked up as someone knocked on the door. Everyone just walked in without knocking, so it could only be one person. I walked to the door and opened it, not surprised at all to see Burr and his girlfriend. Lo had invited them to come ice skating with us. Just like when we had the snowball fight, it was a miracle Burr had actually shown up. I think he only really hangs out with us because Lo invites him. Either that or his girlfriend makes him come.

Lo came downstairs shortly after Herc showed up. By now everyone was here, with the exception of Jefferson and Madison. Apparently Madison had gotten sick (again) and Jefferson was staying with him to nurse him back to health. Darcy and Laurens came downstairs a little bit after Lo, their hair and clothing slightly messed up. Ever since they had started dating, they had been all over each other.

Eliza grabbed kitty Alexander before he could climb onto the Christmas tree and held him in her arms. He purred and climbed into her sleeve, poking his head out. He was a surprisingly affectionate cat. He'd spend most nights either curled up next to Dumpling or snuggling up to Lo. He was the perfect cat… when he wasn't trying to chew through electrical cords.

We left for the skating rink after Lo called Madison to check on him. She held on tightly to my arm the entire walk, like she thought she was never going to see me again. She only let go of me briefly, to pull her hood over her head, and then she latched onto me again. I looked over to Darcy and Laurens, hoping that they would know what was up, but they were talking to each other quietly, their eyes flickering over to Lo every once in awhile. What had they talked about earlier? I knew it was none of my business, but I was getting worried now. Was Lo still freaked about the nightmare she'd had? I wanted badly to talk to her about it, but this wasn't the time or the place.

"I've never been ice skating before," Darcy said when we finally got to the skating rink. "I've been rollerskating before, but never… ice."

"That's because Texas is a ball of fire, Dar. I'm pretty sure any ice there would melt immediately." Laurens stuck his tongue out at his girlfriend and flinched when she stomped on his foot. Lo giggled and let go of my arm, settling instead for just holding my hand. I kept a close eye on her as we got our skates. She hadn't said a word since early this morning. I was dying to hear her voice again, but I knew that she didn't like speaking in public places, and it wasn't like she had any paper to write down what she was thinking. She had started teaching herself sign language so she wouldn't be stuck with nothing, but it was a pretty slow process.

"I think I'll stay on _this_ side of the ice." I stood on the outside of the rink and laughed as Lo pouted, her silvery eyes narrowed and her cheeks puffed out. I didn't understand how she could ice skate when she was the clumsiest person I knew. I had seen her trip over her own feet. She stared at me, her gaze unwavering. I sighed. Even without words, she could make a strong argument. "Not a chance, Lo. I'll look like an idiot."

Her mouth quirked up in a smirk as she signed a single word: " _chicken"_. She skated away before I could form a response, her ponytail flying behind her. I sat on a bench and watched Lo skate around with Eliza, hand in hand. She had a smile on her face, but it was clearly forced, not showing off her adorable little dimples. I looked up as Herc sat next to me, ice skates in hand.

"Is it just me, or is something off about Rin today?" he asked, setting the skates down with a sigh. "And I know it's not just because we're in such a crowded place. She's been jumpy all day."

"She had a nightmare this morning. I woke up this morning and she was on the floor having a panic attack. It might have been one of the worst ones she's had. I mean, she was _screaming_ for… for Reynolds and Maria to leave her alone. It was like she couldn't even hear me. I don't know how she didn't wake anyone up. She was terrified after that. She didn't want me to leave her." I put my face in my hands and shook my head. I hated seeing her like that. I hated not being able to help her. Even after she fell back asleep, she had been shaking. What was the point of her taking anxiety medicine if it didn't do shit? I felt useless, not being able to do anything to help Lo.

"Alex, you shouldn't beat yourself up over that. It's not like Lorin's going to suddenly get better because you're dating her. She needs time to recover." Herc clapped a hand on my shoulder and sighed as he looked out on the ice, where Lo was doing some intricate routine with Eliza. I knew that she needed time to recover. I knew that she had been through hell and back. But it hurt seeing her slowly get better, and then watching all that progress go down the drain. It hurt me to know that she was in pain, and that she wouldn't tell us anything because she didn't want us to worry. It was having the opposite effect.

Herc joined everyone else on the ice, leaving me alone. Lo left the ice after a few hours passed, wobbling the second she stepped off of it. Her face flushed when she realized that I was watching her awkwardly make her way over to the lockers. She changed back into her normal shoes and returned the skates to the desk. She let out a tiny huff as she joined me on the bench. I looked down at her. Sometime while she was skating, she had taken her hair down and it was now a fluffy mess.

"You were amazing out there, Lo. It's like you were a different person." She blushed at the compliment and looked away as she tied her hair into a side ponytail. She bit her lip as she started fiddling with the ends of her ponytail.

"...I'm sorry about earlier. Waking you up, I mean. I ruin everything, it seems." Her voice was bitter as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her fingers lightly grazed over her wrist before she pulled away with a scowl. Was she really apologizing for having a panic attack? She couldn't control it even if she wanted to.

"Lo, you can't be serious. You don't have anything to apologize for. You had a panic attack. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it. You have every right to be scared of Reynolds." She flinched at his name. "It's been over a month since our date and we haven't heard anything from him since King interrupted our date."

"I don't want to talk about it." She checked her phone and started sending a text to our group chat. "It's about time to go. We still have errands to run."

"Like what?" I didn't like how she had changed the subject so quickly. She hated when it came time to talk about her problems, but we had to do it eventually. She couldn't deal with everything on her own. I didn't even know if she had started talking to her therapist since she'd come up with some excuse to not discuss it.

"We have to buy the stuff to make gingerbread houses. It's a yearly tradition. We always go to the Schuylers' house and..." She trailed off as somebody walked past us and turned her gaze to the ground. She put her phone back into her pocket and stood up as everyone slowly started leaving the ice. I wanted to ask her how she was feeling, but she ran over to Eliza, signing excitedly about something. I sighed as I pulled my glove from my pocket and put them on. Herc and I shared a knowing glance as we made eye contact. We were definitely going to keep an eye on Lo. She couldn't hold everything in forever. I knew far too well the dangers of doing that. Eventually the dam would crack and everything she was working so hard to keep locked up inside would come pouring out. And I'd be here for her when it did.


	44. Chapter 42

**Happy Thursday, lovelies! This chapter is just a little bit of filler before Christmas. It's probably not the best I've ever written, but I hope y'all enjoy it anyway! ~Shaymie**

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 _Lorin's POV_

"You didn't have to stay home to watch me, Lo. I know you were excited to hang out with everyone." Alex coughed as he tried to sit up in bed. I rolled my eyes. Ever since he had suddenly gotten sick yesterday, he had been insisting that he didn't need any help. He wanted me to go over to the Schuylers' house with everyone to make the gingerbread houses, but I refused. I didn't want to leave him alone while he was sick. Knowing him, he would try to overwork himself while I was gone. The gingerbread could wait.

"You took care of me when I was sick, Al. Now it's my turn to return the favor." I took the thermometer from his mouth and frowned. 103 degrees. When I checked his temperature a few hours ago, he had been teetering on the edge of a fever. What if his temperature just kept going up? At what point would I have to call an ambulance? I almost wish that Martha was here, but she had to work. I scrolled through the contacts on my phone, getting increasingly disappointed. Everyone was at the Schuylers' (or in Mama's case, at a doctor's appointment). My finger hovered over Maddie's contact. He got sick a lot. Surely he would know what to do. I debated calling him, but decided to instead send him a text. At least that would be less intrusive.

 **Me:** _Alex is sick and I don't know what to do_

 **Me:** _Please help_

I pushed some sweaty hair back from Alex's eyes and dabbed at his face with a cool towel. He was on the verge of falling asleep, but grabbed my wrist. I frowned at how hot his skin was. He opened his eyes a crack and grinned crookedly at me, though it quickly turned into a grimace.

"Don't worry about me, Lo. This isn't that big a deal. I've been through worse."

"Al, you're burning up and just earlier today you were coughing so bad, I thought you were dying. You couldn't even eat this morning. You look absolutely miserable, how could you have gone through _worse_?" His eyes glazed over at the question, and I could have sworn I saw tears shining in his eyes. He huffed and turned around so he was staring at the wall.

"It's nothing, Lo. I'm a bit tired now. Do you mind leaving me alone for a bit?" I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. I grabbed my phone and left his room quietly, leaving the door open a crack. Dumpling ran over to me, her tail wagging a mile a minute. I picked her up and took her downstairs, smiling slightly when she licked my face. I was worried about Alex. I didn't like the way he had dismissed me so suddenly. Maybe I had overstepped my boundaries a bit? Or maybe his fever was just making him irritable. His entire mood had shifted when he said that this wasn't the worst he'd ever been.

I sighed as I went down to the living room, setting Dumpling down. She ran over to the Christmas tree and started sniffing at the presents curiously. Darcy and I had added a few last minute presents since the things we ordered online came in later than we'd thought they would. Kitty Alexander (I really should have thought about his name more) had already found one of his gifts and was currently sleeping on it. Maybe we should have found a better way to wrap a cat bed.

I started flipping through shows on Netflix and wound up having a bit of a Disney marathon. I texted Maddie throughout it, and he only told me to not worry, and that it was probably just the flu. It eased my worries a little bit, but I still couldn't help but be worried about Alex. Worrying was all I was good at. I fell asleep sometime around the middle of Hercules and was woken up by the smell of gingerbread and someone flicking my nose. I shot up on the couch, making the quilted blanket somebody had draped over me fall to the ground. Darcy grinned down at me and set her gingerbread house down on the coffee table. Somehow she had managed to decorate it in a way that was both sloppy and beautiful. The icing was put on shakily, but the rest of the decorations were perfectly placed.

"What's up, sleepyhead? How's Hamilton doing?"

"Last I checked, his fever was getting worse." I yawned and rubbed my eyes sleepily. I checked the time and blinked. I had been asleep for two and a half hours. I must have been sleepier than I thought. I was still scared to go to sleep, so Alex had to stay up with me and talk until I eventually fell asleep. I was surprised I hadn't had a nightmare during my nap. Darcy frowned and knelt down to pick up the blanket, leaning in closer to my ear to whisper.

"Did you take your medicine this morning, Lori?" I nodded. She was the only one who knew I hadn't been taking my medicine for over a month. Well, her and John. They were constantly checking up on me, asking how I was doing and if I had taken my medicine. I thought that they would be angry at me for not taking it, but they were nothing but supportive. They knew how hard it was for me to admit that I needed help. I wouldn't have come to them if I hadn't been completely desperate. I would have told Alex, but I didn't want to disappoint him. I hated keeping such a big secret from him.

"You're doing great, Lori. I have faith in you." Darcy kissed my forehead and took her gingerbread house into the kitchen. I realized that Gil wasn't with her, but maybe he had stayed over at the Schuylers'. I sighed as I stretched and got up from the couch. Hopefully Alex was alright. I didn't mean to fall asleep like that, but I guess my exhaustion must have caught up to me. Maybe I should start drinking coffee like he does. I went upstairs and saw that Alex's door was open slightly wider than how I'd left it. Had he left his room while I was asleep? Maybe he was the one who put the blanket over me. I peeked in and saw that he was sitting up in bed, reading a book. He looked up as I walked into the room and smiled at me.

"Hey Lo," he said as I took a seat next to his bed. He closed the book and set it aside, along with his glasses. I managed a small smile and rubbed my arms anxiously. He frowned and grabbed my hand. I noticed that he was still warm. He should be resting. "Lo, I'm sorry for having an attitude earlier. I hate being sick and making people worry about me. I know you were just trying to help. I used to get sick a lot, but the last time I was sick was just… awful."

"You don't have to talk about it, Alex. It's fine."

"But I… I haven't told you anything about my past and you've told me everything about yours. That doesn't seem right, Lo." He shifted in bed and furrowed his eyebrows. I kissed his hand and shook my head. While I was curious about his past, I didn't want him to tell me until he was absolutely ready to. For now, I was fine not knowing. It was none of my business, anyway.

"You can take your time, Al. It's okay."

He settled back down in bed and frowned. And then he started crying. Terrible sobs shook his body, and he flung himself onto me, his arms wrapping around my neck. I let him cry on my shoulder and rubbed his back gently. He was speaking rapidly, alternating between Spanish and French. I shushed him quietly and kissed his forehead. He hiccupped and hugged me tightly. I held him in my arms until he eventually fell asleep, his head falling onto my chest. I ran my hand through his hair and smiled sadly when he started snoring.

 _You can just wait til you're ready, Al. I'll be here for you._


	45. Chapter 43

**Happy Saturday, everyone! And happy Christmas Eve Eve! If you don't celebrate Christmas, then just... good day, I guess. I won't be updating on Monday (obviously because it's Christmas, lol), but I'll be back on Thursday! Stuff's going to start going down leading into the new year, and I hope you lovelies are ready for it. See you on Thursday! ~Shaymie**

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I spent the next few days nursing Alex back to health. He would tell me bits and pieces of his past while I coaxed some food into him. It wasn't much, just tiny little things about his childhood. He had grown up on a small island in the Caribbean. His father left when he was ten, leaving him, his mother, and his brother in terrible debt. He hasn't seen his brother in years, but they occasionally exchanged letters. He didn't tell me much outside of that, but I was fine with it. The fact that he'd told me what he had was good enough.

Before I knew it, Alex was feeling better just in time for Christmas. Mama and Christopher came over, along with John and Mattie, who never spent Christmas in their own home. Their father was almost always gone away on business trips and they wanted to stay in New York for Christmas this year. Darcy had a few choice words about their father as they placed their presents under the tree and only stopped her furious rambling when John kissed her.

"You might be the only person allowed to interrupt me," she huffed, petting Alexander as she sat on the couch. He curled up in her lap, purring gently. She smiled down at him and looked up at her boyfriend, frowning. "But your father's an asshole. Why haven't you told anyone about him?"

"It's not that big a deal, Dar." John squeezed in between us and slung an arm around her shoulder. Darcy and I rolled our eyes. He always tried to make it seem like his father didn't bother him, but we knew better than that. Henry Laurens was an abusive piece of shit, but John and Mattie refused to do anything about him. They said that the second John turned 18, they were going to move out together. They'd been saying that for years. "Really guys, we're fine. It's not the end of the world if we stay there for a few more months."

"...If you're sure about it, J," Darcy said reluctantly. She looked up as Martha walked into the living room, carrying a tray of gingerbread men. Alex trailed in behind her, holding on tightly to a steaming mug. He raised an eyebrow as he looked around the room, his gaze settling on me and Darcy. He sat between Mama and Christopher. I bit back a snort when I noticed that he was the shortest one on the couch. It made me wonder how I got the short end of the stick being so… short.

"Are you guys really wearing onesies? You're not little kids-"

"Onesies are a Haywood Christmas tradition, Alexander, and I refuse to let you disrespect them!" Darcy sniffed and watched as kitty Alexander jumped from her lap and stretched. He walked out of the room, his tail held high. He was probably going off to bother Dumpling, wherever she was. I looked down at my onesie and smiled. Darcy had bought this deer onesie for me a few years ago, when I had first moved in with the Washingtons. I've grown too attached to it. Herc had to make adjustments to it once I had gone through puberty. I don't care what anyone says, big boobs are _not_ a gift. They're a curse.

"Well, I think both your onesies are adorable," Mama's voice was quiet as she rested a hand on her stomach. I looked over at Darcy and saw that her eyebrows were scrunched up in thought. Her onesie was nothing special, it was just pink, purple, and blue… The colors of the bisexual pride flag. I came to the same realization she probably had. She hadn't come out to Mama yet. I could see the apprehension in her eyes, and I didn't blame her. She said that when she came out to her father, there had been a lot of screaming and tears. I didn't want to assume anything, but Mama _had_ grown up in the deep south, and people from there weren't exactly known for being understanding.

"Mama, I have something to tell you and I don't want you to get mad…"

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Mama asked with a small laugh. Darcy shook her head, her cheeks flaming. John's face was as red as a tomato. Even if Darcy _was_ pregnant (I hoped that she wasn't), we wouldn't know for a few more weeks. She only had unprotected sex once, but that was all it could take. She said that she had wanted to take the morning after pill, but she didn't have the heart to do it. "What is it, dear? What has you so worked up?"

"I'm bi."

"By what?" Mama frowned in confusion, looking down at Alex when he snorted into his coffee. I glared at him. Now wasn't the time to laugh! Darcy looked like she was ready to pass out, her face getting impossibly pale. John squeezed her hand in support. I grabbed the other one. She took a deep breath and looked Mama directly in the eyes.

"I'm bisexual, Mama. Which means that I like guys and girls." Mama stared at her in silence for a few seconds. And then she nodded, a small smile coming across her face. Darcy laughed nervously as her eyes filled with tears. And then she got up and hugged Mama, thanking her repeatedly. Mama hugged her back and smoothed her hair down, murmuring reassurances in her ear. Alex got up and moved over to my couch, taking Darcy's seat. He set his mug down and tapped my knee to get my attention. My eyes widened as he started signing.

" _Not to take the attention from Darcy, but since we're coming out now… I'm bi, too."_ He smiled at me sheepishly, his face growing red. John looked between us curiously. He hadn't been studying sign language as much as we had been, so I knew he didn't know what we were talking about. I kissed Alex and cupped his cheek, rubbing it lightly with my thumb. It wasn't a very Christmassy thought, but I couldn't help but feel slightly envious of him and Darcy. They were sure of who they were. Even now, I didn't know if I loved James and Maria for them or because of how they made me feel like I was _worth_ something.

I pushed the thoughts from my head and smiled when Martha announced that it was time to exchange presents. Gil and George stumbled downstairs right on time. Even though they were always the most excited about Christmas, they could never wake up early enough. I had a suspicion that they had a present-sense. I grabbed a gingerbread man and gnawed on his head as Gil and George found their seats. The next forty-five minutes was a blur of brightly colored wrapping paper, which my cat had a field day with. He liked playing with the wrapping paper more than he liked playing with the toys I got him.

Darcy loved the ukulele I had bought her and started immediately reading the book it had came with. She'd probably be an expert by tomorrow. She picked up on things incredibly fast. It was part of the reason she had been able to graduate early. John liked the art tablet I got him, and Gil had immediately ran back upstairs to try on the clothes I bought him. He was probably the only person I knew who actually _wanted_ clothes for Christmas. Alex gave me what felt like a hundred kisses when he unwrapped his laptop. Now he wouldn't have to borrow mine so much. Mattie loved the new headphones I bought her. I hadn't really known what to get Mama and Christopher, so I just got them gift cards.

I took my time opening my gifts, taking care to not tear the wrapping. I opened the Schuylers' gifts first. They had dropped their presents off the other day, along with Thomas, Maddie, and Herc. Angelica had got me a collection of Edgar Allan Poe works (he was my favorite poet, and she knew it), Eliza had knitted me a hat and some gloves, and Peggy had embarrassingly enough, gotten me more lingerie. I guess Darcy wasn't the only person she had been shopping for when we had gone to VS. Thomas bought me a few pairs of shoes, and Maddie had gotten me a camera. Alex had gotten me a few more charms for my bracelet (a sun, a snowflake, and an L for my name), John had gotten me an assortment of Disney plushies, Gil gave me some books about Greek mythology, and Darcy gave me some books about the history of Disney movies (and lingerie). What was the deal with everyone obsessing over my underwear? George and Martha's gift, a Nintendo Switch, was for everyone. The last person to give me a gift was Mama, who had bought me a collection of American Girl books.

"I didn't really know what you would like, but I remembered that you used to love this series when you were younger," she had said, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. I accepted the books gratefully. I honestly didn't even think she had remembered that. I didn't think that she remembered anything about me. I thought she hadn't paid any attention to me. I hugged her tightly and smiled.

 _I have my mother back…_


	46. Chapter 44

**Happy Thursday, lovelies! I hope those of you that celebrate Christmas had a good one. Mine was pretty chill. My best friend tried to give me boots with like six-inch heels, but they hurt and I couldn't walk in them, so he took them back. My other friend gave me Pokemon rubber wristbands (she thought they were Digimon because she knows that I think they're the superior 'mon, but it's the thought that counts and I still like Pokemon, so it's no big deal) and I love them. And my brother got my household a SNES classic, so I've been reliving my childhood. And raging, because I don't understand how toddler me could beat those games so easily. Anyway, that's enough rambling. Onto the chapter! ~Shaymie**

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"I think you should wear the silver dress. It pushes your boobs up." I threw a handful of pretzels into my mouth and watched my sister pace around the room in her underwear, her face squinting in thought as she looked between two dresses. I couldn't help but look at her body and feel slightly envious. She went to the gym three times a week with John, and it clearly showed. I was going to start going to the gym with them after the new year, but I knew that I'd never look as good as her.

"What boobs?" Darcy laughed bitterly, reaching for the glimmery silver dress. She pulled it on quickly and cupped her breasts self-consciously. "Lori, my boobs are nonexistent compared to yours. Maybe I should drink more milk…"

"First of all Dar, your boobs are a solid B cup. They're not much smaller than mine. Second, you hate milk, and I don't think drinking milk makes your boobs grow. You'd be torturing yourself for nothing."

"Fine, fine…" Darcy sat down in front of her mirror and started to brush her hair. She hummed quietly and stared at her reflection. I looked down at the bag of pretzels and sighed. She wasn't coming with us to Thomas' new year's… _gathering_. He insisted that it was just a gathering, not a party. It took me almost an hour to convince everyone to come to it, but eventually they agreed. Darcy was going to come with us, but she had been invited to a party at work. She finished with her hair and turned to look at me. "Did… Did I ever tell you why I broke up with Heather?"

"You said she broke up with _you_."

"Does it really matter who broke up with who? I'd like to say that it was a mutual break-up. But I found out that she was fucking someone else. Some college guy. I came home after work and she was with him in _our_ bed. God, I hope that bitch burns in hell. She keeps texting me because she wants me to come home. Fuck her… and _not_ in the good way."

"You told me she was a lesbian," I frowned, watching as she started applying makeup. How much of her relationship had she not told me about? Then again, it wasn't like she had been able to talk to me much. After my suicide attempt, I pushed her away. I pushed _everyone_ away. I didn't want them to get too close to me in case my next attempt ended up being a success. But there _hadn't_ been another attempt. Everyone had been keeping a close eye on me.

"She thought she was, but then she had a bit of a… pansexual awakening. She just told everyone she was a lesbian because lord knows nobody in _Texas_ would understand pansexuality. They think everything's black and white. Fucking conservative bigots," Darcy huffed, applying her eyeliner fiercely. If she wasn't careful, she'd take an eye out. I checked the time and stood up. It was about time for me to leave for Thomas' not-a-party. I walked over to Darcy and kissed her cheek. She turned to hug me and smiled. "Have fun, Lori. See you later. Maybe I'll find a way to sneak out of the party and hang out with you guys."

"See you later, Dar." I went downstairs and found Alex, Herc, and Gil playing Mario Kart in the living room. From the look on everyone else's faces, they'd been playing for awhile. They were insanely competitive, and I was honestly surprised that nothing had been broken yet. I sighed and sat on the floor in front of Alex, pulling my knees up to my chin. I let them finish their last race before telling them that we should start heading to Thomas'. My eyes narrowed as a groan went through the room.

"Lo, do we really _have_ to go?" Alex asked as I stood up and grabbed my coat from near the door. I nodded firmly as I pulled the coat on, fumbling slightly with the buttons. I had told Thomas that we were going to his anything-but-a-party, so we were going. I didn't want to disappoint him. Everyone sighed, but followed me out the door after I said goodbye to Martha and gave Dumpling a kiss on the nose. I hope she'd be fine with the fireworks. I held on tightly to Alex's arm and raised an eyebrow when I saw Peggy carrying around the cat piano I had bought her for Christmas. I knew better than to say anything about it. Peggy Schuyler was an enigma to all.

A shiver went down my spine as we approached Thomas' neighborhood. An overwhelming sense of dread washed over me when I remembered that James lived the next neighborhood over. I refused to let myself look over there and kept my gaze locked ahead. If I didn't think about him, he wasn't there. I sighed as I walked up to Thomas' door and rang the doorbell. I could hear some clattering coming from the house and blinked up at Thomas when he finally answered the door. I could tell that he was already a little bit drunk from the way he was leaning into the doorframe.

"You actually came," he gasped, looking around at everyone. I nodded and grabbed his arm so I could lead him to the couch. He looked like he was going to fall over any second. Maddie and Aaron were sitting on the floor in front of a Monopoly board. There were wine bottles scattered around on the ground and glasses sat on the table. I sighed and helped Thomas sit down. It wasn't even eight yet and he was already drinking. Even if his parents were never here, surely they'd have to notice the missing wine bottles when they got home. Everyone quickly got settled in, and Peggy broke the ice by playing her cat piano, which I was starting to regret buying for her.

It was at thirty minutes to midnight that Thomas suggested that we play Truth or Dare. We had just finished a fifty turn game of Mario Party (we had split into teams and shared the controllers) and everyone,with the exception of me, Angelica, and Eliza, was at varying levels of drunkenness. Maddie had passed out an hour ago and was currently sleeping upstairs. Alex groaned and slung his arm around me. He was a touchy drunk.

"Who the _fuck_ wants to play Truth or Dare?" he asked loudly, his accent coming out full-force. I wondered why he tried so hard to hide it. Maybe I was being a bit of a hypocrite, since I tried to hide _my_ accent as much as possible. "Just put the ball on TV or something!"

Thomas grumbled as he flicked through the channels, landing on the live footage of Times Square. I felt anxious just _looking_ at the gathering of people. Mama had tried to take me to see the ball drop once, in our first year living in New York, but I had an embarrassing panic attack and had to be taken to the hospital because she couldn't calm me down. It was my first time ever panicking in front of her. Before then, the only people to see me in such a state were my father (who would only yell at me to shut up) and Darcy (who was the only person who could calm me down). I'd felt bad, making Mama spend the new year in a hospital room, but she hadn't been angry.

"Rin, I dare you to play a song on Peggy's cat piano and sing!" Herc blurted out, stumbling over to where the piano sat abandoned on the ground from where Peggy had thrown it after losing a minigame in Mario Party. I glared at him as he put the piano in my lap and opened my mouth to protest, but suddenly half a dozen drunk teenagers were egging me on, telling me to sing. I sighed. Peer pressure was a bitch. I lightly ran my fingers over the keys and tried to think of a song that would annoy Herc the most.

" _I was 24 years old when I met the woman I would call my own,"_ I started, grinning as Herc groaned and put his hands over his ears. The meows from the piano were a bit distracting, and it took me a couple stumbles to get the melody right. Eliza supplied backup percussion, clapping her hands together on beat. My grin grew wider as Herc got more irritated. He wasn't a particularly big Ed Sheeran fan, but he hated the song Nancy Mulligan the most because I'd jokingly ask if he was related to Ed Sheeran. By the time I finished the song, Herc was lying facedown on the floor. Eliza gingerly stepped over him to refill the popcorn bowl, giving me a high five as she passed me. I stuck my tongue out, though Herc couldn't see me.

"I don't think that's how Truth or Dare works," Angelica said, nudging Herc with a socked foot. He sat up and huffed. "But that really was amazing, Lorin. I didn't think anyone could make that cat keyboard sound good."

"I just kind of winged it. It wasn't really anything special." I flushed. I hated getting compliments. They always embarrassed me. I hated drawing attention to myself. Darcy told me to have a bit more confidence, but it was a hard thing to do when I had been beaten down most of my life, both emotionally and physically. So pardon me if I had a shitty opinion of myself.

"That makes it even more amazing, Lo!" Alex grinned dopily and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. My face grew warmer. I flinched as fireworks went off outside. They sounded like they were getting closer. They had been going off all night, but it seemed like they were increasing in both volume and frequency. Eliza walked back in with a refilled popcorn bowl and set it down on the table. Peggy grabbed a handful and looked at John, who was sprawled out on the floor.

"Hey John, truth or dare?"

"Truth," he yawned, pushing himself up so he was leaning on his elbows. He had only drank enough to get a little bit tipsy, and he had been lethargic all night but refused to go to sleep. He didn't notice the wicked grin on Peggy's face as she munched on her popcorn.

"How'd you and Darcy start dating?"

"Never mind, I want a dare." John's face was bright red from more than just the alcohol. Peggy's grin grew wider as she sat up straighter. She got more confident when she was drunk, I noticed.

"I dare you to tell me how you and Darcy started dating!"

My phone started to ring as they started to bicker. _Speak of the devil._ I went to the kitchen to answer her call, leaning against the counter. Why was she calling now? If she was planning on coming over here, I would have thought she'd do it earlier. I didn't want her to walk around the city _now_ , so close to midnight when there were drunken idiots everywhere. I bit my lip as I answered the phone.

"Hello-"

" _Lorin, I need someone to pick me up."_ She sounded on the verge of tears, her voice trembling as she spoke. I could hear music blaring in the background. " _I don't care who it is, I just… I can't stay here anymore."_

"Darcy, what's wrong?"

" _I just, um… I'm_ _ **scared**_ _. Everyone was really drunk and some guy started touching me so I left. I'm standing outside of the building, but I'm really cold and I'm scared to walk there."_

"Stay right there, Dar. I'm on the way." I hung up and walked back to the living room. I knelt next to Thomas, who was almost asleep on the floor. His eye cracked open when I poked him on the cheek. "Thomas, I need your car keys like right now."

"You don't even know how to drive," he mumbled, pressing his face into the carpet. "And it's almost midnight. What's so important that it can't wait until later?"

"Angie can drive. We need to pick Darcy up from her party." I grabbed my shoes and tugged them on, not even bothering to redo the laces. I was worried about Darcy. I had never heard her sound so scared before. She was the bravest person I knew.

Angelica managed to rip the keys from Thomas' grasp, and we quickly left to pick up Darcy. The party was being held at some fancy hotel downtown. There was a bunch of traffic, and I'm pretty sure we drove right through to the new year. I couldn't care less about that. I only wanted to make sure that my sister was okay.

She was pacing near the entrance of the hotel when we picked her up. Her eyes lit up when she saw us. I opened the door for her and smiled. She looked alright, if not a bit shaken up. She sighed as she closed the door and shut the door.

"I changed my mind. This beats that Halloween party as the shittiest party I've ever been to."


	47. Chapter 45

**Happy Saturday, lovelies! This chapter is just a tiny bit of fluff because I remembered that I got one guest review a while back asking for a drunk Alex. I don't know if that guest is still reading this story, but if you are, this is for you. I couldn't find a way to fit this into last chapter, since I didn't want to disrupt the flow of that one, so it's in its own chapter. Small note, I used Google Translate for the Spanish in this chapter. Also, buckle in folks. The new year is here and I have some things planned. Hope you're ready! ~Shaymie**

* * *

"Hey Hamilton, get your filthy fucking hands off of my sister!" Darcy yelled, glaring at Alex. I rolled my eyes. The second we had brought her to Thomas' house, she had been drinking nonstop and complaining about the party she had left. Me and Angelica had to keep reminding her to drink water so she wouldn't wake up with a killer hangover. I was glad Thomas' parents didn't keep anything stronger than wine in the house. John placed a hand on her lower back and steered her back to the couch before she punched Alex in the face. She huffed and glared at Alex, who had his hand on my shoulder and a cocky grin on his face. Somehow I felt like they were going to start off the new year with a fight.

"Why don't we all switch to water?" Eliza asked, walking over to the kitchen. Thomas and Herc simultaneously groaned from their spots on the floor. We had long since given up trying to pick them up. Darcy turned her gaze over to Herc, a small grin on her face.

"Aren't you _Irish_ , Herc? Shouldn't you be able to handle a little bit of wine?"

"Dar, we're Irish too, and you've barely had a bottle and you're already stupid drunk- Al, stop that." I batted Alex's hand away from my face, where he had been lightly running his finger over my cheek. He giggled drunkenly and kissed my cheek. Even though he was annoying, he was also really cute when he was drunk.

" _Dijiste que eras hispana,"_ he murmured, putting his head on my chest. I sighed as his hand went back to my face, stroking my cheek again.

"Listen Al, there's a lot of things in me. These freckles didn't come from nowhere." He blinked up at me slowly, his eyebrows furrowing in thought. He cupped my cheek and stared into my eyes. His face was flush from the alcohol, and I could tell that he was on the verge of falling asleep. I sighed and helped him up from the couch. I wasn't going to be his pillow all night. I'd just take him to a guest room. Angelica got up to support his other side.

" _Eres tan hermosa. Tus pecas son como ... estrellas,"_ he slurred, his words slightly sluggish. I rolled my eyes. What was his obsession with my damn freckles? Angelica raised an eyebrow as she looked at me. I knew that she hadn't known that I could understand Spanish. I didn't know much, but between John teaching me, the little I knew from my father, and what I learned at school, I could understand some. I opened one of the guest rooms, and together Angelica and I managed to get him into the bed. She dusted her hands off as she looked down at him.

"You sure are something, Hamilton."

"Thanks, Angie," I smiled as she left the room. I took my sweater off, folding it neatly and setting it on the foot of the bed. Thomas kept the house incredibly warm. Alex smiled at me as I climbed into bed next to him, his eyes glistening. He pulled me close and started kissing my neck. It sent shivers down my spine, especially when he started sucking and nipping, all gentleness forgotten. He was definitely going to leave a few marks. He knew just what made me tick, my head lolling back in complete bliss. My eyes were halfway shut when he pulled back. I opened my eyes to look at him and realized that he was still drunk. And we were in Thomas' house. We couldn't have sex now. We didn't even have condoms!

"You're really pretty, Lo…" Alex giggled, reaching up to mess with my hair. "Do you have any idea how much I want to have sex with you right now?"

"Al, you're drunk."

"Drunk sex is the best, Lo."

"Alex, we don't have any condoms. And I don't know about you, but I'm not going to be ready for kids for a long time." He pouted but nodded, pulling me close to him. I could smell the wine on his breath and sighed. He was definitely going to be hungover in the morning. Hopefully Thomas didn't kick us out too early. I had already called George and Martha and told them that we were probably going to get home late tomorrow. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to deal with three hungover idiots, but that was a problem for future Lorin.

"If we had a son, what would you name him?" Alex asked quietly, twirling a bit of my hair around his finger. Where did this line of questioning come from? Of all the things for Alex to drunkenly say, this wasn't one of them."My brother had the misfortune of being named after my father. I don't think _I_ would ever do something like that. I'd want my son to be his own man."

"Hunter," I said after a few moments of thought. I'd always thought that was a cool name.

" _Hunter?_ That's like a… a boy band name." I narrowed my eyes. He laughed and started planting gentle kisses on my face. I closed my eyes happily. He was always so gentle with me… Even when we'd had sex for the first time, which he had clearly been excited about, he went at my pace, never rushing. He didn't care that I couldn't speak sometimes. He didn't care that I had panic attacks a lot. He loved me for _me_ … For some strange reason.

"Like you have a better name," I snorted. Alex quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Philip." He paused. "Philip Hunter. That would be a nice name." He grinned as he started drifting off to sleep. I didn't bother mentioning that I wasn't pregnant, and would probably not _be_ pregnant for a long time. I wanted to have kids, but I was scared of the idea of bringing a life into this world. I didn't want to burden someone else with a fucked-up brain. It was hard enough for me to live, I couldn't _imagine_ making someone else go through this. I opened my mouth, prepared to voice these concerns to Alex, but quickly shut it when a loud snore came from him. We could worry about kids later. We were only seventeen, after all. We had all the time in the world.


	48. Chapter 46

**Happy New Year, lovelies! Did any of you stay up until midnight? I almost made it, but unfortunately I fell asleep at around 11:20 or so and woke up at 12:01. I've never felt more betrayed by my body in my life. Do any of you have new year's resolutions? Mine is to finish a story (preferably this one since I kind of have a sequel planned, but like, any one really) and to listen to more musicals because I am actually trash. Expect more subtle musical references this upcoming year. I hope you lovely people enjoy this chapter, which is a small segue between the calm and the storm. (Fair warning, things get kinda lewd because, like, flirty teenagers, but nothing really happens) ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Al, do you have any plans for your birthday?" Lo asked, downing her medicine with a long sip of water. Her towel started to slip slightly, falling a bit lower onto her chest. Maybe she should focus on getting _dressed_. She had just gotten back from working out with Darcy and Laurens. They had her on a strict workout plan. They went jogging before the sun was out. After that, they would stop by the gym for a few hours. Then they jogged their way back home. This plan would obviously have to change once we went back to school in a few days, but for now it seemed to be working… Except for the fact that Lo was always exhausted.

"Earth to Alexander! Can you hear me?" I blinked as Lo was suddenly in front of me, clapping her hands. I must have zoned out. She rolled her eyes as she walked to her bed, where her clothes were laid out. I couldn't help but stare at her when she dropped the towel, revealing more of her freckled skin. I didn't understand why she was so obsessed with losing weight. She wasn't fat by any means. Sure, she wasn't extremely fit and skinny like Darcy, but she was just… Lo. And I loved her the way she was. I wasn't going to stop her from doing what she wanted, though.

"I, uh… I don't really want to do anything," I said once I realized that I had to answer her question. I had trouble focusing on much of anything when she was standing naked in front of me. I noticed that there were hickeys on her neck and frowned. She told me that I had gotten drunk on New Year's and kissed her a bit more aggressively than I normally would. She pulled on a pair of underwear and raised an eyebrow at me as she put on a sports bra, which deliciously pushed her breasts together. I swallowed nervously. God, this girl was beautiful.

"Alex, you're going to be eighteen. Are you sure there's nothing you'd want to do? Anything you'd want _me_ to do?" Her voice dropped in tone, growing more seductive as she looked at me. A grin came across her face as she pulled her hair back in a bun and climbed into my lap. She curled a bit of hair around her finger and put her mouth near my ear. "Eighteen long licks to start, and then whatever you want afterwards. Just say the word."

"Fuck Lo, do you even know what you do to me when you say things like that?" I asked as she nipped my earlobe.

"I can see it." She glanced at my growing crotch and winked as she left my lap. I huffed a bit as she went back to her clothes, putting on her shirt from the school choir. She could have at least given me some form of relief before doing that. Now I was left in an… uncomfortable position. She stretched as she pulled on a hoodie, wincing slightly. She had been complaining about being sore recently. I hope she wasn't pushing herself too far. Her expression turned hesitant as she looked at me. "Do… Do I really have that much of an effect on you?"

"I don't mean to be crude, Lo, but you're pretty fucking sexy." Her face was bright red as she pulled on a pair of leggings. I smirked at her and turned back to my coffee. She always got embarrassed easily. It was adorable. Part of it was her personality-she was a pretty shy girl, after all- but I also knew that she just wasn't used to getting complimented. I hated to hear the terrible things she would say about herself. None of them were true in the slightest.

"I should talk dirty more often if it gets that kind of reaction out of you." Her voice was soft as she turned to look at me, a shy smile on her face. She walked over to me again and sat on my lap, running a fingernail over my bare leg. I shuddered. She looked up at me curiously. "Is this too much, Al?"

I shook my head. If anything, it wasn't enough. She had no idea how much I just wanted to throw her on the bed and take her right here and now. I settled on giving her a kiss, one of my hands on her waist and the other on the back of her head. She closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss, letting out a surprised gasp when my tongue slipped into her mouth. My hand slid underneath her hoodie and shirt. She moaned when I squeezed her breast, and I took that as a sign to pull her bra down. I cupped her warm flesh and grinned when she started whimpering, begging for more. How quickly the tables have turned.

I was prepared to get her undressed all over again when Darcy barged in. She was the only person who didn't knock. Lo squeaked and scrambled from my lap, quickly adjusting her bra. Darcy's eyes were narrowed at me. I cleared my throat and turned my chair around so she couldn't see the situation in my pants. She huffed and walked over to me, slamming her hand on the desk. Some of my coffee spilled out, but thankfully it didn't land on anything but the desk.

"Why is it every time I walk in here, you two are seconds away from fucking? Keep it in your pants, Hamilton. I'm not going to deal with tiny little yous running around here," she growled, her eyes narrowed in a glare. Lo rolled her eyes and sat on the bed as she fixed her hair, which I may have tugged out of its bun.

"We always use protection, Dar. We're not idiots."

"Condoms aren't always enough, Lori. My dad used a condom and… here I am. I'm just telling you to be careful. And there could be times where you get a bit too excited to think about a condom so you do it without one and…" she trailed off, her eyes softening as she looked at Lo. "Just be careful, alright sweetie?"

"Darcy, are you pregnant?" Lo jumped up from the bed and went over to her sister, putting her hands on her stomach. She had let it slip that her sister and Laurens started dating after they had drunken sex the night before the play. I honestly didn't think Laurens had it in him. Lo swore me to secrecy and threatened to kill me if I told anyone. Darcy laughed and shook her head, a small grin on her face as she pulled Lo into a hug.

"No… At least I don't _think_ so. It would suck if I was, considering all the drinking I did on New Year's. I just wanted to give you some sisterly advice. I… I feel like I haven't done enough of that." Darcy kissed Lo on the forehead and left the room after giving me a final glare. Lo watched her leave and turned back to me with a grin. She climbed back into my lap and started kissing me again, her hand slowly drifting lower.

"Now about your birthday…"


	49. Chapter 47

**Happy Thursday, lovelies! How's everyone's new year going so far? Mine is... pretty bleh. My eye has been in pain for like three days and my productivity is at an all-time low. But I'll persevere! Hopefully you lovely people enjoy this chapter. A lot of tears went into it, both emotionally and literally. Send help. ~Shaymie**

* * *

"I've changed my mind. I don't want to lose weight anymore. I'll stay chubby forever." Lo flopped onto my bed, wincing in pain. She had been going to the gym for the past week, and each time she came back exhausted. I closed my laptop and helped her sit up, tugging off her sweaty hoodie and shirt. She groaned and planted herself face-first into the mattress. "If you're trying to get me to have sex with you, I'm not in the mood. I'd take a shower, but everything _huuuuurts…_ "

I pulled her into my lap and tied her hair back in a ponytail. She hummed happily when I started rubbing her shoulders. Darcy and Laurens walked in (without knocking, I noted with a scowl) and made themselves comfortable. Well, Darcy did. Laurens backed out of the room when he saw that Lo was shirtless. Darcy brushed some hair from her sister's face and frowned.

"Lori, you don't have to push yourself so hard. You're going to give yourself a heart attack at this rate."

"My therapist says that exercise is supposed to make me be happier." Lo groaned as I worked on a particularly bad knot on her back. How tense _was_ she? She fell forward on the bed, her face buried in the mattress. I didn't bother trying to pick her back up this time. If anything, this just made it easier to rub her back. I leaned forward and planted a kiss on the nape of her neck, laughing as she shivered. She practically melted under my touch as I started sucking on her neck, and then she let out the sexiest moan-

"I swear to _fuck_ , if you two start banging right now, I'm going to kill you." Darcy's tone was dry as she looked between the two of us. I couldn't see Lo's face, but the tips of her ears were pink. I realized that my hands were drifting towards the back of her bra and moved them away. I stared at her adorably freckled back as I worked out the kinks. I didn't understand why she hated her freckles. They were precious. I traced a finger over them as Darcy continued to speak. "Lori, darlin', you need to take a break. You're not coming to the gym with us until you're fully rested."

"Darcy!" Lorin's head shot up to look at her sister. "I can't! I… I have to…"

"Lo, it's not good to push yourself so hard. Your sister's right, you should take a break-"

"Says the guy that's always writing nonstop!" Lo pushed herself up and tugged her hoodie over her head, wincing as she did. She shrugged me away when I put a hand on her shoulder and got up from the bed. "I had no idea I was dating a fucking hypocrite. I'm fine, Alexander."

"Lorin, you're working yourself up over nothing," Darcy said as I sat stunned, my mouth slightly open. I had never heard Lo say my name in such a… cold tone before. What had gotten into her? Her gray eyes had never looked so distant before. "It's not the end of the world if you take a break. I'm all for you wanting to lose weight, but you'll only hurt yourself if you keep pushing yourself like this. Don't think I haven't noticed how you've been skipping meals."

"You must want me to be fat and ugly forever." Lo's voice was bitter as she stormed from the room, her face bright red. A few seconds later, I heard her bedroom door slam shut. Darcy groaned as she adjusted her ponytail and looked at me, an apologetic look on her face. I stood up to go over to Lo, but she stopped me, shaking her head.

."Lori's… going through a lot right now. She'll calm down eventually." I looked towards the door. Wasn't someone supposed to be with Lo at all times? I looked at Darcy, who was still holding my arm tightly, a fiery look in her eyes. She sighed and let go of me, running from the room. I ran a hand through my hair and picked Lo's shirt up from the floor. I folded it up neatly and went to Lo's room, knocking on the door. She yelled for me to go away. I tried opening the door, but it was locked. My phone pinged with a text.

 **Lo:** _Please leave me alone_

Well, at least she said please. I put the shirt in the hamper near her door and went back to my room. It was hard to focus on Poe when I was worried about my girlfriend. I could hear her crying in the next room over. I set down the book (which was just another cruel reminder of Lo, since she was letting me borrow it) and paced around the room. I trusted Lo enough to not hurt herself, but I couldn't stand hearing her cry. I couldn't stand not knowing what was wrong.

There were a lot of things I knew about, but mental health wasn't one of them. Lo couldn't control the way her brain worked. I knew that much. But there was still so much I didn't understand, and I _should,_ because I'm her boyfriend. I kept telling her that I understood when she couldn't talk, even though I didn't. I knew everything about her, but I didn't know a thing about _her_. She was suffering in her own world and nothing I did could fix it. I had never felt so useless before.

I sat down on my bed and grabbed my laptop, deciding right then and there to change. I looked up everything I could about anxiety and depression and selective mutism. I knew that Lo would do the same for me. I just wish that I'd thought to do this sooner. I opened a document in a separate tab and took notes on everything, feeling a shiver go through my body when I read the words 'self-harm' and 'suicidal thoughts'. I thought of Lo, sitting alone in the next room. Her sobs had stopped. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing and sent her a quick text, asking if she was okay. I went back to the articles.

 _Angry outbursts, irritability, or frustration_

 _Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness_

 _Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame_

I slammed the computer shut and ran a hand through my hair. I had no idea Lo had to deal with so _much_. I didn't think it would be as… _painful_ as it sounds. I would never be able to understand how it felt to have your own mind betray you constantly, telling you that you weren't good enough and that you deserved to die. I hoped I never would come to understand how it felt. Lo tried to downplay it. All of it. But she had to be suffering, she had to be in _pain_. I wish she would let us in more often. She had to know by now that she could trust us.

Piano music started to fill the house. I frowned. Lo was the only person at home right now that knew how to play the piano. But I hadn't even noticed her leaving her room. I got up from my bed and made my way downstairs. I would just see if she was alright, then I'd leave her alone. She hadn't yet texted me, telling me that she wanted company, so I wasn't going to push my luck. If she still needed space, I wasn't going to pester her.

She didn't notice me at first. Her eyes were closed as her fingers flew across the keys. There were tear stains on her cheeks that she hadn't bothered to wipe away. I took a hesitant step into the room. Watching Lo play the piano was magical. She no longer looked stressed or angry. She looked almost… Free. There was a tiny smile on her face as she played. I didn't recognize the song she was playing. Then again, I wasn't that well-versed in classical music.

The song shifted halfway through. Lo's face scrunched up in anger as her playing got more aggressive. She slammed on the keys, a furious scream coming from her throat as she sobbed. I ran over to her and enveloped her in a tight hug. She trembled and cried into my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me. Her entire body was shaking. I felt tears filling my own eyes. I couldn't stand seeing her like this.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean what I said earlier. I didn't mean it…"

"I know, love. I know. I'm not mad," I murmured calmly, smoothing her hair down. She must have been pulling at it again. She let out another scream, her voice muffled by my shoulder. Her grip on me had gotten almost painful, but I didn't care. I kissed her forehead and brushed some damp hair from her face. "You can let it out, Lo. I'm here."

She cried into my shoulder for hours. I felt a huge wave of relief whenever she stopped crying, only for it to wash away when she started again. She cried and screamed until her throat was sore. She would beat at my chest, telling me to leave her alone. I didn't budge. If anything, it just made me hold onto her tighter. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't want her to feel alone ever again.


	50. Chapter 48

**Happy Saturday, my lovelies! This chapter is Alex's birthday, and not much really happens because he doesn't really care much about his birthday. This is just a smol fluff chapter (with a bit of lewd towards the bottom, y'all can stop reading after Lorin locks the door if you want, you won't miss anything). A little random fact about me that kind of relates to the chapter but not really is that Felicity is one of my favorite American girls simply because the Revolutionary period was one of my favorite things to learn about in school. Which explains why I fell in love with Hamilton. Anyway, that's enough talking. This chapter is, quite literally, the eye of the hurricane before everything goes bad, so I hope you all enjoy this small reprieve. ~Shaymie**

* * *

"Alex, are you sure you don't want us to do anything today?" Martha asked as she affixed a "happy birthday" pin to my shirt. At least it wasn't as gaudy as what Lo had on her birthday, though I didn't see the point of it since I wasn't going anywhere today. I looked up at Martha and nodded as I stuck another forkful of eggs into my mouth. I was fine with not doing anything for my birthday. I had never made a big deal out of it. Lo grabbed my free hand underneath the table and grinned devilishly. The eggs got stuck in my throat. Okay, so maybe I _was_ doing something later today.

"We're going to a restaurant with everyone later, but that's about it." Lo's voice was soft as she took a small bite of pancake. I smiled. It was almost easy to forget her breakdown a few days ago, especially since she refused to talk about it. But there was a bit of residual sadness lingering in her eyes. She would still spend time alone in her room sometimes. She still had nightmares, but thankfully none of them had sent her into a panic attack like the one she had before Christmas. She still had days where she didn't want to be bothered at all. But unlike before, she was actually willing to talk to us about things.

Darcy came downstairs and sat down at the table with a yawn. Normally she'd be getting ready for work, but she had quit her job after their New Year's party. She hadn't told anyone but Lo about what had happened, but it must have been bad to make her quit altogether. She was dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants, her hair tied back in a bun. She hadn't bothered with makeup at all. She pulled something from her pocket and slid it over to me. Money.

"Happy birthday, Alexander," she drawled lazily, tracing a perfectly manicured fingernail against the tablecloth. Martha was finally satisfied with the pin and got to work fixing Darcy a plate. Darcy grinned as I accepted the fifty-dollar bill. "Don't spend it all in one place."

"I, uh… Thank you, Darcy," I stammered, putting the money in my pocket. This was the first time I'd ever held such a large bill. I looked over at Darcy and realized that this was one of the few times she had called me by my first name. The other times were when she had first met me (before she decided to hate me) and on Christmas. She stopped messing with the tablecloth when Martha set a plate of pancakes and ham in front of her.

"You're welcome," she said as she drowned her plate in syrup. She shot a playful glare at Lo, who had started to hum that one Disney song under her breath. Lo stuck her tongue out and took a sip of orange juice. I felt slightly relieved. If she was in the mood to flirt and tease, maybe this would be a good day.

* * *

"What are you reading, Lo?" I asked, sitting next to her on the couch. We were about to leave for my birthday dinner soon, which meant that we had to get slightly dressed up. Lo's hair was braided over her shoulder, a few strands sticking out from the braid. She had been in the bathroom with Darcy for hours trying to perfect it before she just gave up and left it imperfectly perfect. Her dress was a faded yellow and matched the hells her sister had made her wear. She looked up at me curiously, and all thoughts left my head immediately. I had never seen her eyes so bright before. She was beautiful.

"It's one of the books Mama bought me for Christmas," she smiled, showing me the green-spined book. I read the name Felicity on the front before she returned it to her lap. "It's about a girl growing up in the Revolutionary period. And there's a bunch more books about other girls in different points in history. I loved these books when I was little…"

"Are they as enjoyable as they were when you were younger?" I asked. Lo nodded excitedly as she fingered the edge of the page lightly, a small smile on her face. I could tell by her expression that she treasures these books a lot.

"These books are a bit of a guilty pleasure. I still can't believe Mama remembered that I like them," Lo said softly, her voice cracking. She looked up as Darcy walked downstairs, also dressed to impress. She was wearing a tight blue dress that left nothing to the imagination. It was the complete opposite of Lo's loose and flowy dress. She sat down in an armchair and started applying makeup, opening a small compact mirror.

Lo closed her book and scooted closer to me. Her hands went up to my tie, which she focused on fixing. I admittedly hadn't done much work when it came to putting it on since I hadn't needed to dress up for anything in years. She looked up at me in mock disapproval, her eyes sparkling mischievously. She clicked her teeth as she finished with the tie.

"Out of all the amazing things you can do with your hands, I can't believe tying a tie isn't one of them," she sighed. She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I brushed some hair away from her face and smiled as we touched foreheads. Laf came downstairs five minutes later, staring at his phone. Like me, he had also left his tie undone and hanging loosely around his neck. He looked up at us with a frown on his face.

"I have some bad news, everyone. The restaurant is closed tonight… Probably for the rest of eternity."

"What, is there a rat infestation or something?" Darcy snorted, a lopsided grin on her face. It faded when she looked at Laf, who was rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "You're shitting me. The fancy restaurant Eliza picked out has _rats_?"

"More like cockroaches. She just texted me, saying that our reservation was cancelled." Laf sighed and looked at me apologetically. "I guess your birthday dinner isn't happening. Sorry, Alex."

"It's fine. I didn't really want to go anyway. We can order in or something," I said, looking down at Lo as she started taking her shoes off. She looked up at me with the same impish grin she had given me at breakfast and licked her lips seductively. The words she had said a few days ago came back to me. She was going to give me the blowjob of a lifetime later. My mouth went dry as she took her hair down from its braid and put it back in a ponytail. It had lost its curliness as it grew out and was back to the wavy texture it had when I'd met her.

"You guys can order pizza or something. Me and Lo are going upstairs to talk for a bit." I grabbed Lo's hand and pulled her towards the stairs, noticing Darcy's knowing stare. Lo smirked at me as we entered my room. She locked the door behind us and grinned up at me, her eyes shining bright.

"I was hoping that we'd get to do a bit more than just a quickie, Alex." She closed the short distance between us and pulled me down for a kiss, her hands fiddling with my zipper. "I had a lot of fun planned, you know."

"We don't have to go downstairs until later. And they can save our pizza for later," I spoke breathlessly as she pulled me to the bed, pushing me down gently as she pulled my pants down. I was sure my face was scarlet. I had never seen Lo look so… confident before. Dominant Lo was sexy as hell. I quickly undid my tie while she took my boxers off. She smiled up at me.

"Someone's excited!" She giggled as she started stroking me. I opened my mouth to respond, but all thoughts I had melted away the second she put her mouth on me. I moaned breathily as she started licking. She wasn't kidding about her eighteen licks. They were long, sensual, and made this blowjob the most loving one she had given me. I held the back of her head and took her hair down from its ponytail. Wavy brown locks came tumbling down as I scratched her scalp, causing her to hum happily and _damn, it felt good_. It was the sight of her looking up at me so lovingly that sent me over the edge. She milked me for every drop and sighed happily as she released me, giving my head a final kiss.

"I've been waiting all day for that," she murmured, licking the corners of her mouth. Damn, that was so sexy... I laid in bed, feeling exhausted, and looked up as she sat on my chest, my heart skipping a beat when I felt wetness on my stomach. Looks like I wasn't the only one that was excited. She grabbed my hands and guided them to the back of her dress. "Are you ready for your second surprise, Al?"

I unzipped the back of the dress and smiled as it fell down her body. She was wearing the lingerie Peggy had bought her for Christmas. It was dusty pink, but some parts were sheer and showed off her adorably freckled skin. Her face was bright red as I took in her body, every single dip and curve. She was beautiful, and I was determined to prove it to her. I flipped us over so that I was on top and started kissing her neck, my hands going down to her breasts. She whimpered as I gently tugged off her underwear, leaving her bare.

"I-I'm supposed to be the one making _you_ feel- ahh…" Her sentence was cut off as I started kissing her breasts, paying extra attention to her beautiful little nubs that hardened under my attention. "Al, it's your birthday, I wanted to treat- _fuck!_ "

"I wanted to return the favor, Lo. A lick for a lick." I gently licked the area on her right breast that I had bitten, while my hand started trailing down her body. She shivered underneath my touch, her breath coming out in quick little pants. My hand eventually reached its destination. I watched her face as I slipped a finger in her, and then another. She sighed contentedly as I started steadily fingering her. Her hand reached over to my bedside table and pulled out a condom from the drawer. She squealed in delight when I added a third finger and started to kiss her breasts more roughly. I didn't give a fuck if I left marks. I wanted to claim her.

"Alex, I want you _in_ me," she moaned, shoving the condom into my free hand. "And none of that gentle bullshit. I want it hard."

I lost track of what happened after that, but by the time we went back downstairs for pizza and soda, we each had hickeys littering our necks and chests. Lo was a blushing mess under her sister's stare, and she couldn't make eye contact as she grabbed a few slices of sausage pizza. Darcy grinned as she took a bite of her own pizza. Laf put on a movie and sat on the couch next to her. Lo and I shared a couch. She tugged my sleeve, her eyes not meeting mine as she spoke.

"Did you like your present?" I looked down at her and saw that there was a light flush covering her cheeks. She was practically glowing. I planted a kiss to her temple and rested my chin on her hair, which was still slightly mussed up.

"I loved it, Lo."


	51. Chapter 49

**Happy Monday, my lovelies! I don't really have much to say about this chapter. It's just a tiny peek inside of Darcy's brain, since I feel like I don't show the eldest Haywood nearly enough love. I hope you lovely people enjoy the chapter and I'll see y'all on Thursday! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Darcy's POV_

"What's on your mind, Dar?" I looked up as John entered the room and smiled when he handed me a mug of tea. He joined me on his bed and sipped from his mug. I bit my lip and frowned. A _lot_ of things were on my mind. Like how Lori didn't seem to be getting better, despite the fact that she was taking her medicine. She was worrying me. She tried to act like she had it all together, but she didn't. A simple look into her eyes could tell you that, but I knew that she would lash out if anyone mentioned it. And there was the situation with Mama. She said that her and Christopher were moving to New York to be closer to me and Lori. I still didn't entirely trust her. I was scared she was going to bail on us again, or even worse, leave the baby behind somewhere… Maybe even leave the baby with _us_.

But the most pressing thought on my mind was Maria. I had removed her contact from my phone, but she kept texting me, asking for forgiveness and a chance to explain. She kept making dates for us and getting mad at me for not showing up. It was nothing less than psychotic. She couldn't get it through her thick head that we were done. I never wanted to see her again. I didn't even want to _think_ about her, but I knew that at some point, I was going to have to tell my sister that I had dated her. This secret was eating me up inside. I frowned and decided to talk about the thing that was easiest to talk about.

"I'm worried about Lori."

"I am, too. She hasn't told you what led to her… breakdown the other day?" John's eyebrows furrowed when I shook my head. I had been willing to give her time to calm down after she had yelled at me and Alexander. It broke my heart to hear her crying, but I knew that she needed to be alone. And then she had gone downstairs, and I thought she was calm again when she started playing the piano. Everything was fine at first, but then she started slamming onto the piano keys, a heart-wrenching scream filling the house. I had gone downstairs to check on her, but she was already being taken care of.

"She sounded like she was in _pain_ , J." My voice cracked as I remembered her holding onto Alexander as she sobbed and hit him. She told him countless times to leave her alone. I was glad he hadn't. I didn't trust her to be alone. "I didn't think it was that bad. I… I thought she was getting _better_. What if… she tries again? I'm scared."

"She said she would tell us if she felt… like that again." John pulled me into a hug. None of us wanted to say the word 'suicide'. It still hurt to remember Lori in the hospital with bandages on her arms and tubes sticking out of her. I hated to think of the dead look in her eyes and how scared she had been when she finally woke up. I still had nightmares about it.

"She's not exactly the most open when it comes to talking about her feelings, J. I mean, she hadn't even left a note…" I choked on the words and shook the thoughts from my head. That was in the past. Lori was… well, she wasn't _fine_ , but she was better than she had been almost two years ago. I didn't know what depression was like, but I knew it was a hell of a lot worse than TV and movies made it look like. It wasn't just being sad and writing angsty poetry in a cafe. It couldn't be fixed just by meeting that perfect guy, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

John and I jumped as my phone started ringing. I grabbed it from the pillow and saw that Lori was calling. I cleared my throat before answering. I didn't want her to know that I had almost been crying.

"Hi, Lori. What's up?" I asked, flinching. My voice still sounded a bit scratchy, but she didn't seem to notice. I could hear talking in the background, but I didn't recognize the voices. I checked the time. 3:47. She was probably still at school, waiting for Alexander to leave debate club so they could walk home together.

" _Can I borrow your ukulele? I'm about to leave school with Eliza and we have a project for choir. I don't think the piano would quite fit it."_

"Sure. But… I didn't know you knew how to _play_ it. What's the project, anyway?"

" _Any instrument is easy once you learn how it works,"_ Lori giggled, but there was something off about it. I glanced nervously at John. " _And it… It's kind of embarrassing. We have to make a mashup of songs, so we decided to make one of Ed Sheeran's latest album."_

"You're obsessed with that man." I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Alright, then. Just… call me when you get home, okay? And don't forget to tell Lafayette and Alexander you're leaving. Love you, Lori."

" _...Love you, Darcy."_ She hung up, but it sounded like she had more to say. I sighed and threw my phone to the side. Something was off about her today. She didn't want to work out this morning. She hadn't talked much at breakfast, hell she barely ate. She tried to say that she was fine, but she wasn't. Anyone could see that. I wish she would let us in and realize that she's not the only person that she's hurting by keeping everything locked up inside. I can't stand seeing her like this.

I picked my mug up and started drinking my tea before it went cold. The warm drink did nothing to help the icy feeling going through my veins. I was still terrified. I was scared for Lori. I wanted to protect her, but how could I protect her from herself? I felt tears welling up in my eyes and frowned as a few of them escaped and dripped onto John's bed. I swiped them away and huffed. Crying wouldn't fix anything. It wasn't helping anybody.

"Are you okay, Dar?" I looked up at John and shook my head. I wasn't okay. Not as long as Lori was in pain. But… There wasn't anything I could do for her. I hated not being able to help her. Even after all these years, I was nothing but a useless sister. I couldn't save her from her father. I couldn't save her from James. And now… I couldn't save her from herself. What good was I? A few more tears escaped, and now I was crying. John pulled me into a hug and let me cry on his shoulder.

"I want to help her, but there's _nothing_ I can do. I… I came here to be a better sister and I'm just _useless_! I'm sick of it all! I'm sick of seeing Lori in pain!" I took heaving breaths and breathed in John's cologne. I was glad I wasn't wearing makeup or else I'd ruin his shirt. Ever since I'd started dating him, I had started wearing it less often. When I did wear it, it was significantly less than what I'd normally wear. With John, I didn't feel the need to drown myself in makeup.

"Darcy, it's not your fault. I hate seeing Lori like this too, but we can't help her. All we can do is be there for her."

"This fucking sucks," I sniffled, holding him tightly. "It's not fair. Lori's already been through so much _shit_. She deserves to be happy. Why can't her brain let her be happy?"

"I don't know, Dar. I don't know."


	52. Chapter 50

**Happy Thursday lovelies, and a** ** _very_** **happy birthday to our very own Hamilton! Not in this chapter, though. Like, in real life. *throws confetti* Whoo! I hope you lovely people enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

" _Lori, you need to eat." I huffed and turned away from Darcy, who was trying to feed me a spoonful of oatmeal. I wasn't hungry. And why did she feel the need to feed me? I could hold a spoon by myself. I put my hands underneath the stiff hospital blanket and glared at my sister when she clicked her teeth. Right. Hands_ above _the blanket so I couldn't hurt myself. I withdrew my hands from the blanket and crossed them over my chest._

" _Lorin, you're acting like a child. You have to eat if you want to get better," Darcy said gently. I rolled my eyes. I didn't_ want _to get better. The only reason I was in the hospital was because I had messed up. I didn't cut deep enough. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be six feet under. I looked up as Darcy slammed the bowl down, splashing oatmeal everywhere. Thankfully it wasn't still hot. She had been trying to get me to eat for awhile now._

" _Dammit Lori, talk to me! I don't know what's going through your mind!" Her eyes filled with tears. I turned to look at her. I hated seeing her cry. I hated seeing anyone cry, knowing that I was the reason they were sad. It would probably be worse if I had died, but at least then I wouldn't have to look at them. I wouldn't have to see the pain I had put them through._

 _Darcy groaned in frustration and tugged at her hair. Her bottom lip quivered as she stared at me, tears streaming down her face. I opened my mouth to say something, but the words were caught in my throat. I looked down at the blanket and frowned. What could I say to her? What_ should _I say to her? 'Sorry for trying to kill myself, but it'll probably happen again because I'm a useless piece of shit who doesn't deserve to live?' That just doesn't roll off the tongue well._

 _She stormed out of the room without a word, stopping John just as he was about to walk in. She pulled him back out of the room, closing the door behind them. I could hear them talking in hushed whispers out in the hall and started to hate myself even more, if that was possible._

" _She won't_ talk _to me, John. She used to tell me everything. I… I don't understand."_

" _Don't understand what, Dar?"_

" _Anything! I mean, why would she… Why would she_ do _this? How could she be so fucking selfish?!"_

I woke from the dream with a start and sighed. It wasn't often that I dreamed about my time in the hospital. I didn't like to think about it. I felt tears in my eyes and wiped at them. It was in the past. I wouldn't… I _couldn't_ do something like that again. Not after everything everyone had done for me. No matter how bad things got. The memory of their devastated faces was burned into my mind. I couldn't do that again.

I looked at Alex, who had fallen asleep at his desk. Again. He was taking the SAT early next month along with Angelica, but unlike her, he had put off his studying until the month before. I was taking the ACT in a few months, but I wasn't too worried about it. Sure, I was going to study for it, but I wasn't smart like Alex and Darcy and Angelica. I'd probably just get a mediocre score and get into a mediocre college, if I even decided to go.

I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face, trying to ignore the bundle of nerves in my gut. What time was it? Shouldn't it be time for me to taking my medicine? Should I even bother with it? It wasn't working. That was why I had stopped it in the first place. Maybe this was just a faulty prescription or… something. I've had some of those before. It was nothing to worry about. I just had to try again. I'd tell George and Martha about it and I'd just… change prescriptions. Again. The thought sent a wave of irritation through me. After taking so many different types of medicine, I would think that I'd find something that would work for me. What if this never got better?

 _Please God no, I can't take it anymore-_

The house felt suffocating. Every breath I took only made me struggle for more. I tugged on one of Alex's hoodies and shoved my feet into some shoes. As a last-second thought, I grabbed my phone. I needed some air. I made my way through the house as quietly as I could, taking care to not wake up Dumpling or Alexander. The last thing I needed were two hyperactive animals ruining my escape. I shoved my hands into the pocket of the hoodie once I closed the door behind me. I didn't know where I was going on this walk. I just knew that I had to get out.

Anxiety gnawed away at my insides as I started walking through the neighborhood. That was… good. I think. At least it was at a manageable level. At least I wasn't feeling _nothing_ , or better yet, everything all at once. I still hated the fact that I completely lost it in front of Alex. I had been so tired afterwards, he had to carry me to bed. He told me that he wasn't mad that I had hit him, and that he didn't blame me for my tantrum. He said that he understood how it felt to hold everything inside of you until it got to be too much.

 _Breathe, Lorin. Nothing's going to hurt you,_ I reminded myself as the anxiety kept building. The wind blew hair into my face as I focused on steadying my breaths. I could feel my hands trembling in my pocket and willed them to stop. I should have brought Dumpling. Maybe having her with me would keep me calm. Or I should have woken Alex up and asked him to walk with me. If he woke up before I got back, he was sure to be worried.

I started making my way home, figuring if I was going to have a panic attack, it might as well be in the comfort of my own home. I pushed some hair back from my face and walked back home as fast as I could, letting out a sigh of relief when I entered the warm house. I locked the door behind me and took my shoes off, setting them to the side. I sat down in the living room and curled up on the couch, clutching a pillow tightly to my chest. I buried my face in the pillow and felt emotions wash over me.

Anger.

Fear.

Self-hatred.

...Sadness.

I cried into the pillow as quietly as I could, hoping that my sobs were muffled. I didn't want to wake anyone up. My chest hurt. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't breathe, no matter how hard I tried to steady my breathing. Why was I freaking out like this? I didn't have a reason to. Nothing bad was happening to me. Was I just going crazy? That would just be the icing on top of the cake, wouldn't it?

I could feel my entire body shaking even though I was completely warm. I tried to calm my heaving breaths and lifted my head from the pillow, resting my chin on it. Maybe that would help me breathe a bit better. After about half an hour, I could feel myself calming down. I wiped my face with my sleeve and sighed as I went to the kitchen. I grabbed myself a glass of water, but quickly set it down because my hands were still shaking. I leaned against the counter and looked down at Dumpling when she walked over to me. She whined and pawed at my foot.

"I'm fine, Dumplin'," I murmured, kneeling down to pet her. "I just… I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything used to be manageable and now it's _not_. It's too much. Sometimes I think it would be easier for me if I just… killed myself. But I feel like everyone's expecting me to be strong, even though I'm the furthest thing from it. And I told myself I wouldn't be selfish anymore."

All I got in response was a head tilt. I smiled sadly as I scratched behind Dumpling's ear. Of course she couldn't understand what I was talking about. But it was still nice to let everything out without the fear of someone judging me. Or even worse, trying to give me advice. I knew that everyone meant well, but they just didn't understand what I was going through. They didn't know how I felt. They offered solutions that sounded easy to them, but were damn near impossible for me.

I stood up and sighed. Everyone was going to wake up soon. I should get myself looking presentable so they wouldn't worry about me. I took a sip of water as I walked upstairs. Dumpling followed behind me, her nails making quiet scratching sounds against the wooden floor. Note to self: cut Dumpling's toenails. She wandered into my room, where her bed was. I walked back into Alex's room and saw that he was finally awake. I sat next to him on the bed and kissed his cheek as I set the cup down. He stretched and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"I was wondering where you were, Lo. You weren't downstairs when I was making my coffee."

"I was just taking a walk to clear my head. I had a nightmare," I sighed. Darcy's words still hurt even though it had been years since she'd said them. They weren't relevant anymore, were they? After all, I was working hard to stay alive for everyone. That's the furthest thing from selfish I could think of.


	53. Chapter (the other) 51

**Yes hi hello, my lovelies! Sorry for not having a chapter up on Saturday, but depression was rearing its ugly head and I've spent the past few days giving myself pep talks and they haven't really been working. But I'm like... slightly better and not dead, so that's something. Sorry for how short this chapter is, I've been in a bit of a slump. I'll maybe see you lovely people on Thursday? I don't really know. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"I think I'm going to ask Lo to the dance," I said the second Angelica and I were out of the SAT testing room. She looked up from her phone and raised an eyebrow. She was silent until we got out to the parking lot, where she immediately burst into laughter. I frowned as she leaned against the building, laughing so hard that there were tears streaming down her face. I glared at her until she sobered up.

"Sorry, Alex, but I just… That's hilarious! You _do_ realize you're dating Lorin Haywood, right? The girl who hates social events and school with a passion? You have to have something better planned for Valentine's Day."

"...I was going to serenade her." The words sounded ridiculous. I couldn't have been more cliche. But Lo loved music, and I loved her. I had taught myself an Ed Sheeran song, since she was clearly obsessed with him. I was planning on a romantic dinner or… something. To be honestly, I've never done anything _romantic_ on Valentine's Day before. Everyone I've dated in the past was just someone to sleep with. Nothing more than that. Lo was different. We haven't even been dating for half a year yet, but I was sure that she was the girl I wanted to marry. Maybe that was being a bit rash, but I couldn't care less.

Angelica nodded, her lips pursed together as if she was trying to hold back a laugh. I followed her back to her car and sighed. I could tell she didn't think it was a good idea. Like Darcy, she still had some reservations about me and Lo. I couldn't blame her. I had shamelessly flirted with her the second I met her, and then I started dating Lo a few days later. If Angelica or Darcy knew about my dating history, I had a feeling they would hate me. I had hinted to Lo about it, but I didn't tell her everything.

"Do you want to stop for some coffee? You look like you need it," Angelica said as she started driving off from the parking lot. I nodded and sighed as I leaned back in the seat, closing my eyes. The SAT was actually challenging, though that was a bit my fault. I'd never had to study for anything in my life, but I knew that I couldn't get away with not studying for what may very well be the most important test I'll ever take. So I studied, but I had put it off until the last second. I wasn't Angelica. I couldn't study for months on end.

I opened my eyes as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and turned the volume up. Angelica shot me a side glance as I read the text from Lo, telling me not to come home too early. She said that she had a surprise for me and quickly sent a follow-up text, telling me to get my mind out of the gutter and that this surprise wasn't like the ones she'd had for my birthday. I laughed and told her I was going to get coffee with Angelica. She replied with a smiley face.

"Lo has a surprise for me at home," I murmured dreamily as I slid my phone back into my pocket. Angelica rolled her eyes and smiled slightly, her grip on the steering wheel loosening.

"You're head over heels for her, aren't you?" she asked. I nodded, unsure of where she was going with this conversation. She stopped at a red light and turned to look at me. "Alex, when Lafayette and I leave for college, will you protect Lorin? She's been having a difficult time lately. Anyone can see that. You're the only person that can cheer her up."

"She's started taking new medicine," I supplied. Angelica clicked her teeth and shook her head as the light changed.

"You're putting a bit too much trust into a tiny pill, Alex. We don't even know if it helps yet. But we _do_ know that you help her. You make her happy. She trusts you. Promise me you'll keep an eye on her."

"I promise, Ange." I'd protect Lo with my life if it came to it. Angelica pursed her lips and nodded, satisfied with my answer. I looked out the window and sighed. It seemed like I was the only person who had any faith in Lo. Everyone else thought that she was going to try and kill herself again. They were treating her like a toddler that couldn't be left alone for more than two seconds. It had to be getting on her nerves.

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting in a booth at a cafe. Angelica had a cappuccino, while I had my signature black coffee. She eyed my drink with narrowed eyes. I rolled my eyes. I didn't understand what everyone had against black coffee. Was it such a bad thing if I wanted to preserve the flavor of my coffee instead of ruining it with cream and sugar? I'd managed to get Lo to drink coffee, but only after she completely drowned it with cream and sugar. I couldn't even drink it when she was done mixing everything together.

"I don't understand how you can date Lorin and not like sweets. You guys are like complete opposites." She looked down at her phone as it vibrated and smiled. "It's about time for us to leave. Lorin said she's ready."

"What can I say? Opposites attract." I grinned at Angelica as I finished off my drink and tried to sneak a glance at her phone. She narrowed her eyes and put it in her pocket. I sighed. I couldn't wait to see what kind of surprise Lo had for me. Angelica mimed locking her mouth shut and throwing away the key. Guess I'd have to wait until I got home to see what it was.


	54. Chapter 52

**Hello again, lovelies! I'm back with another... mediocre chapter, I suppose. Small note, the song I use in this chapter does not belong to me (because I couldn't write a song to save my life). It's called Absolutely Smitten by Dodie Clark and I felt like it fit the relationship in this story really well. Please don't like, come for me for using this song, I am but a small fragile soul teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Anyway, I hope you lovely people enjoy this slightly late chapter, and I apologize if it like, sucks. I wrote and edited this on very little sleep and I may come to hate it when I get out of this emotional slump.**

* * *

When I got home, Lo was sitting on the floor in front of Laf while he braided her hair. The sight was incredibly similar to what I'd seen when I first came here. The only difference was that instead of looking nervous, Lo looked happy. A light blush covered her face as Darcy whispered something in her ear and handed her the ukulele. She gripped the instrument tightly, her hands slightly shaking.

I didn't realize I was just staring at her until Angelica nudged me into the living room. Lo smiled nervously and walked over to me. I brushed some bangs from her face, noticing that they were longer than I'd ever seen them. She was due for a haircut soon. Her face was about as pink as her dress as she grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs, muttering something about not wanting everyone to hear.

I tried to think of what she could have to show me that involves a ukulele. The only times I'd ever seen her with it was when she was working on that choir thing with Eliza. But she wouldn't really be embarrassed to show that to me. I had been in the room with them while they worked on it. And she wouldn't make such a big deal about surprising me with a project for school. This had to be something different.

"I, um… I wrote you a song," she murmured as we walked into her room. She closed the door behind us and looked up at me blushing. Well, _that_ certainly wasn't what I expected at all. She giggled anxiously and sat down on her bed, plucking the ukulele strings absentmindedly. "I was going to save it for Valentine's Day, but Darcy told me to play it for you as kind of a late birthday present. Especially since I didn't really get you anything aside from a notebook, a pen, and sex."

"You wrote me a _song_?" That had to be the most… romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. Lo's blush deepened as she nodded. She fiddled with the charms on her bracelet and smiled shyly. I sat next to her and took her in. All of her. Her perfect freckled cheeks, which were a bright shade of red. Her light brown hair was tied back in a loose braid over her shoulder. And her eyes were the brightest I'd ever seen them. I didn't quite know what to call the emotion I could see in them, but I knew one thing.

She was absolutely stunning.

I didn't want this to go away. I wanted her to always be like this, to always look this… free. James Reynolds and Maria could go to hell. I didn't understand how anyone could hurt such a beautiful girl. How could anyone find satisfaction in hurting someone? I'd never be able to understand that as long as I lived. What kind of fucked-up lives were those people living that hurting Lo made them feel powerful?

"Alex, I… I just have to say thank you. For everything. For being so patient with me. For not losing your temper with me, even when I'm acting like a brat and don't want to talk to anyone. And thank you for being my boyfriend. For… for loving me, which I didn't think was possible. I didn't think anyone would ever want me after James… did everything he did to me. I thought I was _dirty_ … I thought he ruined me. But you showed me that wasn't true. So I just… thank you."

"Lo, you don't have to thank me-"

"I want to thank you, Alex. With this song. I don't tell you how I feel about you anywhere near as often as you tell me." She smiled as she started strumming the instrument, her gaze falling to her fingers as if she didn't trust them to play the right notes. I watched her face and blinked as she started singing. For some reason I'd had an impression that the song wouldn't have lyrics.

 _She knows this feeling all too well_

 _She feels her heart begin to swell_

 _Handsome stranger_

 _You have made her insides turn to jelly_

 _She wants to dance around the room_

 _Kiss you until your lips turn blue_

 _But handsome stranger_

 _You have made her wonder... Is she pretty?_

 _And it's too late_

 _She believes in fate_

 _She's absolutely smitten_

 _And she'll never let you go_

 _That girl just there yes she's the one_

 _With cupid's arrow in her bum_

 _Handsome stranger you have made her happy_

 _The first in a long time!_

 _Did you just whisper in her ear?_

 _Words she only dreamed to hear?_

 _Pretty lady_

 _Look at how he's smiling,_

 _I think he likes you!_

 _And it's too late_

 _You believe in fate_

 _You're absolutely smitten,_

 _You'll never let her go_

 _Ooooh_

 _And it's too late_

 _I believe in fate!_

 _I'm absolutely smitten, I'll never let you go_

 _I'll never let you go_

Lo's face was scarlet as she sang the last notes and set the instrument aside. Her hands trembled as she set them in her lap, waiting for me to respond. I sat next to her on the bed and kissed her gently, my thumb tracing over her freckles. She smiled and leaned into my touch. I couldn't even put into words how much I loved the song. It was cute, short, and sweet. Just like her. Her face got hotter when I told her this. I cleared my throat and kissed her cheek.

"Lo, do you… want to go to the Valentine's Day dance with me? I know it's dumb and definitely not your type of thing, but…"

"I'll go with you." Lo squeezed my hand and looked up at me. "I'd feel bad if we just spent Valentine's Day at home because I'm scared of people."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to. I don't want to force you to do anything if you're not up for it."

"It's fine, Al. I'd like to have at least one normal high school experience. I'm tired of just sitting on the sidelines. And it's not like it's _prom_ or anything. It's just a stupid dance in the school cafeteria. I'll be fine." We sat in a peaceful silence, Lo resting her head on my shoulder. She was probably the only person that I felt comfortable sitting quietly with. If she was anyone else, I would probably be trying to awkwardly trying to fill the silence. But because it was her, I was perfectly fine just sitting with her. Surprisingly, she was the one to break the silence after about ten minutes.

"Isn't it funny how the tiniest little imbalance in your brain is enough to make you want to kill yourself?" She laughed bitterly as she squeezed my arm and looked up at me. The look in her eyes terrified me. It was like she wasn't even here completely. She looked down at the carpet and sighed."Sorry for being such a downer all of a sudden, but I was just thinking. I did some research on my new medication, wondering why doctors give prescriptions for pills that have the slight chance of making you want to kill yourself. Apparently it's 'safe in overdoses' or something like that. Like they know that something's just going to push someone right over the edge and they'll grab a handful of them and just-"

"Lori, we have a big problem!" Lo and I flinched as Darcy stormed into the room, looking like a complete mess. She paced around anxiously and tugged at her hair. Lo stood up and went over to her, placing a hand on her arm. Darcy looked down at her sister with tears in her eyes and sighed.

"Darcy, what's wrong?" Lo asked, completely calm. As if she hadn't just been talking about overdosing like it was no big deal. I was still a bit dazed by the conversation. Maybe I should be with Lo when she takes her medicine from now on. The speech she just gave made it seem like she was thinking about… _killing herself_. God, even just _thinking_ the words was painful. I couldn't imagine it happening. I couldn't let that happen.

"My dad's coming to visit for my birthday." Darcy rolled her eyes and sat next to me on the bed. For once, she didn't have a rude remark to make about me. She picked up her ukulele and strummed sadly. "He's going to try to make me go back home with him, I know he is. There's a reason I left, Lori. I couldn't stand living in that town anymore, with everyone _judging_ me because I'm not straight, because I was born out of wedlock, because I refused to apologize for who I am. I'm fucking sick of it."

"Darcy, I'm sure it won't be that bad. You haven't seen him in months. He probably misses you." Lo shrugged and looked at her sister, a half smile on her face. "You should be glad you have a dad who doesn't molest you on a nightly basis. Your dad actually cares about you."

"He has a shitty way of showing it, then." Darcy set her ukulele back down and looked at Lo apprehensively. "He's going to be here on my birthday, Lori. I don't think I'm ready."

"It'll be fine, Dar. Trust me."


	55. Chapter 53

**Happy Monday, my lovelies! Again, I missed a Saturday update, but depression is still kicking my butt. I hope this phase passes quickly because it sucks. This chapter is a bit of lead up to the Valentine's Day dance (where things are going to get spicy, yikes), so I hope you lovely people enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

"Happy Valentine's Day, Lo!" I kissed my girlfriend on the head and smiled as I breathed in her berry-scented shampoo. Lo smiled back at me as she finished brushing her hair. I had to resist the urge to run my fingers through it since she had literally just spent about half an hour fixing it. She smoothed down her dress and examined herself in the mirror again.

"Are you going to be all sappy and romantic today?" she asked with a smirk. I nodded and wrapped my arms around her waist. I was determined to make today the most romantic day of our lives… At least until Valentine's Day _next_ year. I wondered how she would feel about the song I had for her. I felt slightly inadequate, considering she had actually _written_ me a song and I was just singing one that already existed. But it was the thought that mattered, right?

Lo and Darcy had been on edge ever since they found out that Darcy's father was coming to visit. Her birthday is next week (the day after Angelica's, in fact), and she's been in a complete panic. I didn't know much about her father, but from what little I did know, I could tell that he was a world-class jerk. I could see why Darcy didn't want him to visit and why she had ran away. Not that she'll admit that she "ran away", per se. She just says that she moved out.

Laurens and I had made an agreement to try and distract our girlfriends from Darcy's father's upcoming visit. At least for today. It was Valentine's Day after all. I didn't know what Laurens was doing for Darcy. Then again, I barely had any idea of what I was doing for Lo outside of singing and taking her to the dance. I had bought her some chocolates and a teddy bear, but maybe she would think that was a bit too cliche?

"I'm going to make today the best day of your life, Lo. You deserve it." She blushed and looked away from me as she put a cherry clip in her hair. Her entire outfit for the day seemed to be fruit-themed. Her blouse was white with cherries dotted on it, while her skirt was quite literally cherry red. Her socks were thigh high (which she knew I loved) and matched her skirt perfectly.

"You're too nice, Alex. Sometimes I… I feel like I don't deserve you," she murmured as she left the bathroom. She grabbed her school ID and her backpack and looked back at me, a sad little smile on her face. "Sorry. This is supposed to be a happy day and I'm bringing it down. I'll just… go downstairs."

I sighed as Lo left the room. I was determined to distract her from every single bad thought today. I went into my room and grabbed the box of chocolates and strawberry-scented teddy bear I had bought for her the other day. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and carried Lo's gifts downstairs. I could see that Laf had a similar idea, seeing as he was carrying flowers and balloons. Lo was talking quietly to Darcy at the dining room table, but looked up when I walked in. Darcy arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow when she saw me.

"Really, Hamilton? Chocolates and a teddy bear? I would have thought that you'd have somethin' a bit more original," she drawled, resting her head in the palm of her hand. I noticed that unlike her sister, she wasn't afraid to let her accent slip out every once in awhile. And thankfully it wasn't over-exaggerated like Jefferson's. It was nice and subtle.

"I thought we were on a first name basis now."

"It comes and goes," Darcy smirked, playing with the tablecloth. I handed Lo the box of chocolates and set the teddy bear down on the table. She smiled up at me and leaned up to kiss me. I could taste her lip gloss and felt slightly disappointed when she pulled away. She grabbed my hand and giggled. Darcy rolled her eyes and went back upstairs, muttering about how we were too sweet for her to handle.

That just left Lo and I alone, although Dumpling and Alexander were running around at my feet. I took my seat next to Lo and watched as she hugged the teddy bear tightly, inhaling its scent. It was hard to believe that just a few months ago, I was shamelessly flirting with Lo. From the beginning, I knew that there was something special about her. I just felt this pull to her. Love at first sight truly did exist.

"So, _master of romance_ , do you have anything special planned aside from the dance later?" Lo's eyes were bright as she looked up at me. I leaned over to kiss her nose, smiling as she giggled.

"I was hoping we could just go on a walk around the park before we go to the dance." I didn't mention that I was going to serenade her underneath the tree where we had our first date. That part was going to be a surprise. Lo's smile was as beautiful as she was. I couldn't help but smile back. I could tell that today was going to be a good day for her. She had a lot of ups and downs, but she was trying. She didn't hold things in anymore. She told us if anything was bothering her. She wasn't telling us much about therapy. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. Maybe it just meant that she didn't think there was anything worth telling us.

"That sounds nice," Lo hummed, resting her head on the table. Her wavy hair fanned out onto the table. "The dance isn't really formal or anything, so we don't need to get dressed up. I think what we're wearing now would be fine."

"Great. I don't think I would be able to handle another grand makeover from Herc. The guy's insane."

"He is planning on majoring in fashion. He has to get his practice in some-" Lo squeaked as Laf came bounding downstairs, his hands full with gifts for Peggy. He stumbled over to the table and heaved a sigh as he set everything down. Lo raised an eyebrow and laughed as she lightly fingered a flower petal.

"Aren't you going a bit overboard there, bro? How much did all of this cost?"

"My love for Peggy has no price, Lorin. Now are you two going to help me take these out to the car, or will I have to do everything by myself?" Lo and I looked at each each and rolled our eyes. If Darcy thought that _I_ was a lovestruck fool, she clearly hadn't seen Laf at his worst. I could already tell that this was going to be a long day.


	56. Chapter 54

**Happy Thursday, my lovelies! I've been feeling better both physically and emotionally, so hopefully I can get back on track. I don't really have much to say about this chapter. I hope you lovelies have an amazing day and I'll maybe see you on Saturday! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"I can't believe Lorin Haywood is skipping class." I rolled my eyes at John as I helped him organize the bandages in the nurse's office. It wasn't really skipping if I had permission to be here. Mr. Conway was gone on vacation, which left my class with a substitute. She took attendance and blatantly said that she didn't care about what we did as long as we didn't get caught. I'm pretty sure everyone left class. Even Alex, star student of the year, decided to leave for the library instead of staying in the classroom.

"In the eyes of the school system, I'm present and accounted for." I stuck my tongue out and ruffled John's hair. He huffed and put the bandages in a shelf. "So what do you have planned for Darcy?"

"Can I be honest Lori? I have no idea what I'm doing. Darcy's my first girlfriend and this is my first time actually having to _do_ something for Valentine's Day. Everything's been going great and everything, but I'm just… nervous, I guess. We haven't had sex since that first time and I know she's used to having it… a _lot_. I feel like I'm disappointing her."

"You don't need to have sex to be happy in a relationship. Believe me, sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth. My relationship with James was just centered on us sleeping together almost every night, and when I told him I didn't feel like it, he'd… get mad. Things are different now. Alex doesn't pressure me to do anything if I don't feel like it. I guess my point is that I'm sure you're not disappointing Darcy. She understands if you're not ready to have sex again, John. There's no rush."

I started organizing the nurse's excuses as I spoke, rolling my eyes at some of them. People had the most ridiculous excuses for coming to the nurse. I realized that I had never even met her. On the rare occasions that I had to come here, John or some other student aide was here to help. Did our school even _have_ a nurse? Or were they cutting corners by just having students taking turns being the nurse? Ice packs and naps couldn't fix everything, and Google was only so much help/ Hopefully nothing too serious happened to anyone here.

"...Why did you stay with him? If he hurt you, I don't understand why you would _stay_."

"I was in a bad place back then. Everyone was treating me like a kid and then I met James and he told me he _loved_ me and nobody had told me that in a long time. I was desperate for someone to love me, and look where that got me." I shoved one of Thomas' poorly written excuses into a drawer and took a deep breath. My hands were shaking. I was getting myself worked up again. "It's in the past, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I do enough of that in therapy."

"Sorry, Lori," John murmured. I shrugged halfheartedly and loosened my grip on the drawer handle. I was the one who had brought up James in the first place. It made sense for him to ask more. I hadn't really told anyone about the awful things James and Maria had done to me. Even Alex was still in the dark about most of it. I knew it was ridiculous, but I was scared they'd think less of me if they knew about everything.

I looked down at my phone when it started vibrating. John caught it before it fell off the desk and handed it to me. I frowned when I saw that Mama was calling. She knew that I was at school. This had to be an emergency. I excused myself to the back of the nurse's office and took the call.

"What's wrong, Mama? You never call-"

" _The baby's coming. Well, he's been coming for awhile now. This is just the first time I've been able to call you."_ I stumbled slightly and sat down on one of the cots. I could hear Christopher talking anxiously in the background. How long had she been in labor? Why hadn't she called as soon as her water broke?

"Wasn't he due in April? Will he be healthy?"

" _At my last appointment, the doctor said that my old one got the due date wrong. He's due in March, but he's still at least a month early. I'm sure that he'll be fine. You were born early, after-_ shit!" Mama hissed in pain as, I assumed, another contraction happened. " _I'll be fine, darling. I just wanted to let you know. I tried calling your sister, but she didn't answer."_

"Darcy always sleeps in." I paused and twirled a bit of hair around my finger. "Mama, are you sure you're alright? Do you need me to go to the hospital with you? I can get Darcy to sign me out of school since she's eighteen and we can go over-"

" _No no, just stay where you are. I'll be fine with Christopher. We'll call you later. I love you, Lorin."_

"Love you too, Mama."

* * *

"Darcy's at the hospital with Mama. S-She said she would call to keep me updated." I squeezed Alex's hand as we went on our third cycle around the park. Despite what I had told him earlier, he had gotten at least a little dressed up. He was wearing a nice button down shirt with a suit jacket. He still had on jeans and sneakers, though. Like I said, only a _little_ dressed up.

"I'm sure everything's fine, Lo. Your mother's already had two kids. I'm sure a third is no big deal."

"I guess," I sighed, letting Alex lead me over to the pond. He sat down in the grass and pulled me into his lap. I leaned my head against his chest and smiled as he started playing with my hair. I checked the time. It was half past six. The dance started in an hour, but we were planning on showing up a bit late, since I didn't really care about it anyway.

"Got somewhere to be?" Alex chuckled as he braided my hair. "If you're nervous about the dance, we don't have to go. It's fine if you don't want to. We can just stay here."

"I'm just checking to make sure that we have time to get to the dance. Gil and Peggy are showing up on time, so we can't get a ride from them. I don't want to be out here when it gets dark…" I looked back at Alex as he tied the end of my braid off with his hairtie. His eyebrows furrowed in thought as he helped me up, kissing my hand as we started walking. My face flushed. I would never get used to his shows of affection.

"We'll start heading to the school after I show you something. I've been practicing and I still don't think I'm anywhere near as good as you. I love you a lot, Lo. I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself. You talk about how you think you don't deserve me, but I think it's the other way around. Let's face it, I'm a… a… Is there a guy term for 'slut'? Either way, I've slept with far too many people in the past. I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to your feelings. It's a miracle you haven't broken up with me."

I stayed quiet during Alex's ramble and blinked when we found ourselves underneath the shade of a tree. I realized that it was the same tree we'd had our first date. Alex squeezed my hands and smiled nervously as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I rested my head on his chest as we started dancing in a circle. I closed my eyes and smiled. He was so warm… It felt like I was always cold nowadays, and it wasn't just because New York was freezing.

He started singing. It was quiet at first, like he was nervous, and gradually got louder. _Ed Sheeran_. He was singing Perfect, which was my favorite Ed Sheeran song. Probably my favorite song of all time. I looked up at him and smiled encouragingly. The only other time I'd ever heard him sing was on John's birthday when he came up to my room before we went down to the party.

" _...I don't deserve this. You look perfect tonight."_ Alex kissed my forehead as he finished singing. My eyes filled with tears as I looked into his. I buried my face into his jacket and laughed happily. His arms tightened around me.

"I loved it, Alex," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Your voice is amazing. And that was so… romantic. I don't know why I'm crying when I'm _happy_."

"It's nice to know that you liked it, Lo. I thought I would forget the lyrics or pass out." Alex tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear and grinned. "Let's go to the dance, love. I'm sure Laf and Peggy will be excited to see us."


	57. Chapter 55

**Happy Friday, my lovelies! I'm posting this chapter on Friday night instead of Saturday morning as a little bit of a gift to all you lovely people. Of course, this means there won't be an update tomorrow. And I apologize in advance for this chapter. My friend pitched this idea to me when I was brainstorming ideas for this story and I blame him for the immense amount of feels I felt writing this chapter. Please forgive me for this. ~Shaymie**

* * *

"I'm glad this dance was free. I couldn't imagine spending money on this." Angelica took a sip of punch and gagged. Eliza and Peggy set their cups down and frowned. I looked over at John, who hadn't left our little corner since we got here. Unlike Alex, he hadn't bothered to dress up even a little and had shown up in a hoodie and jeans. I guess his plans with Darcy kind of fell through.

Speaking of Darcy, she had been sending me steady updates about Mama's condition since about an hour ago. I wasn't in the mood to dance or anything. Not when my baby brother could arrive at any moment. I was excited and yet… nervous. Would I be a good big sister? I was a complete wreck. He deserved a better sister than me. I was far too dependant on my medicine to keep me out of trouble. I was terrified that something would change and I would do something I'd regret.

"I'm surprised you showed up, Ange. I thought you hated Valentine's Day," John said as he threw himself into a folding chair. I rolled my eyes as he pulled his PS Vita from his pocket and started playing. What kind of person would come all the way to a school dance just to play a video game? Was he really this desperate to not be alone on Valentine's Day?

"Just because I'm not interested in a relationship right now doesn't mean that I _hate_ the holiday. And it beats sitting at home with Eliza, watching The Notebook again. Though I'm starting to regret the decision to come here." Angelica stared out onto the "dance floor", which was just the center of the cafeteria, and sighed. George King and Samuel Seabury were currently embraced closely together in a slow dance, ignoring the fact that some annoying pop song was currently blaring through the cheap rented speakers.

Alex walked over to us, carrying a napkinful of cookies. He offered one to me and started nibbling on the end of a sugar cookie. I raised an eyebrow. Alexander Hamilton was eating something sweet? The world must be ending. I took a bite of the cookie, pleasantly surprised when it wasn't completely terrible. Most of the budget for this dance must have gone towards the snacks.

"How long are we staying here?" Peggy asked, scowling as she grabbed Gil's hand. "We should have just went to Herc's house. This dance sucks."

"Yeah, I'd ask for my money back if I had paid anything. This sucks." Alex set the tower of cookies down and wiped his hands on his jeans. I rolled my eyes and tugged on his sleeve. He looked down at me, a small smile on his face. "What's up, Lo?"

" _You were the one who wanted to come here,"_ I signed. There was no way I'd be able to speak in such a crowded place. At least we weren't the only ones who had been tricked by the colorful flyers advertising "hours of entertainment". Alex looked away and rubbed his neck awkwardly, his cheeks slightly reddening at everyone's laughter. Everyone but John, that is. He was fully immersed in his game.

"You agreed to come."

" _Then I guess we're both idiots."_ I smiled at Alex and grabbed his hand, looking up as the DJ announced that it was time for couple's dances. Peggy grabbed Gil's hand and pulled him towards the middle of the cafeteria. Alex looked down at me inquisitively. I shook my head. I couldn't go out there in front of everyone. It would be too embarrassing. Alex nodded and sat down in a chair, pulling me into his lap.

"You two aren't dancing?" John asked, looking up from his game as Angelica and Eliza walked off to the snack table. I shrugged. We had already gotten our dance at the park. Alex yawned and leaned his head against the wall. My phone pinged with a text. I pulled it from my pocket anxiously and felt my eyes fill with tears. It was a text from Darcy, with a picture attached.

 **Darcy:** _Meet our new brother, Colton Atticus Haywood._

"He's adorable," Alex said, peering over my shoulder at the picture. I nodded and offered the phone to John. He ignored me, his attention on something across the cafeteria. I followed his gaze and gasped. James was here. Why was he here? What should I do? I sat paralyzed until John stood up and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards a more crowded part of the cafeteria. Alex followed closely behind, clearly confused on what was happening. I'd fill him in on the situation if I wasn't so choked up with fear.

"Where the fuck is Lorin Haywood?' James' voice rang out loudly above the crowd. The DJ stopped playing music and ducked underneath his table. To my horror, the entire crowd split to reveal me to James. John cursed under his breath as I hid behind Alex. The room was quiet as James made his way over to us. I squeezed Alex's hand, flinching as the look on James' face darkened. Alex wrapped his arm around my shoulder, his jaw tensing.

"Alexander Hamilton. Alexander _fucking_ Hamilton. Get your dirty hands _off_ of my girl," James hissed as he stopped in front of us. His face crinkled in disgust as he looked at Alex. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. For once, I felt grateful for my medicine. I didn't feel panicked at all. Just… scared. Really scared. I didn't know what James would do. He was terrifying when he was angry, and right now he was pissed.

"I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware Lorin was a piece of property. She's not yours. She's not _mine_. She is her own person." Alex smiled encouragingly at me and looked up at James. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but-"

"I'm James Reynolds, _nino_ ," James spat out with a sneer. "And I thought I told you to get your fucking hands off her. I won't say it again."

"It's over, Reynolds. Lo doesn't want to be with you anymore. You can turn around and leave or I can drag you out by force." I looked up at Alex. I had never heard him sound like this. He sounded so… so _assertive_. He'd protect me. I knew he would. He promised that he would protect me from James. He never broke a promise. He _wouldn't_ break a promise.

"I'm sorry, Lorin." James' voice was barely audible as he looked at me, his blue eyes filling with tears. "I've been getting help, babe. I'm taking anger management classes. I've been going to therapy. I won't hurt you anymore. Please come back to me. I'll be good. I… My life has no meaning without you, Lorin. I love you."

I shook my head, my breaths coming out in gasps. I couldn't go back to him. He was lying. He wouldn't change, he never would. I didn't need him. I was happy with Alex. Alex _loved_ me. James had some kind of sick obsession with me. I refused to fall for his trap again. He would act nice and then start hurting me again. He treated me like his own personal sex slave. I was better than that. I deserved better than that.

"See, Lo doesn't want anything to do with you. I'm giving you one last chance to get out of here before I make you leave," Alex said angrily, a growl-like quality coming into his voice. James stared him down for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. His entire body shook with chuckles as he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes were murderous as he stared down Alex. John pushed both of us back, his eyes steely.

"Listen Reynolds, don't make us call the police-"

"Fuck off, Laurens!" James yelled, pulling at his hair. And then he started laughing again. "I see how it is, Lorin. You're too much of a coward to fight your own battles, so you get your _boyfriends_ to do it. I knew you were fucking Laurens, but I didn't think you would stoop so low as to add a dirty immigrant to your little harem. You little slut!"

Alex pushed me behind him when James pulled out a gun, still laughing maniacally. His hand trembled as he pointed the gun at me. Tears were streaming down his face as he looked at me. And then he turned the gun to Alex. This wasn't the boy I had fallen in love with once upon a time. This was someone sick and twisted. This was a… a total stranger. A monster.

John was desperately trying to defuse the situation, but I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear anything through the buzzing in my ears. This couldn't be happening. There was no way this could be happening. There was no way James could be here, at my school's dance, pointing a gun at my current boyfriend. This had to just be a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. One squeeze of Alex's hand told me that no, this wasn't a nightmare. This was real.

"I hope you burn in hell," James hissed, his finger slowly moving towards the trigger as he glowered at Alex, who was slowly pushing us back. Soon we'd reach the wall. My body reacted before my mind did. I frantically pushed Alex out of the way. He couldn't get hurt because of me. I didn't want anyone to get hurt trying to deal with my messes. James was my problem to deal with.

A gunshot rang out. I screamed in pain as the bullet entered my body. Alex knelt next to me on the ground and pressed his hands over the wound, sobbing loudly. James had dropped the gun and was staring down at me in horror, shaking his head. Tears were streaming down John's face. The entire cafeteria was in chaos. I took a shaky breath and winced.

"Don't move, Lo. Everything's going to be alright, love," Alex whispered. His hands trembled. I reached up to cup his cheek, smiling weakly. Tears dripped from his eyes onto my face. "Why did you do it, Lo? Why did you push me?"

"Better me than you," I coughed, feeling my head grow foggy. My eyes slipped shut. Even though I had sacrificed myself for Alex, I couldn't believe I had been _shot_. Part of me thought that James would put the gun down when he saw me. I thought that his obsession with me would stop him from hurting me again. I should have known he would break that promise from the start. He was always terrible at keeping promises.

 _I love you, Alexander,_ I thought as I drifted off.


	58. Chapter 56

**Happy Sunday night, my lovelies. What even is a schedule anymore? I mean, it's basically Monday in two hours, so whatever. I hope all you lovely people enjoy the chapter. Please don't hate me for it. I can't stay away from angst. It's kind of my specialty since like, my entire existence is angst. It hurts me, but I also thrive on it. And in a weird way, it tends to bring people together. Anyway, that's enough rambling. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"Lafayette brought some clothes for you to change into."

I looked up as Darcy walked up to me, carrying some neatly folded clothes. Her eyes were puffy and red. She'd been crying. Everyone had been crying but me, it seemed. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel sad. I just felt numb. When we had gotten to the hospital, I immediately left everyone. I couldn't stand to be around them while they were crying. I was surprised it had taken so long for them to send someone after me.

"Alexander, you can't just sit around in those dirty clothes, with Lori's blood all over you. It's… it's not right. She wouldn't want you to-"

"Can you please just leave me alone?" My voice cracked as I spoke. I hadn't spoken in a few hours. I felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally. All I could think about was how loud the gunshot had been and how much Lo bled and how pale she looked as she was wheeled off to the ambulance. I promised her I would protect her, I… I said that I wouldn't let Reynolds hurt her. But when it came down to it, she ended up protecting me. How could I be so useless?

"I'm worried about Lori, too. All of us are worried about her." Darcy's voice was subdued as she sat next to me, bouncing her leg anxiously. She tucked some hair behind her ear and frowned. "But sitting around in a back hallway of the hospital, beating yourself up about it isn't going to help anything."

"What do you want me to do, Darcy?"

"I want you to get off your ass and rejoin the rest of society. You don't have to go through this alone, Alex." She smiled at me, somewhat hesitantly. It may have been the first time she'd given me a genuine smile, and the first time she'd ever called me Alex. "It's not your fault, you know. John told me what happened and how Lori pushed you out of the way. That wasn't your fault. You didn't make her do that."

"But that bullet was meant for me," I whispered, shaking my head furiously. My chest hurt just thinking about it. I could still see the glint of the gun as Reynolds pointed it straight at me. Lo's quiet whimpers still filled my ears. She had been so scared… But I remembered the look in her eyes. She trusted me to protect her, and I failed her. I'm useless.

"You're acting like me right now. When Lori tried to kill herself, I kept blaming myself for it. I told myself I should have done more. I should have called more. I should have visited more. I should have been here for her. The guilt was just eating me up. It almost destroyed me." Darcy sniffled and grabbed my hands, seemingly unphased by the blood. "It's not healthy, Alex. You shouldn't do this to yourself. It's like you're grieving her, but she's not dead. She's alive. She's _strong_. "

"Darcy-"

"I have to go check on Mama. But I'll leave these clothes here for you. Please get yourself cleaned up, alright? Seeing you like this is… depressing. We'll go out to get something to eat in a little bit." Darcy smiled tightly and patted my hands before walking away. I watched her leave and sighed.

Forty-five minutes later, I was dressed in new, _clean_ clothes and sitting at a table at McDonald's with Darcy, Laurens, and Eliza. Everyone else was staying behind in case there was an update on Lo's condition. I wanted to stay with them, but Darcy had threatened to tear my balls off if I didn't come with her and eat. Looks like Big Sister Darcy was gone for now.

"I can't believe you actually get an employee discount, J," Darcy said as she took a sip of her soda. Laurens shrugged and pushed a fry around in some ketchup. None of us were really in a talking mood. I couldn't help but to keep checking my phone every few minutes. I shouldn't be here. I should be at the hospital. I should be _in_ the hospital, on that operating table.

 _My fault. It's my fault she got shot._

I felt sick to my stomach and pushed my tray away. I wasn't in the mood to eat. Darcy frowned around her burger when I gripped the edge of the table. The tears that had so stubbornly refused to fall were now making their way down my face. Lo could die, and it would be all my fault. If I had just protected her like I promised, none of this would have happened. She would be awake and not hurt and happy.

"If I hadn't invited her to that stupid dance, she wouldn't be fighting for her life in the fucking hospital," I spat out, squeezing the edge of the table so hard that my knuckles turned white. She had been hesitant to go to it, but I had her go anyway because I couldn't think of anything better to do on Valentine's Day. If I hadn't been such a shitty boyfriend and actually made date plans like I should have, none of this would have happened. Lo would be here in my arms and we could be sitting at home watching Disney movies.

"It's not your fault, Alex." Darcy wiped some mayo from the corner of her mouth and reached across the table to grab my hand. I pulled away from her and buried my head in my hands, breathing heavily. I wouldn't be able to handle it if Lo died. Just the thought of it sent a bitter taste to my mouth. She had already been through so much shit. She didn't need to add this on top of it all.

"Darcy-"

"What have I told you about blaming yourself? It's not right. And it's not your fault. Lori-" She was cut off by her ringtone, some rock song I didn't recognize. Her eyes darkened as she looked at it, and she excused herself from the table to answer it. I groaned and tugged at my hair, desperately hoping for Laf to send us an update. Was no news good news? Did it mean that Lo was still in surgery, or that something had gone wrong and the doctors were just trying to think of a way to break the news to us? The last we had heard, Lo had lost so much blood that her body went into shock. What if she hadn't recovered?

 _What if her condition only got worse?_

"You should try to eat something, Alex," Eliza murmured gently. "Even a few bites would be enough."

"It's not all about you, Dad!" I looked up as Darcy yelled into her phone in the corner. She looked around and lowered her voice, but she was still audible since everyone in the restaurant had stopped talking. Her face flushed with anger. "Just because you've invited yourself here for my birthday doesn't mean that your presence is wanted. My sister is in the fucking hospital, and until she gets better, I will be devoting all my time to her. I couldn't care less about what you do."

"Are you okay, Dar?" Laurens asked as she sat back down. Eliza's eyes were still on me, so I forced myself to take a few bites of my chicken sandwich. She smiled and patted my shoulder comfortingly. It did nothing for the empty feeling in my stomach.

"I can't do this. I can't _deal_ with him, J." Darcy scowled and crossed her arms. "He keeps calling me _Darcelle_ even though he knows that I hate that name. And he…"

"What else did he say?" Laurens frowned as she trailed off, glancing nervously at me. She shook her head and shoved the rest of her burger into her mouth so she wouldn't have to answer. She looked down at her phone as her text tone went off and stood up, dusting off her hands as she finished eating.

"It's nothing. He just made some stupid comment about Lori. We should get back to the hospital now."


	59. Chapter 57

**Whoops, guess who's back to her original schedule? It's ya girl, back at it again with another chapter. Y'all, my heart hurts from this. But I'll persevere even though I'm very feelsy. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter! ~Shaymie**

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The next few days were a flurry of uncertainty. Lo's condition kept changing, but one thing was a constant: her unconsciousness. She wouldn't wake up. No amount of talking or hours spent playing Ed Sheeran albums would wake her up. I spent nearly every second with her. I only left the hospital when visiting hours were over.

"It's been three days, Lo," I murmured as I brushed her hair. It didn't really need to be brushed, since a nurse had already brushed it earlier, but it calmed me down. If I focused on brushing her hair, then I wouldn't have to think about the fact that she was in the hospital. I smiled sadly as I looked at her face. She looked so peaceful… If I didn't know any better, I would assume that she was just sleeping. "We were thinking of having Ange's birthday party in here, but the doctors said it would be too crowded."

No response, as usual. I sighed and gently pulled the brush through her hair. She'd wake up when she was ready, wouldn't she? There was no way that she'd just… stay unconscious like this. She had just gotten shot in the stomach. It wasn't like she had hit her head or anything. I didn't understand why she wouldn't wake up… Why she _couldn't_ wake up.

"I love you, Lo. I'm sorry that this happened." I grabbed one of her hands, taking care to not upset the IV, and kissed it. Her hands were cold. They were always cold nowadays. I tried to not let any tears fall. Crying wouldn't fix anything. "If I wasn't such an idiot, this wouldn't be happening. We should have stayed at home for a quiet night. I shouldn't have asked you to the dance. I'm so sorry, love. I hope you can forgive me."

 _Stop it, Alex. It's not your fault_. I cupped her cheek carefully, rubbing a thumb over her precious freckles. I wanted to kiss every single one of them. I wanted to kiss her pain away. I wanted to hear her beautiful voice again. I missed talking to my girlfriend. I missed seeing her beautiful gray eyes, which appeared a silvery-blue in certain light. My eyes filled with tears as I stared at her. I brushed her bangs from her face and kissed her forehead. I didn't like how cold and clammy her skin felt. I didn't like seeing all the tubes going into her body. I knew they were keeping her alive, but that didn't make it any easier to see them.

"You're so pale, " I whispered, sobbing quietly. "God, you're like a ghost. But you're alive. You're here and you're alive and that's all that matters. I love you, Lorin. I love you so much. It hurts me to see you like this. I know you're just waiting for the right time to wake up. You'll probably even apologize for worrying us when you do. I'll be waiting, love. Take your time."

Laf entered the room as I was humming quietly to Lo. My tears had mostly subsided, leaving me with just a few stray sniffs. I rubbed Lo's hands to warm them up and sighed as Laf took a seat opposite me. He picked up the brush and started brushing her hair, a solemn expression on his face. He had been taking this harder than everyone else had. He only came to visit Lo when someone else (most of the time _me_ ) was in the room. He didn't talk to her like we did. He didn't talk much at all.

"Laf's here, Lo. He misses you. Actually, all of us miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the smell of your shampoo-it's the only sweet thing I can stand, aside from you… I wish you were awake, Lo. That would have you blushing." I hated seeing her so pale. Granted, she wasn't exactly _tan_ before, but she was sickeningly pale now. It scared me. Did it mean that she was cold? Did she need more blankets? Was there a limit on how many blankets a patient could have?

"I hate hospitals." Laf spoke after a brief silence, his voice barely audible over the beeping machines. His hands shook as he continued to brush Lo's hair. "They're too quiet and clean and the few times I've had to be in them weren't pleasant. First my mother died and then Lorin tried to kill herself and now… now she's in a coma. This isn't _fair_ , Alexander."

 _This was her choice, wasn't it?_ I frowned at the thought. She had made the decision to push me out of the way. She had even been smiling as she bled. It was like she was _okay_ with getting hurt. I knew she was selfless. I knew she didn't care about what happened to her. But I never would have dreamed that she would risk her life for me. I didn't know what I'd do if she never woke up or if her condition worsened somehow and she… died. It hurt to even imagine that happening.

I squeezed Lo's hand and did something I thought I would never do in my life. I prayed. I prayed for her to wake up. I prayed that her recovery wouldn't be too painful. I prayed that Reynolds got the worst sentence imaginable and that he would rot in jail. I prayed that Lo and I would be able to live a happy life in the future, with a bunch of kids and however many pets she wanted. I'd be willing to give up anything if it meant that Lo could be happy. All I cared about was her happiness.

Laf and I looked up as Eliza walked into the room, rubbing her arm awkwardly. I heard yelling outside and stood up, reluctantly letting go of Lo's hand. Part of me was expecting for her to protest. But she didn't do anything. I sighed and looked at Eliza. She looked like she hadn't been sleeping much. I think none of us had been getting much sleep since this all went down.

"What's going on out there?" I asked. Eliza frowned and looked at Lo, her bottom lip quivering.

"There's… paparazzi. They want to use her as their latest headline. I'm… surprised it took so long. For them to come here, I mean. They've been bothering your father a lot these past couple of days. Angelica and Herc are trying to get them to leave. I think Peggy bit one of them." My eyes narrowed. What the hell was wrong with these assholes? My girlfriend was suffering, and all these sleazeballs were worried about was getting their latest scoop. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration and stormed out the door, ignoring Eliza and Laf's cries behind me.

Angelica stopped me before I could land a punch on one of the cameramen. Her grip was surprisingly strong as she pinned me against the wall. I struggled to get out of her grasp, glaring at the paparazzi who thought that this was just some _joke_. I wanted to break all of their microphones and expensive cameras. I couldn't understand how anyone could feel the need to butt into someone else's personal life like this. There was a reason certain things were kept private, after all.

"How is Senator Washington's daughter doing?" one of the men asked, shoving a mic between Angelica and I. "We heard she's in a coma! Do we have permission for an interview?"

"If you don't leave us alone, something else other than a camera will end up broken," Herc growled, gesturing to a broken camera on the floor. He cracked his knuckles and glared at the paparazzi. They all scrambled away like roaches. I watched them leave and sighed as Angelica let go of me.

"Alex, what the hell were you thinking? You can't really think that punching those sleazeballs would fix anything!"

"Herc threatened them!"

"In their eyes, he's a nobody. You're George Washington's _son_. If you went around beating up the paparazzi, it would probably cause a scandal. I know it's annoying, but it's inevitable. I mean, the fact that Lorin got shot at a school event by the son of one of the richest guys in the city really is… headline worthy. I'm not saying that what they're doing is right by any means, but…"

I sighed. As usual, she was right. Then again, when was Angelica Schuyler ever wrong? But she couldn't really just expect me to sit back and let those creeps do whatever they wanted. If they ever came by Lo's room again, nothing would be able to keep me away from them. I'd failed at protecting Lo once before, but I refused to let it happen again. I was going to make sure of it.


	60. Chapter 58

**Happy Friday evening, my lovelies! My schedule has devolved to me updating the night before the scheduled day and I don't know why. This chapter is a little bit of Darcy love, and next chapter is the dreaded visit from her father. Will he be as terrible as she thinks he'll be? Who knows? (I do, but that's beside the point.) Hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie**

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 _Darcy's POV_

"Darcy, are you sure that now's the time to be doing this?" John asked, pulling back from our makeout session. I traced my finger lightly on his abs and frowned. This was better than sitting around, worrying about Lori. Anything would be better than that. I couldn't stand the uncertainness of not knowing if she was going to be alright. The stress of that, combined with my father's upcoming visit, was going to kill me. And on top of that, we had to fight off sleazy paparazzi trying to get information about "Senator Washington's poor daughter". As if they cared about her.

"I want to forget about all our problems, J. Even just for a little bit. Please… For my birthday?"

"...Alright," he murmured, pulling me back in for another kiss. His hands quickly undid the clasp on my bra. I took it off and smiled at the awestruck look on his face. This was the first time he was sober while seeing me topless. I wasn't as big as my mother or sister, but the way John was staring at me made me feel… special. It made me feel less inadequate.

His hands slithered up my body, sending shivers down my spine. Every touch from him excited me, in more ways than one. And I could see quite clearly that touching me excited him too, if the tent in his pants was anything to go by. His mouth went into a dazed smile as he lightly cupped my breasts. I let out a shameless moan as the pads of his thumbs lightly ghosted over my sensitive flesh. It had been months since I'd had sex, and my fingers only got me so far after awhile.

"Hurry up and fuck me," I breathed, kissing his collarbone. "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk anymore. Then I'll-"

The door slammed open suddenly. John scrambled to pull his shirt on, while I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Henry Laurens. Hadn't he heard of knocking? My anger flared as he blatantly turned his gaze down to my chest and licked his lips. John wrapped a blanket around me and glared at his father.

"What the hell, Dad? Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"I wasn't aware I had to knock in my own home," Henry drawled, his eyes narrowed. "What are the two of you doing in here? It's a school day. You should be at school- or perhaps in your girlfriend's case, at a strip club."

"Excuse me?" I got dressed underneath the blanket and walked over to Henry. I could see why his wife had left him. He was an asshole. He was probably even worse than my own father. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

"Darcy, he's not worth it." As usual, John was the one trying to keep the peace. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug, effectively restraining me. He looked at his father, grimacing as he did. "If you must know, _Father_ , school's out until the school board figures out a way to improve security."

"Oh yes, that mute girl did get shot," Henry murmured. My hands curled into fists. How could he talk about Lori so casually, like he didn't even care? And she wasn't mute. Well, not completely. She could talk. She just had trouble talking around certain people. Was Henry the reason she never came over here? Whenever I asked if she wanted to come to John's house with me, she always refused.

"That 'mute girl' has a name, you bastard. And she's my _sister_ , so I'd appreciate it if you talked about her with respect." I squeezed John's arm and held onto him tightly. If I let go, I would probably lose it. I wanted to get rid of that stupid smirk off of Henry's face. John pulled me to my feet, practically dragging me from the room. He led me to his car, slamming the front door of the house behind him. His hands were trembling as he pulled his keys from his pocket and started the car.

"Dar, you can't talk to him like that. You don't know what he's capable of. He could have hurt you."

"Someone needs to put him in his place, J. He's such an ass," I huffed, crossing my arms as I looked out the window. I knew what he was capable of. Did John forget that he had been in the _hospital_ because of his father? I didn't understand why he didn't want to tell anybody about him. "And he killed our fun. Where are we going, anyway?"

"...I don't know. I just had to get out of there. Do you have anywhere you want to go?"

"I want to see Lori." John nodded and turned his attention back to the road. I grabbed my phone from my pocket, sighing as I noticed all the emails I had been getting. My former employer was trying to get me back. They had fired the guy who harassed me at the New Year's party, and they were willing to pay me twice what they were paying me before. I frowned. I did need a job, and that modeling gig was far better than any fast food job I'd ever get. I needed money. As much as I loved living with Lori (for the first time in my life), I couldn't keep leeching off of George and Martha's kindness.

I spent the rest of the drive to the hospital replying to the most recent email, saying that I would considering going back to work once I worked through some of my personal issues. By the time I finished up the email, we were in the hospital parking lot. As an afterthought, I grabbed my ukulele from the backseat. Maybe I would play Lori something. I took a deep breath as we walked into the hospital. I had never liked hospitals much. Something about them bothered me. My hands trembled as I held onto John's arm. Our trip to Lori's room was silent.

"...I love you so much, Lo," Alexander was saying as we walked into the room. He didn't look up as we entered. "I've probably told you that a million times since Valentine's Day. I know you must be sick of hearing that by now."

I took a seat across from him and looked at Lori. She looked exactly the same as she had the last time I visited. I couldn't look away from the various tubes entering her body. I couldn't even imagine having so many tubes in your body felt like. Did they hurt? Seeing them made my sister look smaller than she already was. What if she shrunk down to nothing? What if she never woke up and had to spend the rest of her life on a feeding tube? ...What if we had to make the decision to pull the plug?

 _Calm down, Darcy. It's only been a week._

"Happy birthday, Darcy," Alexander said, tearing his gaze away from Lori. He didn't let go of her hand, I noticed. He looked like a ragged mess. His hair was falling out of its ponytail and covered his face. His skin was paler than I'd ever seen it, which only brought out the bags underneath his eyes. I made a note to myself to force him to get out of this room more often and smiled sadly as I tuned the ukulele. I bit my lip as I thought of what to play Lori. It took me a few moments, but I finally decided on a song. I took a deep breath and started playing.

" _Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?"_ I started off shakily, feeling Alexander and John's eyes burn into me. I wasn't like Lori and Eliza, who were used to performing in front of others. My voice wasn't anywhere near as good as theirs, either. If I had a choice, I would have waited until I was alone in the room with Lori, but Alexander never left unless Angelica or myself dragged him away.

"...Did you just sing The Rainbow Connection?" John asked as I finished playing. My face heated up as I nodded.

"Mama used to sing it to us… I thought that Lori might like it. Even though she's not awake, I know she can hear us. So I just wanted to play it for her…" I looked at Lori and sighed. Some childish part of me hoped that she would wake up when she heard the song. But this wasn't a fairytale or one of those Disney movies she loved so much. I couldn't just wake her up with a song.

I grabbed my sister's other hand and squeezed it. There was nothing more I wanted for my birthday than for her to wake up. Things just aren't the same. I missed her voice, her laughter… I missed _her_. I wanted my sister back. We had spent so many years separated, and the second I got back, everything fell apart. This wasn't fair. Why couldn't anything good ever happen to her?

"Are you okay, Dar?" John asked, rubbing my shoulders. I couldn't help it. I laughed. What kind of question was that?

"I'm not the one in a fucking coma, John. Compared to my sister, I'm fucking fantastic." My eyes filled with tears. I angrily swiped them away. I couldn't cry. Everyone was looking to me to be the strong older sister. I couldn't break down now. But God, this was painful. It hurt more than anything else in the world. I hated being such a useless sister. The only good thing I've ever done for Lori is helping her get away from her father, and that only ended up pushing us apart.

"Darcy, it's okay to cry." I looked up at Alexander and saw that he was smiling at me. His eyes were bright and rimmed with red. He chuckled and wiped at them. "I've been crying basically non-stop. Nobody will think any less of you for it. You don't have to be strong all the time."

"I'm fine. I just… need some time alone." I set the ukulele down and left the room, swiping at my eyes. I rubbed at them furiously as I walked down the hall and flinched as I bumped into someone. My eyes narrowed as I saw who it was.

"Maria."

"Hello, Darcy." She tucked a bit of dark hair behind her ear and swayed awkwardly on her heels. I noticed that she was carrying a bouquet of flowers and raised an eyebrow as she extended them to me. "I'm… sorry about Lorin. I tried to stop James, but he wouldn't listen to me. I knew he was dangerous, but I never dreamed that he would do something like that."

"You knew he was coming to my sister's school with a gun and you didn't think to tell me? Instead of wasting your time trying to get me to date you again-which would definitely never happen- you could have warned me! Lorin is in a fucking coma, you bitch!" I slapped her, feeling satisfied as my nails raked against her cheek. The feeling of satisfaction did nothing to quell the tears running down my face. Maria stared back at me blankly, still gripping the flowers. Funny. I was expecting for her to fight back. Instead, she looked towards the door to Lori's room. She looked almost… regretful.

"I really am sorry about Lorin. I did love her, in a way. I just didn't know how to show it. My mother told me that tough love is the best love, and I took it too far… _Way_ too far. I should have never hurt her." She pressed the flowers into my hands and kissed me before running away. I held a hand up to my lips and scowled. I'd never forgive her for this. None of it. I knew how people like her worked. They showed up when your guard was down and weaseled their way back into your life. Then when you least expected it, they'd turn back around and stab you in the back. I wasn't falling for it. Not again.


	61. Chapter 59

**Happy Monday, my lovelies! I hope you've all had a better day than I have. My internet's been out all day, which meant that I had to own up to the fact that I'm terrible at video games. Like, I'm terrible at them and I don't want to touch one for a few weeks now. But my internet is back now, which is how I'm bringing you this chapter. Hopefully you lovely people enjoy it despite how short it is. Darcy's temper literally cut the chapter short. ~Shaymie**

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"It's nice to see you again, Darcelle. I see you've stopped caking your face in that disgusting makeup."

I gripped my fork tightly and glared at the table. I'd spent about an hour trying to decide if I should wear makeup or not to meet up with my father (he'd made reservations for us and John at a fancy restaurant downtown) and decided it was better to just go bare. Besides, I was proud of my freckles now. Demi Lovato had freckles, and she was my role model. If she was confident with her freckles, then I should be confident, too. She had a whole song about confidence.

We had been eating dinner quietly, not really knowing how to break the ice. My father was the first one to break the awkward silence that had fallen over the table, and _that_ was the first thing he could think to say? I almost wanted to leave right now. If he couldn't even make an effort to compliment me or wish me happy birthday, then I was just wasting my time trying to patch things up with him. I knew that Lori would want me to give him more of a chance, but I wasn't like her. I wasn't the forgive and forget type of person. I had some choice words to throw in my father's face-

"Nice to see you again too, Father," I hissed through my teeth when John kicked my ankle. He had told me earlier to play nice and hopefully Dad would leave and we could go back to worrying about more important things. "I thought you were going to be here for my birthday. It's February 22, Dad. The day _after_ my birthday."

"I'm sorry, Darcelle. Things got hectic at work and I ended up coming later than I expected." He cleared his throat and looked between me and John, his gaze falling onto our intertwined hands. I frowned. Was work so important to him that he couldn't have been bothered to take some time off? I was his only daughter, who he hadn't seen for _months_. Surely I was more important to him than a paycheck.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe I've introduced myself. I'm Robert. Darcelle's father." I tried my best to keep my face neutral as they shook hands and John introduced himself. I didn't know why I was so anxious about having my father's approval. I'd date John even if he didn't approve of the relationship. I was an adult. I could do what I wanted. I didn't live with him anymore, and I never would. I refused to go back to that toxic household.

"So, Darcelle." I looked up as my father addressed me and frowned at the cold look in his eyes. Lori was wrong. He hadn't missed me. Not one bit. He only missed having authority over me. "I see you're over your ridiculous rebellious phase."

"What do you mean?"

"You've stopped dating females. I knew you would come to your senses eventually." Dad smiled at me and took a sip of wine. "No daughter of mine is going to be gallivanting around like some kind of dyke."

"What is it going to take for you to accept me, Dad? There's a reason I left home. You and your fiancee and everyone else in that stupid town treated me like a freak! I'm bisexual, and there's absolutely _nothing_ wrong with that. Why is it your business whether I date a guy or a girl?" I stood up from the table and glared at my father, not caring how much attention I drew to myself. I shouldn't have agreed to come to this stupid restaurant. John stood up with me and tried to calm me down, quietly telling me to not make a scene. I didn't care. I was sick and tired of my father's ignorance.

"I don't want you to bring disgrace to the family name." Dad stood up too, glaring down at me. I scoffed. All he cared about was appearances. The only reason he even wanted to see me was probably because having a runaway daughter made him look bad.

"'Family name'? I have my mother's last name, and she's far more accepting than you will ever be, father." I opened my purse and paid for John and I's part of dinner, slamming the money on the table with far more force than necessary. My hand was stinging as I grabbed onto John. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go spend my time with someone who _isn't_ a homophobic bigot."

"You don't want to walk out on me, Darcelle." Dad's voice was dangerously low as I turned around, preparing to leave. It was enough to stop me in my tracks. I'd heard that tone of voice before, when he came home drunk and would yell at me or Veronica, his girlfriend. I looked back at him. "Who's going to pay your tuition?"

"I'll get a scholarship or two. And if not, I'll pay for it myself. I don't need your negativity in my life, Dad. You won't accept me for who I am. You won't _listen_ to me. You insist on calling me Darcelle, you treat my sister like an invalid who can't speak English, and you… you're just a straight up bully. I'm _tired_ of it, Dad. I just want a father who loves me."

I managed to hold my tears in until we got to the car, where the floodgates opened. My body shook with my sobs as John helped me into the car, buckling me in and planting a gentle kiss to my forehead. I let out all the tears I had been holding in for the past week. I wasn't just crying because of my wrecked relationship with my father. I was crying for Lori, for all the shit she had to go through. Even when she woke up, she wouldn't be in the clear quite yet. There would be therapies and medicine and I just _knew_ that she'd hate all of it. She hated being taken care of.

John rubbed my back soothingly as I let all my tears out. My phone was pinging with texts from Dad, but I ignored them. I didn't care about what he had to say. I was tired of him trying to make me into something I'm not. I didn't have to deal with it anymore. I was an adult, which meant that legally, there was nothing he could do to make me go back home with him. I was free from him, so why did I feel so empty inside?

"I'm sorry for breaking down like this," I muttered apologetically. I wiped at my eyes with some tissue that I found in the glove compartment. "I'm just tired of… him. My whole life, I've never been good enough for him. Even when I got perfect grades and made the honor roll, I was practically invisible to him. The only time he's ever noticed me is when I came out. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. Some of my friends came out and they didn't get yelled at. I assumed my dad would be like theirs."

"Let's just forget about him for now. My dad should be out of town for the rest of the weekend, so how about we go to my house and have a repeat of last night?" John grabbed my hands and kissed my cheek. I flushed. Last night had been amazing. We didn't get any sleep. John made sure to kiss _every_ part of me as a birthday gift. I'd never been so pampered in my life.

"I'd like that very much."


	62. Chapter 60

**Hey y'all, it's ya girl back at it again with another mess of a chapter. Small announcement, but sometime in the upcoming weeks (not sure when, could even be tomorrow) my cable and internet will be shut off until maybe next month. Which means no updates. I'll still be writing, but I probably won't update since updating on my phone sucks. And while I'm announcing things, this story will be coming to an end soon (soon could mean a multitude of things coming from me, y'all). But don't fret, because I'm planning a sequel! Hope you lovelies enjoy this chapter. I honestly had a bit of trouble with it and it's not my best, so please don't hate me. ~Shaymie**

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 _Alex's POV_

Two weeks had passed since Lo had fallen into her coma. She would occasionally squeeze my hand back or blink. It gave me hope that maybe she would wake up soon. Every glimpse of her beautiful eyes brightened up my day. I'd have so much to apologize for when she woke up. I couldn't protect her. God, every single time I closed my eyes, it was like I was back at the dance. I couldn't even eat lunch in the cafeteria anymore. I didn't eat lunch, period. I felt sick to my stomach most days. Just being at school brought back awful memories, memories of Lo's limp body in my arms or the way her blood felt on my hands…

 _It's in the past. She's alive._

I spent every afternoon in Lo's room. If Laf was late picking me up, I did my homework in here too. Spending every day in this hospital room made me notice new things about my girlfriend, like the subtle bags underneath her eyes and the fact that she had been losing weight. Wasn't that feeding tube supposed to be giving her nutrients? Were they only giving her enough to keep her alive? Or was her body just not adapting well to the tube?

I scratched at my hair with my pen and stared down at my notebook. I had been going through a terrible bout of writer's block. I had been stuck on this stupid essay for a week now. I could tell that Mr. Conway pitied me, since he gave me as long as I needed to finish it. _Everyone_ pitied me. They treated me like I was made of glass. It wasn't like Lo was dead. She was alive. She was right here next to me. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, my breath catching in my throat when she squeezed back. This was the third time she had done this in an hour.

I set my notebook aside. I'd never be focused enough to work on that dumb essay. I hummed softly to Lo and ran my thumb over the back of her hand. I desperately wanted her to wake up. I could see her eyelids fluttering and kept my gaze intently on her face. The doctors said it could take awhile for her to regain consciousness completely. They said it was a good sign that she was even doing the things she was doing, but told me to not get discouraged if she didn't wake up as quickly as I wanted her to. How could I not get discouraged? I wanted my girlfriend to wake up. Every second she spent unconscious only extended how long her recovery would take.

 _Two weeks should be long enough,_ I thought bitterly. I'd heard stories of people staying in comas for years, and I prayed that wouldn't be the case for Lo. I tried to warm her freezing hands and talked to her quietly. I told her about life on the island, before I came here. I told her about my mother and how I'd like to name our future daughter after her. I told her about the hurricane that destroyed my life. She squeezed my hand two more times during my story. And as I was telling her about how I ended up in New York, she opened her eyes for the first time since Valentine's Day.

She looked around the room, her brows furrowing together. I didn't say anything, but I did quietly reach for the call button. Lo tentatively reached a hand up to her throat, frowning as she felt the breathing tube. The heart monitor started beeping like crazy as her eyes filled with tears. I shushed her and brushed some hair from her face. She sobbed as doctors flooded the room and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

"Everything's okay, Lo. You're in the hospital. You're safe. Nothing can hurt you here," I murmured soothingly. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I didn't want to look away from her beautiful gray eyes. I had missed them too much. My eyes filled with tears as I looked at her. I still couldn't believe it. She was awake. She was terrified, but she was awake. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. This caused a new bout of sobs, her chest heaving as she started to panic. The heart monitor's beeping only increased in speed.

"Love, you have to calm down. Everything's alright. Breathe with me." She tried to time her breaths with mine, her face red and splotchy. I kissed her forehead and rubbed the back of her hand. It took a few minutes for her to calm down. I was only vaguely aware of the doctors making their way around the room. I didn't know what they were doing, and quite frankly I didn't _care_. I only cared about Lo.

Once she had calmed down, I grabbed my phone to tell everyone that she was awake. The doctors said that they had some questions for Lo and that they'd call me when they were done. I gave her a final kiss on the forehead and left the room. I was so excited, my hands were trembling. I took deep breaths to calm myself down and opened the group chat. All activity in it had died down since Valentine's Day. The only thing that had been posted that night was a picture of Lo and Darcy's new brother, who I had yet to meet. I stared down at the text box and tried to think of the best way to word the news.

 **A. Ham:** _Lo's awake_

Those two words caused a cacophony in the chat. My phone lagged from the sheer amount of notifications. I only managed to catch a few messages before the app crashed. From what I could tell, nearly everyone was on their way over to the hospital. Laurens and Darcy were hanging out with his cousin, but they promised to come to the hospital as soon as possible. I shoved my phone into my pocket and went down to the lobby, where I broke down in tears. I wasn't particularly religious, but I thanked every god there was. My girlfriend was back.


	63. Chapter 61

**Happy Saturday, my lovelies! My internet hasn't been shut off yet, but I feel like it's coming any day now and I'm trying my best to prepare for it. And by that, I mean I've just been scrolling aimlessly through Twitter and Tumblr in between writing. When it does happen, at least I'll have my phone and video games. Anyway, this chapter isn't really much. Just a bit of backstory with a small twist. Hopefully you lovely people enjoy! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

 _I clutched my notebook tightly to my chest and frowned as my social worker practically dragged me to the house. Ms. Jones was nice, but she tended to be too… optimistic. She'd spent the entire car ride rambling on about how "nice" the Washingtons were and how much I'd like living here. If I had my choice, I'd go back to Texas and move in with Darcy. Sure, her father hated me, but at least I wouldn't be living with complete strangers._

 _I dragged my luggage behind me and tapped my foot anxiously as Ms. Jones knocked on the door. It opened only seconds later. I took in a sharp breath as I walked into the house. Breathe, Lorin. These people probably wouldn't hurt me._ Probably. _Just because the Jacksons had been a terrible family (with the exception of one member) didn't mean that every family was like that._

 _My gaze stayed locked to the ground as Ms. Jones introduced me to the Washingtons. Eye contact was never my forte. I sat down on the couch and fidgeted with the end of my braid. I shouldn't be this nervous about being with a new family, but I couldn't help it. When I was with my parents, I at least knew where I fit into the equation. Same with the Jacksons. Here, I didn't have a clue on what to do. Mr. Washington was a politician, so surely he wouldn't…_ couldn't _do anything bad to me. It would ruin his reputation._

 _Ms. Jones left after about half an hour with a promise that she would check on me soon. It took everything in my power to not roll my eyes. She had told me that she would check on me when I moved in with the Jacksons, but that turned out to be a big lie. I didn't mind that she had more kids to worry about. They were probably worse off than me. I just hated being lied to. If she couldn't check on me, she shouldn't lead me on and say that she could._

 _Mr. and Mrs. Washington-George and Martha, they said I could call them- thankfully left me alone once they led me to my room. I quietly unpacked my things. There wasn't much. Just some clothes and books that the Jackson's daughter had gifted me. I frowned at the thought of Mandy. I missed her. She was the closest thing I had to an older sister, considering Darcy was back in Texas. Part of me wishes that she could have come here with me, but she had her mother. Her mother who hated me and gave me up. I tried to not think about how this was the second time this had happened in my life._

 _I stayed in my room for hours, practicing speaking in front of my new foster family. If I was going to live with them, I couldn't freeze up whenever they addressed me. They were probably going to regret taking me in. Maybe they had only done it to make themselves look better. I was an anxious, unwanted mess. I was too high-maintenance. My own mother hadn't wanted to deal with me._

 _I took a deep breath as Martha called me downstairs for dinner. Here goes nothing. I grabbed my notebook just in case I couldn't speak after all and made my way downstairs. I flinched as I bumped into someone on the stairs and looked up at them. Him. This must be my new foster brother. He was tall and lanky, with his insanely puffy hair tied back into a bun. His face lit up as he looked down at me._

" _There she is! You are like un papillon tacheté!" His French accent threw me off. He chuckled at my perplexed expression. I frowned. Was that… a good thing? Or did he just insult me to my face. "My name is… Well, to be quite honest, it's a mouthful. You can call me Gilbert. Or Lafayette."_

" _I-I'm Lorin," I stammered, my face growing hot. I squeaked as he pulled me into a tight hug. I wasn't expecting that. At least I could talk to him. Some of my anxiety melted away, but it came back full force when he started to lead me downstairs. I squeezed my notebook and gave myself a pep talk. I could to this. All I had to do was open my mouth and talk to George and Martha. And it was dinner. There probably wouldn't be much talking anyway._

" _If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? George and Martha didn't tell me much about you." Gilbert tucked a stray curl behind his ear and smiled at me. For some reason, I instantly trusted him. He was like an open book. I could tell that he wasn't hiding anything, that he was actually excited to have me around._

" _I'm thirteen."_

I was woken up from my dream by a nurse, who was holding out a paper cup and a small assortment of pills. I sighed and downed the medicine quickly. I wish I didn't have to be woken up in the middle of the night for my antibiotics. I was always tired nowadays. Physical therapy was exhausting. I had to basically learn how to walk again and build my muscle strength back up. At the very least, I was able to hold things again. But my legs would take a bit more work.

"I'm sorry for waking you up so early," the nurse said as she took the cup back. She tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled nervously. Something about that smile seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"It's fine. It's your job, isn't it?" I looked up at the nurse and smiled back at her. I'd once had dreams of being a nurse, when I was younger. But then I realized that I wouldn't be of much use as a nurse. I couldn't stand the sight of blood and I got nervous far too easily. I wasn't entirely sure what I even wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to do something that helped people, but that would be pretty much impossible if I couldn't talk to people.

"Technically, it's not my job yet. I'm just an intern. I'm, um… studying medicine. I'm not an actual doctor yet. I'm far from it." I stared up at her, trying to remember where I'd seen her before. Surely I couldn't have gone to school with her. She was probably too old for that. I didn't get out of the house much, so it wasn't like there were that many people that I knew. My social circle pretty much included my friends and family.

Family…

 _A girl, a few years older than me. She was pretty. I'd always envied the way her skin was free from any blemishes. She didn't have disgusting freckles covering her face. Her hair was auburn and cascaded onto her shoulders in beautiful waves. And her eyes… They had been the most beautiful shade of blue. I was always flustered when she'd catch me looking at her, but I couldn't help it. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met._

 _She had given me a kiss before I left, saying that she wanted my first kiss to be from someone who loved me. I didn't bother telling her that I'd already been kissed several times before, by my mother's boyfriends. I didn't consider those real kisses. Her lips had been soft and plump against mine, and she'd been so close I could smell her coconut shampoo. The kiss lasted for only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Despite the bleakness of my situation, I couldn't help but smile just a little bit, my face growing hot. And then, all too soon, we were separated._

"Mandy."


	64. Chapter 62

**Hello, my lovelies! Sorry to leave you waiting for a chapter for almost a week (it would be a week if I updated tomorrow on schedule, but I'm too stubborn to let it reach that point). My internet did go out... for a day. It was much less of a deal than my mama made it out to be. And then I was going through a minor bout of writer's block/ hating everything that I wrote. So that was a thing. But I think I've got my groove back. Hopefully. I may have just jinxed myself. Anyway, I hope you lovely people enjoy this chapter! I should honestly write as Darcy more because I love her. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Darcy's POV_

" _Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days, when our mama sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out."_ I paused my music and tugged at my hair. I had laughed at this song years ago, but now it described my life perfectly. God, I'd do anything to be able to go back in time to the days when I had a decent relationship with my father. What we'd had wasn't perfect, but it was _something._ Everything had been going fine until I came out. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea. I should have known he wouldn't approve.

When I was younger, he said he would love me no matter what. No matter what I decided to do with my life, he said he would support me. What had happened to that? We used to have such a good relationship. If he could just see that I was the same old me and that nothing had changed, things would be normal. Happy. I would be able to apply to college without worrying about how I could afford it. Would I have to get another job on top of my modeling? Would that even be enough?

"Hey, Darcy." I looked up as Alexander walked into the living room, raising an eyebrow at the papers I had scattered across the coffee table. I printed out a bunch of scholarships. I was eligible for most of them, but I still hadn't even picked a college to apply to. When I had graduated, my mailbox had been stuffed with envelopes from colleges. That was three years ago, but maybe one of them would still want me. I had a few offers from colleges in New York. I didn't want to leave Lori again. Especially not when she was recovering.

"Hey, Alex. How's Lori?" I hadn't visited her for a few days. I was too busy trying to find a college program that I actually liked so I could prove to my father that I didn't need his help. I frowned, realizing that once again I was neglecting my own sister. I had come so close to losing her and yet I still hadn't learned my lesson. I should spend more time with her. What was the point of me coming to New York to be a better sister if I just ignored Lori?

"She's doing better than she was a week ago. She can almost walk on her own now." Alex frowned, his eyebrows scrunching together as he sat next to me and set his mug down gently. "She's been spending a lot of time with her old foster sister, Mandy Jackson. Things seem a bit tense between them."

"Never thought I'd hear that name again. She was Lori's first crush, you know." I chuckled at the expression on Alexander's face and started gathering my papers. I wouldn't have taken him to be the jealous type. Lori's been cheated on before. There's no way she would do that to anyone else. She understands just how much it hurt. Besides, she only has eyes for him. Anyone could see that. It was fun to watch him squirm, though.

"Lorin's first kiss was from Amanda, you know. She was thirteen and Mandy was seventeen. I obviously wasn't there, but Lori said it was nice and sweet and-"

"I don't want to hear the details!" Alex's face was flushed as he took a sip of coffee. I smirked and stood up, holding my papers close to my chest. As fun as it was messing with Alexander, I had to work _something_ out for college. I was already getting paid double what I normally got from work as "compensation" for what had happened at the New Year's party, but I knew that there was no way that would be enough to pay for tuition and maybe even dorm fees.

"If you need me, I'll be upstairs working on my essays." I gingerly stepped over Alex and sighed. Essays had definitely been my least favorite part of school. I hated how the essays would be shoved towards the end of nearly every test, leaving us only about an hour to write them. And the topics for them would always be complete bullshit. At least with these college essays, I could write something more interesting. But I definitely wasn't looking forward to writing these. There was too much pressure. If I didn't write everything exactly how the college board wanted, I wouldn't get the scholarship.

"Darcy, you look stressed. You should relax."

"Relax? What do you mean? I'm relaxed," I scoffed. I turned to look at Alex and saw that he wasn't convinced. I shook my head at the expression on his face. I didn't need him to worry about me. I wasn't the one we should be worrying about. "Why did you leave Lori so early? You normally spend all day with her. Are you jealous of Mandy?"

"Of course not! Why would I be _jealous_? I trust Lo." He took a sip of coffee and sighed. "She had a migraine and kicked us out when she threw up her lunch."

"Oh yes, one of the famous Lorin Haywood Migraines," I hummed, tracing a finger over the edges of my papers. She didn't get migraines frequently, but when she did get them, it was bad news for everyone. She got anxious and cranky, and if the migraine was particularly bad, she would get nauseous. I wish there was more we could do for her. The best thing we could do was give her some time alone in a dark room and some painkillers. Easy enough, considering she was in the hospital.

I left the living room before I could get roped into more conversation. I had to get something worked out. The application deadline for most schools was May 1, and it was already March. I didn't want to put this off any longer. I wanted to prove to my father that I didn't need his money or his influence. I'd find a way to work through this somehow. And maybe I'd even figure out what I want to major in while I do.


	65. Chapter 63

**Hello, my lovelies! It's been awhile since I've updated (honestly I don't know if anyone's been getting notifications for this story, please leave a review if you have because I'm kinda worried), and that's because the day after I posted the last chapter, my internet was shut off. Like, for reals. I finally have it back (sadly with a different provider, bleh) and decided to celebrate by posting this chapter a day early. I've written two chapters (and a bit more) on my phone and my fingers** ** _hurt_** **because the keyboard on my phone is so tiny, but I hated not being productive. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter (and seriously, please tell me if you have or haven't been getting notifications about this story) and I hope all of you have a very lovely day or night! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"You shouldn't be spending the first day of spring break in a hospital room, Al." Lo frowned when I walked into the room, scratching at the medical tape holding her IV in. I put a hand over hers as I sat down and kissed her cheek. She had picked up on some of her nervous habits again, like scratching herself or chewing on her hair. I could tell she was going stir-crazy in this room, but hopefully that would change soon. She was getting checked out when George and Martha came back from taking Laf on tours of colleges around the city. He didn't want to go too far away from home.

"It's fine, love. I know you must be getting sick of this room by now, so I thought I would keep you company." Lo smiled and adjusted herself slightly. She wasn't completely back to full health yet, but at the very least she was able to walk. The doctors wanted to keep her under observation until she recovered completely, but she refused to spend another week in this hospital room. George had to pull some strings in order to be allowed to check her out. I hoped the paparazzi wouldn't find out about this somehow and hound her when it came time to leave. This was the last thing we needed.

"When I get out of here, I think I'll try to do something new," Lo murmured, grabbing her phone. A light blush spread across her cheeks as she started typing something into it. "I've been talking with my therapist, and he agrees that I've been getting… better. When it comes to talking to people, I mean. I'd like to audition for a play or a musical. Something that'll get me out in front of a crowd."

"Lo..." I frowned, not knowing what to say. I had no doubt that she'd be amazing in any role she auditioned for-then again, maybe I was a bit biased. But I wasn't sure if going out on stage, in front of hundreds of people, was such a good idea. I looked into her eyes, which were so bright and beautiful and _excited_ to see what I'd say, and I knew that I couldn't crush her dreams. She knew her limits, right? If she thought she was ready for this, then who was I to tear her down? I smiled and kissed her gently. "What roles were you thinking of auditioning for?"

Her eyes lit up even more (which I didn't even think was possible) as she scrolled through her phone, rambling off a list of characters and how she felt she'd be perfect for them. I'll be honest, I didn't know any of the characters or musicals she listed. I wasn't a big theater person. But I smiled and nodded along anyway. It felt like it had been ages since I'd seen my girlfriend this happy. She was smiling so wide, I thought her face would split apart.

"You probably think it's crazy of me to want to do this." Lo's smile faded a bit as she looked at me, but her eyes were still shining. "I've always admired those people on Broadway who could get out in front of hundreds of people and perform. And everyone's always telling me that I have a good singing voice. So I figured I should make the most of it. You only live once, after all."

"I'll support you in everything you do, love."

"I'll probably need some better vocal training," Lo murmured, squeezing my hand. Her thumb gently rubbed the back of my hand as she rambled excitedly. "Not that Ms. Morris isn't a good teacher or anything, but I'll need something a little bit more. Maybe she'll offer some extra classes outside of school. Do you think I could pull an 'I just got shot, so please give me vocal lessons so I don't sound like a dying whale when I belt out notes' card? I don't want to end up like post-Wicked Idina Menzel. Then again, my main issue is with my breathing. I should probably focus on making my breaths be not so obvious before I worry about belting-"

"Love, calm down," I laughed, seeing the excited expression on her face. She was like a kid in a candy store. She huffed at me and crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing. I brushed some hair behind her ear, my gaze falling down to her wrists, and remembered part of the reason I wanted to visit her today. I reached into my pocket and pulled out her charm bracelet. The doctors had taken it from her when she went into surgery, and it wasn't until today that I remembered to bring it. I traced a thumb lightly over the charms before grabbing her wrist and clasping the bracelet on. Her eyes darkened as she looked down at her scars.

"What's wrong, Lo?"

"I hate them." She scowled as she ran her index finger over the scars. "I remember how I got them. Every single one. James and Maria gave me a lot. I hate that they still have some control over me. Whenever I mess up anything, I have this… overwhelming urge to hurt myself. And even though I know that James is going to be locked up for a long time and Maria's… I don't know where she is. I know that they won't hurt me anymore, but I'm still scared."

"...You should press charges, Lo. Reynolds and Maria _raped_ you. They've sent you threatening texts-which I know you still have in your phone because you never delete texts- and they've hurt you both mentally and physically. Hell, Reynolds fucking shot you! You can't just let them get away with this! We have enough evidence to build a case against them. The texts, your scars… Everyone's testimonies. They saw how Reynolds treated you. Lo, I know this is scary, but-"

"I can't do it. I can't stand in court and testify against them."

"Lo, they're the reason you have PTSD! You still flinch if I raise my voice or make any sudden movements. And you're in therapy because of them!"

"I'm in therapy for a lot of things, Alex. Like the fact that I still have nightmares about my father molesting me, and I'm still terrified that my mother will leave me again and I have this underlying fear that everyone I love will leave me because I'm nothing but a useless piece of shit."

"Lorin, you're not useless. I mean, you saved my fucking life," I whispered, grabbing her hands. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked away from me, her mouth trembling. Did she not believe me? Was her self-worth so low that she completely hated herself? "Lo, I don't know what they told you, but whatever it was isn't true. You're the sweetest girl I know. You're kind and patient and far more forgiving than I'll ever be."

"I'll never forgive them. They don't deserve my forgiveness. What they did to me… there's no _making that up_. They ruined my life and _laughed_ while they did it. I never thought I would say this about anyone, but I hate them. Even so, I… I can't bring myself to testify against them. I don't want to see them again, Alex. Please don't make me do this."

"It's your decision, love. But I don't think George is going to give this up without a fight." Ever since he had found out about what Reynolds and Maria had done back in September, he had been trying to build a case against them. Lo kept begging him to just let it go, but this had been the last straw. He wasn't just going to back down. He was probably going to get the best lawyers in the city. Lo's face fell, and she looked away from me, playing with the ends of her hair.

"I just want to leave this all behind."


	66. Chapter 64

**Happy Saturday, my lovelies! This is the second chapter I had typed on my phone, and it was very time-consuming. Hopefully it's up to par with everything else. Oh, and this may be a bit of a shameless plug, but my friend drew art of Lorin for me (she said she's going to do Darcy next) and it's like really amazing. She doesn't really have any social media for me to plug, but I posted the picture on Tumblr (with her permission, of course) So if you search for sincerely-shaymie on Tumblr and scroll down on my blog a bit, you should see the picture. (And maybe follow me if you're interested, no stress if you don't, though). Anyway, enjoy the small bit of fluff, lovelies! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"I can take a bath by myself, Alex. I'm not totally useless." I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and sighed. It was my first day back at home and before now, I didn't have to worry about how… big the house is. It took most of my energy just to get upstairs. I was planning on taking a shower, but I didn't think I would be able to stand for that long. So I have to resort to a bath. At the very least, it could probably relax my sore muscles. The doctors had said something about my muscles deteriorating while I was in my coma, which is why I still had to do physical therapy. I wasn't looking forward to having to do _more_ of it. I don't think it's supposed to be painful, but I wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. Besides, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. My time with James and Maria taught me that much.

"But wouldn't it be nice to have someone that you actually know bathing you?" Alex wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back, planting a kiss on the nape of my neck. It sent chills down my spine. My face flushed as I remembered the nurses bathing me. Mandy had been one of them and some of her touches were… less than professional. Her hands tended to linger on my breasts or stomach a few seconds longer than necessary.

"That would be nice, I guess…" I breathed, setting my clothes on the bed and turning around to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around him and let out a surprised gasp when he lifted me up and set me down on the bed, his hands roaming all over my body. I shivered as Alex started kissing and nipping at my skin.

"I've missed you a lot, Lo," he murmured in my ear. He unbuttoned the front of my dress and started kissing my chest desperately, like it was the last time he'd ever get to touch me. I let out a breathless moan and felt guilty about thinking of Mandy earlier. Those touches had to have meant nothing. Her hands must have just slipped or something. Speaking of hands, Alex's was slipping underneath my dress, teasing me as it slowly made its way up my thigh. "Surely your bath can wait a bit, right?"

"I… suppose it could wait." That was all Alex needed to keep going. He undid the clasp on mg bra and started planting sloppy kisses all over my breasts, while his fingers lightly traced the waistband of my panties. I shivered at his gentle touch, which was a huge contrast from the way he was kissing me. It was like he couldn't decide what he wanted to do to me. I felt something drip onto my chest and looked at Alex. He was… crying?

"What's wrong, Al?" I helped him sit next to me on the bed and hugged him closely to me, pulling his head to my chest. He let out a deep breath and wiped at his eyes, a small grin spreading across his face.

"It's nothing… I just can't believe you're here. I mean, you're alive and awake and…" He sighed. "I had so many nightmares about losing you. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat… I was terrified, Lo. So many things could have gone wrong after that first night..."

"Did you know that you can have dreams when you're in a coma?" I squeezed Alex's hand and smiled at the perplexed expression on his face. "I can't remember most of them, but there was one that involved a… a land made out of candy. And for some reason, Lea Michele was there, narrating everything in song. But you know what would bring me back to earth every time?"

"What?"

"You. And Darcy and Gil… Everyone, really. I could still hear you guys talking to me. It reminded me that my home wasn't in Candyland with Lea Michele, no matter how amazing it would be. And… I wish I hadn't worried everyone like that. I don't know what got into me. Any _sane_ person would have run away, not put themself in the path of an oncoming bullet. I'm just lucky James didn't have a more powerful gun."

Alex didn't respond, instead choosing to busy himself with tracing circles on my skin. I knew I should be getting in the bath, especially considering I had to talk to George about something really important (I was going to try and talk him out of this whole court thing), but I was far too comfortable here, snuggling up closely to my boyfriend. Alex started planting lazy kisses on my body, his hair tickling my skin. I ran my hand through it, surprised by how much effort it took. Maybe I did need help with my bath after all. I tugged his hair slightly when he started to kiss me again, more roughly this time. At this rate, I'd never get anything done.

"Al, I really do need to take that bath… But maybe you could help me with that," I murmured.

The bath took longer than either of us expected it to. There was less bathing and more flirtatious touches. I was a wrinkled mess by the time I got out of the tub, but I didn't mind much. I needed that soak. I felt much more relaxed now, like I could deal with anything. Well, anything but another bullet piercing through my body.

Alex helped me dry off and apply lotion to my body, his touch gentle. It was like he was scared of hurting me. His eyes lingered over the bullet wound on my stomach. Great. Now I just had another scar for people to gawk at. I don't think I'll ever be able to go to the beach again. If my weight won't draw attention to me (though I did lose a bit of weight during my stay in the hospital) then surely this scar would.

"You look beautiful, Lo," Alex said as he grabbed my clothes and started to help me get dressed. I closed my eyes as I leaned on him. I didn't care if I was capable of getting dressed on my own. I liked getting pampered a bit. "What I've said before is still true. I don't care if you're a little bit chubby or have scars. I still love you."

"I love you too." I smiled and ran my thumb over one of the moles on his face-though he preferred to call them beauty marks. He smiled back as he helped me pull on a dress Eliza had given me a few years ago. It was one of my favorites, but I didn't wear it nearly as often as I should. Alex's hands slithered up my back as he zipped it up. I turned to kiss him and grabbed his hand. We stared into each other's eyes, only for the moment to be broken by Darcy barging into the room. Alex coughed awkwardly and moved his hands from my back.

"Glad to see I'm still intimidating," Darcy laughed, smiling as Dumpling ran into the room and started licking my toes excitedly, her tail wagging a mile a minute. I hadn't seen her or Alexander since I had gotten home. I looked up at Darcy as she sat on the bed. She tucked some damp hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. "It's nice to have you home, Lori."


	67. Chapter 65

**Happy Monday, my lovelies! I hope you're all having a lovely day! I've been busy inviting people to my birthday party and seeing who can show up and stuff like that. My birthday's next Wednesday, which is exciting and also kind of scary. Hopefully nineteen is a good year for me. Well, let's get to the chapter. Hopefully you lovely people enjoy! (Also plugging my Tumblr again, please follow me at sincerely-shaymie and maybe ask me stuff or something, I'm lonely. xD) ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Darcy's POV_

"My sister hates me," I huffed, flopping onto my boyfriend's bed. John looked up from his homework and arched an eyebrow as he turned to look at me. I sighed, remembering what had happened earlier. I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut. I had been mad at her, but I shouldn't have said what I did.

" _Are you ready for another exciting day of physical therapy?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe. Today was my day to take my sister to her appointment, and Martha was nice enough to let me borrow her car. It was finally starting to warm up a bit, so I could finally wear some of the clothes I had brought from home. I was dressed in my favorite red flannel with a black tank top underneath and some jean shorts._

 _Lori didn't answer, and I assumed it was because she couldn't hear me through the bathroom door. She took forever to do her hair, but she refused to cut it again. I almost wanted to go in there and tell her to hurry up, but I knew that she liked her privacy. I sat on her bed and looked around the room. It was so perfectly… her. The shelves were lined with stuffed animals and Disney movies. I think she owned every single one at this point. The entire room was pastel colors, which reminded me of her. Soft and delicate._

 _I traced a finger over her bedspread and smiled. This was the first day since November that we were able to spend time together, just the two of us, and I was determined to make the best of it. From here on out, I was going to be the best big sister ever. Not just for Lori, but also for Colton. I didn't want to mess this up again. I couldn't understand how my sister was still so nice to me after I've failed to be there for her._

 _Lori came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, her hair tied up in a bun. I didn't miss the way her legs were trembling slightly and gently led her to the bed. She huffed and brushed some stray hair behind her ear, and that was when I finally noticed it. She was wearing a short-sleeved dress, which showed off all the scars on her arms. I bit my lip. Most of the scars had long since faded, a pale white against her skin. Only the ones she had given herself shortly before Thanksgiving were even noticeable. Those stood out a bit more. If she was comfortable baring her skin like this, then I shouldn't try to stop her. But I couldn't help but be worried. What if someone made fun of her for them?_

" _You should put a jacket on," I blurted out. Lori looked up at me, her eyes wide. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed I was staring at her arms. I forced myself to pull my eyes up to her face. The fire in her eyes surprised me. She was beyond pissed._

" _Why should I? Are my scars making you_ uncomfortable?"

" _I… I just don't want people to stare at you, Lori. I know how much you hate attention-"_

" _I've worn short-sleeved stuff before and I haven't had any problems. Then again, you wouldn't know about that, would you? You're never fucking here," Lori glowered at me as she got up and went over to the cubby where she kept her shoes. She spent far more time than was needed looking for a pair of shoes. Her back was to me, but I could tell that she was trembling, her breaths coming far too quickly to be healthy. She shuddered and flinched as she wrapped an arm around her torso._

" _Lori, I'm sorry." I went over to her and knelt next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She shoved me away and grabbed a random pair of flats. Some white ones with little bows on them. Her eyes were filling up with tears as she shoved her feet into her shoes and grabbed her purse. "Lorin, I've been_ trying _. I don't work as much as I used to. I'm trying to be here for you."_

" _Look how far that's gotten you." My sister laughed bitterly, her eyes stormy. "Everytime you say that you'll 'be here for me', something goes wrong. You're never here when I need you. Gil's a better sibling than you, and we're not even related."_

" _That's not fair, Lori. I've been busy-"_

" _Sleeping with everything that moves? I'm surprised you haven't cheated on John yet. Lord knows that you'll fuck anything that moves." My anger flared as I stared down at her. What the hell was her problem? I was trying my hardest to be a better sister… A better_ person. _All of that was behind me, but she couldn't seem to let it go. I knew I should have left the room and given myself some time to cool off, but I was too pissed off for that._

" _At least I don't cut myself for attention," I spat out. All the anger melted from Lori's face. Her expression was unreadable. I should have stopped there. God, I should have stopped there. But I didn't. "At least I'm smart enough to leave someone when they start to abuse me. You probably liked it, didn't you? You were probably into that shit."_

" _Shut up."_

" _Why should I? I should let the whole world know that Lorin Haywood is nothing but a slut. If you hated it so much, you should have just left them. But no, you just_ had _to_ stay _, and then turn around and cry victim."_

" _Shut. Up."_

" _What'll you do if I don't? Go crying to Alexander? That's all you ever seem to do nowadays. You just cry and have your little panic attacks and then go to your boyfriend, expecting him to make everything better-"_

 _She cut me off with a slap. A hard one, too. It was probably going to leave a mark. She gasped and looked down at her hand, her eyes wide. She started sobbing and mumbling frantically to herself, half in Spanish and half in English. I was too stunned to even be mad at her. She had once told me that no matter how angry she was, she refused to hit anyone. She didn't think that violence was an answer to anything. She ran out of the room in tears before I could respond._

"You haven't seen her since?" John asked, his homework forgotten. I shook my head and screamed into a pillow. I was a terrible person. I didn't mean any of that. I _knew_ that she was still hurting from everything that had happened to her, but I threw it in her face anyway. I deserved that slap. If she didn't hate me before, she surely hated me now. Why was it so hard for me to have a decent relationship with my family members? Even Mama still walked on eggshells around me. "Darcy, I'm going to be blunt. You messed up big time."

"You don't think I know that? Has she called you or anything? Do you know where she is? She hasn't answered my calls all day." I watched as my boyfriend grabbed his phone from his desk and called my sister. I didn't know what Lori was saying, since John held the phone away from me, but he nodded and hummed along, occasionally putting in his own two cents. It looked like he was trying his best to stay neutral in the whole situation.

"From what I can tell, both of you said some things you really shouldn't have," he murmured, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "I'm not picking a side, Lori. This is between you and Darcy. But I will say that the two of you are sisters. You shouldn't let a fight like this tear you apart."

" _I don't want to talk to her!"_ I jumped back as I heard Lori's voice come through the phone. John flinched and held the phone away from his ear. I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and left the room, my eyes filling with tears. I wiped at my eyes and sat down in the living room. I'd go home, but I didn't know if Lori was there and I couldn't face her. Not so soon. Probably not ever again. My worst fear was coming to life. My sister hated me.


	68. Chapter 66

**Happy Monday, my lovelies! I've been sitting on this chapter for literally like a week because it's gone through several changes. I am very indecisive and I apologize. Hopefully you lovely people enjoy the chapter even though it's very late. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

It was probably childish of me to lock myself in the hallway bathroom, but it was the only place I could think to go on such short notice. I had hit her. My own sister. I collapsed against the bathroom door, trembling. I didn't believe in resolving arguments with violence. It led to nothing but trouble. Both my father and James had shown me that. I refused to be like them.

Darcy had left what felt like ages ago. I tugged at my hair frantically. She hadn't even come to check on me before she left. She didn't even want to talk to me. Of course she didn't. I slapped her. My chest felt constricted at the thought. How could I do that? I didn't mean for that to happen. I just got really mad and lashed out. It wasn't right. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have…

 _You've been a bad girl, Lorin._ I shook my head as James' taunting voice entered my head. He's not real, I had to remind myself. He's not here. He's in jail. He can't hurt me anymore. None of what he says is true. He's just trying to get a reaction from me. I can't let him get to me.

 _Bad girls deserve to be punished. Have you forgotten everything we've taught you?_ I traced a finger over the burn on my hand. How could I forget what James and Maria had taught me when they literally beat it into me every chance they got- or in Maria's case, burned a constant reminder into my skin. I was supposed to be obedient. I shouldn't talk back. I shouldn't yell. And I definitely shouldn't _hit_ anyone.

 _She's your sister. Even_ I _wouldn't stoop so low as to hit my own flesh and blood._ Maria's voice taunted me as I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the sink. I gripped the edge of it and looked at my reflection. My entire face was pale with the exception of my nose and cheeks, which were bright red. The paleness of my face only made my freckles stand out more. I wrinkled my nose and looked away from it. My tremblings hands somehow managed to turn the sink on. I splashed cold water in my face to try and steady my nerves. That's right, I hadn't taken my medicine yet. I was going to wait until I ate breakfast, but then I had yelled at Darcy…

 _You don't deserve your medicine. You don't even deserve food, You deserve punishment,_ my mind yelled at me. I turned the water off and bit my lip. I shouldn't listen to them. They were just trying to get me to hurt myself. My psychiatrist told me to ignore the voices when they showed up. But it was hard to block them out when they were so _loud_. They wouldn't shut up just because I wanted them to. The only way to get them to stop was to do what they wanted.

I couldn't do that. I promised to not hurt myself anymore. But the voices were just too damn _loud_. It wasn't like I was trying to kill myself. It was just going to be a cut. A single one. I wasn't falling back into old habits. I wouldn't. I just had to get these stupid voices to leave me alone. This was different than before. Back then, I was addicted to the pain. It made me feel something. Seeing my own blood rush over my skin was exhilarating. I'd felt like I had control over something in my life. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I couldn't stop the stupid intrusive thoughts that would invade my brain. But I could control _this_. I could control how deep I cut, how often I did it…

"Just _one_ ," I reminded myself as I left the bathroom and went towards the kitchen. The voices were overwhelming now. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I felt nauseous, but I had to keep going. My body was on autopilot as I rummaged through the cabinets, looking for the knives. They weren't what I normally used, but I didn't have any razors. I would have to be careful.

I found the knives in the highest cabinet and flinched as my phone started to ring. In my shock, I dropped the container holding the knives. I groaned and climbed down from my chair carefully, answering John's call as I did. I put him on speaker and quietly explained what had happened as I looked through the knives to find the best one. I didn't remember much of what I said. It was a blur. I did remember yelling at him. Great. Just another thing I needed to punish myself for.

I found a knife that was both small and sharp and put the rest back in the cabinet. I moved the chair back to the table and walked back to the bathroom. If I was really going through with this, I might as well do it in the same place as always. The voices weren't as loud as they were earlier, but they were still hard to ignore. I shouldn't listen to them. They weren't real. They couldn't do anything to me. They'd go away eventually, and I knew that, but I just wanted them to shut up. I couldn't take it anymore.

I closed myself back into the bathroom and stared down at the knife. My vision grew blurry with tears. I didn't want to do this. I shouldn't have to give in to these stupid voices. I had promised everyone I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. I promised Alex. They trusted me. I'm supposed to be getting better. I'm supposed to be past this. My hands started to tremble. There had to be another way to get the voices to shut up.

I shook my head furiously and set the knife down on the edge of the sink. The voices in my head were mocking me, but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't be selfish anymore. I sobbed as I slid down to the floor and curled up. I hated being like this. I hated being so weak. My psychiatrist said that the voices were just a symptom of my panic attacks. He mentioned something about me having a case of severe anxiety. Auditory hallucinations should be the norm for me. But they hadn't started until after James and Maria-

I jumped to my feet as I heard Alex's voice calling my name. My nails dug into my arms. How long had I been scratching myself? How long had I been in here? My appointment was at 11, but I obviously hadn't made it. School didn't end until 2:30, and since Alex had stayed for debate club, it had to at least be 5:00. Had I really been having this panic attack for hours? It shouldn't be lasting this long. They never lasted this long. I want it to stop already.

"Lo, are you home?" Alex called, his voice growing closer. "Martha's car is in the driveway…"

I squeaked as my nails drew blood. Alex's footsteps got closer. I took deep breaths to try to calm myself down. I was safe. I was fine. Nothing could hurt me. I wouldn't hurt myself. Darcy may hate me, but there was no reason to punish myself over it. Sisters argued all the time, didn't they? This just happened to be our first real one. We didn't mean what we'd said to each other… I hope. I know I hadn't meant what I said.

Years ago, I told Darcy I wouldn't judge her on what-or _who-_ she does. She said that she was trying to find out who she was. She was trying to find out _what_ she was. I had been her only form of support. Everyone back home would make fun of her. They would call her names. Her own father shunned her. Until she came down here for a visit and met everyone, I was her only real friend. She'd told me stories about some of the girls back home who would pretend to be her friend, only to turn on her and tell her darkest secrets to the world. It was part of the reason she started asking everyone else to call her Darcy. New name, new her. Before then, it was just my nickname for her.

I left the bathroom once I had gathered myself and immediately bumped into Alex. He put a hand on my shoulder to steady me and smiled at me, though it faded when he looked at my face. I was sure I looked like a mess. He didn't say a word. He just wiped some stray tears from my face and hugged me. I let myself melt into his touch. I was so tired, my eyes drifted shut on their own. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was Alex asking if I was okay.


	69. Chapter 67

**Happy Wednesday, my lovelies! Since I had an amazing birthday (I actually managed to get my mind off of writing for a bit and stopped having an existential crisis for a few hours!), I've decided to post this chapter early. And I feel like I don't do this like... ever, so I'd like to thank you guys for the constant support and reviews. My heart flutters every time I get the emails and it chips away at the constant cloud of gloom I seem to have over my head. So I'd just like to thank my lovely readers and I hope you all have a nice day! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex's POV_

"What the hell happened between you and Lo?" I hissed as I barged into Darcy's room, tripping over a pile of clothes. I had never been in her room before. It used to be a guest room (and one of the nicer ones, too) so it was the only room with a bay window. Darcy stiffened at the sound of my voice and got up from her seat in the window. I raised an eyebrow when she turned around, a cigarette in her mouth. Since when did she smoke?

"We just had an argument. We're sisters. It happens." She turned away from me and rubbed her arm. I noticed a red handprint on her cheek and held back a smirk. At least Lo had gotten a good hit in. "It's mostly my fault. I should have just shut my mouth. I said some terrible things to Lori."

"She passed out in my arms when I got home from school. She practically scratched her skin raw. God, did you even take her to therapy today?" Darcy shook her head, her face paling as she put out the cigarette in an ashtray. I frowned. That meant that Lo had been home alone all day. I didn't know how long her panic attack had been going on, but it must have lasted awhile if she was that exhausted.

"I didn't mean any of what I said to her. I want to apologize, but I don't know if she wants to see me. She must hate me. I had no right to say the things I said to her, but the things she said to me were… Well, I can't deny that she had a point." Darcy's expression soured as she settled back down in her window seat. She clutched a pillow tightly to her chest and sighed. She gingerly traced over the mark on her cheek. I didn't even know what their argument had been about, but it must have been something serious to make Lo lash out like that. "I've been a terrible sister. I'm surprised it took this long for Lori to blow up at me."

"Darcy-"

"I'm jealous of you. You haven't even known Lori for a year and she trusts you with everything. It took three years for her to tell me about her father, yet she told you in just a few months." She laughed, a short and bitter sound. I'd never seen her look this broken before. Even when Lo was in the hospital, Darcy refused to let her tough girl facade break. She had been the glue holding us all together. Seeing her on the brink of tears was… unnerving. I couldn't even find it in me to be angry at her. I didn't even know what to say.

"I don't hate you. I wish I could, but I can't hate someone who makes my sister happy. But I hate how… distant Lori and I are now. We used to tell each other everything. But now she barely even talks to me and I've… been keeping something from her. Something big. Everything's just _fucked_!" Darcy sobbed, looking away from me. Her hands trembled as she reached into her pockets for the box of cigarettes. I frowned and took it from her. It didn't take a genius to see that she smoked when she was stressed. The box felt incredibly light. It was almost empty. Darcy stared at it desperately, but didn't try to take it back.

"Darcy, I want you to talk to Lo when she wakes up. She's messed up over this, and I can tell you are, too. I don't know what kind of secret you're keeping from her, but whatever it is, you need to talk about it. You two are sisters."

"I don't think she'll forgive me for this." She squeezed her pillow and glanced towards the door. "What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room. You can't tell Lori."

"You're scaring me, Darcy." She was fidgeting nervously, her body trembling as she started playing with the frayed ends of her shorts. Her face was red and splotchy as tears streamed down it. Every second of silence stressed me out. She let out a frustrated screech and buried her face in the pillow. Whatever she mumbled was muffled by it.

"Darcy, what are you-"

"...I slept with Maria." Her voice was barely audible as she took heaving breaths. I stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "I dated her. She… She was Mari. I broke up with her when she told me what she did to Lori, but it doesn't make me feel any less shitty. I wish I could take it back. John's the only person who knows."

"You did _what_?" I asked, my voice coming out as a whisper. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This had to be some kind of fucking joke. Darcy looked up at me, her bottom lip trembling. She reached out for my arm and frowned when I pulled back. How could she do something like this to her own sister?

"I didn't _know_ , Alex, I swear! If I had known what she did, I wouldn't have dated her!"

"How could you not know, Darcy? Lo told you-"

"She didn't tell me anything about her!" Darcy sobbed. "She hasn't told you anything about her aside from her first name, has she? What she looks like, her last name… She's kept everyone in the dark about it! There's no way I could have known!"

She was right. Lo told us everything Reynolds had done, but she clammed up whenever anybody asked her about Maria. I couldn't tell who she was more scared of. Reynolds, at least, was locked up, far away from her. We didn't have a clue where Maria was. We didn't know _who_ she was. Maria was such a common name. She could be anybody.

"I broke up with her the second I found out," Darcy sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "She told me what she did to Lori like… like she was _proud_ of it. So I left. I've been trying to think of a way to tell Lori, but I'm _terrified_. What if she doesn't understand? I can't lose my sister again. She's the only person who understood me."

"Understood you? What do you mean?"

"...She knew what it was like to be ignored by a parent. To have every attempt at getting them to notice you brushed off. And years ago, when I was… unsure of who I was, she supported me. She didn't care that I slept with half the people at my school. She didn't call me a slut or a bitch or a… dyke. God, I don't deserve her!" Darcy punched the wall in frustration, tears streaming down her face. I chewed the inside of my cheek. I had come in here to yell at Darcy about what she had said to Lo, but it seemed like she was already beating herself up about it. I could tell that she regretted what she had said. Then again, what she'd said was bad enough to make Lo want to hurt herself. I saw the knife in the bathroom, but didn't see any new marks on her. Maybe she had just been thinking about it.

"I'm going to check on Lo. You should take some time to think about what you're going to say to her." I placed the box of cigarettes on her bed and left the room. I yawned as I walked back to Lo's room. I was ready to go to sleep for the night. School was exhausting. I had been taking notes for both me and Lo so she wouldn't be too far behind when she went back in a few days.

Lo was curled up in bed, a blanket wrapped tightly around her. She must have pulled it closer to her when I left. I got in bed next to her and cupped her cheek, my thumb tracing the tear stains on her face. I had washed her face earlier, but she must have been crying in her sleep again. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened. She's had panic attacks in her sleep before. Those were the most terrifying to deal with, especially when she wouldn't let me touch her.

I kissed her nose and sighed. I'd give anything to be able to take her pain away. She was in so much pain, it wasn't right. She tried to hide it behind fake smiles, but I could tell that she hated it. She hated the mood swings. She hated the anxiety. She hated the medicine. She hated the fact that nobody trusted her to be alone. After what could have happened today, I didn't blame them. How close had Lo gotten to hurting herself? What had stopped her from doing it?

"Please don't scare me like that again," I whispered, pulling her into my arms. She sighed in her sleep and buried her face in my chest. I draped the blanket over her and closed my eyes to the sound of her breathing. I pushed out thoughts to what could have happened- _Lo bleeding out in the bathroom, Lo in the hospital again, Lo drifting away from me_ \- and let myself relax. I don't know how long it took, but I eventually managed to fall asleep.


	70. Chapter 68

**Happy Thursday, my lovelies! Sorry for missing Monday's update, but things happen. Like me hating this chapter and rewriting it several times. And then I get sick and it sucks. I feel terrible, y'all. Anyway, hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter even though my sick brain kind of hates it. My healthy brain liked it, and that's all that matters. ~Shaymie**

* * *

"I basically called her a slut to her face." Lo frowned as she scratched at her arms and sniffled. She had woken up in the middle of the night, crying. It looked like both sisters were shaken up over their fight. I gently pulled Lo's arms down to her side, frowning at the small crescent-shaped marks in her skin. She had scratched herself enough to draw blood earlier.

"It's fine, Lo. You can apologize when she wakes up." I massaged my girlfriend's shoulders and kissed her cheek. She didn't relax and started bouncing her leg anxiously. "You shouldn't stress yourself out like this, love. Everything will be alright."

"I broke my promise, Al. I told her that I wouldn't judge her. She has to hate me!"

"What did you two even argue about?" I asked gently. I didn't want to press too far, but I had no idea what kind of disagreement they could even have. I didn't think it was possible for them to get angry at each other. They were like the perfect sisters. Lo's nose crinkled up as she picked at her sheets. Her eyes misted over with tears, and her mouth started to tremble. Her voice was barely audible as she explained exactly what had happened. I couldn't help but be furious at what Darcy had said. How could she say shit like that to her own sister?

"Alex, calm down. It's… It's fine."

"She said that you cut yourself for attention!"

"And I pretty much called her a slut. We both hit each other where we knew it would hurt." Lo rubbed her arms and frowned. "I… I almost cut myself again. In the bathroom. I was having a panic attack and these voices started taunting me. I almost gave in again. They would only leave me alone if I did what they wanted. But I couldn't do it this time. That's past me.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Cutting myself was like an… addiction. It was the one thing I felt like I had control of in my life. And it made me not feel so… numb. I loved the pain. I craved it. I loved seeing my blood rush over my skin. So _not_ doing it earlier took everything I had. I almost did it. I… I _almost_ did it again. But I was scared that if I started, then I couldn't stop. And I couldn't do that to you. To everyone. It would be too selfish."

"I had no idea it was that terrible." I could see the pain in Lo's face and it made my heart ache. Lo crumbled, breaking out in tears as I wrapped my arms around her. She turned around and sobbed into my shoulder. I rubbed her back soothingly. I couldn't understand why good people were forced to suffer. My mother, my cousin, and now Lo? It wasn't right. My mother didn't deserve to die. Neither did my cousin, who should have been allowed to live a happy life. And Lo… She wouldn't hurt a fly. Why was the world so intent on hurting her?

"It hurts," Lo whispered. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to her forehead. As terrible as it was, I almost wished that Lo was sick. Physical illness could be taken care of. It could be cured. But mental illness… It stuck with you forever. There was no cure. It would never go away. It was like a plague. Sure, you could take medicines and go to therapy, but it would never truly be gone. "But I don't like to complain about it. There's nothing that can be done about it, so I don't see the point in whining."

"Lo-" I was cut off by the door opening a crack. I frowned. Who would still be awake at three in the morning? Dumpling ran into the room and jumped onto the bed, her tail wagging excitedly. Lo smiled and scratched her behind the ear, though her smile faded when Darcy walked into the room, closing the door behind her gently. She had cleaned herself up a bit since we talked a few hours ago. There was no evidence that she had been crying and she had changed out of her rumpled clothes into her pajamas. Her hair was braided over her shoulder, and she was fiddling with the end of the braid.

"H-Hey, Lori," she whispered nervously. She rubbed her arm nervously and bit her lip. "I've been thinking of what to say for hours. And I just… Words can't explain how sorry I am. I'm sorry for never being here for you. I wish I could tell you that I'd be here more, but that would be a lie. I'm going to be working a lot more to pay for school. And I'll probably even move out. I… have to prove to my father that I'm not a burden to people.

"But that's beside the point. I'm sorry for saying what I did. It's none of my business what you wear. And I know how much you struggle with… with everything. It wasn't right of me to throw it in your face like that. You had every right to hit me. I honestly deserved more. I… I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have hurt you, Lori. I'm so sorry."

Lo stared down at her pastel bedspread as Darcy started to cry. Her eyebrows crinkled together as she pet Dumpling. Her lips moved silently with unspoken words. I wish I could read them, but they were moving too fast. Her shoulders trembled slightly. I wanted more than anything to know what was going through her mind. She was one of the most forgiving people I knew, but I had seen how hard she had taken everything Darcy said to her.

"You really hurt me, Darcy," Lo murmured, a frown coming across her face. "But I said some really hateful things, too. It wasn't right. We're sisters. We shouldn't let an argument ruin our relationship. We've already spent so much time apart... I'm willing to accept your apology if you accept mine. I'm sorry too, Darcy."

"...I don't deserve you, Lori," Darcy sobbed, throwing herself onto the bed and pulling Lo into a hug. Dumpling huffed as she was squished between the two sisters and managed to wriggle her way free. She walked over to her bed in the corner and curled up in it, falling asleep in seconds. Sometimes I felt that she was a cat trapped in a dog's body. "I love you so much, Lori. No matter what happens, I hope you know that."

"I love you too, Dar." Lo looked up at her sister, a small frown on her face. "You look tired. Have you slept at all?"

"N-Not really. I couldn't sleep, knowing that I had hurt you. Anytime I closed my eyes, I could only see the look on your face. I've been trying to think of how to apologize, but I'm not as good with words as Alexander. So I've just been moping. And then I realized that just sitting around wouldn't fix anything. I wasn't expecting you to forgive me, I just… I had to at least try to apologize."

"You should get some rest, Darcy. I'll still be here in the morning," Lo whispered gently, wiping some of Darcy's tears away. She kissed her sister on the cheek and smiled. Darcy sniffled and wiped her nose with her sleeve. She reluctantly stood up, wrapping her arms across her waist. She walked over to the door, but paused before opening it.

"How are you so forgiving?" she asked, her voice trembling. "You forgave me so quickly… What if I don't deserve it?"

"I think everyone deserves forgiveness… With a few exceptions, of course." I thought back what Lo had told me on her last day in the hospital, how she would never forgive Reynolds and Maria for what they'd done to her. Darcy frowned, her perfectly plucked eyebrows scrunching together, but she nodded and left the room. Lo climbed into my lap and rested her head on my chest. I ran my hand through her hair and smiled when she let out a sound of content that sounded remarkably similar to a purr. It was one of my favorite things about her.

"If I were you, I would have let her squirm a bit longer. I mean, after everything she said…"

"I didn't want to waste time being angry. It's as simple as that."

This world truly doesn't deserve Lorin Haywood. How could someone who's been stepped on and beaten down so many times still have so much _good_ in her? She had every right to hate the world. Nobody would blame her for it. I know I wouldn't. Yet she was still so kind. She took the time to give spare change to the homeless. Both her and Eliza volunteered at soup kitchens whenever they could. And it didn't take a genius to know where most of her allowance went. She sure as hell didn't spend it on herself.

"I love you so much, Lo."

"Love you too, Lexy."


	71. Chapter 69

**Hello, my lovelies! I hope you had a fantastic Monday. I've been in a slight stage of depression because I've realized that this story comes to an end soon and I don't want it to end. I'm not saying how many chapters are left because I honestly don't know and it hurts to think about it. I know that there's going to be a few epilogue chapters and then a sequel, so look forward to that if for some strange reason you're interested in following this story further. I'm honestly getting really emotional so I'll probably end this note now. See you whenever I drag myself out of my sadness hole to update again. ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Lorin's POV_

"There's a lot of places holding auditions right now. It's just a matter of what role you think you'd be suited best for," Eliza said as she brushed my hair. I frowned and picked at her blue bedspread. I wanted to make my acting debut, really I did, but I couldn't help but be… nervous. What if the casting director didn't like me? What if I forgot the lyrics? I could make myself look like a complete idiot.

"W-What role do you think I would be good in?" I asked Eliza, looking down at the posters she had collected. There had to be at least a dozen places holding auditions now, one of them being our school. Eliza's hands paused in my hair as she looked over my shoulder at the colorful flyers.

"I'd say you would be a good Wendla, but you have to be eighteen for that role… How about Martha?"

My hand drifted over to the poster for Spring Awakening. I had seen it with her once a few years ago. Martha's character hit a bit too close to home. I mean, a young girl who was sexually abused by her father while her mother just sat back, knowing it was happening? Who does that remind you of? The only difference between us was that my mother at least _tried_ to protect me. Martha hadn't even had that. She was all alone.

I looked up at Eliza. She didn't know. None of my friends knew about what my father had done to me except for John. So she had no idea how closely I related to Martha. If I went for this role-and somehow managed to _get_ it-I would be reliving my childhood at nearly every rehearsal. It would be pure torture. And yet, something was drawing me to this character. What better way to deal with trauma than to face it head-on? There was no way to undo what my father had done to me, and my way of just pretending like it hadn't happened wasn't helping anyone.

"Lorin?" Eliza asked as I stood up and walked to the keyboard in the corner of the room, gripping the Spring Awakening poster tightly. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting a bit of practice in. Can you fill in as Ilse?" I seated myself at the keyboard and ran my fingers over the keys. I didn't know the exact notes to play, but I could always go by ear. Eliza nodded and sat next to me. I hesitantly started to play, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I managed to stay calm for the beginning of the song, but I found myself growing angrier I got to the first chorus.

" _You say all you want is just a kiss good night  
Then you hold me and you whisper, 'Child, the Lord won't mind  
It's just you and me  
Child, you're a beauty  
God, it's good, the lovin'—ain't it good tonight?  
You ain't seen nothin' yet, gonna treat you right  
It's just you and me  
Child, you're a beauty'"_

I was flooded with memories of my father sneaking into my bed at night, my father touching me… He was the reason I wasn't particularly religious anymore. If there really was a god out there, how could he let such awful people exist? How could he allow fathers to molest their own daughters? I was only five… It wasn't right. No matter how he tried to justify it-" _it's for the good of your mother, darlin',"_ \- nothing would change the fact that it was wrong.

I forced myself to focus on playing as Eliza came in for her part. On second thought, maybe Martha wouldn't be such a good role to play after all. Not if her character brought back so many bad memories. Maybe Ilse would be a better fit for me. At the very least, she didn't have that many lines. I wouldn't have to be on the stage that long. Only for a few songs and that's it.

"That was amazing, Lorin." Eliza grinned as we finished the song. I nodded and cleared my throat as I turned away, wiping tears from my eyes. I didn't trust myself to speak yet. I was conflicted. I wanted to go for this role, but would I be able to handle it? Just singing that one song had turned me into a bundle of nerves. Surely there had to be more roles, other ones that wouldn't affect me so negatively.

A few hours later, Eliza and I were freshly showered and curled up on her bed with a bowl of popcorn, watching Newsies on Netflix. I was lucky enough to get to see it live on Broadway years ago with Mandy. I had her to thank for my love of musical theatre… I had her to thank for these lingering questions about my sexuality. When it came to Maria, I knew now that I had no real attraction to her. I just loved the way she made me _feel_. But Mandy showing back up made some old feelings resurface.

"What are you thinking about?" Eliza asked, looking over at me. "You normally fangirl over Seize the Day, but you're being awfully quiet. What's up?"

"I was still thinking about… acting stuff," I lied easily, hugging Eliza's stuffed elephant. She raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me, but decided to let it slide. She grabbed a handful of popcorn and looked at me from the corner of her eye.

"If you feel comfortable with it, you could audition for my theater company's play. We're doing Into the Woods. You'd even get paid for it." I'd almost forgotten that Eliza worked with a theater company. She wasn't really in that many plays, but she helped out with auditions and fixing up any tears in costumes. She had even gotten John a job painting some backdrops, which paid way more than his gig at McDonald's.

"I don't know…"

"You'd be the _perfect_ Little Red, Lorin."

"You're just saying that because I'm short," I huffed, rolling my eyes. "The only theater experience I have is from elementary school, and I was just in the choir. I'm not a professional, Liz. Don't you think I should start in something… smaller?"

"You should at least audition," Eliza insisted, smiling gently. "The company is always looking for new actors. I mean, do I look like a professional?"

" _Fiiine,_ " I groaned, though the corners of my mouth twitched up into a smile. I couldn't deny that the idea of auditioning was exciting. I knew Into the Woods like the back of my hand. It was one of my favorite shows and Eliza knew it. I was already wracking my brain for possible audition songs. Should I go for a song that shows off my vocal range or something that could show off my acting? Oh God, my acting. Would they be able to tell I had never had any sort of formal training? Vocal training, I've had a ton of. But when it comes to acting…

"I know what that look on your face means. You're overthinking again, aren't you?" I shrugged, my cheeks flaming. Eliza was one of the few people who could read me like a book. Even Darcy and Alex sometimes had trouble understanding my many mood swings. If they would look past their differences, they would know that they're more similar than they thought. I had hoped that they would learn to get along by now, but if anything, they seemed to hate each other even more nowadays. I didn't know what could have possibly triggered it. They had been getting on so well when I had gotten out of the hospital...

"I-I'll only audition if you're there. You help with auditions, right?"

"I might not be allowed to watch your audition. The other judges might think I'm biased," Eliza winked and took a sip of soda. "I talk about you at work a lot. Your voice is amazing, you know. It could cut through a crowd like butter."

"I'm going to need your help finding an audition song."


	72. Chapter 70

**Henlo friends, I have more to say at the bottom.**

* * *

Weeks flew by, and before I knew it, I had auditioned for the role of Little Red Riding Hood. I was curled up on the couch next to Alex, waiting for Eliza to text me the results of the casting. I would go to the company myself to find out, but everyone with a car was busy. Eliza's car had broken down, so Angelica had given her a ride to work and they hadn't had time to pick me up. Not that I minded much. If I was actually at the _building_ waiting for the casting results, I would chew my nails down to stubs.

"I'm proud of you, Lo," Alex murmured, planting a kiss to my head. "I know how hard it must have been for you to audition, and you did it anyway. I'm sure you were amazing. Hell, anything you _do_ is amazing."

"You're embarrassing me. I'm not that great." I blushed and picked at the edge of my dress. Eliza had helped me with every part of the audition process, from picking a song (I decided to sing Blue Wind from Spring Awakening, since it had been my first choice for a show and I felt I owed it something) to helping me with my clothes and makeup. It was her idea to have me wear red to "get into character", which was how I ended up wearing an old red dress I had forgotten I even owned. The only good thing about that time in the hospital was that I had finally managed to lose some weight. I didn't know what had caused it, but I felt better than ever. As long as I ignored the occasional aches I got.

"Someday you'll see how amazing you are, love," Alex murmured, nuzzling into my hair. "When you're on stage, accepting your first Tony, I'll be right there saying 'I told you so'. Just you wait."

"You'll be waiting a long time." I grabbed my songbook from the table in front of us and started flipping through it. I hadn't used it that much, which meant that it was only about halfway full. I knew that the most recent thing in it was the song that I had written for Alex, and that was a few months ago. I paused on a page towards the beginning. The handwriting was shakier than anything else in the notebook. This song was one that I'd written in my darkest days, when I was recovering in the hospital the first time.

" _What's so important about this notebook?" Gil asked as he gently placed it in my lap. I uncapped the pen he had given me and turned to the first blank page. I didn't miss the anxious way Gil was looking at me. Like he was scared I would try to kill myself with a pen. Everyone was treating me like a child. I'd overheard George and Martha arguing over whether or not to send me off to a mental institution. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it. They were the ones loudly whispering in my hospital room when they thought I was asleep._

" _...I just needed to write something down." That was the most I had said the past few days. Gil didn't even attempt to hide the surprised look on his face and cleared his throat awkwardly. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to articulate my thoughts into words. My mind felt like it was running at a sluggish pace. An effect to the medication the doctors had put me on. I huffed as the IV tugged at my hand slightly. The bandages on my arm stiffened my movement._

" _What are you writing?" I covered the page with my arm as Gil tried to read my practically illegible handwriting. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I knew I should be happy that I'm still alive, but that wasn't what I'd wanted. I didn't have a plan for what happened if I had failed because I didn't_ plan _on being alive. I felt hopelessly lost._

" _None of your damn business," I snapped, slamming the notebook shut and tucking it underneath my blanket. I couldn't help but be a bit annoyed at how nosy my brother was being. If it wasn't for him, I would be blissfully dead. If he hadn't been nosing around, he wouldn't have found me when he did. It was his fault I was alive. It was his fault I had to deal with scratchy hospital gowns and shitty hospital food and irritating doctors constantly checking on me._

" _Lorin-"_

" _Can you leave me alone? I know that'll be hard for you, seeing as everyone has me on suicide watch, but I'd like some time to myself." I didn't miss the hurt expression on Gil's face and sighed as he left. I just wanted an hour or two alone. Was that too much to ask? It felt like I couldn't do anything without someone breathing all over my back. I was sick and tired of it._

I snapped back to reality as the front door burst open. The Schuylers marched in like they owned the place, huge grins on their faces. Peggy skipped over to me and Alex and set something down on the table in front of us, batting at Alex's hand when he tried to peek underneath the checkered towel that was covering it. He pouted and cradled his hand to his chest. I rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was such a child.

"Do you have a reason for breaking into our house?" I asked, looking at Eliza. She was rocking on her heels and clapped her hands together happily. She nodded towards Peggy, who uncovered the thing she had set on the table with a flourish. It was a cake. To be more specific, a red velvet cake. I blinked. Was there something I was missing? It wasn't my birthday or Alex's.

"What's the occasion?" Oh thank goodness. I wasn't the only person confused about what was going on. Alex eyed the cake curiously, still holding his hand. Eliza and Angelica shared a glance, and I noticed for the first time that they were hiding their hands behind their backs. I craned my neck to try and get a better look. "It's a bit too late for a birthday party, you know."

"You got the part!" Eliza blurted out, removing her hands from her back to reveal a party popper. The Schuyler sisters popped them almost simultaneously as I struggled to take in Eliza's words. I picked a piece of confetti from my hair and laughed excitedly as Peggy pulled me from my seat to hug me. I did it. I got the part! I don't know how or why, but I did it. I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my chest.

"I knew you could do it, Lo!" Alex practically ripped me from Peggy's arms and spun me around. I was giddy with excitement, my head buzzing. Out of all the people who had auditioned, I had gotten the role! I wanted to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming, but I didn't want to let go of Alex. He peppered kisses all over my face and set me down on my feet.

"The director said he liked the energy you added to the character," Eliza said as she walked over to me. I glanced over at Angelica as she walked off to the kitchen. She was probably getting plates and forks for the cake. Eliza put her hands on my shoulder and smiled. "It probably helped that you were one of the youngest people to audition. And your freckles make you look even younger."

"See, Lo? Your freckles aren't a bad thing after all." Alex grinned triumphantly and traced his finger over the bridge of my nose. I felt myself melt underneath his gaze. His eyes were filled with so much love, and it was all for me. I had no doubt in my mind anymore. He loved me. For some reason, he loved me. He didn't care about my many flaws. He didn't care that I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world. All he cared about was that I was _me_.

 _I truly don't deserve him,_ I thought as he planted a soft kiss on my lips. His hands gripped my waist, pulling me closer. I closed my eyes happily. Two years ago, I had lost all hope of ever smiling again. I had lost all hope of things getting better. I was the worst I had ever been. I thought that I was destined to be miserable forever. A year ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I did everything they wanted me to, but it wasn't enough. It took a lot for me to realize that enough was enough and that it didn't do me any good to stay with them. So I left, no matter how hard it was for me.

And now… Now I realized how truly wonderful life truly is. Sure, it wasn't perfect and it sucked sometimes, but it was up to me to make the most of it. I had amazing friends, a handsome boyfriend who actually _loved_ me, and a supportive family. I wasn't completely back to normal, of course. I still had tons of therapy to go through. I still had to learn how to love myself. It could take months or even years to get to that point. But I would have help every step of the way. I wasn't alone. I had never been alone. I only wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that.

"Are you alright, love? You've been staring off into space." I blinked as Alex patted my cheek and took the cup he was holding out. Someone must have gotten drinks while I was lost in my thoughts. I smiled and nodded. I had never been better. I took a sip of my drink, which was thankfully just soda. I wouldn't be able to handle everyone getting drunk again.

"I've just realized how amazing y'all are."

* * *

 **Surprise, surprise, my note is at the bottom this time around! I have a lot to say, but I'm kind of awkward so this will probably be word vomit. As much as it breaks my heart, this is the last official chapter of this story. I've had a blast writing it, but I feel like Lorin's story has come to a close, and I don't want to extend it with a bunch of filler crap because like, this isn't an anime. Never fear, though! I'll have a few epilogue/futuretakes/whatever the heck you want to call them. And well, this isn't the _end_ end, because I've had the idea of a sequel brewing for awhile now. I can't bring myself to part from these characters just yet. They've honestly helped me through rough times in my life. I originally got the idea for this story around the time hurricane Harvey was due to hit, and writing it was my way of dealing with all the crap I was dealt. When my family had to ration food and water until the flood waters went down, I used this story as a form of escape.**

 **Before I go, I'd like to thank every single person who's followed or favorited this story. Even if you never reviewed, I value you from the bottom of my heart. And speaking of reviews, every single review lifted my spirits and motivated me to keep going. And I've managed to make some friends who, for some reason, enjoy reading my word vomit. Y'all know who you are. So again, thank you guys so much. Hopefully you stay around for the few bonus chapters and hopefully the sequel? I'll see you lovelies later! ~Shaymie**


	73. Epilogue

**Holy bananas, I can't believe we're actually here. The epilogue. I've been slaving away at this for pretty much a week and it's been both satisfying and heartbreaking. I honestly don't know what to say except thank you for all the support and nice reviews and compliments (y'all are really too sweet). I may post the outtakes separately because I feel like that's what's best. But again, I have to say thank you to all you lovelies and I hope you stick around for the sequel/outtakes because it would make me the happiest lil' bean on the planet. Don't know when they're going to be posted because I may need a bit of an emotional break, but they're coming. I'll see you lovely people later! ~Shaymie**

* * *

 _Alex_

"You are aware that my sister is totally and completely mind-numbingly in love with you, right? Just pop the question and get it over with." Darcy rolled her eyes as she rubbed her rounded stomach. That was easy for her to say. She was the one to propose to Laurens after finding the ring hidden at the back of their closet. Darcy wanted to get married as soon as possible, but with both of them still in college, they had made the decision to wait until they were financially stable. Their plans changed when Darcy suddenly got pregnant.

"I want this to be perfect, Darcy. I've already picked out the song, but I'm terrified. What if I forget what to say?"

"You're such a nerd," Darcy scoffed, shoving a handful of chips into her mouth. I noticed that she was dropping crumbs on the couch, but chose not to comment on it. If I thought Darcy hated me before, it was only intensified when she was cranky and pregnant. I tried to avoid her as much as possible nowadays, but today she had decided to drop by early for Lo's birthday. "You picked out a _song_?"

"We _are_ going to a karaoke bar. Why wouldn't I pick a song?" I checked my pocket for what felt like the hundredth time. I still had the ring. I sighed and glanced at the clock. Lo should be getting home any time now. We were going to head to the restaurant as soon as she came home from work. The thought brought a smile to my face. She had made it. She had gone against the odds-against her mental illnesses- and made it to Broadway. Hell, she even had a Tony! That was the most satisfying I-told-you-so ever, years in the making.

Darcy and I sat in silence for the next thirty minutes. Well, she sat. I busied myself with cleaning the apartment. Every minute that ticked by sent another wave of nausea through me. What if Lo said no? What if she wasn't ready, for whatever reason? She could think it was too early for us to get married. She could want to focus on her career. There were so many reasons she could have for rejecting me and they would all break my heart.

My head popped up as I heard the front door open. I darted to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I could hear Darcy and Lo talking in the front and scrubbed the sink with more force than necessary. This was ridiculous. I had no reason to be this scared to talk to Lo. She was my _girlfriend_. Darcy was right. It was just a question. The worst thing that could happen was she says no.

"...Alex has been going on a cleaning frenzy today," I could faintly hear Darcy say. "I think he's finally lost it, Lori."

"He cleans when he's stressed. He was talking about studying for the bar exam earlier…" Lo's melodic voice was right outside the door. I dried my hands on a towel and opened the door. Lo blinked up at me and smiled. That smile alone could brighten up my day. She started playing with her hair, which she had grown out to be nearly waist-length. She kept saying that she would cut it, but it never happened. I liked it long, anyway. It framed her face perfectly. "Hey, Alex…"

"Good evening, Ms. Tony Winner." I grinned as a blush came over her face. That was how I had greeted her every night since June, and it never failed to embarrass her. I kissed her cheek and brushed her overgrown bangs from her face. She was absolutely perfect. "Are you ready for your birthday party, love?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I didn't miss the exhaustion in her voice and frowned at the shadows underneath her eyes. Since she had been casted as Nina Rosario in the revival of In the Heights, she rarely took days off. I had to stop her from leaving for work with a fever more times than I could count. She grabbed my hand and smiled as she stood on her toes to whisper in my ear. "I can't wait until we're alone later, Lexy. I could really use a massage."

* * *

"Who wants to go first on the karaoke?" Darcy asked, glancing over towards me. I shook my head. I wasn't ready to do it yet. I needed time to think about how I would propose. I just hoped I built up the courage to do it before everyone got too drunk. Darcy pursed her lips, but nodded and looked around the booth. Lo traced a finger around the rim of her drink, looking as beautiful as ever. She had taken to wearing makeup recently, which only accented her beauty. The only bad thing about it was that it covered her precious freckles. She noticed me staring at her and smiled.

"You don't want to get on the karaoke? You're normally all for it." She glanced at the Schuylers, who had picked out a Destiny's Child song and were clambering to get in position. I shrugged and took a bite of my burger, trying to seem nonchalant about it. Lo frowned and grabbed my hand. "Hey, if you're worried about the bar, I'm sure it'll be fine. You'll pass it and be the greatest lawyer New York has ever seen. And then you can put that big brain of yours to use."

"Have I told you that you're the most amazing girlfriend ever?" I kissed her hand, which had a few freckles dotted about randomly, and stroked her knuckles. I loved her freckles. They were the first thing I had noticed about her (not, in fact, her boobs, as Darcy loved to claim), and I loved the way they covered her skin in an elegantly random fashion. Looking at her right now, I realized that I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't want her to be my girlfriend anymore. I wanted her to be my fiancee. I wanted to marry her.

"Nearly every single day," Lo murmured, taking a sip of her drink. She narrowed her eyes at Laurens when he came back to the table with a round of shots, but took one anyway. It was a good thing her alcohol tolerance had improved since high school or she'd be insanely drunk already. Darcy quirked an eyebrow at me as the Schuylers neared the end of their song. I nodded and squeezed Lo's hand. It was already pretty late and I wanted to do this on her birthday.

"Hey, Lo, I have a surprise for you." She looked up at me and frowned. I put a finger over her mouth, already knowing what she was going to say. I had been showering her with gifts for the past week. She was probably going to say that I had already given her too much, but nothing was too much for her. She deserved the world, and I would find a way to give it to her even if it killed me. I kissed her gently and walked over to the karaoke machine after the Schuylers finished their song. Darcy gave me a thumbs up and pulled out her phone.

I scrolled through the songs until I found the one I wanted, _Marry You_ by Bruno Mars. It was a bit cliche, but I wanted to make this special somehow. Darcy rolled her eyes as the song started and held the phone up to record. Everyone at the table turned to look at Lo as I stumbled my way through the song, trying to work through my nerves. Lo's eyes were glistened with unshed tears. I fumbled getting the ring out of my back pocket, but somehow managed with one hand.

"Lexy…"

"I think I wanna marry you," I sang the last words of the song and got down on one knee. Lo gasped as I held the ring up. It wasn't anything too expensive, just a simple little thing. Laurens had helped me pick it out a month ago. We both knew that Lo wouldn't want anything too flashy. I cleared my throat and looked up at her. "Lorin Haywood, will you make me the happiest man on earth and-"

"Yes! A thousand times, yes!" Lo squealed, jumping into my arms. I put the ring on her finger and pulled her into a deep kiss as our friends cheered around us. Darcy was right, I had nothing to worry about. I had spent all that time thinking of complicated proposals for nothing. Lo liked things nice and simple. That was the kind of girl she was. "Thank you, Alex. Thank you for loving me."

* * *

"Good morning, Lo," I greeted my wife with a kiss on the cheek. It was rare that we got to spend mornings together. When she wasn't in a show, she was at her music studio. She taught piano to kids for a fairly cheap price. Sometimes she didn't even charge them at all. She said that she feels everyone should have the right to learn music. I could tell she loved it, but it ran her ragged.

She replied with a groan and sat down at the table. I turned the stove off and sat next to her, brushing some sweaty hair back from her face. She had been feeling sick these past few days. I would wake up to the sound of her vomiting several times a night. I was trying to convince her to see a doctor, but she was stubborn. Seeing her like this, I knew that there was no way I was letting her go to work today. I'd tie her down if I had to. She didn't have a fever, but something was clearly wrong.

"Alex, I'm fine," Lo huffed as I got to work making her a cup of tea. She shoved a hand into the pocket of her hoodie and rested her chin in the palm of the other one. Her gray eyes followed me around the kitchen, and I noticed a hint of amusement in them. What was so funny? She was sick! She should honestly be resting in bed.

"Lo, you've been sick for almost a week-"

"I'm pregnant." Her mouth turned up in a smile as she pulled out a handful of pregnancy tests. I set down her mug and looked through them. Positive. They were all positive. We were going to have a baby! Were we even ready? We had only been married for a year. We hadn't even started looking at houses yet.

"How long have you known, Lo?" I asked, putting my hands on her stomach. I wasn't expecting anything, but I was surprised to find that she was a bit bigger than normal. She wasn't fat by any means, but she had always been a bit curvy. Now her stomach was a bit rounder. But how could that be? Shouldn't it take awhile for her to get bigger?

"Um… About a few months, I think." She blushed and put her hands over mine. "I wasn't really that big, but I woke up this morning and poof! I got all bloated. I was wondering how long it would take for you to find out, but Darcy said that I might as well tell you. Tonight's my last show as Nina… For now, anyway. Who knows if I'm coming back to the show once I have the baby..."

"You knew for months and didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry! It's just… You've been so busy with work and I honestly thought you would have figured it out sooner. I mean, it's been all over magazines and stuff. Are you mad at me?" I shook my head and kissed her forehead. I could never be mad at her. I just wish she would have told me. How stupid could I be? She had been handling this all by herself because she was worried it would inconvenience me. I should have known. It made sense now. The midnight vomiting, the morning sickness… How could I be such an idiot?

"Lo, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made you feel like you couldn't come to me with this. We're married now. You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything." I kissed her on the forehead and rubbed her stomach. A baby… It all seemed unreal to me. Would I be a good father? I didn't know a thing about caring for a baby. Lo had babysat both Colton and Clover, so she at least had some experience.

"I'm scared, Alex," Lo whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "W-What if the baby turns out like me? What if they're cursed with anxiety or depression? I'll be the reason they're like that."

"We'll deal with what happens when it happens."

* * *

"Alex, you need to chill out. Lori's going to be fine." Darcy bounced her daughter on her knee and handed her a toy. I could't stop pacing around the waiting room. How could she be so confident? Lo was in surgery. Something had gone wrong while she was delivering our son and she had to be whisked away from an emergency C-section. I chewed on my thumb impatiently. We had been at the hospital for over a day now. If something was wrong, why hadn't they told us before Lo spent over twenty hours in labor?

"What the hell's taking J so long?" Darcy grumbled as Clover mumbled quietly to herself. She stood up and handed her to me. "I'm sure Lori's going to be hungry when all of this is over. Can you watch Clover while I go pick up some food?"

"Darcy-"

"I'll be right back. Just play with her or something. If John gets here before I'm back, just tell him I had to run an errand, okay?" She kissed Clover's cheek and left before I could even think of something to say. I sat down with my niece and looked down at her. She had blonde curls and Laurens' eyes. She was honestly a little cutie when she was behaving. Thankfully she was too preoccupied with her toy to notice that Darcy had left. She was a bit of a mama's girl and hated when Darcy left her with Lo and I. She would scream her head off.

"Auntie Lorin's having a baby," I murmured to Clover, brushing some curls back from her forehead. She blinked up at me and started chewing her toy keys. "And uncle Alex can't be with her. He's really worried about her. But he has to have faith in the doctors. This is their job, after all."

"Baby!" Clover clapped her hands together, causing her keys to fall to the ground. I picked them up and smiled. That was one of the few words she knew, aside from "mommy", "daddy", and "drink". There could be more, but I may have lost them underneath the rest of the toddler babble.

"I haven't seen you in awhile." I looked up and held back a groan at who I saw. Mandy Jackson, Lo's old foster sister. I forgot that shw worked at this hospital. I had nothing personal against her, but Lo had told me about what happened after the shooting, how Mandy had always been one of the nurses to bathe her and always seemed to "accidentally" brush against her breasts when batheing her. Lo still insists that she didn't do it on purpose.

"My wife's having an emergency C-section," I said, smirking a bit at how Mandy's face fell. She hated any reminder that Lo and I were together. Her expression changed as she clutched her clipboard to her chest and tucked a strand of auburn hair behind her ear. I couldn't exactly read it. She chewed on her lip and sighed deeply.

"I can tell you don't like me that much."

"You molested Lorin when she was at her most vulnerable. She may think it was an 'accident', but I know better than that. She was seventeen, Mandy. You were twenty-one. What the hell is wrong with you?" I kept my voice even, so that I wouldn't scare Clover. The last thing I wanted to deal with now was a toddler having a fit. Mandy's eyes widened. I bet she didn't think Lo would have told me.

"I-I'm sorry… I just hadn't seen her in so long and she was so _beautiful_ and her skin was so soft-"

"There you are, Alex! You haven't been answering your phone all morning! Why aren't you with Lori?" Clover perked up at the sound of her father's voice and reached out for him. I sighed as I handed her off. Here I thought we were actually getting close. I glared at Mandy to let her know that she still wasn't forgiven before turning to Laurens with a halfhearted shrug. She walked off without another word.

"My phone died and I didn't have a charger. Lo's in surgery. Something happened and they had to do an emergency C-section." Now that I wasn't dealing with Mandy, my worry for Lo had come back tenfold. I hoped she was doing alright. Did it normally take this long? She had been in there for hours. Laurens' brows furrowed with concern. I knew that Darcy had some complications when she was delivering Clover.

"I'm sure Lori will be fine. She came back from the dead, remember?" he winked and laughed. I chuckled. When Lo had been in her coma all those years ago, some news outlets had falsely reported that she had died. Looking back at it now, it felt like ages ago, but it still affected Lo to this day. She still had nightmares about the shooting. And though she tried to hide it, the right side of her body was slightly weaker than the left. I didn't miss the way her hand would occasionally shake as she signed autographs. Her doctors had said that she may never fully recover.

Darcy showed up with McDonald's fifteen minutes later. Somehow it seemed like that was our go-to food whenever someone was in the hospital. I took small bites of my food and bounced my knee anxiously. The seconds ticked by, and I was getting more and more nervous. I wish I could be with Lo, but I had panicked enough in the delivery room. I didn't think I'd be able to handle seeing her on an operating table.

I shot out of my seat as a doctor walked over to us. I recognized her as the one who had been helping Lo with the delivery. She had a small smile on her face, which was a good sign. Darcy straightened up in her chair and nudged Laurens. Clover blinked sleepily in his arms, and I noticed that she was clutching an apple slice tightly in her chubby hand. She yawned and cuddled up to her father. I ran a hand through my hair nervously.

"Mother and baby are doing just fine," the doctor reassured me. I let out an exhausted sigh and straightened up. I really had been worrying for no reason. "I'll escort you to her room, but a bit of warning, your wife is still a bit dazed from the anesthetic."

I nodded and followed her to Lo's room. My heart was pounding, though I knew it had no reason to. I had nothing to worry about. I didn't keep track of room numbers as we walked down a multitude of halls. All I let myself think about was my wife. My beautiful, sweet, far-too-good-for-this-world wife. I hoped that she would recover from this smoothly. She had told me that a C-section was the last thing she ever wanted to have.

My breath caught in my throat as we reached the room and I saw my first glimpse of my son. My _son_. Lo was cradling him in her arms, a dopey little grin on her face. She didn't look up as the doctor and I entered the room. Either she didn't hear the door open or she was more out of it than I thought. She hummed quietly as she ran a finger over our son's cheek. I stared at her in silence. This truly was worth it. All the bloating, all the weird food cravings, all the yelling led up to this moment.

"Hey, Lexy," Lo slurred, looking up at me with that adorably dazed grin. She looked back down at our son. "I was wondering when you were going to get here. Pippy's been dying to meet his daddy."

"Do you two already have a name picked out?" the doctor asked. Lo and I nodded. We had this name picked out for years, ever since that fateful new year's day our junior year of high school. The future had seemed so far away back then. I never thought we would ever reach this point, yet here we were. This was the start to the rest of our lives.

 _Philip Hamilton, you'll blow us away someday..._


	74. A Year (not a chapter)

**Hello, my lovelies! This is a bit late because I haven't really been keeping track of the days. This should have been posted two days ago, but better late than never. It's been a little bit over a year since I originally posted this story and I never dreamed it would get the amount of support it has, especially not for my first Hamilton fic. It was just a bit of an experiment and a way for me to dip my toes into the fandom. If I'm being honest, I completely winged about most of this story. I didn't have anything planned. I just expected for this to be something that I started and then abandoned because my attention span is godawful and I have a terrible habit of abandoning stories before they've even begun. This was the first story I've ever finished and it has a very special part in my heart, and I'm nowhere near done with this AU (if it can even be called that). I may have a bit of an AU to this AU planned based on some of the ideas I've abandoned last minute. But that's besides the point. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the support! And if you're somehow still interested in this universe, I do have some outtakes posted and I'm currently working on the sequel. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Sorry to anyone who thought this was a new chapter. I love you all from the bottom of my heart and I'll see you guys next time! ~Shaymie**


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